tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-218423422024-03-14T02:17:01.085-04:00Barbara's BlogMy Beloved spoke, and said to me:
"Arise, My darling, My beautiful one, and come with Me." <br>My beloved is mine, and I am His. (Song 2:10, 16)Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.comBlogger356125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-70052206603960097782024-02-17T15:04:00.022-05:002024-02-17T17:49:48.058-05:00Put on Your Armor<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPUe0NpxgW52Rrt2ZYjWi7PAHATrICPS3N5JpStNUNhErFo_5w90h-qUZv-DNCNj2TLFw3AdTCDvasz-1jjlFi8WEWO6HX0eIxm7_o2exOdnKR2LNEKGQFQLJaXYfvWiSCDpDLfDKBGEMY-n63doN4miMdbAcsxJrd7I2n6CK4NxFTSbFUZiJF/s1357/warrior.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1357" data-original-width="1060" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPUe0NpxgW52Rrt2ZYjWi7PAHATrICPS3N5JpStNUNhErFo_5w90h-qUZv-DNCNj2TLFw3AdTCDvasz-1jjlFi8WEWO6HX0eIxm7_o2exOdnKR2LNEKGQFQLJaXYfvWiSCDpDLfDKBGEMY-n63doN4miMdbAcsxJrd7I2n6CK4NxFTSbFUZiJF/s320/warrior.png" width="250" /></a></div>Having just completed Priscilla Shirer's study <u>The Armor of God</u>, here are my notes and blessings received that I want to remember...<p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. <b>Put on the full armor of God</b>, so that you can <b>take your stand against the devil’s schemes</b>. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Stand firm then, with the <b>belt of truth</b> buckled around your waist, with the <b>breastplate of righteousness</b> in place, and with your <b>feet fitted</b> with the readiness that comes from the <b>gospel of peace</b>. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">In addition to all this, take up the <b>shield of faith</b>, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the <b>helmet of salvation</b> and the <b>sword of the Spirit</b>, which is the <b>Word of God</b>. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">And <b>pray</b> in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:10-18).</span></p><p>We talk about Faith being a journey. Sounds like a trip to Disneyland. But here we are reminded it is a battlefield. The enemy may be invisible but he is very real, clever and persistent. We may think we are immune because we are believers, but we are not. However, the Holy Spirit gives us power but we must employ the strategies Paul gives us to overcome the evil one. We must be alert and participate in the battle.</p><p>First we must be alert to the lies of the enemy. Refuse to allow trials or comforts to make us unaware of the battle. Pay attention to not only our areas of weakness but also of great strength. Pray the Lord would not only protect us, but also open our eyes to see where we need to engage in the battle. Help us notice the lies of the enemy and understand and desire God's truth. </p><p>For me, my weakness is my desire for <b>control</b>, the lure of <b>comfort</b>, and my attraction to <b>chaos</b>. Father, help me to quiet my soul to hear when You want me to act, or silently pray and trust You. Help me not seek mere comfort but true peace, Your Shalom, which sometimes requires action when I would prefer to rest, confrontation when I would prefer to make nice, and being still when I feel I must act. Help me see, Beloved! Help me hear Your voice. You have promised to give us this wisdom when we ask; You are in our hearts always and all we need to do is ask You.</p><p><b>Truth</b> is what God says. Jesus is truth. This is the starting place. Whether we understand--or not; whether we agree--or not; whether we like it--or not; whether it is uncomfortable--or not. His Word is true and we must AGREE with it and LIVE it. God's truth may restrict us, but it also give us the pathway to peace with not only God, but also with others. His ways was never given to harm us but to give us the best future and hope.</p><p>Truth gives us freedom! It may look like restricted living but we all have a master, and we get to pick: rebellion or Jesus. Jesus is always the best choice and gives us true freedom.</p><p>The enemy tells us it's only a small thing, it won't really hurt, it's not really a problem. But it does hurt. It is a problem. Partial obedience is rebellion. Secret sins are not hidden from God. The enemy is always lying.</p><p>A life of <b>righteousness</b>, aligned with God's truth, is a demonstration to the world of the beauty and peace of holiness, testifying of God's love. Because of Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection, I am already the righteousness of Christ. I already have it. Before I do anything, I have everything I need. He has already been victorious, I need only to walk in its power. We have an invisible partner: the Holy Spirit. He is renewing our minds, changing our attitudes and desires, giving us strength. And our invisible partner is much stronger than the invisible enemy! Our focus must be on our spiritual health and the Spirit will supply all we need.</p><p><b>Peace</b> with God should break down the dividing wall between us and others because we all fall short of God's glory. Jesus provides forgiveness for us all. We engage, showing others respect, listening, being kind but sharing truth. This allows others to see Jesus. Some will reject, but may it not be because we were not gentle and patient.</p><p>Peace means trust in God: being thankful, focusing on the good, taking our sorrows and anxiety to Him, doing what is right and trusting Him with the results. Then He promises us His peace. </p><p>The shoes of peace He gives us are GO shoes. We are to go to others, bringing peace, joy, love and good news of reconciliation and salvation. He has created us for good works what He has prepared for us beforehand. What I say matters. What I pray matters. The enemy wants me to retire and I must not.</p><p><b>Faith</b> is a shield to us to protect us from the distractions of the enemy. Faith is when we choose to act according to God's truth event when we can't know the outcome. "Faith is acting like it is so, even when it is not so, so that it might be so, simply because God said so." -- Dr. Tony Evans.</p><p>I can be absorbed by things I can't change (in culture and in politics), instead of paying attention to more important things in my own life that are truly my responsibility. </p><p>God will help me when I take the first step. I will not run out of time--God is in control of that! As we move forward, God gives us a holy confidence and bold courage to push back on the things that had been overwhelming us. It is not about the size of our faith. It is about the power and faithfulness of our God. The enemy hopes we will be deterred by how feel and what we perceive. That is why he makes us feel unloved, insecure, incapable, or afraid. We can't let him win this war. We must trust God. He is always worth the risk.</p><p>Beloved Jesus, help me to have self-control: I don't want to do what my body and heart tells me to do, and allow myself to be ruled by my desires. Instead I want to allow the Spirit to rule me, to be alert and intentional. </p><p>The helmet of our <b>salvation</b> protects our brains by reminding us our identity is in Christ. We are our Beloved's and His desire is for us. We must hold onto it and protect it. Our brain is affected by what our mind thinks. Science now demonstrates thoughts change the chemistry of our brain. When we change our thinking, we change our mind and then it changes our life. "Every time we have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body--for better or for worse." -- Dr. Caroline Leaf</p><p>We there must take every thought captive:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Review each thought </li><li>Refuse idle and evil</li><li>Replace with God's truth</li><li>Repeat</li></ul>When we agree with and rehearse the enemy's lies, we are a partner with him in building up walls that keep us captive. There may be a grain of truth, but entangle that from the other lies.<p></p><p>We always need the humility to ask the question: is it me, Lord? But with it we must have the peace to know that what is my sin, when I confess and repent, I can be confident God will be faithful to forgive and restore me. And the Holy Spirit will change me. But when the enemy uses others to tell me lies about myself, I must reject those lies </p><p>We act out who we believe we are. Before I make a choice, reflect on the why--the motivation behind it. </p><p>And always compare all to God's <b>Word</b>. It is our great weapon against the enemy. God speaks to us because He loves us. Listen to Him.</p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared for us beforehand so that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Beloved Father, You saw who You created me to be before I became me! Before I'd even seen the light of day, the number of my days You planned for me were already recorded in Your Book... How precious and wonderful to consider that You cherish me! (Psalm 139:16-17 TPT) </span></p><p>You cherish me not for what I do, but for who You made me to be, Praise God! </p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-23112485185106583422024-01-23T13:12:00.000-05:002024-01-23T13:12:19.123-05:00The Desire of Our Hearts<p>When we allow the desire for any one thing to get ahold of our heart so strongly and we focus on it so much that we do whatever it takes to get it--strive for it, work for it, dream, scheme and manipulate for it--when we elevate it to a "need" we will die without it...</p><p>Then this is sin, specifically called coveting, and we have elevated it to kingship in our life. And then it begins to rule over us.</p><p>Our desires rule us. Not God. </p><p>Our love for Him, our trust and devotion, must remove the thing we desired then "needed" from the throne and allow God to return and take His rightful place, as King of our hearts alone. He will have His way away! He loves us and knows all things and everything He does is Right and Good and Pure and True. </p><p>We find as we lie in our bed mourning our loss and weeping with our faces to the wall that God is right. Eventually His way is true, His way will come true. Nothing will change that.</p><p>And we find that we do not die without it. We go on to other things, love other people, serve in other places and these things are good. Better even. Of course they are!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZq2fV0Wa_pMP5b-b8eK4xfCbgsmzzqIf3_qht54d2GH7PfJvuhvRSkDi_-B0I4z-grEpPY8c_1QdSZ4pKgLKi82zICQzNWR3ETiJp4s_mykM7rpzRMWc1cQwraQmw8SHgl9vOG8SWCPpkAfrOlkamHsQG-HSprbd5eGVcOoF8yM0kVURNL69r/s340/rsz___forbidden_fruit___by_lolita_art.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="340" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZq2fV0Wa_pMP5b-b8eK4xfCbgsmzzqIf3_qht54d2GH7PfJvuhvRSkDi_-B0I4z-grEpPY8c_1QdSZ4pKgLKi82zICQzNWR3ETiJp4s_mykM7rpzRMWc1cQwraQmw8SHgl9vOG8SWCPpkAfrOlkamHsQG-HSprbd5eGVcOoF8yM0kVURNL69r/s320/rsz___forbidden_fruit___by_lolita_art.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br />Father, I realize now that sometimes our dreams becoming coveting, a sin. Sin, when grasped and desired, elevated to urgently needed, held to our chest, it kills us as we drift into worshipping it instead of You. <p></p><p>Allow me to always see this in my life in BIG and in small ways. Allow me to let go, or hold on loosely. Help me to accept the outcome with grace and celebrate whatever as Your truth, Your grace, Your goodness! Let obedience taste good in my mouth and allow me to pursue it for its own sake. </p><p>Because in pursuing obedience I honor You and draw closer to Your peace. Let no thing, no matter how beautiful, desirable, or even good, distract me or deter me from following You.</p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">And he did evil because he did not set his heart to seek (inquire of, yearn for) the Lord with all his desire. (2 Chronicles 12:14 AMP)</span></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-76273084556127683632024-01-16T15:53:00.003-05:002024-01-16T17:06:10.289-05:00Way to Heaven<p>Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. One year ago today we sat with the Hospice nurse. After examining mom she told us what we already knew. Mom was actively dying. She advised us to go in one at the time and then leave her alone to pass in peace.
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEzoSIqfKH6cgpKX8W_ujgrNic57ypVdpyQtL714fJzgYeN-7pa9TgVcHzjv9Y8AdM1ZP1SNDfE5si7RG0wIHw5pqaWjCegk9IwpfAaT_x2aAxSY61db_kKVuN24EEq_S9vVaYshScHb5LdYwS6np8lxQTiEv9yiR6Jm-SMgvF63BG8LYy5Vcf/s1660/Mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1348" data-original-width="1660" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEzoSIqfKH6cgpKX8W_ujgrNic57ypVdpyQtL714fJzgYeN-7pa9TgVcHzjv9Y8AdM1ZP1SNDfE5si7RG0wIHw5pqaWjCegk9IwpfAaT_x2aAxSY61db_kKVuN24EEq_S9vVaYshScHb5LdYwS6np8lxQTiEv9yiR6Jm-SMgvF63BG8LYy5Vcf/s320/Mom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom looking fabulous of course!<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Mom always loved making an entrance. She would purposefully would arrive late to a party, so everyone would already be there and see her when she walked in. She was a firm believer in it’s better to arrive late than ugly.
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Lying in her bed, withered and frail, unable to talk or swallow or even see at the end, there was no way she could have made that exit as her lovely vivacious self. So when we all left her, she left too. My prayer has been that when she met Jesus it will be in her age-30 body, full make-up, spike heels and beautiful dress.
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Mom was a forward looking woman. She was still planning vacation cruises in her 90s. Of course, she was not able to go, but I think just the planning was comforting to her. She may have been in her sunset years, but life was not over and she intended to live fully to the end. Which by the mercy of God she was able to do. Until the last weeks when the cancer caused her body to fade slowly away, she did everything, joined groups at the independent living community, went out with her grandchildren, enjoyed her companion Frank.
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcKs8DnE6PjzIgfw_Ogh5POtr-yTdU3txNF-7alE5lWx81Bge2IliXBYJWwJ9DDrHwzYFerizlweaCa3IXpQbimJg_aHDVjqWLm-Jqttnm_bR_lTMQSWEaobKjQQUCdhZPo8Aj66EwN61ZvwCNPUOMeiR3neCzgVuPIYGwBvc_1i_ICRxjSmow/s710/M%20G%20E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="541" data-original-width="710" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcKs8DnE6PjzIgfw_Ogh5POtr-yTdU3txNF-7alE5lWx81Bge2IliXBYJWwJ9DDrHwzYFerizlweaCa3IXpQbimJg_aHDVjqWLm-Jqttnm_bR_lTMQSWEaobKjQQUCdhZPo8Aj66EwN61ZvwCNPUOMeiR3neCzgVuPIYGwBvc_1i_ICRxjSmow/s320/M%20G%20E.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom would love to see her grandkids together</td></tr></tbody></table><br />So it is with great regret I need to confess this year was about death for me. My 2023 word of the year was death. I tried to shake it off, but could not. With mom gone, I am next to oldest in my family. As I sorted through her clothing, her trinkets and decorations, then her jewelry and her photos, I could not shake the questions. She was so alive; how could she now be so dead? What would she think of us as we look at her personal items and give some to family, give most away and discard the rest? Does she know how much we miss her? Can she see her great-grandchildren as they learn to walk, go to school, play football, and one being born?
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Never has heaven felt more real than now that both my mom and dad are in it.
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Even as I tried to shake it off, at year end, more people passed, and it all came back to me.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Q1yXF3PrxmX30qXSi0WmEfFoHtGsoKqBSWBH0iwpW3sZZaKlK55Tu_Ul3M4fYXCEi2yO61fy6TuyNew6Yy8Z3gArlxDW9GXTc7F_EGPVPFkGuHDE2z07t4zZsj8Bln3_vYxAQRUP2SOXiF5D_TKV10M0VG4ojVnkT4TKPaGCaesN4RmqaP_4/s920/G%20E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="696" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Q1yXF3PrxmX30qXSi0WmEfFoHtGsoKqBSWBH0iwpW3sZZaKlK55Tu_Ul3M4fYXCEi2yO61fy6TuyNew6Yy8Z3gArlxDW9GXTc7F_EGPVPFkGuHDE2z07t4zZsj8Bln3_vYxAQRUP2SOXiF5D_TKV10M0VG4ojVnkT4TKPaGCaesN4RmqaP_4/s320/G%20E.jpg" width="242" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom would have loved to see Gio <br />play football </td></tr></tbody></table><br />
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Looking at death in the face – and not blinking – is very important.
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At the services I attended, they read from the gospel of John. The disciple John recalls and shares with us the words of Jesus the night before He died.
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“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”</span> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">(John 14:1-4)
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<b>This is mission of Jesus. To gather us so we will be with Him forever in the place He is preparing for us.</b> We call it Heaven, a place of peace, abundance and delight. But the disciples were unaware of the impending crucifixion of Jesus and they were confused. Actually I am too so I am so glad brave Thomas asked the question everyone in the room was wondering.
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<span style="color: #2b00fe;">Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we don’t know where You are going, so how can we know the way?”
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Jesus answered,</span> <span style="color: red;">“I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you really know Me, you will know My Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">(John 14:5-7)</span>
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Jesus is clear. He is the way to His kingdom and there is no other way. Not only to believe in Him as an excellent teacher or even as the Son of God, but also have enough faith to follow His ways. As Jesus stated as the discussion continued:
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Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
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Jesus answered: </span><span style="color: red;">“Don’t you know Me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me? The words I say to you I do not speak on My own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in Me, who is doing his work. Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves...”
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“If you love Me, keep My commands... <b>Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me</b>. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them.”</span> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">(John 14:8-11, 15, 21)</span>
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There are some of this generation who find this offensive and I get it, it is a hard thing to accept if you feel on the outside of the Christian camp. What about the people who never heard of Jesus? The good people who have other religious backgrounds?
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The Christian camp is bad metaphor. In a camp, you sign up, you pay your fee and have fun inside the camp. Others who did not sign up and did not pay the fee are kept outside. Even if they would like to come in.
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<b><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PzB75Mff7jsXsicKvxlI0v4VGeqD-EGm-R4WrW_gSTnVdd5Piw2b_dTNg8RsJfyxDAgqcEaoO6HsTI3k3ZIPMmkbX_aNWU6ap-rvf8EcjQZNmr-q50Sv9wQ0FBFz29Rv9RZYZ1XAqp3UbEimEsUQScW7V8LLPmZHxugTa4WjwZt2yngTV58m/s1463/M%20C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1463" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PzB75Mff7jsXsicKvxlI0v4VGeqD-EGm-R4WrW_gSTnVdd5Piw2b_dTNg8RsJfyxDAgqcEaoO6HsTI3k3ZIPMmkbX_aNWU6ap-rvf8EcjQZNmr-q50Sv9wQ0FBFz29Rv9RZYZ1XAqp3UbEimEsUQScW7V8LLPmZHxugTa4WjwZt2yngTV58m/s320/M%20C.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom wanted to meet her new grandchild</td></tr></tbody></table><br />Heaven is a kingdom open to all who will choose to say yes to Jesus’ invitation.</b> He left the glory of heaven to sign you up. He paid the total price on the cross. And then He provided the receipt at the resurrection. All we have to do is say yes and accept it as a free gift.
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Yes, I know you may have objections…
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“I have things I do that are wrong according to the Bible,” you may say. Me too. The Holy Spirit can work with that. Actually the list of rules is quite brief, here it is in two sentences:
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<span style="color: red;">“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”</span> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">(John 13:34-35)
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Yes, it is more complicated than that, but that is the place to start, a good place, an “easy yoke, a light burden” as Jesus put it.
If we have faith in Jesus, and believe He created the world and loves us, we will trust Him enough to keep His commandments. It does not happen all at once. But the Holy Spirit is there to help us.<br /><br />
“I don’t like Christians, they are mean and judgmental and hypocrites”, you may say. Sadly, yes I would agree. We are a motley bunch and we are who Jesus has decided to work with. Please be patient with us as the Holy Spirit will work on us too. The idea is we are all imperfect, all other imperfect people are welcome. You too! Me too!
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“All my friends will hate me,” you may say. Yes, agreed that is a problem. Many hated Jesus too. You see what they did to Him. I don’t want to sugar coat it. It can get ugly. But when we continue to be loving as well as truthful to others, sometimes our friends can come around to believing in Jesus as well. The Holy Spirit uses us all like that.
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All I can say is you can’t take part of what Jesus says and ignore other parts. It’s like the news sound bite where they report on part of what someone says that is the best—or the worst-- and leave out the rest! Jesus promised Heaven to anyone who would believe and have the faith to follow Him. We are all invited. We choose to come early and ugly (that was me because I never want to miss anything!) or late and beautiful (my mom!) or we can walk away.
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I have read the works and words of Jesus and I can’t un-see that He is the Son of God. He is asking you today to consider reading it too, opening up your heart to Him. His Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.
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And as for the rest of us who already believe and follow? I don’t know about you but as for me, I feel Jesus is leading me to be <b>intentional</b> about my choices, to follow Him closely, holding up the lamp of the Word to lead me day by day. Because as I said, I am only growing older and the time is short.
I am confident that although the end of my trip may be difficult, the destination will be fabulous. <br /><span style="color: red;"><br />
"The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> (John 14:26)
</span><br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;">The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance… So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him. (2 Peter 3:9, 14)
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<b>Don’t have a Bible? No problem, it’s all online! Visit <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com">www.biblegateway.com</a> or for the visual learner, try <a href="http://www.bibleproject.com">www.bibleproject.com</a> <br /></b></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpb4FjVLEsrc1-1eoVYb8vsURIkfhO5APMIZnqzS8mN2vS3aZhukLC6HfKLyAYaSCOchMXP5MIir5Rd3WngXMGGfqS8w3gzakUfEIjUJCnIjmiJ3ZAXq7-liq9cFkaPDPucfteE4lKGXLXbEkprGQZTr8NDFN9v013gPbtwx8eWznskrTi7bvo/s1216/Ella%20Lipstick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1216" data-original-width="924" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpb4FjVLEsrc1-1eoVYb8vsURIkfhO5APMIZnqzS8mN2vS3aZhukLC6HfKLyAYaSCOchMXP5MIir5Rd3WngXMGGfqS8w3gzakUfEIjUJCnIjmiJ3ZAXq7-liq9cFkaPDPucfteE4lKGXLXbEkprGQZTr8NDFN9v013gPbtwx8eWznskrTi7bvo/s320/Ella%20Lipstick.jpg" width="243" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ella loves makeup like her great-grandma<br />but she has to work on it!</td></tr></tbody></table>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-90049123021678892772023-12-20T15:50:00.003-05:002024-01-02T14:25:38.911-05:00The Most Important Christmas Tradition<p>What is your favorite holiday tradition? </p><p>I have a favorite Christmas tradition, one I did with my daughters, my grandson, and now with my granddaughter this year.
My first baby was born on Christmas Eve. Needless to say, Christmas has always been a very busy time for our family since then. On her second Christmas, she was one year old, and not only did I have to plan for Christmas but also her first birthday party. I'm sure you can all relate. </p><p>What changed our Christmas celebration trajectory was something that happened exactly six months after her birth on June 24, 1988. That was the day of my spiritual awakening. Some of you may know what that is like, some of you would call it a "born-again" experience. For me, it felt similar to my first romance. I felt joyful and light. I wanted to tell everyone about it, even though most other people I told did not understand. And I wanted to know everything about my new love, who was Jesus. So I looked in the best place where I could find out about Him, the Bible. </p><p>At the time, the knowledge I wanted most was how to be a good mom, since the whole mothering thing was new to me and I had no idea what I was doing.
I started at the beginning of the Bible and I found this instruction that was gold and I determined to follow it. It is from Deuteronomy 6:4-7: <br /></p><p><i>Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. </i></p><p><i>These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. </i></p><p>This made sense to me at the time, and now in retrospect, I realize how important it was to teach our children about God as they naturally go about their days. It is good also to bring your children to church for instructions, it is great if they have grandparents or aunts and uncles to also tell them about God. </p><p>But moms, it is of vital importance that YOU tell them yourself as you wake them up in the morning, as you put them to bed at night, as you drive them around. It is most impactful to them to lead by your own example of faith. Anyone one who had a toddler knows they model your behavior, the good and the bad. </p><p>So I took this seriously. And when Christmas came around, I was diligent to teach them the story of Christmas. My mother-in-law made this easy for me because she had given me a Nativity set with plastic people. I used these plastic people to tell the story of Jesus to my children. </p><p> • I told them about how the <b>angel Gabriel came to Mary</b> to announce to her that she would be blessed to be the mother of the Son of God. And Mary said Yes! </p><p>• I explained how the<b> angel then came to Joseph</b> in a dream to tell him that he should marry Mary and to name the baby Jesus. And Joseph said Yes! </p><p>• I used the donkey to show the <b>long ride to Bethlehem</b> and how Joseph knocked on doors asking, Any rooms? </p><p>• Finally Mary and Joseph had their <b>baby Jesus in a barn</b> and she put Jesus asleep in the hay. </p><p>• Also I told them the story of the <b>shepherds at night</b> in the fields watching their sheep and how the angels announced the news of great joy about the baby Jesus. And the shepherds said, Let's go see!<br /></p><p>• Finally I told them about the <b>wise men from far away</b> who came to find and worship baby Jesus. They gave Him three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh. </p>
<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmGKPvpnJ1kWZxWpUxuPqfi_gXCwkusS_RxSWtaZaFq0ZJzO56NF6jxBBGrkjvcA1edkdqo3MJOtqhx7J3JcD8L3E5pkhJXrP1QzuZuOhWHrvgFTgl6iS1c7szlGMaEcxewDEcGxK_UQ4SrtRIUZCF7u7emBIHJvRrDwMHaY2Xu_FNGCjvplx/s1984/Snapchat-72585457.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1124" data-original-width="1984" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYmGKPvpnJ1kWZxWpUxuPqfi_gXCwkusS_RxSWtaZaFq0ZJzO56NF6jxBBGrkjvcA1edkdqo3MJOtqhx7J3JcD8L3E5pkhJXrP1QzuZuOhWHrvgFTgl6iS1c7szlGMaEcxewDEcGxK_UQ4SrtRIUZCF7u7emBIHJvRrDwMHaY2Xu_FNGCjvplx/s320/Snapchat-72585457.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />We used the plastic Nativity people each year to re-tell the story as we put together the manger scene and talked about God's love for us. I encouraged them to imagine the great and awesome God who created the heavens and earth, who knows the name of every star, yet also knows the numbers of hairs on your head, who created each type of animal, each blade of grass, each drop of water in the ocean, that God, loved us so much He became human to live among us.<p></p><p>Jesus could have come any TIME He wanted. He could have come in 2023 and been a Tik-Tok influencer in the age of the internet and air planes and indoor plumbing. How easy it would have been for Him to spread His message and become famous! </p><p>But instead the time He chose was when the best mode of travel was a donkey and the best message delivery system was to speak from the top of a hill. </p><p>Jesus could have come any WAY He wanted. He could have come as the son of a powerful king, or the son of a wealthy and honored rabbi. He could have come like the angels did, out of the sky, like a mighty warrior dressed in blazing glory. </p><p>But instead, He chose a poor young girl, allowed her to travel far away from family and friends, to give birth in a barn surrounded by animals.
Jesus came as a baby, and we all know what that means, right? He could not feed Himself, dress Himself, burp Himself or clean Himself. Plus there was no mom there for Mary, to remind her, "don't forget to support his head!" Or to say, "let me come over for the first time and show you how to give him a bath."
Jesus allowed Himself to be helpless and trusted a teenage girl with His life. </p><p>Why in the world did Jesus do that? </p><p>Because He loves us. Because it was important for Him to relate to us. For Jesus to understand what it was like to be human by becoming one of us. For Him to be worthy for the sacrifice He would be making later on our behalf. </p><p>And for us to have the option of faith. We choose to believe Him. Or not. He wants our love and He invites us, but He will not force us. </p><p>Now the rest of the traditions are fun too and we enjoy them, but for our family, we were so busy we forgot to tell our children about Santa Claus. So we just never did. </p><p>But honestly I do have this one problem with the way we use Santa to keep our children from going over the deep end in all the Christmas excitement. We tell them Santa comes ONLY for the GOOD little girls and boys. That he sees them when they are sleeping, knows when they're awake. He knows if they have been bad or good. And I get it, moms, no judgment from me! I am down for "whatever works". </p><p>Jesus was just the opposite. Jesus not only came to show us all what God was really like. He came to all BAD girls and boys. And not to give us coal in our Christmas stockings. No, rather He came to provide us with forgiveness and to reconcile and restore our relationship with God. And honestly, we are ALL bad girls and boys. </p><p>Just to prove the point, let me ask: </p><p>Who of you have never, in your life, done anything wrong? Anything that violates your OWN moral code of conduct? Could you claim you are perfectly good? <br /></p><p>No?</p><p>Me neither. Matter of fact, if you give me 20 minutes I will say or do something wrong. So I'd better wrap this up then. </p><p>Jesus came not only to live with us but also to pay the debt for all the things we did wrong. Not to look the other way, mind you and say to us, "that's ok sweetheart, you do you." </p><p>No, He paid the price instead of us so that we could be with a holy God in heaven forever and empower us to live better while we are here. </p><p><a href="https://barbararuglio.blogspot.com/p/the-original-christmas-story.html" target="_blank">Click here</a> for the original Christmas story in a translation that will be easy for your young child to understand. If you need to hear it again or hear it for the first time, please read it. Think about it. Be like the most famous mom in history, Mary of Nazareth, and treasure it in your heart. </p><p>I encourage you this Christmas to share with your children the most miraculous story ever told, how God loved you and your children so much that He left the glory of paradise to be a baby and grow up, as an average child, just like the little one you love at home. The awesome God in a tiny baby's body. What is a better story than that? </p><p style="text-align: center;">======= </p><p>Here's a question for you. </p><p>It is interesting to read how different people reacted to the birth of Jesus. Mary and Joseph both said YES to the angel despite the hardships they would encounter. The shepherds were excited and came to see Jesus. The wise men brought gifts to honor and worship Jesus. </p><p>But King Herod tried to find Jesus to murder Him. The gospel of Matthew 2:16 tells us: "Herod realized that the Wise Men had tricked him. So he became very angry. He gave orders about Bethlehem and the area around it. He ordered all the boys two years old and under to be killed. This agreed with the time when the Wise Men had seen the star." </p><p><b>How do you react to the story of Jesus' birth?</b> </p><p>• Excited and joyful </p><p>• Grateful </p><p>• Worshipful </p><p>• Indifferent </p><p>• Skeptical </p><p>• Offended </p><p>• Hostile</p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-17907670780415421602023-09-29T12:21:00.005-04:002023-09-29T13:05:40.304-04:00Intentional<p>Usually I start the year with a "Word of the Year" but it seemed like this year I was too absorbed with my mom, her illness and then her passing. At first that seemed to be my default word of the year: death. </p><p>However that does not honor my mom. My mom was very intentional about life. She was always trying to better herself, move forward, right up to the end when she started to say she was "fading away." It was then when she knew and accepted her next step would be death. While I needed and wanted to be by her side at that time, now I need to go in a different direction. </p><p>So as I wrote this years September mentor moment, I realize these MOPS themes are not just for the new moms, they are for me.</p><p>Now I am in the autumn of my life. Not that I am complaining, autumn is a beautiful season. It may be closer to the end, but it is not over yet! It seems even more important to be intentional about what I say yes to and what I walk away from. Even in September it is not too late for a Word of the Year! </p><p>Jesus, please help me be more intentional with my life!</p><p style="text-align: center;">* * *</p><p style="text-align: right;"><i><br /></i></p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>from the MOPS September Mentor Moment </i><br /></p><p>When the Montclair MOPS group first started over 20 years ago, I was close friends with the woman who organized it. At that time, my two daughters were already in elementary school and I thought, how wonderful it would have been to have a MOPS group when my daughters were newborns. When my first was born, I was 32 years old and knew nothing about navigating life as a new mom. My life revolved around my career. Most of my friends were people I worked with. Even the Bible study I attended at the time was with my co-workers. When I was at home alone with my new baby I was like a ship unmoored. To tell you the truth, initially, I didn’t think I would survive. I was surprised by how hard it was. I was startled by how lonely I felt. Each stage seemed to last forever. And I was stunned that after each stage had passed, how passionately I missed it, even the ones that were difficult at the time.
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I stayed at home with my daughters until they went to pre-school and then I worked part time and eventually full time. I retired in July 2022. Barely two months had passed when Sandy asked me to join the MOPS team as a mentor mom, and I was thrilled to say yes!
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Matter of fact, that is the theme for MOPS this year: <b>Say Yes! </b>
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I will grant you that it is easy to say yes for me today because my children are grown and I’m retired. It’s a lot harder as a mom with littles. Most days are NO NO NO! No, you don’t put that in your mouth! No, you can’t watch another video. No, we don’t hit our brother. No, I’m too busy and can’t meet you for coffee. No, I am too tired tonight honey. Finally, it’s No you can’t borrow the car … but that’s for another day.
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This year MOPS is encouraging us to add YES to our vocabulary. Agreed, we need to avoid people-pleasing or over-extending ourselves. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about understanding our goals and moving through life on purpose.
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And it’s not only about mothering, it’s about everything: our friendships, marriage, our extended family, and work. We can get so caught up in the urgent demands of the day-to-day, and then years go by and we realize we haven’t been making the small choices that will get us where we actually wanted to be. Too often, our ‘yeses’ are default decisions we aren’t even intentionally making or we say yes to the stuff we feel obligated to do.
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Our MOPS Theme Bible verse this year is: <i>Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin… (from the prophet Zechariah 4:10 NLT)</i>
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What if we started out with small steps, being intentional to say ‘yes’ to the important things?</b> Yes, to parenting on purpose. Yes, to significant challenges and out-of-our-comfort-zone opportunities. Yes, to carving out time for our marriage. And yes to invitations to connect with others.
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Developing a ‘yes’ mindset is living intentionally, focused on our goals for ourselves and our families. Specifically, we want to practice saying yes in three areas:
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1. Befriend Discomfort
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As mothers, we are no strangers to discomfort. Just the entrance of our baby into the world was extremely discomforting, to say the least. Everything we do seems sacrificial. What if we saw the discomfort and the sacrifices as a blessing instead of a curse? What if it is an opportunity instead of a failure? What if we saw the problem as a challenge with potential for good? Maybe the dead end is really a new beginning.
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We have this one life. Do we want to spend it regretting the things we didn’t do? Avoiding awkward situations? Procrastinating until opportunity passes us by? Distracted by mourning prior seasons of our lives?
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What if the way forward is to embrace difficult things instead of avoiding them? Befriending Discomfort is a life hack that can improve every area of our lives. Tackling challenges can help us become more confident and more courageous. When we take that first step we start to feel less fragile and less stressed. Opportunity can pass us by while we wait until we feel ‘ready’ or qualified or when all the details come together perfectly. Instead <b>let’s step forward and do it afraid</b>. And let’s invite our kids along for the thrill that comes with doing hard things.
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James, the brother of Jesus sums it up perfectly when he stated (in James 1:2-4 NIV)
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Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
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Yes, I want to be mature and complete, don’t you? Honestly there is no way around it. Mothering is hard. It’s exhausting, stressful, frustrating and even painful. You have to do the hard things anyway. Welcome each challenge knowing it will change you for the good.
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2. Be Easily Delighted
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The other side of mothering is it is incredibly wonderful if you have the eyes to see it. But that sense of delight is the first thing to go between midnight feedings, changing poopy diapers, piles of dirty dishes, stacks of unpaid bills, plus worrying about doing things right. But we can change all of that when we learn to look for the lovely. We can learn to love what must be done and be captivated by simple things like the smell of our kids’ hair and our husband’s glances across the room. It’s all decadent when we take the time to stop and really notice. <b>This year let’s pray for God’s help to be easily delighted with the small things because the small things are the big things.</b>
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Our Bible verse from King David’s Psalm 18:19 reminds us of God’s feelings for us:
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He brought me out into a spacious place. He rescued me because He delighted in me. (Psalm 18:19 NIV)
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If God can find delight is this broken world and in us when we up to knees in dirty laundry, we can surely find delight in our children and our lives.
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3. Be Here Now
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Our culture tells us it’s all up to us. And while we certainly want to do our best, we must acknowledge that most of life is out of our control. Let’s replace the urge to have a death-grip every possible outcome with the humble surrender that our best will have to suffice. This year let’s remember our direction is more important than our speed. Let’s not let hurry and worry rob us of our time in this sweet season of our lives. Instead, <b>let’s trust God will provide for our every need, and that means we can tend to our kids, marriage, home, friendships, neighborhood, and the work God has given us and take the time to enjoy ourselves while we are doing it</b>.
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In Matthew 6:26-27 Jesus Himself reminds us of God’s care for all the details of our lives:
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Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:26-27 NIV)
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Now I have been married for 42 years, a mother for 35 years and a grandmother for 17 years. In the end not only did I survive, but my memories of mothering are the sweetest of my life. I do not regret any sacrifice. What I want to offer you, dear moms, is perspective and encouragement because mothering is hard. It not sexy, the pay is bad, and they don’t give awards. But I am convinced mothering is the most important aspect of our lives. <b>When I look at my family today, I am so grateful I did the hard things, that I took the time to enjoy my children and that I chose to trust God for what I could not control</b>. Which was quite a lot. I have found God has been faithful.
</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyrLf0YmnPuEYpTK5SmpPcjAsXLv_JRP-Khboa_Mf0QbeFSRCnn8p82MoJAoN2_-OWUwg3xjDSxGlRnyZVuu1l7IPevU5a13ySrJcSyNsNLYAPNdmBxeN_dG6_ubmBhoPLzAb_PxOrdQSWxjjMo9TjjS2sjNvK_5TYqg-oGw6CPtXqU7hB9gRb/s945/mom.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="945" data-original-width="628" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyrLf0YmnPuEYpTK5SmpPcjAsXLv_JRP-Khboa_Mf0QbeFSRCnn8p82MoJAoN2_-OWUwg3xjDSxGlRnyZVuu1l7IPevU5a13ySrJcSyNsNLYAPNdmBxeN_dG6_ubmBhoPLzAb_PxOrdQSWxjjMo9TjjS2sjNvK_5TYqg-oGw6CPtXqU7hB9gRb/s320/mom.png" width="213" /></a></div><p><br />
My own mom passed away earlier this year. We were very fortunate as she lived an active life until she was sick briefly and then passed at age 94. I think about what she has left me. Oh, we did get some money, nice jewelry, and way too many collectibles. But the most important things she left us we can’t see or touch: it was her love, kindness, generosity, her courage, and her passion for life. Those things are inside me now and I can’t lose them. <b>I want to pass on those things too, but I need to be intentional to do it. I need to say yes to the right things.</b> I pray this year we can help each other figure that out together.
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I am excited for this year at MOPS and I am honored to be part of this team who are dedicated to serving moms. We know you want to get it right and we want to support you. We promise to provide you with practical information and the most delicious brunch in New Jersey.
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I pray that you will find a supportive and loving community of moms here at MOPS. The other mentor moms and I would be happy to meet with you outside of MOPS or right after our meeting, to discuss any questions you may have on parenting, marriage or about your spiritual journey. We love listening to small questions or big life questions, and we firmly believe there are no stupid questions. Maybe you just need a listening ear or someone to vent to. We are here for you.</p><p>If you live in northern New Jersey and are interested in joining us, visit <a href="https://montclair.church/mops/ " target="_blank">montclair.church/mops </a></p><p>If you are not, then visit <a href="http://mops.org" target="_blank">mops.org</a> to find a local group near you. <br /></p><p></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-85704377999698286632023-09-19T15:01:00.010-04:002023-09-29T15:48:18.380-04:00The Story of Eliseo and Mary Lucciola<p style="text-align: right;"><i>as remembered by my brother Gabriel
R. Micchelli<br /> 09-12-2023
<b> </b></i></p><p><b> </b></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>Heritage
and Pedigree of the Lucciola Family</b>
</h2><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">This is the story of my maternal grandfather’s immigration experience
coming from Italy to the United States America in 1918. Like tens of
millions of other Europeans, he came through Ellis Island. The
colloquialism “coming through” seems appropriate because he was
like a baby being born, coming through the birth canal, not knowing
what would happen next or where he was going. Tens of millions of
immigrants’ stories are similar. In those days they came by ship.
Ellis Island was the birth canal through which the immigrant passed
checkpoints and waited to be born into new life, a life of freedom
and opportunity in the United States of America.</p>
<p><b>How
I heard this Story</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">I would ride my bicycle on the warm summer days in July of 1968, down
my street to the corner. Once I turned that corner, I was out of
sight of my home at 101 Forest Street. I’d ride down a long hill to
the busy cross street of Union Avenue where I would make a right turn
and ride on the sidewalk for a few long blocks until I reached EL
Cleaners on Union Avenue near Joralemon Street - another busy
thoroughfare. Joralemon Street was named after one of Belleville’s
founding families from the early 18 century.</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
I’d kickstand my Stingray bike on the sidewalk and visit my grandfather -
who I called Popa. I’d watch him sow and press suits and wait on
customers. When times were slow, I’d ask him things. Many things.
What it was like when he was my age. How old he was when he came to
the US. What mom was like when she was a young girl.</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Most
kids my age had heroes who were sports figures and astronauts. My
heroes were businessmen like my grandpa and my dad and his brothers
and sister. Dad had five other brothers and a sister in the
hairdressing business. My paternal grandfather, the original Gabriel,
passed away when my dad was four years old of an unknown illness. My
grandfather Gabriel’s brother Nicholas looked after his brother’s
young family. When Joe, Nick and Gabriel came home from WWII in 1944 and 1945, their
Uncle Nick set them up in hairdressing school and afterwards, brought
them into this hairdressing salon in Newark’s busy and bustling
downtown. Once employed at <i>Micchelli
Hairdressing,</i>
Joe, Nick, and Gabriel joined their other brothers, Louis, Anthony and
Michael, and their sister Philomena. Also in this gaggle of Micchelli
hairdressers was Louis’ son, another Gabriel, named after his
grandfather. The two youngest hairdressers in the shop were 18 year
old Gabriel, Louis’ son and 22 year old Gabriel, my dad – both
named after the same man. </p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"> Enough
about the Micchelli family for now. Let’s get back to my Papa. My
mom was Papa’s only daughter. Papa and grandma Mary raised their
daughter Louise in Belleville, on the other side of town from where
we lived. Grandma died when I was a toddler - before I could know
her. Papa came to live with us after grandma passed and he was like a
2nd father to Barbara and me. I don’t remember a time without Papa
being there. Papa and I played a little, but we talked a lot when I
was a young boy. Papa’s life was his tailor shop and his daughter
Louise and all of us. He and dad would talk about business along with
mom. When dad left Uncle Nick’s salon in Newark, he and brother
Michael opened their own salon. When dad finally went on his own,
Papa gave dad confidence and was a valuable sounding board.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Papa
had a relationship with a woman from Brooklyn. Her name was Yetta.
She was a Jewish lady who escaped Germany just before WWII and was a
great dancer according to Papa. Papa would take the train to meet
Yetta on the weekends and they would go dancing. She worked at the
Knickerbocker Toy Company in New York City. The name 'Knickerbocker'
was derived from the nickname for the citizens of New York in
reference to the baggy trousers (knickers) that the original Dutch
settlers wore. Yetta came to our house for holiday dinners and once
we all went to New York City to meet her and her son for dinner. She
was fun and funny and was the only grandmother that I ever knew, as
both of my grandmothers had passed away before I ever knew them.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The story that follows is as I heard it in bits and pieces when I was 11
years old from my grandfather, Eliseo (Eddie) Lucciola, in the back
of his tailor shop on warm July afternoons in 1968.
</p><p><b>The
Story Begins in Cassino Italy</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo was startled awake one morning in his small bed in Cassino. He had
made his decision concerning a letter he received from his older
brother Serafino, postmarked America. Serafino had left Italy a few
years before for America. He had been sending money. A few weeks ago,
a letter came from Serafino addressed to Eliseo. It said,
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">In
Italian,<i>“Vieni
in America dove ho un lavoro per te nella mia sartoria. La vita è
bella qui. Arriva attraverso i servizi di immigrazione di New York
City a Ellis Island, USA. Fammi sapere il nome della nave che prendi
da Napoli a New York, e ti incontrerò nel luogo designato vicino a
Ellis Island.”</i></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">In English, <i>“Come
to America where I have work for you in my tailor shop. Life is good
here. Arrive through New York City Immigration Services at Ellis
Island, USA. Let me know the name of the ship you take from Naples to
New York, and I will meet you at the designated place near Ellis
Island.” </i>
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTSFI7HqtWCgb21QPD1HLbhXuuxmf9w_tSLlH3Ix3pImZMGJjvaUGqcIKeXqI73Xd0uOB1nTKiAhlpdv8PTg3a60RDwwR_M_nDXxklJteC_DMC2f9ezCC6laXGdYMlnKQj53bgQxVGb902vaE_gM9AYGzFJsUPyds-UG5u_3_DLMwu9i_A8142/s2992/E+M.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTSFI7HqtWCgb21QPD1HLbhXuuxmf9w_tSLlH3Ix3pImZMGJjvaUGqcIKeXqI73Xd0uOB1nTKiAhlpdv8PTg3a60RDwwR_M_nDXxklJteC_DMC2f9ezCC6laXGdYMlnKQj53bgQxVGb902vaE_gM9AYGzFJsUPyds-UG5u_3_DLMwu9i_A8142/s320/E+M.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eliseo and his bride, Mary <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />That letter had
been rattling around in Eliseo’s head for weeks. He had never
thought about going to America before, but the letter forced Eliseo
to look at life in his village. “What kind of life is there for me
here in Cassino?”, he thought.<p></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">He was 17 years
old and was apprenticed to a tailor in Cassino for little wages, to learn
a trade. He made extra money by chopping wood for the townspeople in
Cassino with his small axe and pick. If he left for America, his
younger brother, 12-year-old Elisia, would take over chopping wood
for money to buy the family provisions such as flower, eggs, salt, and
bread. The cow and their little garden his mother tended supplied
milk and enough produce to sustain them.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Mother’s
thoughts - and becoming “American”</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo had spoken to
his mother about Serafino’s letter and asked her what she thought
of him leaving Italy for America. She said, “Italy is old, and the
plight of the people hadn’t changed in 1,000 years, and may not
change for another 1,000, but America was young and growing.” It
was his decision to make, and his alone. She would support whatever
he decided to do.</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo thought
about what his life would be like in Italy and what his life could be
in America. America had gained a reputation during WWI as a
powerhouse. People in America were free and not restrained by the
circumstances of their birth, or by a repressive government, or by
the vendettas of the powerful Mafia who wielded power in Italy. Now
with the war over, Eliseo wanted to be free to do what he wanted to
do. Go where he wanted to go. He wanted to get married someday and
for his family to have a better life than what Italy could offer. He
wanted liberty. In that moment, thinking about what we now call “the
American dream”, he <i>became</i> an American.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The ship to
American sailed from Naples, which was a few days walk from Cassino.
He took what money he had and set out for Naples to find work to earn
money to sail to America. He left early in the morning and walked all
day. The first night he spent just off the road sleeping in a field
near some bushes. The next night he slept in an empty barn near a
farmhouse. The following day he arrived walking into Naples. It was a
large city for the young man who grew up on a small plot of land, in
a tiny house, on the outskirts of Cassino.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Naples is the
sprawling regional capital of Campania and the third-largest city of
Italy, after Rome and Milan. This ancient city had been the capital
of the Kingdom of the Two Sicilia. Before that it was the capital of
the Kingdom of Naples, and before that it was the capital of the
Duchy of Naples. Founded by Greeks in the first millennium BC. Naples is one of the oldest continuously
inhabited urban areas in the world – and it looked every day of it.
The city was filthy.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">By contrast, the
ancient bucolic village of Cassino lies at the foot of Mount Cassino,
the sight of the great monastery of Saint Benedict. A city of
medieval origins, Cassino is scarred by multiple battles and ancient
wars. Now a peaceful village. Eliseo had once climbed the steep
hillside and approached the ancient wall of the monastery only to be
brushed away by the monks who tended the garden outside the walls.
Before descending he stopped and took in the grand view from the top
of the mountain overlooking his village. He felt like a rich man
surveying his lands. He thought of his father.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">His father had
died when Eliseo was eight years old of an unknown ailment. His
mother raised three sons and after his father had died, kept them fed
and clothed by taking in sewing in the village for the tailor who was
Eliseo’s master and teacher. Before leaving for America, Serafino
had chopped wood and done odd jobs to help feed his brothers and
mother.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo’s mother
was funny and chatty and wise, and always gave him and his brothers
good advice. He always felt good about things and confident in
himself whenever they would talk. She smiled while listening to
Eliseo. When he told her he was leaving Cassino. She told Eliseo that
he was capable of doing great things and should never give up. She
reminded him as she had many times, that he was descended from the
same great Italian people that had produced the likes of Leonardo
DaVinci, Christopher Columbus, Galileo and Michelangelo.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Earning money
in Naples</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo soon got a
job serving coffee in a little shop in downtown Naples and slept at the top of
the stairs in a small room. The next week he got a job waiting tables
in a better restaurant such that he could stay at a nearby farmhouse
with a family who had a spare room. Then one day he ran into Antony,
a 2nd cousin about the same age who was also working to
earn money to sail to America. They pooled their money and rented one
room to save faster. Within a few months they had saved enough for
their fare to America. They didn’t think it necessary to purchase
grand accommodations onboard. As soon as they had enough for the
cheapest fare and a little more to get started in America, they left
on the next ship. Eliseo and Antony did not know how far away America
was or how long it would take to get to New York or what would happen
when they arrived. Antony had a cousin in New York City and Eliseo
had his brother to meet him when he got to Ellis Island. Rumors of
what America was like came from returning travelers who had all sorts
of differing stories, which Eliseo discounted. They were returning
from America or somewhere else.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Off to America</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Before they
boarded the ship for New York City, Eliseo mailed a letter to his
brother containing the name of his ship. The letter would probably
sail with them on the same ship. They boarded the ship and found
their small cabin that they would share with eight other people.
Breakfast and dinner were provided by the crew who served it on large
tables in a larger interior cabin of the ship. Breakfast was an egg
at various degrees of boiled hardness, two pieces of bread and
coffee. Dinner was stew with some meat and vegetables.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The last day of
September 1919 was a beautiful end of summer day in Naples. A great
day to embark. By the next evening the ship had sailed to the point
where it was directly between Marsala in Sicily, Cagliari in
Sardinia, and Bizerte in Tunisia. The ship at that position was 100
miles from each city. Each was over the horizon and out of sight. The
Mediterranean is a vast and open sea. Eliseo and Antony were amazed
at the vastness and wondered how the ancients traversed it in small
wooden boats. It would take another four days to reach Gibraltar. The
Rock was clearly visible as was the African city of Puerto de Ceuta,
the furthest southern outcrop of Spain.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">After sailing
through the straight they lost sight of the Rock of Gibraltar. Then
leaving behind the last site of land, the city of Tangier in Morocco,
the vast stormy Atlantic opened up. The next two weeks were open
water, rocking seas and seasickness. The last land that was visible
before reaching New York was the Acores Islands. The ship sailed
between Mt Caldaria on the little island of San Petro and Ponta
Delgada on the greater Isle of Saint Miguel. The storms of early
October sent the ship tossing in the North Atlantic for what seemed
like an eternity, actually 18 more days at sea. During that time
Eliseo and Antony were very seasick. A fellow passenger gave them
cigarettes to calm their stomachs. Smoking only made their heads hurt
but after a while the headaches went away, and smoking cigarettes
passed the time. Dying of lung cancer 53 years later was the last
thing on Eliseo’s mind.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Approaching
NYC and the Statue of Liberty</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Every morning
Eliseo would come up on deck to see the sun rise over the stern of
the ship. It had been heading east since leaving Gibraltar but on
this morning the sunrise was off the starboard beam, his right as he
looked toward the bow of the ship. It was steaming north, giving him
hope that their journey was coming to an end.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">What had started
out as an exciting sea adventure had turned into a sickness drenched,
dirty, exhausting affair. Antony had been sick with a cold for much
of the trip and he was weak and often unable to take care of himself.
Eliseo brought him food and kept him warm by sharing his blanket so
that Antony would have two when it got cold. Sickness was rampant
throughout the passengers and crew.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Finally, the next
daybreak after a particularly bad night with Antony, Eliseo came up
on deck to see in the distance the two sandy beaches separating the
mighty Atlantic from what seemed a safe harbor. These sandy beaches
are Sandy Hook in New Jersey and Breezy Point in Long Island. Eliseo
didn’t know where he was or where he was going next but was
relieved that landing seemed close at hand. Briefly, he had seen the
day before, distant beaches as the ship sailed up the coast of New
Jersey.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Sailing past the
sandy outcroppings on each side, the ship headed straight toward
South Beach on Staten Island then came hard to starboard with Seagate
off the starboard beam. The ship then pointed directly between what
looked like big shoulders of land, those being the Verrazzano Narrows
separating Lower New York Bay from Upper New York Bay. Giovanni da
Verrazzano an Italian explorer followed his compatriot Columbus,
landing on the North American continent’s southeastern shores. He
then sailed northward along the coast, just like Eliseo and Anthony
did, discovering New York’s lower and upper bays, again just like
Eliseo and Anthony. Verrazzano named the narrow entrance to the great
river that Henry Hudson would later name after himself.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Once through the
Narrows the land slipped back and opened to the bustling Upper New
York Bay. Ferryboats and sailing ships and other large ships, garbage
scows and cityscapes on both sides of the Hudson River were visible
with buildings and people. It was a misty, cool morning and there was
so much to look at.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Suddenly, from
out of the mist a gigantic woman dressed in green, bronze robes. It
was the largest thing Eliseo had ever seen. She is mounted on a stone
block pedestal. The woman is lifting a torch in her right hand and
carrying a book in her left. She wore a crown of seven points and
looked down to welcome newcomers. In confusion and gratitude and awe,
Eliseo fell to his knees as he stared at the lady in the harbor. He
heard those on the deck say…</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">In Italian, “Che
paese e questo! Avere un tale Colosso nel porto accogliere le persone
che vengone a cercare una vita migliore.”
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">In English, “What
a country this is! To have such a colossus in the harbor to welcome
people who come to seek a better life.”
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Scores of other
passengers stood on the deck in stark silent awe at the sight. The
lady in the harbor was silent too but if she could have spoken, she
would say, <i>“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside
the golden door!”</i></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">What a country
this is.</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The lady has many
names. Her official name is “Liberty Enlightening the World”.
Some call her “Lady Liberty”. Eliseo didn’t know any of this.
He just called her “America”.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Steaming past
“America” coming up fast is a small island on which stands a
strange looking building with four domed peak spires. But what is
that just ahead off the starboard bow? What is that great loud noisy
place there. As Governors Island passed there became revealed the
tallest structure in this great city of New York - the Brooklyn
Bridge and its great gothic spires and suspension cables. By then
Antony had come up on deck to see. He and Eliseo had never known such
things could exist and here they were all in one place all at one
time. The Sun was up now, and the mist had burned off on this October
morning a few days before his birthday, October 31, 1918.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Ellis Island</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The ship was
coming to dock at the island where the unusual building stood. This
was Ellis Island. There was another ship docked there as well. And
several moored in the harbor. All at once over the loudspeaker, the
order was given to, “gather belongings and line up at the gangplank
to disembark.” People scurried back to their berths as many
languages were spoken on deck. Most people had one or two bags. In
all the excitement Eliseo forgot to eat.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">What followed was
a series of lines and waiting. The great room inside the Immigration
Services building was sectioned off by rope lines so that one person
or family could come up to the podium at a time. They were asked
their name, who they were meeting, their country, region, and town of
origin, and how much money they were carrying. The great room was deafeningly loud and chaotic until coming up to the podium. The big
official asked these questions in English as the translator put them
into Italian for Eliseo. Eliseo had the letter from Serafino who was
the person meeting Eliseo. But where would he meet Serafino, and
when?
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Most of the
Italians disembarking that day were from Italy south of Naples. Now
Italy had only been unified under one flag since 1861. This period of
unification called Risorgimento, was completed and not to everyone’s
liking, by 1871 - less than 50 years before. When asked about their
country or origin many who lived in the south would state their
closest major city as their country of origin. Bari, Cosenza, Naples,
Foggia, Palermo, Avelino. There was still some animosity between the
peoples of Italy. After all Italy had been living an uneasy peace
between its city-states for centuries. The great cities of northern
Italy, Roma, Venicia, Milano, and Florenzi, looked down on the poor
peasants of southern Italy.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Antony’s Bad
News</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">After the
interrogation by the customs official Eliseo and Antony were taken to
the infirmary for a medical checkup. Eliseo had a cold but was almost
completely over it. Antony had a more serious illness. It could have
been smallpox or measles or chicken pox. Eliseo and Antony didn’t
know but the USA had a strict prohibition on allowing immigrants into
the country with certain diseases. After some discussion by the
authorities, it was decided that Antony would have to go back. The
two were separated and would only see each other again through glass
windowed doors after that. They got a chance to say goodbye before
the ship taking Antony back to Italy, sailed. This was a harsh
reality that was irrevocable. Eliseo wrote down the return address on
Serafino’s letter and told Anthony to write when he got back to
Italy.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">The ship sailed
the next day for Argentina. The shipping line departs Naples for New
York then to Buenos Aires before heading back to Naples. It was the
shipping line’s responsibility to bring immigrants back if US
Customs denied any passenger entry. By the time the ship had reached
Buenos Aires Antony was in good health and decided with some
encouragement by the shipping lines, to disembark there and make his
life in Argentina. The two men would see each other again 45 years
later when Antony came to our home in Belleville.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Eliseo was now
alone, with only the clothes on his back, a change of clothes, and
his letter from Serafino, which was his only link to America and his
family. No word came from Serafino to Ellis Island for Eliseo. He
wondered how and if he would ever find Serafino from this island of
Ellis.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>Waiting For
Serafino</b></p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">After a couple of
weeks on Ellis Island, as November started to bring on winter, Eliseo
was told each morning to board a small boat that would take him to
the harbor in Jersey City. Eliseo didn’t want to go to Jersey City.
He wanted to go to Orange, NJ where his brother lived. Confused, he
got on the boat each day and was delivered to a small outside waiting
area at the Jersey City docks, not far from where the boat let him
off. He was directed to sit on a set of benches and wait there with
other immigrants in a fenced-in area.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">November days are
clear and chilly, and Eliseo didn’t have a warm coat. The
immigrants all sat together to keep warm as they watched hundreds of
commuters scurrying around where the immigrants were fenced in. They
came out of the Central Railroad of New Jersey Terminal and walked
over to waiting ferries to take them to New York City’s lower Manhattan. Eliseo knew that they were arriving at the big terminal on
train cars because he could hear the trains. He could see through the
terminal’s open facing doors that scores of locomotives were
arriving every few minutes. Ferries went back and forth to New York
every few minutes. Trains arrived every few minutes. Hundreds and
hundreds of people streamed into New York City. People from New
Jersey had to come by train and then traveled by boat to Manhattan
every day. What was going on over there?</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">On the third day
sitting on the cold bench on the dock in Jersey City, a few minutes
before 6:00 pm, just before boarding the boat back to Ellis Island,
Eliseo heard his name called by a familiar voice. It was Serafino! He
had just gotten off the train from Orange, New Jersey for the third
time that week. He had been following the schedule of the ship and
knew approximately when Eliseo would be sitting on that same bench
where he disembarked a few years before.
</p>
<p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Big smiles. Warm
embraces followed by a rebuke by Serafino as to why it took Eliseo so
long to arrive. Eliseo complained back to Serafino simply in
self-defense as they ran for the train back to Orange New Jersey and
Eliseo’s new home. </p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in; text-align: right;"><i>Barbara continues the story... </i><br /></p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"><b>The Story of Mary</b></p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">While Eliseo was growing up in Italy, Mary Crecco was already in America, but life was not easy for her either. The middle child of three daughters, Mary's mother and father died was she was a child. Her and her younger sister Anna were moved to a orphanage. Her older sister Jenny was already married with children and she could not afford to take her sisters in until they were old enough to work. Mary and Anna struggled in the orphanage but stayed close together to protect and encourage each other. Once they were old enough to move in with Jenny and her husband Carl, they went right to work, also using their sewing skills. Life was hard. Jenny would often buy bones from the nearby butcher to supplement the meals made from the backyard garden. <br /></p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Once she was of age, Mary and Eliseo were matched up by family friends and married. They continued to live in the house with Jenny in a top floor apartment. The house was heated by coal and since Eliseo was out for long days working, Mary was left to do all the other chores, including carrying the buckets full of coal from the basement to their apartment. Louise was her only child and she would tell us of her hands being lined with coal dust she could never wash out. Louise would become close to Jenny's daughters, Marge, Connie and Anita. <br /></p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBWmjfNb9_I3cDWoJyfurf5BewRFwtGAN1zdFOf8hXKCAu59JUKbFMJihnMpb9wCzZdfiueevWMFe6PsqWoW1O1FU4egI_95wBTHXdIuMQbvVieWqTgtte9K09p539ZaFbmsIuAW4FuqtkXba6aUfxI5w5s039kP9ieiq5dFiO9JUbh_8WdO_Y/s2992/gravestone.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2992" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBWmjfNb9_I3cDWoJyfurf5BewRFwtGAN1zdFOf8hXKCAu59JUKbFMJihnMpb9wCzZdfiueevWMFe6PsqWoW1O1FU4egI_95wBTHXdIuMQbvVieWqTgtte9K09p539ZaFbmsIuAW4FuqtkXba6aUfxI5w5s039kP9ieiq5dFiO9JUbh_8WdO_Y/s320/gravestone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Eventually Eliseo was able to go into business on his own and they moved to an apartment in Belleville. Since Louise was older, Mary would work with Eliseo, coming home to cook him dinner and then return to work. Louise was often alone. <br /><p></p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">When Louise and Gabe married and had their first child (that was me, Barbara), Louise had injured her arm and was unable to care for her. Mary came over and fed the baby and helped care for her while Louise recovered. After that, she would regularly visit, to help Louise with her children and darn Gabe's socks. She loved to play school with her grandchildren. My clearest memory of her was playing school and one time when I slept over her apartment. </p><p style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.11in;">Louise's description of her was "she worked so hard all her life," "she
was so good" and "she never got a chance to enjoy herself but she was
the happiest when she was with her grandchildren!" Sadly she died too soon at the age of 60.</p><p><style type="text/css">p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; direction: ltr; line-height: 115%; text-align: left; orphans: 2; widows: 2 }a:link { color: #0000ff }</style></p><p></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-32741123717681785532023-07-01T14:23:00.054-04:002023-09-22T14:34:58.672-04:00Someday When I am Old<p style="text-align: center;"><i> </i><b>By a Not Yet Old Mom. </b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>For the Health and Happiness of my Children.</b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><i>This was written by Verdell Davis of
One Hope Ministries on the her 60th birthday. I did not write it but I wish I did. To my sweet daughters, I hope you read this as if I wrote it directly for you~</i></p><p>It’s my birthday. On this day, being of sound mind, the soundness of which is always
debatable, but while I am thinking clearly enough to write these words, I write to you about… </p><p>SOMEDAY WHEN I AM OLD, I mean really old…certainly older than SIXTY…unless, of course,
I die before I have a chance to get old…but Someday When I Am Old, I may become quite
difficult. While I hope I will age gracefully and pleasantly, none of us can know how illness or
injury or pain will impact our lives. I cannot know if dementia will one day control my thinking. </p><p>Or if loneliness will drive me to expect more of you than you can give. So, just in case that
difficult me should arise someday when I am old, I want to prepare you – and release you from
thinking your job is to keep me happy. </p><p>I may lash out at the people who love me most in an attempt to get someone to give me back my
life! But, you who love me most, that’s not your job. I may not have the capacity of acceptance,
but you will. Accept that someday when I am old, I will be old. And with old comes unwelcome
changes. </p><p><b>NO ONE CAN PUT LIFE BACK THE WAY IT WAS. </b></p><p><b>DON’T TRY. </b></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaejg_Y-35cPSst-QirYQWdO2XF4ZnyqYiBTUBSQnP3UBEEjk6I1tVQH8mMc87RLWXCMsS3AxBCk0I8A_HlIEfo2-nxx0EGw8-cp6LkMcPmFrb9isYTyKWBpDAe5sFwgeqpdt1FG8DlR0Yx7gUZYO1xIaSY79JhnUZZ2MkhGK11Conpmf0BqaZ/s1282/hands.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1282" data-original-width="938" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaejg_Y-35cPSst-QirYQWdO2XF4ZnyqYiBTUBSQnP3UBEEjk6I1tVQH8mMc87RLWXCMsS3AxBCk0I8A_HlIEfo2-nxx0EGw8-cp6LkMcPmFrb9isYTyKWBpDAe5sFwgeqpdt1FG8DlR0Yx7gUZYO1xIaSY79JhnUZZ2MkhGK11Conpmf0BqaZ/s320/hands.jpg" width="234" /></a></div><br />Ask God to help you know the line to walk between touching me with your loving care and
living your own life. DO NOT let caring for me make you old before your time! Your family,
your calling in life, your commitments, your spiritual journey, your health and well-being MUST
NOT be neglected. Your tendency will be to overdo for me. Please don’t. Practice what I have
learned to call “detachment without abandonment.” <p></p><p>I may refuse to take my pills. I may complain when I should be saying “Thank you.” I may
think someone, or everyone, is out to get me. I may become obsessive over the strangest of
things and demand something my way or else! Trust your wisdom, do what you must, and
understand that my demands are coming from a place I can’t control. </p><p>Find the care I need and don’t put it on yourself, even if I beg you to “keep me.” Make the
decisions the old me should not be making, and do not feel guilty for one moment. Feel free to
laugh with each other at the ridiculous things I do – it will the make the ridiculous more
bearable. </p><p>I just might not know you. The thought of that makes me cry. But at that moment, I likely won’t
feel the pain. You will. So I say to you now: in the deepest core of my being, NOTHING can
erase my eternal memory of you or take away how much I love you. The old in me may short-
circuit my brain, but it can never damage my heart of hearts. </p><p>Written with Love from your mom, who is not yet old. </p><p>(Originally written for my three children as a gift for them on MY 60th
Birthday) by Verdell Davis of One Hope Ministries </p><p><i>Thank you Verdell! I am so glad I found this, for my own peace and for my daughters. May they pass it on! </i> <br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-86519536122125978752023-06-24T09:54:00.008-04:002023-07-18T12:28:19.101-04:00Boundary Line<p> "Not everyone is as nice as you, Barbara"</p><p>That is what mom told me over and over. One golden piece of wisdom I wish I understood at a younger age.</p><p></p><p>This spring we completed the study <u>Good Boundaries and Goodbyes</u> by Lysa Terkheurst and as a result, I felt led to review all my past bad boundary lessons.</p><p>Mom was right, of course. I believed people were good and honest. I wanted to help. I wanted to be liked, to be good. My sense of self was wrapped up in other people, accommodating them, making them happy. Often I would try to conform to what they wanted me to be and to hide the parts of me that were ugly to others. But I could not keep up the charade.<br /></p><p>I was drawn to adventure and drama to the point of chaos. That was my personal goal: to smooth out the chaos, to make it right. That was how I tried to help. But I was drawn to chaotic people and chaotic situations that I could not fix. Things beyond my control to fix. I tried anyway with talking, then reasoning, and eventually yelling. Cajoling, then guilt and manipulation. It was for their own good! Ha! In the end my being "nice" wasn't good. And it certainly was not loving. <br /></p><p>Jesus is never like this. He let people walk away. He drew close to them, loved them, was honest and gentle with them, but allowed them to be who they were. Even when it hurt them. Even when it hurt Him. Even when it killed them. Even when it killed Him. </p><p>Jesus uses broken people to further His Kingdom. It is His plan A and He has no plan B. He knows we are good and bad intertwined. He understands we ruin everything we touch because we are sinful people, but He uses us anyway. He uses the horrid situations we create and works them together for good. <br /></p><p>Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the One who calms the storms. We cannot do that.</p><p>Jesus is the One who sees into the hearts of people and sees into the future. We cannot do that.</p><p>Jesus is the One who gives power and the One who can take it away. We cannot do that.</p><p>Jesus is the One who can change hearts. We cannot do that.</p><p>Jesus alone brings the victory. We must choose to be on His side, trusting Him and not others or ourselves! <br /></p><p>As I accept these things, I have His peace. I can look at the horrid situations others create -- and I create -- in peace, trusting Him. I drop the burden of the perfection and pick up my own load. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEita3ZrWF52SxTjbQZsMyRhKE1EGTFTfm2f2UkD6RrsCbSOEQ0ec8XEsSz25gvepkvhdu0fNy2BZrK6NR7i2oKRcP4pU7D8GKXAk2pJQepg0FX8945_zRsWphA1_t2491m0G2IJhFvcESHRp3iquD3OcS5h-zIyazIosSz3bbZ7nKDSornIX2Vj/s1000/setting-boundaries-line-1734058193.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEita3ZrWF52SxTjbQZsMyRhKE1EGTFTfm2f2UkD6RrsCbSOEQ0ec8XEsSz25gvepkvhdu0fNy2BZrK6NR7i2oKRcP4pU7D8GKXAk2pJQepg0FX8945_zRsWphA1_t2491m0G2IJhFvcESHRp3iquD3OcS5h-zIyazIosSz3bbZ7nKDSornIX2Vj/s320/setting-boundaries-line-1734058193.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I can share my feelings and be honest with others. I can stop accommodating and hiding. I can draw boundaries and explain them in a gentle and respectful manner. I can let others walk away. I can stay alert to evil temptations and resist or flee as God leads me. <br /><p></p><p>But I still want the adventure, the excitement. I still want to tell my story. Let me find my adventure in the future You have for me, doing Your will. Let me find my excitement in worshiping Your glory. Let me tell my story here to You, Beloved. You read every word. You dry every tear. You hear every sigh of my heart.</p><p>I can't change anyone. I can love them. That was all You ever asked of me anyway. </p><p style="text-align: center;">* * * <br /></p><p>
<span style="color: #2b00fe;">It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end... <br /></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray Me.” His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them He meant. One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to Him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask Him which one He means.” </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Leaning back against Jesus, he asked Him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, He gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.
So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” <i>(John 13:1, 21-27)
</i></span></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-23961845700819840502023-06-02T08:45:00.013-04:002024-01-20T12:29:54.110-05:00Choice<p>While browsing on social media I noticed a video from a woman with a heart breaking story. She and her husband were struggling to conceive and when she finally did, her doctor informed them at 20+ weeks that the baby had a catastrophic defect what would cause him to die almost immediately after birth. She chose abortion. Later they had a healthy daughter who was the light of her life. Although she had previously been pro-life, after her experience she was pro-choice and wanted her daughter and all women to have choices in their reproductive health care.</p><p>The point of her story was to convince you that allowing women the choice to abort is good. And choice is good. Choice was God's idea in the beginning, all the way back in Genesis. </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there
He put the man He had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow
out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for
food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of
the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis (2:8-9)<br /></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">The
Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and
take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to
eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of
the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will
certainly die.” (Genesis 2:15-17) </span></p><p>Notice, God created the garden, the man, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He placed Adam in the garden and gave him ONE commandment and a CHOICE. Adam was made in God's image and God's desire was to have a loving relationship with him. And a relationship means there needs to be choice. Adam chose not to trust God and ultimately disobeyed His one commandment. </p><p>God continues with the theme of providing choice to His people. As they entered the promised land, God instructs them through Moses:<br /></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you
that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now
choose life, so that you and your children may live (Deuteronomy 30:19) </span><br /></p><p></p><p>The choice: trust God and obey Him or not. But the choice has consequences. The consequences of Adam's choice in the garden of Eden was for him and all humanity after him to be distanced from God, experience the harshness of the world outside of His perfect garden and ultimate death. </p><p>As God ushered the nation of Israel into the promised land, He reminded them that their choice was truly between life and death. Later Joshua, who leads the nation of Israel after Moses, encouraged the next generation that the choice was theirs to make: <br /></p><p></p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">"But
if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for
yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors
served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land
you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the
Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) </span><p></p><p>We all have choices and we all choose. Sometimes we think we will avoid consequences but God will not be mocked. And He does not lie. The choice remains: life or death.</p><p>But God in His mercy and love for His people did not desire to stay estranged from them. So Jesus comes. His mission was to light the path to life.</p><p>
<span style="color: #2b00fe;">God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in Him. But anyone who does not believe in Him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. (John 3:17-19)</span></p><p>Jesus can save us from all our bad choices. He provides forgiveness and His own righteousness so we can renew our broken relationship with God, His Father. But we still have a choice: to trust Jesus for this salvation that He offers, or not.</p><p>Every person in every generation must make that choice: to trust Jesus or not. In our generation, choices are even more complicated as technology advances. In every generation, women were faced with unexpected pregnancies and difficult circumstances. In every generation, some women experienced the heart breaking sorrow of a still born or deformed baby. Today pregnant women literally have the choice between life and death of their baby. </p><p>What an excruciating choice! </p><p>Those who advocate for abortion present it as if there are no consequences. They present abortion as a chance to change their future and to make the pregnancy just go away. But this is a deception. There are always consequences. <br /></p><p>Back to the heart breaking abortion video. What the women did not explain was the impact of a second trimester abortion on the mother and her developing baby. Sourced from doctors who provided this information at www.abortionprocedures.com, here is the explanation of the abortion procedure and the consequences:</p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;"></span></b></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">The D&E (dilation [dilatation] and evacuation) abortion procedure is usually performed between thirteen and
twenty-four weeks LMP (that is thirteen to twenty-four weeks after the
first day of the woman’s last menstrual period), which is the second trimester of pregnancy. <br /></span></b></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">This is a surgical abortion procedure during which an abortionist first dilates the woman’s cervix and then uses instruments to dismember and extract the baby from the uterus.
To prepare for a D&E abortion, the abortionist uses laminaria, a form of sterilized seaweed, to open the woman’s cervix 24 to 48 hours before the procedure. The laminaria soaks up liquid from the woman’s body and expands, widening (i.e., dilating) the cervix. </span></b></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">When the woman returns to the abortion clinic, the abortionist may administer anesthesia and further open the cervix using metal dilators and a speculum. The abortionist inserts a large suction catheter into the uterus and turns it on, emptying the amniotic fluid.
After the amniotic fluid is removed, the abortionist uses a sopher clamp — a grasping instrument with rows of sharp “teeth” — to grasp and pull the baby’s arms and legs, tearing the limbs from the child’s body. <br /></span></b></p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHS3koxbpGcyrn4XQnI-lAAvrl13QOqonBrz_iDOmHbCz5ngj81Se0Gxs9p1lgdoLnZxg0RhQOF_t_9T6ss_15Rj-RkfXnzKbc6Pv-_i19ARZA2V1itzX3QbyIkPuJPuNu6l-sieKyQfNlN4CyQSvYWIYo6X9_P8RtOPKwGijaxy3obleNjw/s677/sopher.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="677" height="102" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHS3koxbpGcyrn4XQnI-lAAvrl13QOqonBrz_iDOmHbCz5ngj81Se0Gxs9p1lgdoLnZxg0RhQOF_t_9T6ss_15Rj-RkfXnzKbc6Pv-_i19ARZA2V1itzX3QbyIkPuJPuNu6l-sieKyQfNlN4CyQSvYWIYo6X9_P8RtOPKwGijaxy3obleNjw/w320-h102/sopher.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sopher clamp<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />The abortionist continues to grasp intestines, spine, heart, lungs, and any other limbs or body parts. The most difficult part of the procedure is usually finding, grasping and crushing the baby’s head. After removing pieces of the child’s skull, the abortionist uses a curette to scrape the uterus and remove the placenta and any remaining parts of the baby. </span></b><p></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">The abortionist then collects all of the baby’s parts and reassembles them to make sure there are two arms, two legs, and that all of the pieces have been removed. </span></b></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">At twenty weeks LMP, the baby’s nervous system is
developed enough to feel pain. Research by the University of Toronto
shows that babies at this stage can feel pain in the womb — even with
greater intensity than adults. Almost all mothers feel the baby move by
this point in pregnancy. </span></b><b><span style="color: #a64d79;"> <br /></span></b></p><p><b><span style="color: #a64d79;">For the woman, this procedure carries a significant immediate risk of major complications. Since the baby is removed in pieces, sharp pieces of broken fetal bones can puncture the woman’s uterus or cause a large tear (laceration). This perforation or laceration of the uterus or cervix, can also possibly damage the bowel, bladder, the rectum and other maternal organs.
In addition to perforation and damage to internal organs, a second trimester abortion has a greatly increased risk of excessive bleeding and hemorrhaging. </span></b></p><p>I think women need to understand all this as part of their choice. <b>Limiting knowledge or using emotional stories is not empowering women. It is manipulation</b>. Is this information provided to women before they make a choice to abort? <br /></p><p>Women know that mothering includes suffering as well as joy. Mothering is hard and requires sacrifice and some situations are much harder than others. I don't want to minimize at all the extremely difficult situation of the woman who made this video. I weep for her. I am sure God does too. And the offer of Jesus' forgiveness is available for her and for all women who chose abortion. </p><p>Personally, I don't think the choice of abortion should be taken away from women. God gave us choice as a gift. It is how we are like Him. But choosing Him is always better. Choosing Him is life. </p><p><b>We think we are choosing to continue with a pregnancy or not, but in fact the choice is between trusting God or not. </b> <br /></p><p>My prayer is not that abortion be illegal. My prayer is abortion becomes unthinkable and that we rally around women with difficult pregnancy situations with compassion and provision. And that we remind women who have had abortions that forgiveness and reconciliation to God is always available to them through Jesus. </p><p><b><i>For more information about abortion procedures from doctors, plus how to get help, please visit <a href="http://www.abortionprocedures.com" target="_blank">www.abortionprocedures.com</a>. </i></b></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-61099176325223507302023-05-18T06:34:00.003-04:002023-05-23T16:43:17.544-04:00Pray and Obey<p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix4y1wVJjhAN-7Ooto6IUdvGuaZ4UCoVfd2fSzh_BW45AwdjeZ-KS9kQGkwu1GnO7aJPxXqtW9nC5P4NJks88rgXJ5Pcqm5ddkIOPfpGOnJU_CPG-wunXVsr8BLFzDYm2CLTHTYiC4GQWUxXLz3KbuMvRJ4U-8r69S7JK4BiFENSdbCGO5aw/s2048/Debbie_Matt_Wedding-1232.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix4y1wVJjhAN-7Ooto6IUdvGuaZ4UCoVfd2fSzh_BW45AwdjeZ-KS9kQGkwu1GnO7aJPxXqtW9nC5P4NJks88rgXJ5Pcqm5ddkIOPfpGOnJU_CPG-wunXVsr8BLFzDYm2CLTHTYiC4GQWUxXLz3KbuMvRJ4U-8r69S7JK4BiFENSdbCGO5aw/s320/Debbie_Matt_Wedding-1232.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br />They have no more wine.</span><p></p><p>They were at a family wedding in the town of Cana. Running out of wine at a wedding in those days was quite the embarrassment. The wedding had many guests and went on for days. What was the family to do? The situation seemed impossible. Plus Jesus was not encouraging in His response.</p><p>
<span style="color: #2b00fe;">Dear woman, that’s not our problem. My time has not yet come.</span></p><p>And yet Mary was not deterred. She turned to the wedding servers and told them:<br /></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Do whatever He tells you. </span></p><p>So much wisdom is packed into the short dialog they had together. I love how Mary simply brings this need to Jesus. Mary did not tell Jesus how to resolve the problem. She had complete confidence He would take care of it in His perfect way. His seeming reluctance did not deter her. She knew all that was required was obedience.</p><p>What if I had complete confidence and peace in Jesus' power, wisdom, and love for me and those who I love like Mary did? </p><p>What if I present my concerns to Jesus in the simple way as Mary did instead of spending energy trying to figuring it out myself? </p><p>What if I understood obedience was required for the Kingdom to come? </p><p>What if I did not see God's delays as His denials and simply continued to trust Him?</p><p>What if I truly believed that prayer was doing something?</p><p><i>Beloved, help me to pray as Mary did, with confidence in Your power and Your wisdom and Your love. Help me to obey You as the servants did, even when it seems unreasonable. Help me to trust You because You are worthy.</i></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">When the master of ceremonies tasted the water that was now wine, not knowing where it had come from (though, of course, the servants knew), he called the bridegroom over. “A host always serves the best wine first,” he said. “Then, when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!” (John 2:1-11)<br /></span></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-47584424971550326352023-04-10T12:55:00.004-04:002023-04-24T13:10:33.910-04:00Crucial Conversations and Conflict Resolution<p style="text-align: right;"><i>Presented to Montclair MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) </i> <br /></p><p>Today’s topic is effective communication and conflict resolution. My goal today is not only to discuss it, but to help you to actually do it better. So I will need your participation. </p><p>Think about a person in your life with whom you struggle to resolve conflict effectively. Maybe it’s a friend or relative. Maybe it is a neighbor or co-worker. Maybe it’s a brother or sister or your husband. Maybe you can think of several people, but pick just one. Ok, do you have one? Please keep that person in mind as we discuss the topic this morning. </p><p>My person is my mom. Now, my mom is a wonderful person and if you met her, you’d probably like her a lot. She is friendly, extremely outgoing, kind, generous, cheerful, and smart. But like everyone, she has her faults. She is controlling and stubborn. She has your best interest at heart as she tells you firmly and enthusiastically how to live your life. She is just being honest, telling it like it is and she only wants to help. </p><p>I have heard there are, generally speaking, two types of people: <b>conflict avoiders</b> and <b>conflict enjoyers</b>.
Conflict avoiders are like turtles, they avoid conflict and when engaged, they pull away into their shells. Conflict enjoyers are like skunks, they love to engage in conflict and when they do they stink up with place with their aggressive behavior. The problem with me and my mom is she is a conflict enjoyer and I am a conflict avoider. Our routine would be her trying to tell me how I can better run my life and me changing the subject or making up an excuse to hang up the phone. This went on for decades. </p><p>Then inevitable happened. This past October my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We all knew what that meant. Death is part of life, it is inevitable. The best we can hope and pray for is a good end. And my mother had a good end. She lived to age 94 and was alert and active until the last few weeks. She died in January surrounded by family and friends who loved her. </p><p>As I watched her health rapidly decline I was grateful to God I had finally learned to effectively communicate with her and resolve conflict. The pinnacle of that endeavor convinced her to move from a single family home in Toms River (1 ½ hours away) to a nearby senior living community (only a half hour away) a year before her illness. This made our last months together good for both of us. This is what is motivating me to have this conversation with you. I had no idea what hung in the balance of me taking this topic seriously. I would suggest neither do you.
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I am no expert. I am just a satisfied customer. And I am still learning and practicing these ideas. The best material I found was in these two books I highly recommend to you for further study:
</p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><u>Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High</u> by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler </li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><u>When to Walk Away – Finding Freedom From Toxic People</u> by Gary Thomas
</li></ul><p>
If you are follower of Jesus Christ, this is not optional. Jesus simplified the 100s of Jewish laws into just two commands, the second one being: <span style="color: red;"><b>“Love one another.”</b></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span>Jesus stated in the gospel of John 13:34, and it was repeated at least 18 other times in the New Testament. The other Bible verse I kept going back to as I sought to learn how to resolve conflict in my relationships was from the letter to the Romans verse 12:18, <span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b>“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
</b></span></p><p>
But it is so hard, isn’t it? Exhausting, annoying, painful, frustrating and often it seems futile. At least that was my experience with the people in my life. My mother was too controlling. My husband was too stubborn. My daughter was too sensitive. My boss didn’t value my wisdom or experience. Some friends seemed too fragile. Others were too opinionated. And with each one we seemed to experience the same conflict over and over and never get anywhere.
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However I did notice there was a common denominator in all of this. It was me. In every conflict there I was. So the light bulb went on. <b>The source of the problem could be me!</b> That was demoralizing and powerful all at once. Because I found <b>I could not control others but I could control me!</b> If I could get my part of this right that was all God was asking me to do.
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Jesus said, <span style="color: red;"><b>“Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”</b></span> (Luke 6:41-42)
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I began by reflecting on how I could get rid of the log in my eye first by considering how was I interacting with others. Who were the people I was having conflict with? I thought past what we were arguing about to why it bothered me. And the timing. Did the argument always start right after school or work? Right before bed? As we are desperately trying to get out of the house in the morning? It was also important to think about timing for the other person too. If I know my husband can’t process anything after 8 pm, then that is never the time to start an important discussion. All these things tell me important information about how I handle conflict and how I could be more effective.
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</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLm5LKVg5OQomikb1Pa2wfQRbDX7-PohtyEHKkoJfMf7_yJEbQKu1GedckJ8j959pUC8QehQeHsyoViCrGvmpnmczrlmmm5odMIlaQ3nslvDfYiYLM6nAN2hqB7wfZ9R39cLJRN0OqVDFGTyHmwyfvujxca6WKwBL4haox3EOyuraFDA7hWA/s804/disrespect7.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="804" height="139" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLm5LKVg5OQomikb1Pa2wfQRbDX7-PohtyEHKkoJfMf7_yJEbQKu1GedckJ8j959pUC8QehQeHsyoViCrGvmpnmczrlmmm5odMIlaQ3nslvDfYiYLM6nAN2hqB7wfZ9R39cLJRN0OqVDFGTyHmwyfvujxca6WKwBL4haox3EOyuraFDA7hWA/s320/disrespect7.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I also thought about how I was reacting in the conversations. Here are some <b>communication methods that destroy dialog</b>: <p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li> <b>Exaggeration</b> – such as using “always” or “never”, as in “You always are late” or “You never help around the house”. Instead it is better to focus on a specific behavior, a specific time and explain how it made me feel. </li><li><b>Trait names</b> – such as calling others a loser, a liar, or a jerk, or worse. When I call others names I am telling the person who they are to me, what their identity is. This is the opposite of what Christ does for us, as He calls us His precious children, made in His image. </li><li><b>Sarcasm</b> – This is expressing contempt or ridicule, such as with snide remarks, little digs, and snarky comments. Even if this behavior does not cause an immediate blow-up, it will generate bad-will with others and doesn’t resolve the issue. All these things provoke the other person to anger not peace. It encouraged them to be defensive and blame me, not to listen to my needs or try to resolve the conflict. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9dDtvfcosrXtsrVLPWCuCp0aGUnN6PPc5Q8SJaxO4-AMyN0pUJPA5xPPFKHC78GAmHzcLoVMgT6V8iyVV_lGH-66KzXT-st8HEf8IWGRKOa4LfQM8P-Hku4HLcZLKO1gWV_8jzwQH6W9DhPKypeJPiyy_O-lmiuZBRHdRkcFQIGCxJoB-Ug/s300/mom_with_sassy_daughter.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9dDtvfcosrXtsrVLPWCuCp0aGUnN6PPc5Q8SJaxO4-AMyN0pUJPA5xPPFKHC78GAmHzcLoVMgT6V8iyVV_lGH-66KzXT-st8HEf8IWGRKOa4LfQM8P-Hku4HLcZLKO1gWV_8jzwQH6W9DhPKypeJPiyy_O-lmiuZBRHdRkcFQIGCxJoB-Ug/w200-h200/mom_with_sassy_daughter.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /></li><li><b>Disrespect</b> – Not only what we say but also tone, gestures, facial expressions and body language can all communicate disrespect. This includes rolling our eyes, folding our arms, tapping our foot or fingers, or raising our voice to name a few. Especially for men, this can totally shut them down. Better for me to focus on being kind and gentle, no matter how they are responding to me. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1) After working in customer service for over a decade, I can attest this is absolutely true. It was what I practiced during phone calls with irate clients and 9 out of 10 times, it produced good results. </li><li><b>Getting Historical</b> – No, I don’t mean hysterical although that is not the best either. I mean rehearsing all the things the other person has done in the past that were wrong or hurtful. It tells the other person I assume they can never change; they can never be forgiven. It gets us stuck and can motivate them to give up and no longer try because, why bother? </li><li><b>Mind-reading</b> – I am always so tempted to assume what the other person is thinking, and always to assume the worst. Here is where listening is so important! Don’t assume, ask them. Then I restate what I think they said to make sure there is understanding. </li><li><b>Stonewalling</b> – This is refusing to cooperate or continue to communicate further on the topic or with a person, shutting down the dialog altogether. This was my favorite trick, to change the subject or come up with an excuse to hang up the phone. For me this was a defense because I felt like the discussion was going nowhere or I was losing. Often people stonewall because they do not feel safe to continue the discussion. Therefore it is important to make others feel safe to continue the dialogue.
</li></ul><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQlGwj9mMDoBfafXKk4xOIpsxfkNPVQq24IMcZ_iyptJiyUQ4fmA2pSrehNMoodWNgi--R29qSyRNWSINF1d4_q_DS9HJTr-A2UBf5Y3Cql12cxJ0VWVMLeDsJ1UFW2KycaTNBXeasZ6xMqKCrHR0RVZsPOYMz1heDjI_G4ZFFKEaXitZvA/s275/rude.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQlGwj9mMDoBfafXKk4xOIpsxfkNPVQq24IMcZ_iyptJiyUQ4fmA2pSrehNMoodWNgi--R29qSyRNWSINF1d4_q_DS9HJTr-A2UBf5Y3Cql12cxJ0VWVMLeDsJ1UFW2KycaTNBXeasZ6xMqKCrHR0RVZsPOYMz1heDjI_G4ZFFKEaXitZvA/s1600/rude.jpeg" width="275" /></a></div>
I found it so helpful to take the time to consider not only my communication methods but also <b>my attitudes and assumptions</b>. Do I think I am right and the other person is crazy? Do I feel I am more mature spiritually and the other person is deceived? Do I want something from the other person but don’t really care about how it will affect them? Do I feel like the other person is so stubbornly<br /> set in their ways that there is no point having the conversation? I asked God to reveal truth to me and show me where I was the problem. Taking time to reflect and being honest with myself has been very clarifying and beneficial. These are the questions I ask myself: <br /><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What is my role in the problem? Even if it is small, it is important. </li><li>Am I really open to the other person’s viewpoints? </li><li>Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do this, say this or feel this way? </li><li>How can I confidently yet respectfully express my own views? </li><li>What is it about my own attitudes and motives that I need to repent of before the conversation starts?
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I also took the time to <b>determine what I wanted and needed</b>. </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What exactly is the issue that we need to resolve? What do I want to gain? </li><li>What do I not want to lose? </li><li>What did I really want in this relationship overall? Sometimes when we win on the issue we can lose on the relationship. If the relationship is important to you, that’s not really a win, is it? </li><li>What do I need to forgive? Where do I need to ask for forgiveness? </li><li>How important is this specific issue to me? Sometimes it helps to give it a number value.
<br /> 1: I’m not enthusiastic but it’s no big deal
<br /> 2: I don’t agree but I can let you have your way
<br /> 3: I don’t approve and need more time
<br /> 4: I strongly disapprove and can’t go along with this
<br /> 5: Over my dead body! <br />
When the issue is valued at a 1 or 2 for us, we can choose to submit. Submitting to others is a kindness that can pay dividends with increased good-will. Those are the easy ones. But make sure you are honest in your valuing what is important to you or it can create bad-will for you. </li><li>Boundaries are important to clearly express. What will we not put up with? We must be clear to others on the consequences of not respecting our boundaries. We also must be honest with ourselves on whether we will be able to enforce those consequences or not.
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The closer the relationship, the easier it is to get caught up in our emotions, especially anger and fear. It is so easy to default into familiar patterns even if they have not worked in the past. I have found the best defense is spending time reflecting on my behavior and my values before I initiate any discussion. I pray and ask God what He wants from this relationship. I confess my past bad behavior and attitudes. I ask Him for direction, courage and self-control.
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Sometimes we are not the one initiating the conversation. It comes unexpectedly and we are blindsided and unprepared. Sometimes it is just a bad time of day or week. There is nothing wrong with asking the other to postpone the discussion so we have time to think, to get a handle on our emotions and evaluate what we want. When we are the one to initiate a conversation, we should also allow the other person the option to take the time they need.
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But we need to get back to it. Jesus said, <span style="color: red;"><b>“Therefore, if you are bringing an offering to God and you remember that your brother is angry at you or holds a grudge against you, then leave your gift before the altar, go to your brother, repent and forgive one another, be reconciled, and then return to the altar to offer your gift to God.”</b></span> (Matthew 5:23-24) I think the most important word there is GO. We cannot have peace with God while we are at odds with another. We should not wait for someone to come to us. We should not avoid the conflict. We are commanded to be the initiator. I confess, this is hard for me, as I am the conflict avoider! I have the conversation in my head and I play both parts. If I lose the argument then I won’t have it. But I have repented of this. I no longer assume what the other will say. I ask them and are often surprised at the result!
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As we engage with others, let’s take to heart this wisdom: <span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b>Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry</b></span> (James 1:9) </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li> <b>So first: Listen to others</b>, taking in not only what they think but also how they feel. </li><li>Do not interrupt with your arguments or judgments. Show them the respect to allow them to share their thoughts fully until they feel they are done. Sharing your ideas can come later. They will be more apt to listen to you when you patiently listen to them first. </li><li>Reflect back to them what you think they said to make sure you understand correctly. </li><li>Ask questions to discover more information. Ask why questions: why did they do that? Why do they feel this way? Sometimes it is helpful to ask about their family of origin, or other past relationships. Do not assume you know their motives, instead ask them to share. Be curious, be patient, be sincere. Start with looking to understand not to push for agreement. Deciding how to resolve the issue can come later. </li><li>Be respectful and kind to make it safe for them to tell you what they really think and how they really feel.
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Even knowing these are good things, I often ask myself, am I doing them? Where am I falling short? It is easy and it feels much better to notice where the other person is behaving badly. But that is much less productive. When we focus on our part, we can make progress, no matter what the other person does.
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As we start to speak ourselves, SLOW is a good word to remember. </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li> First, apologize for your past mistakes or bad behavior if needed. Never underestimate how disarming a heartfelt apology can be! It can soften the heart of the other person and make them feel safe and open to hear what you have to say. </li><li>Share what you want and how you feel. Express your boundaries clearly. </li><li>Help them understand how important it is to you and why. </li><li>Do not judge their actions as right or wrong, just explain how it affects you. </li><li>Be factual but gentle remembering what we say might hurt them. Lead with compassion. You want to minimize their hurt but still tell the truth. </li><li>Correct any misconceptions or false assumptions, theirs or yours. </li><li>Try to find common ground. Don’t feel you have to close the deal. Accept their position even if you do not feel it is right or good. If your boundaries will permit, leave the door open for future dialog. Sometimes people need time to process. </li><li>Don’t allow the other’s attitude or methods to rule how you engage with them. Just because they are acting badly, does not mean you need to retaliate. Even if others are not worthy of respect, we can still be respectful. Even if others are angry, we can still be gentle. </li><li>Here is the disclaimer part. Remember the command is: <span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b>as far as it depends on you</b>.</span> It always takes two in a relationship and sometimes the other person is not willing. We need to allow people to tell us who they are and believe them even if it means we can’t continue with the relationship. If you have to walk away from the relationship, trust God to judge and work things out. Our obligation is to forgive them even if they never acknowledge their guilt. Forgiveness is not for them, it is for your own heart, it is to release their domination over your heart and mind.
</li></ul><p>
It is important to recognize if you are are by nature a conflict enjoyer or conflict avoider. If you are a conflict enjoyer like my mom, what you need more of is compassion. If you are a conflict avoider like me, what you need more of is courage. All of us need more show more respect and have more self-control. This is not natural at all. I think it is supernatural. Which is why we need Jesus.
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Jesus was a master at self-control. He never tried to control others, even though He certainly had a right to as the Son of God. Unlike us, He knew best what was right and wrong and could see people’s real motives. Despite this, He never controlled anyone even if it would have been for their own good. On the other hand, Jesus did not allow others to deter Him from His message or His Father’s plan. He told them all truth but allowed them to reject Him and walk away. He always told them truth even when it was unpopular, even when it was dangerous.
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</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmujPP6h5UU3khJPP9d2ftweE75RLTwFwsMfwTtGTXnbVnPTcIAP8hSodtmRgDjkpXTmZy1ktG5cMEsIcvvHdqa89o7hXrAAprbfevwnxKX97V_olbkEqnSxYVuVvVyTIOFpoOSd7_x2X8kq0CU3SLiaLzgqnHMqdvx_7n69tR6Cbsn2xEFQ/s626/me%20and%20mom%20at%20maria%20wedding.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="626" data-original-width="610" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmujPP6h5UU3khJPP9d2ftweE75RLTwFwsMfwTtGTXnbVnPTcIAP8hSodtmRgDjkpXTmZy1ktG5cMEsIcvvHdqa89o7hXrAAprbfevwnxKX97V_olbkEqnSxYVuVvVyTIOFpoOSd7_x2X8kq0CU3SLiaLzgqnHMqdvx_7n69tR6Cbsn2xEFQ/s320/me%20and%20mom%20at%20maria%20wedding.png" width="312" /></a></div><br />Back to what happened with me and my crucial conversation with my mom. Since my mom was in her 90s, my desire was to have her live closer to me and stop driving her car so she could be safe and I could better care for her. She did not want to leave her home in south Jersey. We had had this discussion already several times and it never resolved. But this time was different. This time I prayed for a week before I spoke to her. I asked all my friends to pray too. I thought about my attitude and how to present this to her in a way that honestly expressed what I wanted and how I felt. When we had the conversation, she got angry again but I did not take the bait. I stayed patient, respectful but honest. That is why prayer was needed because this type of behavior was beyond what was previously possible for me. Still that night, she didn’t agree with me, but I did not push her. By the morning, she had changed her mind and agreed to look at senior living places near my home. Within 4 months of our conversation she moved to a nearby independent living center. Less than a year later she was diagnosed with cancer. I was able to be with her daily at that time because of that crucial conversation.
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Please hear me. <b>I did <u>not</u> change my mother.</b> I had always thought she was the problem and trust me, I tried and tried to change her for years without any success. Instead I changed me. Or more accurately, <b>I allowed God to change <u>me</u>.</b> I got the log out of my own eye with His help. And then I did the GO part. I initiated the hard conversation.
</p><p>Of course, there is no guarantee how your crucial conversations will turn out for you. Ultimately it is not about winning the argument or getting your way. It is about as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That is how we can find peace. And that is what I want for all of you. </p><p> </p><p></p><p>
<b>Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution Discussion Questions</b> </p><p>1. Is there a person in your life with whom you struggle to resolve conflict effectively? Do you think changing your methods of communication would improve your relationship? If yes, what would be your best “next step”? </p><p>2. Are you a conflict enjoyer or a conflict avoider by nature? Do you feel your nature has had a positive or negative impact on your ability to resolve conflicts? Why? </p><p>3. Do feel you have compassion, courage, respect, and self-control? Which one is a struggle for you? Why? </p><p>4. Which one of these methods are you most likely to use? Why do you use them? </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Exaggeration – such as using “always” or “never”, as in “You always are late” or “You never help around the house”. </li><li>Trait names – such as calling others a loser, a liar, or a jerk, or worse. </li><li>Disrespect – such as facial expressions, gestures, voice tones and body postures which communicate disrespect. This includes rolling our eyes, folding our arms, etc. </li><li>Sarcasm – expressing contempt or ridicule, such as snide remarks, little digs, and snarky comments. </li><li>Getting Historical – rehearsing the things the other person has done in the past that were wrong or hurtful. </li><li>Mind-reading – assuming the worst motives. </li><li>Stonewalling – refusing to cooperate or continue to communicate further on the topic or with the other person, shutting down the dialog altogether. </li></ul><p>5. Are you a good listener? Do you struggle with any of these listening skills? If yes, why do you think this skill is hard for you? </p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Being patient. </li><li>Not interrupting the other person. </li><li>Focusing on what they are saying and not your next point. </li><li>Asking additional questions, being curious. </li><li>Withholding judgment. </li><li>Being respectful in words, tone, facial expression and body posture. </li><li>Being compassionate, sympathetic, gentle and kind. </li><li>Not allowing the other person’s anger or other emotions to affect you. Not answering them in kind. </li><li>Believing the best, not the worst when it comes to their motives. </li><li>Trying to find areas of agreement or common values.</li></ul><p>Please share your thoughts on this discussion in the comments section. <br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-11097273003272129872023-04-01T08:29:00.023-04:002023-04-01T12:04:48.784-04:00Train of Death<p>I could see the light in the distance and hear it coming towards us. At first it seemed so far away. I thought I had enough time to get her off the tracks. But the chains were too strong and could not be broken. So intent was I in trying to get her free and calm her fears that I did not notice the speed of the train. I looked up again and it was closer. I could see it clearly speeding towards us now, feel the rumblings beneath the tracks, hear the whistle warning. Now we both were afraid. She began to plead for me to leave her be, stop struggling with the chains that could not be broken. The train was coming for her and we could not stop it and I could not move her. As it came closer I could see her surrendering to the motion of the tracks, the inevitability of the train that would crush her. I stayed until the final moment, holding her hand, telling her I loved her and then, at the last moment, as she would have wanted me to, I let go and stepped back as the train of death took her spirit away from me.</p><p>She was there in the bed when I came back after her struggle was over. When I touched her again she was warm at first but then as we waited, she turned cold. And still. And silent.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw0HlmrolGJsYouvizkmS9vCicjU0SBEHXFA_bV9wL9StBqVyQ14bHrJlHfJmJueRjzKOJDMl93xCmLNkhW-h_NRSOGTUjCpxVOKGG7EVVP61_v_O2DvXvtm3_umPC9Cmccvq5EDAhZ_kRlOkjbgUp1uN8KS0F5zMH74PmiWrQu06gkNcZbQ/s2048/694812278.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw0HlmrolGJsYouvizkmS9vCicjU0SBEHXFA_bV9wL9StBqVyQ14bHrJlHfJmJueRjzKOJDMl93xCmLNkhW-h_NRSOGTUjCpxVOKGG7EVVP61_v_O2DvXvtm3_umPC9Cmccvq5EDAhZ_kRlOkjbgUp1uN8KS0F5zMH74PmiWrQu06gkNcZbQ/s320/694812278.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom surrounded by love<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />How could this woman, so vibrant, so warm, so garrulous and full of life be so still, so cold, so silent, so dead?<p></p><p></p><p>The Train of Death came for her. After I watched it so closely and struggled to loose the chains so passionately I realized how real it was. How it will come for all of us. Some day it will come for me.</p><p>We gave them the last dress for her to wear, picked out the flowers, wrote the pretty words describing her life. We greeted the friends and family, they spoke of her love, their love, her life. </p><p>We gathered the photos in frames and in books. We boxed up the jewelry. I looked at each article of clothing, put some in bags, some special ones in my drawers. Is this a life, an accumulation of things? Was it not in her love? Her passion for life and for all of us? Her wisdom, her examples of kindness, her courage to keep going even when it was hard? We can not gather those things up, as they are already inside us. We can give away her kindness. We can share with others her love. We can emulate her courage and continue without her to enjoy life. </p><p>We can miss her with every photo we want to share with her that she will not be there to see; with every story we want to tell her but she will not be there to hear. She was a woman who loved people. She liked solitude at times but did not want to be alone. But on that track, she wanted to take no one with her. She knew that time she needed to be alone. Her last act of courage. </p><p>As we watch the train of death crush another we love, we realize how fragile we are. How random life seems. Even when it is long, it never is long enough.</p><p>This is why Jesus came, to give us back our birthright to eternal life. He Himself is the gate, the way, the life. To open that gate, He subjected Himself to the train of death. Unlike my mother, Jesus could have broken the chains and walked away and escaped the train of death, but He did not. He allowed death to crush Him and in that take away our sins, the evil that entraps us so that we can be released to have eternal life with God.</p><p>But how can we know for sure? My mother was a control freak; she also trained me to be as well but she was the queen. She did not want anyone to run her life, which was why being sick and dependent at the end was so agonizing for her. Did she, like me, have doubts about God? How can we be sure God is good? That heaven is indeed a paradise we would love and not a trap by a harsh, demanding, controlling God? Do I even want to go there? Sadly my heart sometimes still ask these questions. Did she too? <br /></p><p><span style="color: red;"><b>"I have glorified You on the earth" </b></span>(John 17:4) Jesus told His disciples on His last night with them. Jesus had spent His life showing us the glory of God: His goodness, His mercy, His power, His justice. He healed the sick. He released those oppressed by evil demons. He unburdened His people from oppressive religious practices that God never commanded. He freed them from shame, pride, bigotry, hate, lust, greed. He demonstrated compassion for the children, the women, the poor. He showed that individuals must be evaluated by their faith, even a Roman soldier, a pagan woman, a nationalist zealot and a tax collector. </p><p></p><p>Jesus opened the gate for them all to enter and He showed us a glimpse of the beauty and glory of His Kingdom. As if what He said to us was: Don't you trust Me? Well, it is hard to blame you! This world is a hot mess and the people in it demonstrate that they can't be trusted. Here, see for yourself how I lived My life. See the Good and Eternal Glorious Life that I long to give you, that I was so passionate to share with you that I allowed the train of death to crush Me for all your mistakes, your regrets, your shame. </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Taste and see that the Lord is good... (Psalm 34:8)</span> <br /></p><p>At the end, mom could not swallow anything. I used a toothbrush to wet her mouth on that last day. Eventually, even that was impossible. Right before I left her that night, her eyes locked open. I talked to her, tried to make her see me but I know she could not see. The train of death was too close to her. Her time to see, her time to taste on this earth was over. <br /></p><p>But you, dear reader, still can taste and see. Look to the Lord. Reach out to Jesus. See that He is good. He loves you. He is waiting for you to trust Him. <br /></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">...blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8)</span></p><p>What even I could not see with my eyes that night was Jesus. Her body was left with me, cold and still but in truth Jesus took her spirit to paradise. I believe there I will someday see her
again, beautiful and full of life. </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Jesus said to her,</span> <span style="color: red;"><b>“I am the Resurrection and the Life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in Me will never die. Do you believe this?”</b></span> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">(John 11:25-26)</span><br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-14280446675956911992023-01-30T07:50:00.014-05:002023-01-30T08:36:31.273-05:00For GoodOn a rainy Saturday evening in August 2021, my mom decided she wanted to go out to to dinner. It was already getting dark, the rain was heavy, the wind was starting to howl. Plus my mother and her companion Frank were in their 90s. It was a bad combination. There was a car crash. Mom ended up in the hospital with a broken sternum and Frank was badly bruised and shaken. When we went to see the car, I was amazed no one was killed. <div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwwK123uuj-KnlZRGcnn35v74k6YayPEA5yEudXpcAeboBG8RR3hEGI5rgYbbtYmdjpgbKjF2XYgQdisvaXpxrFWWsJ52VoYImCUILo0Q1wi_gDQ4TC4N6BeHVWr83zrRjknE--Q5ghA8Uf3DgcbWDYZG7dnpiZ4o4yAfxWvgCOUTO1uG8dg/s1097/crash.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1097" data-original-width="715" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwwK123uuj-KnlZRGcnn35v74k6YayPEA5yEudXpcAeboBG8RR3hEGI5rgYbbtYmdjpgbKjF2XYgQdisvaXpxrFWWsJ52VoYImCUILo0Q1wi_gDQ4TC4N6BeHVWr83zrRjknE--Q5ghA8Uf3DgcbWDYZG7dnpiZ4o4yAfxWvgCOUTO1uG8dg/s320/crash.png" width="209" /></a></div><br />Mom and Frank miraculously recovered but their car did not. Without a vehicle and an hour and a half away from all their family life became more difficult. After much discussion, mom and Frank were finally agreeable to moving closer to us in a senior independent living facility. They were able to sell mom's house quickly to one of her nieces whom she loved, and they moved in April of 2022. Mom was so happy to sell her home, which she lovingly decorated and renovated for almost 30 years, to family. And she adored her new senior living apartment. She enjoyed going to the dining room every night for dinner, making new friends, and walking the beautifully landscaped grounds. I was thrilled that she was now only 30 minutes away and I since I retired in July, I was able to visit her once a week. There was also an emergency medical team on site: just pull a cord and they come. Mom used that several times. </div><div><br /></div><div>On a chilly Wednesday afternoon in October 2022, I visited my mom and as soon as I walked in the door she announced she needed to see the doctor because the pain in her stomach had gotten worse. As I looked more closely at her, she looked yellow. After we pulled the emergency cord in the apartment again, the medic recommended she go to the emergency room. Scans found a mass on her pancreas. It was cancer. </div><div><br /></div><div>We postponed treatment until after Thanksgiving and her 94th birthday celebration. We had hoped she could tolerate chemo but after two sessions it became clear she could not. Her body began to "fade away" as she called it, beginning right before Christmas. Since she was now living close to us, we were able to quickly engage in-home care for her and visit her often to enjoy her as much as we could during her last days and monitor her care closely. We were able to support her and Frank and all say our goodbyes before she left us on January 16, 2023.</div><div><br /></div><div>Who would have thought that a car crash would be what God used for our good? But that is what happened. A year and a half before the cancer took her, God used a car crash to move mom and Frank closer to us. God used a difficult board member at work to cause our office to install a new payment system that caused me such stress with the implementation that I decided it was time to consider retirement. God used my brother's disabled elderly uncle to help him know how to get home care quickly. God used a global pandemic to get my niece to move to closer to us. God used hard things to get us all exactly to the right places so that we would be prepared and close when my mother passed, so we could give her a good end to her life. Losing her was so hard but it was a great blessing to be able to be close to offer her the best care and to support each other. </div><div><br /></div><div>Romans 8:28 is a favorite Bible verse. I would often repeat it to myself for comfort when things went sideways. But sideways is always from my own perspective. God knows exactly what He is doing. He uses evil for good. He uses suffering for good. He used a car crash, a difficult board member, a sick uncle, a global pandemic, all for our good.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's just trust Him with the rest, shall we?<div> </div><i><span style="color: #2b00fe;">
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).</span></i></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-55035304451746186492022-12-15T11:45:00.000-05:002022-12-15T11:45:11.117-05:00The Christmas Story for Moms<div style="text-align: right;"><i>Presentation to Montclair Mother of Preschoolers (MOPS) on December 14, 2022</i><br /></div>
<div><div><br />Good morning moms! It is 10 more shopping days until Christmas! Are you ready? If you have been shopping you know the stores are certainly ready, right? They have been ready since Halloween, with decorations and advertisements everywhere. There is also no end of entertainment available: Christmas story books, TV specials and movies. I looked up favorite Christmas movies on Google and of course it has a list of the 65 top movies, a very eclectic selection: from <u>It’s a Wonderful Life</u>, <u>Frosty the Snowman</u> and <u>The Polar Express</u>, to <u>Die Hard</u>, <u>Home Alone</u> and <u>Love Actually.</u> The Hallmark Channel and Netflix has an endless supply of Christmas themed love stories offered this time of year.
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My personal favorite Christmas movie wasn’t on Google’s list. It is called <u>The Nativity Story</u>. Have you heard of it? Maybe it did not make Google’s list because it is just the original Christmas story. Many have tried to create a more modern and exciting story, but for me, nothing surpasses the miraculous impact of the original.
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Maybe it’s considered boring because it is essentially a story about a mom and her birth story. But for us moms, what could be more interesting? That is the first question I ask when I see a new mom. I always ask how the birth went. I want to know all the details of the delivery and usually the mom is ready to tell me the whole thing from start to finish. It’s cathartic for the mom and fascinating for me.
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrupa7gPFhus7QhD9kKMykzRvqgVoNzVK-zMe7EXtpN8aQgIZpuNFyV58sNWFgd9cpdyc8VkDYN24oELBHg6uLj9pWzryvzt6-EXBVrnnMQy96fAWQThdmPX0mhPwglArHl-hANTPyCXtDVB7iOHXrIQS1XXbwioP3sc5gC0E4tOEAtMryQ/s1672/Chrissoc.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1672" data-original-width="896" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrupa7gPFhus7QhD9kKMykzRvqgVoNzVK-zMe7EXtpN8aQgIZpuNFyV58sNWFgd9cpdyc8VkDYN24oELBHg6uLj9pWzryvzt6-EXBVrnnMQy96fAWQThdmPX0mhPwglArHl-hANTPyCXtDVB7iOHXrIQS1XXbwioP3sc5gC0E4tOEAtMryQ/w171-h320/Chrissoc.png" title="Christina's Birth/Christmas Stocking" width="171" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christina's Birth/Christmas Stocking<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />As I told you all last month, my first child was born on Christmas Eve. It’s 35 years ago but I can still clearly remember circumstances of her birth. I remember having my brother-in-law come and pick up our dog because I had been having contractions for what seemed like days. I remember the ride to the hospital in the middle of the night with the muffler dragging making the most horrific noise. I remember the doctor examining me the next morning telling me since my contractions had stopped to go home, only to return a few hours later after my water broke. I remember how the walls of the room looked as I labored and how the nurse told me I would forget all about the pain. The woman laboring in the next room had been howling in pain and my husband comforted me saying, “The doctor said all labors are different, honey! Yours won’t be that bad.” I remember my baby Christina screaming as she poked her head out of me and the nurses commenting that she had a good set of lungs. On Christmas morning in the hospital they brought her to me in a baby-sized red stocking and a little red cap. She was perfect. I was so happy.
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You remember too, don’t you? Sometimes the tiny details of that one special time stand out so bold in our memory, don’t they? Some women, I am told even remember the night their baby was conceived. I don’t but some do.
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2000 years ago, Mary of Nazareth was probably around my age when a man named Luke visited her and asked her what she remembered about her son Jesus. Luke was documenting the life of Jesus and he started his scroll with this:
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<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses ... With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account… (Luke 1:1-3)
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Luke tells us there were already other documents written about Jesus at that time, specifically the scrolls that would become the gospels of Mark and Matthew, but Luke was looking for more information from eye witnesses. Luke, who was a medical doctor by profession, understood the importance of obtaining eye witness testimony from Jesus’ mother.
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But we know how mothers feel, don’t we? So we are not at all surprised when Mary was asked, she remembered many details about the birth of her son Jesus, even His conception. Luke’s gospel reads:
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<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>… God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. (Luke 1:26-29)</i> <br /></span><br />
In those days, it was not 20-30 year olds getting married as is the case today. Mary was engaged at the time and so she was probably around age 15. Can you imagine how you would feel, at age 15, if you were sitting in your home, maybe folding laundry or washing dishes and suddenly there was an angel in front of you talking to you? No wonder she was troubled and confused!
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<i><span style="color: #2b00fe;">But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a Son, and you are to call Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; His kingdom will never end.”<br /><br />
“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:30-34)</span> </i><br /><br />
Mary still had questions, of course! I love that Luke records her questions and that the angel Gabriel was quick to explain. <br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy One to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”<br /><br />
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. (Luke 1:35-38)</i> <br /></span><br />
Can’t you picture Mary telling this story to Luke with him writing down notes as she spoke? So many years had past and yet she was able to remember it so clearly because of the impression such a miracle had on her life. <br /><br />
There are those who do not believe in the virgin birth of Jesus. Of course it is hard to blame them, it is such an impossible thing. Even angel Gabriel acknowledges this. But the Jewish scriptures and the recollections recorded in the gospel of Matthew corroborate this.
700 years earlier, the Jewish prophet Isaiah recorded this revelation:<br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel [meaning God with us]. (Isaiah 7:14)</i></span><br /><br />
The gospel of Matthew records Joseph’s side of the story:<br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.<br /><br />
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a Son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:19-21)</i><br /></span><br />
In those days, an unmarried woman found to be pregnant could be stoned to death under Jewish law. Mary’s agreeing to God’s plan meant she could be disgraced, at best and stoned at worst. Mary was not only obedient but also courageous. Notice Joseph’s reluctance to move forward with his marriage to Mary because he knew the baby was not his and so he assumed she was unfaithful to him until God sent an angel to him as well.
This was complicated enough but God was not done. The Baby had to be born in Bethlehem. Also 700 years earlier, the Jewish prophet Micah prophesied where their Messiah would be born:<br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for Me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” (Micah 5:2)</i></span><br /><br />
God used the Roman Caesar to accomplish this. Luke continues:<br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.<br /><br />
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. (Luke 2:1-6)</i></span><br /><br />
The trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem is about 90 miles, less then 2 hours by car but over a week by foot. This is about the same distance as from Montclair to Philadelphia. Can you picture this? Imagine yourself in Mary’s place, you are at the end of your first pregnancy and you are leaving everything and everyone you know: your home, your mother, older sisters, your aunts and traveling with a man you have not had sex with yet for 90 miles carrying everything you own on a donkey. And then when you arrive in town, things get worse. There is no place to stay so the only shelter Joseph can find is a barn. <br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a Son. She wrapped Him in cloths and placed Him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. (Luke 2:7)</i></span><br /><br />
Again imagine you are Mary. You are surrounded by cows, chickens, ox, dung and hay, and there you give birth. Your only aide comes from a man who had never witnessed a birth of a baby and also never seen you undressed. How are we doing? How’s her birth story compared to yours so far? Why isn’t this enough drama for a good movie? But the miracles don’t stop coming. Luke continues. <br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a Baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”<br /><br />
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,<br /><br />
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”<br /><br />
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”<br /><br />
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this Child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:8-19)</i></span><br /><br />
Aren’t you amazed at how God planned for His Son to come to earth? It could have been in any way He wanted, as a powerful prince on white horse, or with all the angels in glory coming down directly from the sky. God could have sent His Son as someone rich, powerful, comfortable and famous with Youtube and Twitter enabling Him to send His message to everyone in the world at once. <br /><br />
But instead God’s perfect plan was for His Son to enter the world as we all do, naked from our mother’s womb, helpless and dependent. He also entered poor and homeless to a teen girl far from home, family, let alone good medical care. <br /><br />
The question this morning for us moms is, why is this original Christmas story important? What can God be saying to us in that He preserved this story so that we can hear it over 2000 years later across the world in New Jersey?<br /><b><br />
I think God is trying to tell us that moms are important. That God values our contribution even though it often seems small and insignificant. That God sees us and will come to our aid when things get difficult. </b><br /><br />
<b>And it all began with Mary saying YES to the angel Gabriel</b>. She could have replied anything to the angel, but she said: “I am the Lord’s servant.” That was all she had to do. <b>God took care of everything else.</b> God provided the miraculous conception through the Holy Spirit. God sent an angel to Joseph convincing him not to divorce and disgrace Mary but to move forward with the marriage. God used the Roman Ceasar’s decree to get Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, the prophesied location for the birth of the Messiah. God even provided a shelter and safety for the baby to be born. It was a hard place to be sure, but it worked out.<br /><b><br />
That is what God wants from us this Christmas, to say YES to Him and then trust Him for the rest.</b><br /><br />
Even though Mary did not understand the full implications of what was happening to her, she did understand God’s love and mercy. While she was pregnant, she visited her cousin Elizabeth and doctor Luke records this song she sang: <br /><br />
<span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>“Oh, how my soul praises the Lord. <br /> How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!<br /><br />
For He took notice of His lowly servant girl, <br /> and from now on all generations will call me blessed.<br /><br />
For the Mighty One is holy, <br /> and He has done great things for me.<br /><br />
He shows mercy from generation to generation <br /> to all who fear Him.” (Luke 1:46-50)</i><br /></span><br />
That is the story of Christmas, God’s mercy and great love even to this generation of moms today in New Jersey. So Merry Christmas. </div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-12658174277076263202022-11-25T11:05:00.017-05:002023-06-04T13:45:54.033-04:00On Death and Dying<p>My mother has cancer. Pancreatic cancer. There, I said it. People don’t recover from pancreatic cancer. They die. <br /><br />I’ve been thinking about death more than usual. <br /><br />My grandmother died at age 60 from complication of diabetes. My grandfather died at 73 of lung cancer. He worked 6 days a week until he noticed a lump on his shoulder. Then he died a month later. My other grandfather died in his 40s, my father was only 4 years old at the time. My other grandmother died in her 70s. I remember only my one grandfather well who lived with us for most of my childhood. I have only vague remembrances of one grandmother. My dad died at 75 from complications from Alzheimer’s disease<br /><br />When I turned 60 I started to think about death. I started counting how much longer I could have. Maybe 30 years like my mother? Maybe 15 like my father? One thing was for certain. I was going to die. It was not IF. It was WHEN. And HOW. It was like an awakening to something that was always there but I ignored. Like the pile of papers in the corner of the dining room that you just keep walking by, in the beginning because you don’t want to deal with then, then eventually you stop noticing. Then company comes and you start cleaning up and you realize what you forgot. <br /><br />What do we do with this? Death is coming. It is as certain as the setting of the sun but we pretend not to notice it until we get the test results. And they say cancer. <br /><br />The doctor said mom is strong enough for chemo but there is no cure. But what is a cure for a 94 year old woman? Two more years, five more years, ten years? The life expectancy of women in the USA is 81 so she is in bonus territory at this point. <br /><br />The real question is, with this is our minds, how then should we live? <br /><br />Obviously we should enjoy every good day she has. We should celebrate and be glad because she is still here for us. We should be present for each moment as if it is our last because we do not know. It reminds me of what Jesus said in the gospel of Matthew 9:15, And Jesus said to them,<span style="color: red;"><b> “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”</b></span> <br /><br />We mistakenly live like life has no end. But that is not true. Life is fragile and it is not only about us. It is about those we live with and will leave behind, the legacy we will leave them. Will we leave them a pile of collectibles and old VHS tapes? Or will we leave them with a legacy of wisdom and love, examples of service and selflessness? <br /><br />On the other side of life, through the door of death, remains a mystery to us. There are stories of those who came near death and returned, but they are open to interpretation. Who can know for sure while still on this side? But we all bet on something by how we live our lives. <br /><br />I am betting on Jesus. I have committed all I am to Him. I expect to see Him and be with Him in Paradise on the other side of death. Then death is no longer something to fear, but something we can release ourselves to at the time He calls us to Him, trusting He will lift us up and take us to Himself. Meanwhile I am spending all my days knowing Him and serving Him by loving others. </p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqOtSY2QWapYkeDwU8_Cq5q4-ijbvWb7Vxsyqt8PrBY1d2DK6s3CXNm63EyeCoqmBKAu6iD_iruM6KwtH8NfFy-jVRonQS2JDNxb18q7ZWnaONFk85KDdL0a-hhzKE7hbuWT8lsqGFW5pAE_dxwuDdNV18V6TnxG8MymQmPLHHhzFMYPLJg/s3204/FullSizeR(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3204" data-original-width="1738" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqOtSY2QWapYkeDwU8_Cq5q4-ijbvWb7Vxsyqt8PrBY1d2DK6s3CXNm63EyeCoqmBKAu6iD_iruM6KwtH8NfFy-jVRonQS2JDNxb18q7ZWnaONFk85KDdL0a-hhzKE7hbuWT8lsqGFW5pAE_dxwuDdNV18V6TnxG8MymQmPLHHhzFMYPLJg/s320/FullSizeR(1).jpg" width="174" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom with her grandkids<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>I do not remember my grandmothers. My daughters have had the joy of knowing both their grandmothers into their adulthood. The catch is they have lost one and will eventually lose the other as well. <b>That is the cost of love – we will have loss. I think the loss is worth it for the great delight of years of love.</b><br /><br />We will enjoy my mom, we will celebrate her. We will stand by her, comfort her, pray for her and help her have as good an end as possible. We will see her leave us, we will cry and then as she would want us to, we will go on, grateful for her life and her love. <br /><br />And then someday, we will see her on the other side. <br /></p><p></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-39757655399950894632022-10-04T10:15:00.006-04:002022-10-05T16:25:22.660-04:00What I learned from managing community life<p>July 1, 2022 I retired from Arthur Edwards Inc, a community management firm caring for properties in New Jersey and New York. I worked there for over 13 years caring for condo high rises and town homes, upscale and lower income areas, over 55 and young families. It was fast moving and complicated. What I found the most fascinating was the interpersonal relationship dynamics. I learned more about people while I managed their associations than I did in the few counseling courses I took several years ago. Because I need to remember, and because these things often apply to any community/family/church/groups, here they are below:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy7OZK-JVgSJFPAxAeerC1EFiV0QJgWnF8eU0dY9S4VEgXxK2LeKJykGeLIJ70cwED634izdr1Jp3f6bc2p9QswPLN-oRf7eU_-XLpxCbgWKhbf5pFv3T-74ejl-EGvGV7dTFv0BcD9_5mbRkTwD6gkWeIWThI2Ce4It5ggWXb7TZFkfQjNw/s3020/Snapchat-69115713.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Living close is complicated!" border="0" data-original-height="3020" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy7OZK-JVgSJFPAxAeerC1EFiV0QJgWnF8eU0dY9S4VEgXxK2LeKJykGeLIJ70cwED634izdr1Jp3f6bc2p9QswPLN-oRf7eU_-XLpxCbgWKhbf5pFv3T-74ejl-EGvGV7dTFv0BcD9_5mbRkTwD6gkWeIWThI2Ce4It5ggWXb7TZFkfQjNw/w153-h320/Snapchat-69115713.jpg" title="Living close is complicated!" width="153" /></a></div><p>I learned I never want to live in a condo community because I met too many hostile, legalistic neighbors and condo board members. In these type of communities, other people would decide how I should spend my money and repair my home -- or not! If there are owners in the condo who fall into hard times and default financially, all homeowners have to pay more to make up for their bad luck or foolishness. </p><p>However, I have also seen beautiful communities where the neighbors truly care for one another and help one another. For every arrogant mean board member I have met, there are ten sweet selfless ones who despite it being a thankless volunteer job, tirelessly work for the good of their community. Caring for these communities were the best part of my job and what made it the most difficult to leave! <br /></p><p>Rules are vital to a good community and the rules must be enforced. No rules, or unenforced rules cause the community to devolve into chaos resulting in pain for everyone. While boundaries are vital, they need to be enforced with kindness, consideration, respect, empathy and compassion.</p><p>When people are contacted about breaking a rule, it is amazing to see how differently people respond. Some people will be horrified they did something wrong and afraid their perfect record will be soiled. They will apologize profusely and make it right immediately. On the other extreme some will be extremely agitated that they were contacted at all and immediately blame you, the board, or their neighbors. They will tell you of a totally unrelated problem you must address immediately! There are rule followers and rule breakers. No matter what our approach is, people's reactions are up to them. </p><p>As with everything, when there is an issue, we need to hear BOTH sides and not jump to conclusions. Often people on both sides of the issue will have completely different stories and it is difficult to find where the truth lies. </p><p>Most people who are being angry today are in a tough spot. Today's issue may have reminded them of an old hurt and opened an old wound. Or they may have other life concerns already putting them on edge. Although it is difficult, it is best not to respond in kind. Listening carefully and respectfully may guide them to process the issue and soften their hearts. Even if we can't change their minds while speaking to them, they may think about it and change their mind later. Trust the Holy Spirit and time to work on their hearts. </p><p>Some people are just evil. There is no reasoning with them. There is no use to even try. But people do not wear signs and it is difficult to tell an evil person from a simply angry person at first. It is hard to tell a liar from someone who is just sharing their unique perspective. But time will always tell. </p><p>Once there is a homeowner who repents of breaking a rule, the board needs to move forward with forgiveness and grace. Continued bitterness can ruin communities.<br /></p><p>When there is a dispute, it is better to avoid getting attorneys involved. Once the lawyers take over the only one who really wins is the attorney. </p><p>When we give our gift of wise experience and advice, some people will not accept it. It is best not to take it personally and remember it is not our roof that is leaking or our over-grown garden, or bumpy driveway. It is not our money either. We don't live in their homes, live their lives or even know their whole story. We will not reap the consequences, they will. So let it go. </p><p>No one can tell when the next unexpected expensive problem will occur, but we can be sure it will come. Therefore it is important to save for the future. </p><p>Finally no matter what work you do, I can't over-state the importance of working for someone who values your contribution. Or the devastation of being unappreciated and unseen. At Arthur Edwards Inc., my boss did appreciate me and listen to all my ideas, even if they were not always the best. To be personally valued is the best compensation! Without it, no amount of money will do. So THANK YOU to my boss Ed Frank. May all the value and kindness you give to others, employees and clients, return to you 100 fold. <br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-88802924315453395672022-04-16T11:29:00.003-04:002022-04-16T11:32:46.240-04:00Spring has come<p>The storm is over now</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIriZaTtMrNXzVulk9z_8EQ0srOa5IlQht24mWFjDKqE2m4gEMTS_pvSz84Jbbr9KXGeHa429l5P8vW9UJjP0HnaumUTpLxpL0eOeBu040DEJDtBWHV-9PZnBE7_aelOIZvPGB-Js2weRdst5wqupPRDDsl7_RqMWkUSeJpHTDH75J9N3-2w/s2992/20220416_111549.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="2974" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIriZaTtMrNXzVulk9z_8EQ0srOa5IlQht24mWFjDKqE2m4gEMTS_pvSz84Jbbr9KXGeHa429l5P8vW9UJjP0HnaumUTpLxpL0eOeBu040DEJDtBWHV-9PZnBE7_aelOIZvPGB-Js2weRdst5wqupPRDDsl7_RqMWkUSeJpHTDH75J9N3-2w/s320/20220416_111549.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This girl, age 16, wrote this poem -- it's me!<br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p>The sun is breaking through</p><p>A whole new life is starting</p><p>For me and for you.</p><p>The birds are singing now</p><p>So wipe away your tears</p><p>For Spring has come again </p><p>In spite of all your fears.</p><p>When winter came we wondered </p><p>As mortals often do</p><p>If we could weather the storm</p><p>And see the bad times through</p><p>What a waste of time to worry!</p><p>How silly could we be?</p><p>If we had just faith and patience</p><p>The rest would have been easy!</p><p>So worry no more, friend of mine</p><p>And leave your burden here</p><p>Come relax with me and we'll enjoy </p><p>The best time of the year! </p><p style="text-align: center;">💮 💮 💮<br /></p><p>I found this poem when cleaning out my mom's house. Now I know the true fulfillment is found only in Christ in the coming of His Kingdom. <br /></p><p><br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-60609152894914467072022-01-29T15:41:00.003-05:002022-01-30T09:55:21.601-05:00What Does the New Testament Say About Slavery?<p>What does the New Testament say about slavery? Doesn’t the Bible forbid slavery like it forbids murder and adultery? Certainly slavery, owning another human being made in God’s image, is worse than bearing false witness against my neighbor, right? Then why did it not make the Bible's Top Ten list? </p><p>Matter of fact, Paul writes to the believers in Corinth and tells them this: </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches… Yes each of you should remain as you were when God called you. Are you a slave? Don’t let that worry you—but if you get a chance to be free, take it. And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. (1Corinthians 7:17, 20-22a) </span></p><p>Wait, what? Is that what Paul thinks of slavery? </p><p>Paul’s view of life is totally absorbed by the spiritual reality of Jesus and heavenly things. If you read the whole chapter, you can see Paul is directing this conversation to the circumcised and the uncircumcised, to the married and single, as well as to slaves. Paul’s focus is on heaven and God’s Kingdom coming soon. He wants us to be instruments of the Kingdom. See more on Paul’s thoughts here: </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short... Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. <b>I want you to be free from the concerns of this life</b>... I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. (1 Corinthians 7:29-32, 35)</span> </p><p>Paul’s focus is not on changing life’s situations because this life is short and it is not the end. Paul instead urges the believers to change their hearts. There are masters and slaves in the world Paul lives in and he is not focused on changing Roman society. Instead he tells the followers of Jesus to rethink their attitudes, no matter what their place in society: </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free. Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and He has no favorites. (Ephesians 6:5-9) </span></p><p>Remember, it was the Jewish people who believed the Messiah would be a political figure, a military leader who would overthrow Rome and become king. Jesus repeated told them that they misunderstood His plan. Jesus came to change hearts. He did not come to force anyone to follow Him with mighty power, but to love us to voluntarily come into His Kingdom. </p><p>Paul’s letter to Philemon also reflects his desire to change hearts. Philemon had a slave named Onesimus who ran away, likely causing inconvenience and financial loss. But Onesimus met up with Paul while he was imprisoned. There Onesimus helped Paul and became a believer. Paul, wanting to do the right thing, and trusting Philemon’s faith and friendship, sent Onesimus back to him with a deeply personal letter: </p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do. But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you. Consider this as a request from me—Paul, an old man and now also a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus.
I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison… I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart. I wanted to keep him here with me while I am in these chains for preaching the Good News, and he would have helped me on your behalf. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">But <b>I didn’t want to do anything without your consent.</b> I wanted you to help because you were willing, not because you were forced. It seems you lost Onesimus for a little while so that you could have him back forever. He is no longer like a slave to you. He is more than a slave, for he is a beloved brother, especially to me. Now he will mean much more to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me… I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more! (Philemon 1:8-21)</span> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhzcLmFfUzMMS4eYmNjDvqQq72oTmlZPrT-shv25YD6OmyuvKzxu2qnSLmBTDlMhUkrmlVOm79dUx0rPk81xuuvJvnkjo9Ery6TqZG29QWYvBQygMuqt6vlG_ryMeXawirSzV6jRCKfkcfGuwDmdix_7e8FtNeBoVQAXkvomUAitu-juykIMA=s1600" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="472" data-original-width="1600" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhzcLmFfUzMMS4eYmNjDvqQq72oTmlZPrT-shv25YD6OmyuvKzxu2qnSLmBTDlMhUkrmlVOm79dUx0rPk81xuuvJvnkjo9Ery6TqZG29QWYvBQygMuqt6vlG_ryMeXawirSzV6jRCKfkcfGuwDmdix_7e8FtNeBoVQAXkvomUAitu-juykIMA=s320" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p>Paul could have insisted Philemon free Onesimus, but he did not. He wanted their relationship change to be of Philemon’s free will.
Jesus wants us too, of our own free will, to treat others with kindness and respect in every relationship, in every situation. Jesus wants to make slavery and bigotry unthinkable, not merely illegal. And He doesn’t want it to stop there. </p><p>We think of social justice as changing society, changing laws. But Jesus does not want us not to point fingers at other people or at government. Jesus wants us to consider our own hearts. Do we judge others because of how they dress or where they live, or what news channels they watch or what they post on social media? Are we critical of others and analyze whether they measure up to our standards? Are we judging each other and neglecting to consider our own faults, our own self-centered, self-righteous attitudes? </p><p>Do we rant about equity for all when we personally are reluctant to give kindness and mercy to all? </p><p>Do we try to take out the speck in other people’s eye and ignore the plank in our own? </p><p>Jesus came not to free His chosen race, the Jews, from slavery to Rome or any earthly system. He came to free ALL of us from the power of sin and death. Jesus knew once we believed in Him, slavery would eventually become unthinkable. But freedom comes one by one by one. </p><p>Meanwhile, while we wait for the fullness of His Kingdom, Jesus asks us to do one thing: to show kindness and mercy to His children, ALL of them, one by one by one. We can be a "Paul" and advocate for an "Onesimus" we know. We can be an "Onesimus" and serve and trust a "Paul" we know. Or we can just show kindness to that co-worker in the desk next to us who is so annoying out of our love for Christ. Each of us can pick our one. <br /></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;">And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ. (1 Corinthians 7:22b)</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span></p><p><i><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="color: black;">Beloved Jesus, I am the one who is inclined to judge others. It is easy to talk about racism as a problem someone else has, or society has, or the government has. It is harder to look inside at myself and ask: Where am I bigoted? When do I make assumptions about people? When am I turned off because of someone's accent, or clothing, or Facebook post? Please help me to be aware when I think those thoughts and heal my heart!</span></span></i></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="color: black;"><i>Thank You for those You filled with special Spiritual gifts and passions to lead our nation away from slavery and bigotry; people like Martin and Harriet and Fredrick and Abraham. Even though You have not picked me for such an honor, I can still honor You every day by bringing kindness and respect to all I meet. Help me to do that in Your Name. Amen.</i> </span> <br /></span></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-62890089931698169072022-01-08T14:59:00.000-05:002022-01-08T14:59:21.901-05:00Skunks and Turtles<p>When it comes to conflict resolution people can be describes as skunks or turtles.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_NNLRadoLB6tpoMe-7Ovkder4jWAN5_1p4CMeBtqvvCrz4wj0eOWvLP_BJNr7x8mhQ98Ln85cogpn816MgzJgOkZ4FvGxw74n5TgQ4slQE5iQiA1ZWR9VpOW9FJaTuy7o610wa4rwX1EnFjToCrvvV980f9sNs3UT1vqu3cS9ikRysOC1eg=s625" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="451" data-original-width="625" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_NNLRadoLB6tpoMe-7Ovkder4jWAN5_1p4CMeBtqvvCrz4wj0eOWvLP_BJNr7x8mhQ98Ln85cogpn816MgzJgOkZ4FvGxw74n5TgQ4slQE5iQiA1ZWR9VpOW9FJaTuy7o610wa4rwX1EnFjToCrvvV980f9sNs3UT1vqu3cS9ikRysOC1eg=w200-h144" width="200" /></a></div>Skunks are conflict enjoyers. They face conflict head-on and want to resolve it immediately but tend to be verbal, pushy, aggressively describing their reasons and logic or passions to the other person. In short, they stink up the place, like a skunk.<p></p><p>Skunks mean well. In their head they hear the words of Jesus, <span style="color: red;"><b>“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."</b></span> (Matthew 5:23-24). Resolving conflict is important. Right?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjY5oZX09nP7yIDK3StR1ISQyIMFYAZ-A45HeKjhgkZ12nfPUVskl7Dcq28YzCcZQT-1NcoVf4zZuMGvJTUKiKKVOWXAcOBkpQffnDUxgpkQW5ZaSn696ULwmd3yuPJKgGCH4eOz70PzrmRYC_JbpIkIWnzL5B8SF2iW6i7iSQsaUpdh2_FPQ=s2400" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1584" data-original-width="2400" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjY5oZX09nP7yIDK3StR1ISQyIMFYAZ-A45HeKjhgkZ12nfPUVskl7Dcq28YzCcZQT-1NcoVf4zZuMGvJTUKiKKVOWXAcOBkpQffnDUxgpkQW5ZaSn696ULwmd3yuPJKgGCH4eOz70PzrmRYC_JbpIkIWnzL5B8SF2iW6i7iSQsaUpdh2_FPQ=w200-h132" width="200" /></a></div>Turtles are conflict avoiders. They dislike conflict so they keep it to themselves, deny there is a problem, or minimize it, rationalize it or try to forget it. They change the subject, leave the room, hang up the phone, or turn the TV up louder. In short, they retreat into their shell and hide, like a turtle.<div><br /></div><div>Turtles mean well. In their head they hear the words of Jesus, <span style="color: red;"><b>“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire."</b></span> (Matthew 5:21-22) Being meek, kind, patient is important. Right?</div><div><br /></div><div>Funny these two quotes of Jesus are right next to each other in the Sermon on the Mount. They are meant to be considered together. And mostly because God has a great sense of humor, it often seems like He has designed us to be attracted to the opposite type. Skunks tend to be attracted to turtles, and turtles to skunks. </div><div><br /></div><div>Skunks are wrong because in their passion to be heard, they can be experienced as not loving. They can criticize and accuse the other person, assigning motives without first trying to understand. This behavior can drive people away from them and the conflict, sadly because what the skunk really desired was intimacy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Turtles are wrong because they can allow the hurt to fester and make them bitter towards the other person. In their effort to bring peace they stuff the pain inside but end up leaking instead, acting manipulative, passive-aggressive, with thinly veiled snarky remarks. This behavior can drive people away from turtles when what they really desired was intimacy.</div><div> </div><div>What to do? How about we read the rest of Jesus' sermon? Matter of fact, let's start at the beginning.<br /></div><div> </div><div><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-3" id="en-AMP-23238"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [spiritually prosperous, happy, to be admired] <span class="woj">are the poor in spirit</span> [those <b>devoid of spiritual arrogance</b>, those who regard themselves as insignificant, the <b>humble</b>], <span class="woj">for theirs is the kingdom of heaven</span> [both now and forever].</span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-4" id="en-AMP-23239"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [forgiven, refreshed by God’s grace] <span class="woj">are those who <b>mourn</b></span><b> [over their sins and repent]</b>, <span class="woj">for they will be comforted</span> [when the burden of sin is lifted].</span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-5" id="en-AMP-23240"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [inwardly peaceful, spiritually secure, worthy of respect] <span class="woj">are the meek, <b>gentle</b></span> [the <b>patient</b>, <b>kind-hearted</b>, the <b>sweet-spirited</b>, the <b>self-controlled</b>], <span class="woj">for they will inherit the earth.</span></span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-6" id="en-AMP-23241"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [joyful, nourished by God’s goodness] <span class="woj">are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness</span> [those who actively seek right standing with God, <b>trying to do the right thing according to His will</b>], <span class="woj">for they will be</span> [completely] <span class="woj">satisfied.</span></span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-7" id="en-AMP-23242"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [content, sheltered by God’s promises] <span class="woj">are the <b>merciful</b>, for they will receive mercy.</span></span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-8" id="en-AMP-23243"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [anticipating God’s presence, spiritually mature] <span class="woj">are the pure in heart</span> [those with integrity, moral courage, and <b>godly character, attitudes and motives</b>], <span class="woj">for they will see God.</span></span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-9" id="en-AMP-23244"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [spiritually calm with life-joy in God’s favor] <span class="woj">are the <b>makers and maintainers of peace who show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight</b>, for they will</span> [express His character and] <span class="woj">be called the sons and daughters of God.</span></span></span></p><span style="color: red;"> </span><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-10" id="en-AMP-23245"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [comforted by inner peace and God’s love] <span class="woj">are those who are persecuted for doing that which is morally right, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven</span> [both now and forever].</span></span></p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-5-11" id="en-AMP-23246"><span class="woj">“Blessed</span> [morally courageous and spiritually alive with life-joy in God’s goodness] <span class="woj">are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil things against you because of</span> [your association with] <span class="woj">Me.</span> </span></span><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span style="color: red;"><span class="woj">Be glad and exceedingly joyful, for your reward in heaven is great</span> [absolutely inexhaustible]; </span><span class="woj"><span style="color: red;">for in this same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.</span> (Matthew 5:3-12 AMP revised)</span></span></div><div><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj"> </span></span></div><div><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">As we bravely pursue righteousness by entering into peacemaking conversations, these are the highlights of what we need to pray for and strive for:</span></span></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Being humble and devoid of spiritual or intellectual arrogance.</span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Being willing to look at our our failings and mourn over the harm and hurt that causes others.</span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Being patient, gentle, kindhearted and self-controlled as we listen to and interact with others. </span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Trying to do the right things, as much as we understand God's will.</span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Showing mercy and forgiveness to others when they fail.</span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Consider our motives and attitudes to make sure they are rooted in a godly character.</span></span></li><li><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">Striving to cooperate and not compete or fight.</span></span></li></ul></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">We also need to have courage. Courage to try to work things out and engage when there is the possibility that we may be hurt, insulted, slandered, or rejected.</span></span><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj"> Jesus tells us here to expect these things and rejoice. Our reward for peacemaking is not here on earth. Our reward is in heaven, kept safe for us by Him.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj">I get disappointed when I try and things don't "work out". But that is a bad goal. It is the wrong goal. Our goal is the Kingdom, not earthly perfection. We do the right thing, with the right attitude and trust the Spirit to work out the rest. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="text Matt-5-12" id="en-AMP-23247"><span class="woj"><i>Beloved, You know where I land with this. I remember demonstrating the worst parts of both the skunk and the turtle. Please forgive me! On my own, I am hopelessly lost in my sinful pattern but my hope is in Your power of Your Holy Spirit in me. This year, help me follow You in these things and help me to encourage others to do the same. You are our hope. Help us trust You more. </i><br /></span></span></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-27918799803638237402022-01-04T11:23:00.005-05:002022-01-30T10:07:37.695-05:00Accept, My Word of the Year<p>A new year. a new page, a new word to focus on for 2022. </p><p>For the past few years I have focused on creating and keeping good relationships. This year after watching current events more than usual, I have been longing to bring God's kingdom to our nation, to the earth. How do we do that? </p><p>For comfort I have been turning to the Lord's Prayer. In it Jesus tells us to pray <b><span style="color: red;">"Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven."</span></b> (Matthew 6:10) and also reflecting on <b><span style="color: red;">"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."</span></b> (John 15:12) </p><p>We bring God's kingdom to earth when we allow Him to be our King and obey His laws. And the foundation of all laws is so simple: to love one another. </p><p>Easier said than done. What does this look like? Jesus has been opening this up like an onion for me year by year. </p><p>A prior word of the year was <b>LISTEN</b>. Last year's was <b>ENGAGE</b>. This year's word is <b>ACCEPT</b>. They all go together. Let me explain...</p><p><b>ENGAGE</b>: As a natural conflict-avoider, my default is to ignore conflict. So last year I was encouraging myself to engage. To engage with people in pain and to engage with conflict when I would have preferred to avoid it. It is hard for me to engage and listen if I am not really interested in the topic, if someone is presenting a contrasting point of view, if someone is in a lot of pain. But that is what Jesus calls us to, to move towards others, even when it is uncomfortable. I would prefer to hang up the phone, walk away, give up, immerse into social media, anything else. But that is not what Jesus did. He came toward us, even though it was messy, uncomfortable, painful, dangerous, and ultimately deadly. I need to continue to engage. It is what He calls me to do.</p><p><b>LISTEN</b>: Listen involves talking less. Asking more questions such as: what else happened, what feelings came up, what prior event in your life does this remind you of, what assumptions are being made. Making sure I understand the other person. Focusing on all the details given. Being sympathetic. Trying to understand their point of view by picturing myself in their situation. </p><p><b></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgIW5aua3zCP5eG7ArBt7iCeaR-VZtIHYXxvUN6TNtEqjxCURDmiXpPO3ZfmoloomnKYJwqN21tLx4mxruCnBlmsq6XbXDq3IbpV54U7Gg9694yVdDA7iWz2GE70uCRb0Wj_-5I_n11KBzUJ_ufkylN4TSfE6Jmsch5lt7sJr3i3LbbskYSAw=s508" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="508" data-original-width="388" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgIW5aua3zCP5eG7ArBt7iCeaR-VZtIHYXxvUN6TNtEqjxCURDmiXpPO3ZfmoloomnKYJwqN21tLx4mxruCnBlmsq6XbXDq3IbpV54U7Gg9694yVdDA7iWz2GE70uCRb0Wj_-5I_n11KBzUJ_ufkylN4TSfE6Jmsch5lt7sJr3i3LbbskYSAw=w245-h320" width="245" /></a><b></b></div><b><br />ACCEPT</b>: This is the hard next part. Accept their position, their feelings, their prior actions as facts that I am not going to change today. Accept who they are and show respect, tenderness, and compassion. Accept they are a separate person and the Lord has them on a unique path I cannot comprehend and I cannot alter. Accept there are different or conflicting opinions, reasons, world views and it is the way it is. I can still be friendly. I can still be kind. I can still be respectful even when I believe it is wrong.<p></p><p>Only after I honestly accept others as they are, will they be open to hearing my views and continuing the conversation. Once I share, only the Holy Spirit can convict them, and He is well able to do so without any more of my help. Indeed my continued "help" can block His work.</p><p>And my Beloved said to me...</p><p><i>I came for all of them but they would not all have Me. Some rejected Me. I did not force them, even now, I never force them. No, I continue to love them.</i></p><p><i>You cannot force them either. It will not work and only push them away.</i></p><p>Beloved, forgive me for all the times I tried to convince or manipulate others towards my point of view! Forgive my arrogance and pride which led me to believe my ways were right or best and that others needed my help. </p><p>Remind me to love others as You did! Encourage me to engage and listen to accept them and trust You with all things. <br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-59206211357618009762021-12-25T16:25:00.014-05:002021-12-28T05:37:53.975-05:00Alone and Far from Home at ChristmasIt's another covid Christmas and because of the pandemic, our comforting routines and family gatherings are disrupted, leaving us disappointed and sad. <div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiziSQmpXMwXt8ujjaGEFVPUlcfQL4Y--ADJfTjiA_Z7DbaFLAtye7FY_fqmo8YRHR4PRNnFfU5kEVdBr_ncACoTA76dACng7hg12Zpy-bYpK1UH5oLvS9NDszlAwtVUM6h8xDWzs5eb3xq9fKexgYwd1KASBLGl-DJYw32hL22EeNIO0zvZg=s442" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="442" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiziSQmpXMwXt8ujjaGEFVPUlcfQL4Y--ADJfTjiA_Z7DbaFLAtye7FY_fqmo8YRHR4PRNnFfU5kEVdBr_ncACoTA76dACng7hg12Zpy-bYpK1UH5oLvS9NDszlAwtVUM6h8xDWzs5eb3xq9fKexgYwd1KASBLGl-DJYw32hL22EeNIO0zvZg=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br />But isn't that what the first Christmas was like?
Mary, a teen with her first pregnancy, expected to be home for the birth, surrounded by her mother, aunts, older sisters and most comforting, the local midwife with experience in giving birth. Unlike today, no medical advancements were available to alleviate pain or rescue a baby in distress. It was not unusual for women at that time to die in childbirth. <p></p><p>Instead the Roman census came, requiring her and her betrothed Joseph to travel 70 plus miles from home to Bethlehem. When they arrived and the birth of the Child became closer, there was not even a relative's home or an inn to protect them from the elements, only a barn, surrounded by animals and hay. </p><p>There was only Joseph to assist when Mary gave birth. No women with experience gathered to support her. Only a man, with whom she had never been intimate, who had never seen her unclothed, was there to help her.
Mary was alone and far from home at a frightening time in her life. And yet, God provided for all her needs. </p><p>God Himself came into the world and surrendered His glory to a young girl alone with a man she barely knew. God who controls the universe allowed Himself to be welcomed into that dirty, cold place. </p><p>We love all the Christmas traditions and the opportunity to be with family and loved ones, to bless them and to be blessed by gifts and good food. But that is not the essence of Christmas. It is the courage to follow God into difficult, lonely places and trust Him because He is worthy of our trust. </p><p><i>Beloved Jesus, as I think of You and Your earthy mother and father this Christmas, remind me of their courage. Help me to be more courageous and more trusting. Remind me that like Mary, she was not alone. She had God inside her body.
And by the power of faith and the Holy Spirit, so do I!
</i></p></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-87442761853302962282021-11-02T03:44:00.002-04:002021-11-02T04:02:59.793-04:00Facing Grief<p>What do you do when faced with grief, sorrow, pain?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2MtrIkiO0Yh-WqIDh0-OkSeVY-nLLPImWM7E9NuvYr1ezKFZjbcOO6a8xTxN2v3FNzHbDhRkp17a8LkXv2FKM5TEugIWe_PrkDL7G6avHN11DTTQLLzLrPPkrrsMiD-Vp-ipo/s1600/Barb+Looking+Beach.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2MtrIkiO0Yh-WqIDh0-OkSeVY-nLLPImWM7E9NuvYr1ezKFZjbcOO6a8xTxN2v3FNzHbDhRkp17a8LkXv2FKM5TEugIWe_PrkDL7G6avHN11DTTQLLzLrPPkrrsMiD-Vp-ipo/s320/Barb+Looking+Beach.png" width="320" /></a></div>In Matthew 26 we see what Jesus did when He faced the greatest ordeal of His life, truly the greatest ordeal in history. As that last Passover grew closer, He knew exactly what He was going to suffer: the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain of abandonment from His followers, His Father, and finally human death. He even felt the sorrow for those who would ultimately deny Him. <p></p><p>What did Jesus do in those last days? Those last hours?</p><p>He <b>gathered</b> <b>with His friends</b>. In the house of Simon the leper, He had chosen to have dinner with all of His disciples. He shared the Passover meal with the Twelve. Then He got away with His Three closest disciples for prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. In increasingly smaller circles of friends as the time great nearer, Jesus did not shun people but leaned towards them.</p><p>Jesus also <b>allowed people to care for Him</b>. This is demonstrated most beautifully by Mary who anointed Him with the fragrant perfume. Sometimes it is hard to admit we need care, accept care from others. Jesus did not have this problem but commended Mary even when others rebuked her.</p><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-26-10" id="en-NKJV-24065"><span class="woj">Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me..</span></span><span class="text Matt-26-11" id="en-NKJV-24066"><span class="woj">.</span> </span><span class="text Matt-26-12" id="en-NKJV-24067"><span class="woj">For in pouring this fragrant oil on My body, she did <i>it</i> for My</span> <span class="woj">burial.</span> (v. 10, 21)</span></span><br /></p><p>Jesus <b>shared His thoughts and feelings</b> with His disciples. He did not hide from them what was going to happen, even though they could not comprehend or accept it at that time.</p><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-26-2" id="en-NKJV-24057"><span class="woj">You know that after two days is the Passover, and the Son of Man will be delivered up to be crucified...</span></span></span><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-26-2" id="en-NKJV-24057"><span class="woj"><span class="text Matt-26-21" id="en-NKJV-24076"><span class="woj"> Assuredly, I say to you, one of you will</span> <span class="woj">betray Me.</span></span> (v 2, 21)</span></span></span> <br /></p><p>Jesus still <b>cared</b> for HIs disciples during this time of grieving. He taught them, He answered their questions, He prayed for them and promised to forgive and reunite with them on the other side of His ordeal. They did not understand at the time, but He knew His words would comfort them later. Even in His deep sorrow, He was not self-centered. </p><p class="first-line-none top-1"><span class="text Matt-26-32" id="en-NKJV-24087"><span style="color: red;"><span class="woj">All of you will</span> <span class="woj">be </span><span class="woj">made to stumble because of Me this night... </span><span class="woj">But after I have been raised,</span> </span><span class="woj"><span style="color: red;">I will go before you to Galilee. (v 31, 32)</span><br /></span></span></p><p>Jesus was <b>committed to obey the Law</b> even in His pain. He kept the Passover. This was woven into God's plan but it is significant in that He didn't feel exempt from His religious routines even though He was grieving. </p><p>Even though Jesus stayed close with His disciples until the end, <b>He did not expect too much from them.</b> He not demand from them what they could not do. He forgave them for falling asleep when He asked them to pray, for abandoning Him when He was arrested. </p><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-26-38" id="en-NKJV-24093"><span class="woj">My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me. (v 38)</span></span></span> <br /></p><p>Jesus drew His greatest strength from <b>prayer alone</b> with His Father. He was totally <b>honest</b> about His desires and grief, but still <b>willing to obey</b>. He went to His Father alone for comfort, strength, peace. And the Father provided all His needs. </p><p><span style="color: red;"><span class="text Matt-26-39" id="en-NKJV-24094"><span class="woj">O My Father, if it is possible,</span> <span class="woj">let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless,</span> <span class="woj">not as I will, but as You will. (v 39)</span></span></span> <br /></p><p>Jesus <b>did not allow the weakness of His friends to deter Him</b> to seek His Father in prayer. He did not allow the despicable, evil behavior of others to stop Him from going forward with God's plan or to return evil for evil. He was honest but <b>never mean spirited</b> even in His deep pain.</p><p>He even called Judas friend. </p><p><span style="color: red;">Friend, why did you come? (v 50)<br /></span></p><p>No accusations, no recriminations, no retaliations, just a question, asking Judas himself for his motives, reaching out to his heart. You are my friend. Why are you doing this?</p><p>How beautiful is our Savior? Who can read this chapter and not be in awe with the perfection of His humanity united with the Spirit? Beloved, help me remember Your ways, fill me with Your Holy Spirit so my ways can be like Yours! <br /></p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-19196870265174786222021-05-28T06:41:00.001-04:002021-05-28T17:47:12.242-04:00BlindSpots - Reprise<div><p><b><span style="color: red;">Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. </span></b>(Matthew 5:9) </p><p>Our topic for this week was how to be a peacemaker, how do we resolve conflicts. Pastor Tim encouraged us to make the first move (Matthew 5:23-24) and start with confessing our own faults, our blindspots. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlWoYAk3n3DDckgLP_M8EOaoIdAfXGi6XCo29CP4eC-jW53HV9ggMHEMyQEtDrXeSdwb87fItTyO_4hEj0TdXeXaGiWKzXFzohAnt5emQoyRdltDHwV-xIgCDnx6RPCKmPoP0I/s616/MEvsTHEM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="616" data-original-width="570" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlWoYAk3n3DDckgLP_M8EOaoIdAfXGi6XCo29CP4eC-jW53HV9ggMHEMyQEtDrXeSdwb87fItTyO_4hEj0TdXeXaGiWKzXFzohAnt5emQoyRdltDHwV-xIgCDnx6RPCKmPoP0I/w185-h200/MEvsTHEM.png" width="185" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Part of the problem is ME!<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />But there's still that stubborn problem. If it is a blindspot, how do I see it?</p><p>We need to start with the assumption that in any conflict, we all have a part, even if it is small. And even though our part may be small, it is the only part we have the opportunity to change.</p><p>So I pray the prayer of King David: <span style="color: #2b00fe;">Create in me a pure heart, O God</span> (Psalm 51:8) Lord, how can I see my faults? And so here are the questions to ask ourselves, to see our blindspots...</p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>WHAT is important to me? What exactly am I fighting for, upset about?</li><li>WHY is it important? </li><li>How important is it? On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 = "I do not prefer this but can live with that" and 10 = "Over my dead cold body", how would I rate this issue?</li><li>Is there any part I can overlook? What points of compromise can I make?</li><li>What old wound is this triggering? Is this conflict a repeat of a similar one I have had before, maybe with someone else? What feelings are coming up? Are the intensity of my feelings in proportion to the situation?<br /></li><li>What unreasonable expectations do I have for the other person, or for the relationship?</li><li>What assumptions have I made about the other person and their motives that I need to check out with them?</li><li>What questions do I need to ask the other person? Could additional information about their past, other circumstances, their feelings, hurts, hopes and dreams help me understand them better and be more empathetic? </li><li>How am I thinking only of myself and not considering the needs and desires of others? Have I considered how I have impacted those around me in negative or hurtful ways?</li><li>How much am I being motivated by fear? Bitterness? Selfishness? Pride? Impatience? Am I being judgmental? Perfectionist? Maybe just not minding my own business?<br /></li><li>What boundary must I establish in order to make this relationship work again? Sometimes we are dealing with a wicked person who can derail our relationship with Christ and His purpose for our life. Sometimes we need to forgive but walk away to have peace. We need for pray for wisdom to see that clearly -- not just jump to that conclusion. Even in that case, we still must examine our own heart. </li></ul></div><p>Before we engage to resolve conflict, we can come to our heavenly Father first and examine our heart to discover our blindspots. Even if the relationship cannot or should not be restored, we can count on the Holy Spirit to empower us to forgive and find peace. </p><p><i>Father, help me to stop and pray and examine my own heart, to be the first to confess my faults and in this way bring You glory. You desire peace and unity! I trust You will give me all the wisdom and courage I need. </i><br /></p><div></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-68545694070872475292021-04-11T06:26:00.009-04:002022-01-29T15:41:51.598-05:00Oppression: Instruction and Retribution<div>After God freed the Hebrews from slavery in Egypt, He instructed them. </div><div><br /></div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">And God spoke all these words: </span><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. (Exodus 20:1-2) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>First God reminds them who saved them. Their Savior was God alone. It was not Moses. It was not by the strength or craftiness of the Hebrews themselves. It was God. As the story of the Hebrews continues, God repeats this over and over. Annually the Jews continue this tradition of repeating the story of God setting them free in their Passover celebrations.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then God instructs them how to treat each other:</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">“If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him." (Exodus 21:2-3) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>God knows there will be rich and poor in the world. He does not deny that. There will be those who can afford to have servants, and those who need to be servants. But He wants justice. He wants to redeem. Service is temporary and has an end date unless the servants chooses to stay (see the following verses here, 4-7)</div><div><br /></div><div>God also instructs them on how to treat foreigners: </div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">"Do not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt." (Exodus 22:21- 22)</span></div><div><br /></div><div>It is human nature to look at people who are not like us and be suspicious. That is how the Hebrews became slaves in the first place (see Exodus 1:8-11). God reminds Israel of the pain of their own bondage and warns them not to inflict that on others. The Hebrews must live above that, in kindness with justice for all people. </div><div><br /></div><div>God continues to speak to them about selling and returning land: </div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">
"In this Year of Jubilee, each of you shall return to his possession. And if you sell anything to your neighbor or buy from your neighbor’s hand, you shall not oppress one another. According to the number of years after the Jubilee you shall buy from your neighbor, and according to the number of years of crops he shall sell to you. According to the multitude of years you shall increase its price, and according to the fewer number of years you shall diminish its price; for he sells to you according to the number of the years of the crops. Therefore you shall not oppress one another, but you shall fear your God; for I am the Lord your God." (Leviticus 25:13-17) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>And about run away slaves:</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">“You shall not give back to his master the slave who has escaped from his master to you. He may dwell with you in your midst, in the place which he chooses within one of your gates, where it seems best to him; you shall not oppress him." (Deuteronomy 23:15-16) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>And about employed workers and their pay:</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">“You shall not oppress a hired servant who is poor and needy, whether one of your brethren or one of the aliens who is in your land within your gates. Each day you shall give him his wages, and not let the sun go down on it, for he is poor and has set his heart on it; lest he cry out against you to the Lord, and it be sin to you." (Deuteronomy 24:14-15) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>In all things, God requires the strong to care for the weak, the rich to be fair to the poor, the free to release the enslaved. </div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> “Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless." (Exodus 22:22-24)</span></div><div><br /></div><div>God hears the cry of the oppressed, His anger is aroused, and He will repay. God is clear in His instruction: justice and mercy is required of this people whom God had freed. And He outlines the penalty for their failure to comply. It is not a retribution paid with riches. It is paid in blood. </div><div><br /></div><div>The United States claimed to be one nation under God and yet it broke God's law of oppression. And the nation paid in blood. On March 4, 1865, as President Abraham Lincoln delivered his second inaugural address, he deemed the war casualties to be God's retribution on our nation.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcRCRI8WbZf3Ox2IvHcGDF_vhpanf6NbJoPSa68G0gth3lkyV3urQrK7Q8Z-dmc58Jfmepi3LlPbPhwvG6dRn5VMCM9zsODXUjR72yP_fq6imF0-SBVKBrnxI432J4oQnaLAU/s557/penny.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="557" data-original-width="533" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmcRCRI8WbZf3Ox2IvHcGDF_vhpanf6NbJoPSa68G0gth3lkyV3urQrK7Q8Z-dmc58Jfmepi3LlPbPhwvG6dRn5VMCM9zsODXUjR72yP_fq6imF0-SBVKBrnxI432J4oQnaLAU/w191-h200/penny.png" width="191" /></a></div><br /> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Fondly do we hope—fervently do we pray—that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue, until all the wealth piled by the bond-man's 250 years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash, shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said 3,000 years ago, so still it must be said, "the judgments of the Lord, are true and righteous altogether". </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan—to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations." </i></div><div><br /></div><div>Even then, the nation continued to oppress people of color. God sees, God frees, and we continue to pay in blood. The Lord raises up men like Lincoln and like Martin Luther King Jr., to save people from oppression, and yet we still revert back. We are just like the Judges...</div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Nevertheless, the Lord raised up judges who delivered them out of the hand of those who plundered them. Yet they would not listen to their judges, but they played the harlot with other gods, and bowed down to them. They turned quickly from the way in which their fathers walked, in obeying the commandments of the Lord; they did not do so. And when the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge and delivered them out of the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge; for the Lord was moved to pity by their groaning because of those who oppressed them and harassed them. And it came to pass, when the judge was dead, that they reverted and behaved more corruptly than their fathers, by following other gods, to serve them and bow down to them. They did not cease from their own doings nor from their stubborn way. (Judges 2:16-19) </span></div><div><br /></div><div>Who can save us? Only the Lord. We must trust in God alone. We must seek Him in prayer for our nation. We must obey His word to show mercy and justice for all the people. </div><div><br /></div><div>Beloved Father, save us again, we desire to repent before the bloodshed!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21842342.post-76818181378825974412021-04-05T22:08:00.004-04:002022-01-29T15:42:18.333-05:00Oppression - What does God say about it? From the beginning<p>Racism. White supremacy. Oppressed people. Privilege. There is so much discussion. I have joined a group to talk about it, to learn about it. </p><p>But what does God say about it? I don't want to cherry pick verses. I want to really listen. I want to hear God's heart for the oppressed. For those who are the oppressors. So I went back to the beginning and I looked to see what God thinks of oppression.</p><p>Moses, son of Israel, sentenced to death in Egypt and yet his mother hides him and then sets him afloat in the waters of the Nile. He is plucked out by a daughter of Egypt. As he grows in the palace of Egypt, he sees the oppression of his people and tried to fix it one day himself (Exodus 2:11-12) which turns out to be a disaster for him. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnb6lef7MYob7xhe0Sr4qOVJu24eBEfZ-Pr4EYCb4SrvafSVIvE7qeAt3szEoJ32SgGjfYX5OGpyK5Vh7_BfVmCRU4lpqygaTKCI8gXcGBPUzatq0KWSc4yOPXK4FRD6_MTjZZ/s364/bushing+bush.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="228" data-original-width="364" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnb6lef7MYob7xhe0Sr4qOVJu24eBEfZ-Pr4EYCb4SrvafSVIvE7qeAt3szEoJ32SgGjfYX5OGpyK5Vh7_BfVmCRU4lpqygaTKCI8gXcGBPUzatq0KWSc4yOPXK4FRD6_MTjZZ/s320/bushing+bush.png" width="320" /></a></div>Fast forward 40 years in exile, Moses meets God on the mountain in a burning bush. Here we first find the word oppression, coming from the mouth of God. The people who were oppressed? His nation, Israel. His intent? To save them. His tool? Moses. <br /><p></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span class="text Exod-3-9" id="en-NKJV-1589">"Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel has come to Me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. </span></span><span class="text Exod-3-10" id="en-NKJV-1590"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt." (Exodus 3:9-10)</span><br /></span></p><p><span class="text Exod-3-10" id="en-NKJV-1590">God's sees the oppression and desires to rescue them. 400 years have passed in Egypt already. God, for His own reasons, does not seem to be in a rush. God intends to use Moses to save the people, but in God's own time and in His own way. Not in Moses' time or in Moses' way. </span></p><p><span class="text Exod-3-10" id="en-NKJV-1590">Moses is afraid. He is reluctant. He has questions, concerns. In the end he outright refuses. But God manages to use Moses anyway. Praise God. </span> <br /></p><p>God is familiar with oppression. He hates it. He plans to fix it. But He has His own time and His own way. Maybe He will use me in my corner of the vineyard. </p><p>I too am afraid. I am reluctant. I have questions, concerns and I can try to run away in frustration and confusion. Please God, use me anyway. </p><p>And I will praise You. </p><p> </p>Barbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12204440667696180345noreply@blogger.com0