Saturday, February 17, 2024

Put on Your Armor

Having just completed Priscilla Shirer's study The Armor of God, here are my notes and blessings received that I want to remember...

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:10-18).

We talk about Faith being a journey. Sounds like a trip to Disneyland. But here we are reminded it is a battlefield. The enemy may be invisible but he is very real, clever and persistent. We may think we are immune because we are believers, but we are not. However, the Holy Spirit gives us power but we must employ the strategies Paul gives us to overcome the evil one. We must be alert and participate in the battle.

First we must be alert to the lies of the enemy. Refuse to allow trials or comforts to make us unaware of the battle. Pay attention to not only our areas of weakness but also of great strength. Pray the Lord would not only protect us, but also open our eyes to see where we need to engage in the battle. Help us notice the lies of the enemy and understand and desire God's truth. 

For me, my weakness is my desire for control, the lure of comfort, and my attraction to chaos. Father, help me to quiet my soul to hear when You want me to act, or silently pray and trust You. Help me not seek mere comfort but true peace, Your Shalom, which sometimes requires action when I would prefer to rest, confrontation when I would prefer to make nice, and being still when I feel I must act. Help me see, Beloved! Help me hear Your voice. You have promised to give us this wisdom when we ask; You are in our hearts always and all we need to do is ask You.

Truth is what God says. Jesus is truth. This is the starting place. Whether we understand--or  not; whether we agree--or not; whether we like it--or not; whether it is uncomfortable--or not. His Word is true and we must AGREE with it and LIVE it. God's truth may restrict us, but it also give us the pathway to peace with not only God, but also with others. His ways was never given to harm us but to give us the best future and hope.

Truth gives us freedom! It may look like restricted living but we all have a master, and we get to pick: rebellion or Jesus. Jesus is always the best choice and gives us true freedom.

The enemy tells us it's only a small thing, it won't really hurt, it's not really a problem. But it does hurt. It is a problem. Partial obedience is rebellion. Secret sins are not hidden from God. The enemy is always lying.

A life of righteousness, aligned with God's truth, is a demonstration to the world of the beauty and peace of holiness, testifying of God's love. Because of Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection, I am already the righteousness of Christ. I already have it. Before I do anything, I have everything I need. He has already been victorious, I need only to walk in its power. We have an invisible partner: the Holy Spirit. He is renewing our minds, changing our attitudes and desires, giving us strength. And our invisible partner is much stronger than the invisible enemy! Our focus must be on our spiritual health and the Spirit will supply all we need.

Peace with God should break down the dividing wall between us and others because we all fall short of God's glory. Jesus provides forgiveness for us all. We engage, showing others respect, listening, being kind but sharing truth. This allows others to see Jesus. Some will reject, but may it not be because we were not gentle and patient.

Peace means trust in God: being thankful, focusing on the good, taking our sorrows and anxiety to Him, doing what is right and trusting Him with the results. Then He promises us His peace. 

The shoes of peace He gives us are GO shoes. We are to go to others, bringing peace, joy, love and good news of reconciliation and salvation. He has created us for good works what He has prepared for us beforehand. What I say matters. What I pray matters. The enemy wants me to retire and I must not.

Faith is a shield to us to protect us from the distractions of the enemy. Faith is when we choose to act according to God's truth event when we can't know the outcome. "Faith is acting like it is so, even when it is not so, so that it might be so, simply because God said so." -- Dr. Tony Evans.

I can be absorbed by things I can't change (in culture and in politics), instead of paying attention to more important things in my own life that are truly my responsibility. 

God will help me when I take the first step. I will not run out of time--God is in control of that! As we move forward, God gives us a holy confidence and bold courage to push back on the things that had been overwhelming us. It is not about the size of our faith. It is about the power and faithfulness of our God. The enemy hopes we will be deterred by how feel and what we perceive. That is why he makes us feel unloved, insecure, incapable, or afraid. We can't let him win this war. We must trust God. He is always worth the risk.

Beloved Jesus, help me to have self-control: I don't want to do what my body and heart tells me to do, and allow myself to be ruled by my desires. Instead I want to allow the Spirit to rule me, to be alert and intentional.  

The helmet of our salvation protects our brains by reminding us our identity is in Christ. We are our Beloved's and His desire is for us. We must hold onto it and protect it. Our brain is affected by what our mind thinks. Science now demonstrates thoughts change the chemistry of our brain. When we change our thinking, we change our mind and then it changes our life. "Every time we have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body--for better or for worse." -- Dr. Caroline Leaf

We there must take every thought captive:

  • Review each thought 
  • Refuse idle and evil
  • Replace with God's truth
  • Repeat
When we agree with and rehearse the enemy's lies, we are a partner with him in building up walls that keep us captive. There may be a grain of truth, but entangle that from the other lies.

We always need the humility to ask the question: is it me, Lord? But with it we must have the peace to know that what is my sin, when I confess and repent, I can be confident God will be faithful to forgive and restore me. And the Holy Spirit will change me. But when the enemy uses others to tell me lies about myself, I must reject those lies  

We act out who we believe we are. Before I make a choice, reflect on the why--the motivation behind it. 

And always compare all to God's Word. It is our great weapon against the enemy. God speaks to us because He loves us. Listen to Him.

We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared for us beforehand so that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

Beloved Father, You saw who You created me to be before I became me! Before I'd even seen the light of day, the number of my days You planned for me were already recorded in Your Book... How precious and wonderful to consider that You cherish me! (Psalm 139:16-17 TPT) 

You cherish me not for what I do, but for who You made me to be, Praise God! 

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

The Desire of Our Hearts

When we allow the desire for any one thing to get ahold of our heart so strongly and we focus on it so much that we do whatever it takes to get it--strive for it, work for it, dream, scheme and manipulate for it--when we elevate it to a "need" we will die without it...

Then this is sin, specifically called coveting, and we have elevated it to kingship in our life. And then it begins to rule over us.

Our desires rule us. Not God.  

Our love for Him, our trust and devotion, must remove the thing we desired then "needed" from the throne and allow God to return and take His rightful place, as King of our hearts alone. He will have His way away! He loves us and knows all things and everything He does is Right and Good and Pure and True. 

We find as we lie in our bed mourning our loss and weeping with our faces to the wall that God is right. Eventually His way is true, His way will come true. Nothing will change that.

And we find that we do not die without it. We go on to other things, love other people, serve in other places and these things are good. Better even. Of course they are!


Father, I realize now that sometimes our dreams becoming coveting, a sin. Sin, when grasped and desired, elevated to urgently needed, held to our chest, it kills us as we drift into worshipping it instead of You. 

Allow me to always see this in my life in BIG and in small ways. Allow me to let go, or hold on loosely. Help me to accept the outcome with grace and celebrate whatever as Your truth, Your grace, Your goodness! Let obedience taste good in my mouth and allow me to pursue it for its own sake. 

Because in pursuing obedience I honor You and draw closer to Your peace. Let no thing, no matter how beautiful, desirable, or even good, distract me or deter me from following You.

And he did evil because he did not set his heart to seek (inquire of, yearn for) the Lord with all his desire. (2 Chronicles 12:14 AMP)

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Way to Heaven

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. One year ago today we sat with the Hospice nurse. After examining mom she told us what we already knew. Mom was actively dying. She advised us to go in one at the time and then leave her alone to pass in peace.

Mom looking fabulous of course!

Mom always loved making an entrance. She would purposefully would arrive late to a party, so everyone would already be there and see her when she walked in. She was a firm believer in it’s better to arrive late than ugly.

Lying in her bed, withered and frail, unable to talk or swallow or even see at the end, there was no way she could have made that exit as her lovely vivacious self. So when we all left her, she left too. My prayer has been that when she met Jesus it will be in her age-30 body, full make-up, spike heels and beautiful dress.

Mom was a forward looking woman. She was still planning vacation cruises in her 90s. Of course, she was not able to go, but I think just the planning was comforting to her. She may have been in her sunset years, but life was not over and she intended to live fully to the end. Which by the mercy of God she was able to do. Until the last weeks when the cancer caused her body to fade slowly away, she did everything, joined groups at the independent living community, went out with her grandchildren, enjoyed her companion Frank.

Mom would love to see her grandkids together

So it is with great regret I need to confess this year was about death for me. My 2023 word of the year was death. I tried to shake it off, but could not. With mom gone, I am next to oldest in my family. As I sorted through her clothing, her trinkets and decorations, then her jewelry and her photos, I could not shake the questions. She was so alive; how could she now be so dead? What would she think of us as we look at her personal items and give some to family, give most away and discard the rest? Does she know how much we miss her? Can she see her great-grandchildren as they learn to walk, go to school, play football, and one being born?

Never has heaven felt more real than now that both my mom and dad are in it.

Even as I tried to shake it off, at year end, more people passed, and it all came back to me.
Mom would have loved to see Gio
play football 



Looking at death in the face – and not blinking – is very important.

At the services I attended, they read from the gospel of John. The disciple John recalls and shares with us the words of Jesus the night before He died.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
(John 14:1-4)

This is mission of Jesus. To gather us so we will be with Him forever in the place He is preparing for us. We call it Heaven, a place of peace, abundance and delight. But the disciples were unaware of the impending crucifixion of Jesus and they were confused. Actually I am too so I am so glad brave Thomas asked the question everyone in the room was wondering.

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we don’t know where You are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered,
“I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you really know Me, you will know My Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” (John 14:5-7)

Jesus is clear. He is the way to His kingdom and there is no other way. Not only to believe in Him as an excellent teacher or even as the Son of God, but also have enough faith to follow His ways. As Jesus stated as the discussion continued:

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

Jesus answered:
“Don’t you know Me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me? The words I say to you I do not speak on My own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in Me, who is doing his work. Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves...”

“If you love Me, keep My commands... Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them.”
(John 14:8-11, 15, 21)

There are some of this generation who find this offensive and I get it, it is a hard thing to accept if you feel on the outside of the Christian camp. What about the people who never heard of Jesus? The good people who have other religious backgrounds?

The Christian camp is bad metaphor. In a camp, you sign up, you pay your fee and have fun inside the camp. Others who did not sign up and did not pay the fee are kept outside. Even if they would like to come in.

Mom wanted to meet her new grandchild

Heaven is a kingdom open to all who will choose to say yes to Jesus’ invitation.
He left the glory of heaven to sign you up. He paid the total price on the cross. And then He provided the receipt at the resurrection. All we have to do is say yes and accept it as a free gift.

Yes, I know you may have objections…

“I have things I do that are wrong according to the Bible,” you may say. Me too. The Holy Spirit can work with that. Actually the list of rules is quite brief, here it is in two sentences:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Yes, it is more complicated than that, but that is the place to start, a good place, an “easy yoke, a light burden” as Jesus put it. If we have faith in Jesus, and believe He created the world and loves us, we will trust Him enough to keep His commandments. It does not happen all at once. But the Holy Spirit is there to help us.

“I don’t like Christians, they are mean and judgmental and hypocrites”, you may say. Sadly, yes I would agree. We are a motley bunch and we are who Jesus has decided to work with. Please be patient with us as the Holy Spirit will work on us too. The idea is we are all imperfect, all other imperfect people are welcome. You too! Me too!

“All my friends will hate me,” you may say. Yes, agreed that is a problem. Many hated Jesus too. You see what they did to Him. I don’t want to sugar coat it. It can get ugly. But when we continue to be loving as well as truthful to others, sometimes our friends can come around to believing in Jesus as well. The Holy Spirit uses us all like that.

All I can say is you can’t take part of what Jesus says and ignore other parts. It’s like the news sound bite where they report on part of what someone says that is the best—or the worst-- and leave out the rest! Jesus promised Heaven to anyone who would believe and have the faith to follow Him. We are all invited. We choose to come early and ugly (that was me because I never want to miss anything!) or late and beautiful (my mom!) or we can walk away.

I have read the works and words of Jesus and I can’t un-see that He is the Son of God. He is asking you today to consider reading it too, opening up your heart to Him. His Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.

And as for the rest of us who already believe and follow? I don’t know about you but as for me, I feel Jesus is leading me to be intentional about my choices, to follow Him closely, holding up the lamp of the Word to lead me day by day. Because as I said, I am only growing older and the time is short. I am confident that although the end of my trip may be difficult, the destination will be fabulous.

"The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
(John 14:26)

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance… So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him. (2 Peter 3:9, 14)

Don’t have a Bible? No problem, it’s all online! Visit www.biblegateway.com  or for the visual learner, try www.bibleproject.com

Ella loves makeup like her great-grandma
but she has to work on it!

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

The Most Important Christmas Tradition

What is your favorite holiday tradition? 

I have a favorite Christmas tradition, one I did with my daughters, my grandson, and now with my granddaughter this year. My first baby was born on Christmas Eve. Needless to say, Christmas has always been a very busy time for our family since then. On her second Christmas, she was one year old, and not only did I have to plan for Christmas but also her first birthday party. I'm sure you can all relate. 

What changed our Christmas celebration trajectory was something that happened exactly six months after her birth on June 24, 1988. That was the day of my spiritual awakening. Some of you may know what that is like, some of you would call it a "born-again" experience. For me, it felt similar to my first romance. I felt joyful and light. I wanted to tell everyone about it, even though most other people I told did not understand. And I wanted to know everything about my new love, who was Jesus. So I looked in the best place where I could find out about Him, the Bible. 

At the time, the knowledge I wanted most was how to be a good mom, since the whole mothering thing was new to me and I had no idea what I was doing. I started at the beginning of the Bible and I found this instruction that was gold and I determined to follow it. It is from Deuteronomy 6:4-7:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

This made sense to me at the time, and now in retrospect, I realize how important it was to teach our children about God as they naturally go about their days. It is good also to bring your children to church for instructions, it is great if they have grandparents or aunts and uncles to also tell them about God. 

But moms, it is of vital importance that YOU tell them yourself as you wake them up in the morning, as you put them to bed at night, as you drive them around. It is most impactful to them to lead by your own example of faith. Anyone one who had a toddler knows they model your behavior, the good and the bad. 

So I took this seriously. And when Christmas came around, I was diligent to teach them the story of Christmas. My mother-in-law made this easy for me because she had given me a Nativity set with plastic people. I used these plastic people to tell the story of Jesus to my children. 

 • I told them about how the angel Gabriel came to Mary to announce to her that she would be blessed to be the mother of the Son of God. And Mary said Yes! 

• I explained how the angel then came to Joseph in a dream to tell him that he should marry Mary and to name the baby Jesus. And Joseph said Yes! 

• I used the donkey to show the long ride to Bethlehem and how Joseph knocked on doors asking, Any rooms? 

• Finally Mary and Joseph had their baby Jesus in a barn and she put Jesus asleep in the hay. 

• Also I told them the story of the shepherds at night in the fields watching their sheep and how the angels announced the news of great joy about the baby Jesus. And the shepherds said, Let's go see!

• Finally I told them about the wise men from far away who came to find and worship baby Jesus. They gave Him three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh. 


We used the plastic Nativity people each year to re-tell the story as we put together the manger scene and talked about God's love for us. I encouraged them to imagine the great and awesome God who created the heavens and earth, who knows the name of every star, yet also knows the numbers of hairs on your head, who created each type of animal, each blade of grass, each drop of water in the ocean, that God, loved us so much He became human to live among us.

Jesus could have come any TIME He wanted. He could have come in 2023 and been a Tik-Tok influencer in the age of the internet and air planes and indoor plumbing. How easy it would have been for Him to spread His message and become famous! 

But instead the time He chose was when the best mode of travel was a donkey and the best message delivery system was to speak from the top of a hill. 

Jesus could have come any WAY He wanted. He could have come as the son of a powerful king, or the son of a wealthy and honored rabbi. He could have come like the angels did, out of the sky, like a mighty warrior dressed in blazing glory. 

But instead, He chose a poor young girl, allowed her to travel far away from family and friends, to give birth in a barn surrounded by animals. Jesus came as a baby, and we all know what that means, right? He could not feed Himself, dress Himself, burp Himself or clean Himself. Plus there was no mom there for Mary, to remind her, "don't forget to support his head!" Or to say, "let me come over for the first time and show you how to give him a bath." Jesus allowed Himself to be helpless and trusted a teenage girl with His life. 

Why in the world did Jesus do that? 

Because He loves us. Because it was important for Him to relate to us. For Jesus to understand what it was like to be human by becoming one of us. For Him to be worthy for the sacrifice He would be making later on our behalf. 

And for us to have the option of faith. We choose to believe Him. Or not. He wants our love and He invites us, but He will not force us. 

Now the rest of the traditions are fun too and we enjoy them, but for our family, we were so busy we forgot to tell our children about Santa Claus. So we just never did. 

But honestly I do have this one problem with the way we use Santa to keep our children from going over the deep end in all the Christmas excitement. We tell them Santa comes ONLY for the GOOD little girls and boys. That he sees them when they are sleeping, knows when they're awake. He knows if they have been bad or good. And I get it, moms, no judgment from me! I am down for "whatever works". 

Jesus was just the opposite. Jesus not only came to show us all what God was really like. He came to all BAD girls and boys. And not to give us coal in our Christmas stockings. No, rather He came to provide us with forgiveness and to reconcile and restore our relationship with God. And honestly, we are ALL bad girls and boys. 

Just to prove the point, let me ask: 

Who of you have never, in your life, done anything wrong? Anything that violates your OWN moral code of conduct? Could you claim you are perfectly good? 

No?

Me neither. Matter of fact, if you give me 20 minutes I will say or do something wrong. So I'd better wrap this up then. 

Jesus came not only to live with us but also to pay the debt for all the things we did wrong. Not to look the other way, mind you and say to us, "that's ok sweetheart, you do you." 

No, He paid the price instead of us so that we could be with a holy God in heaven forever and empower us to live better while we are here. 

Click here for the original Christmas story in a translation that will be easy for your young child to understand. If you need to hear it again or hear it for the first time, please read it. Think about it. Be like the most famous mom in history, Mary of Nazareth, and treasure it in your heart. 

I encourage you this Christmas to share with your children the most miraculous story ever told, how God loved you and your children so much that He left the glory of paradise to be a baby and grow up, as an average child, just like the little one you love at home. The awesome God in a tiny baby's body. What is a better story than that? 

======= 

Here's a question for you. 

It is interesting to read how different people reacted to the birth of Jesus. Mary and Joseph both said YES to the angel despite the hardships they would encounter. The shepherds were excited and came to see Jesus. The wise men brought gifts to honor and worship Jesus. 

But King Herod tried to find Jesus to murder Him. The gospel of Matthew 2:16 tells us: "Herod realized that the Wise Men had tricked him. So he became very angry. He gave orders about Bethlehem and the area around it. He ordered all the boys two years old and under to be killed. This agreed with the time when the Wise Men had seen the star." 

How do you react to the story of Jesus' birth? 

• Excited and joyful 

• Grateful 

• Worshipful 

• Indifferent 

• Skeptical 

• Offended 

• Hostile

Friday, September 29, 2023

Intentional

Usually I start the year with a "Word of the Year" but it seemed like this year I was too absorbed with my mom, her illness and then her passing. At first that seemed to be my default word of the year: death. 

However that does not honor my mom. My mom was very intentional about life. She was always trying to better herself, move forward, right up to the end when she started to say she was "fading away." It was then when she knew and accepted her next step would be death. While I needed and wanted to be by her side at that time, now I need to go in a different direction. 

So as I wrote this years September mentor moment, I realize these MOPS themes are not just for the new moms, they are for me.

Now I am in the autumn of my life. Not that I am complaining, autumn is a beautiful season. It may be closer to the end, but it is not over yet! It seems even more important to be intentional about what I say yes to and what I walk away from. Even in September it is not too late for a Word of the Year! 

Jesus, please help me be more intentional with my life!

* * *


from the MOPS September Mentor Moment

When the Montclair MOPS group first started over 20 years ago, I was close friends with the woman who organized it. At that time, my two daughters were already in elementary school and I thought, how wonderful it would have been to have a MOPS group when my daughters were newborns. When my first was born, I was 32 years old and knew nothing about navigating life as a new mom. My life revolved around my career. Most of my friends were people I worked with. Even the Bible study I attended at the time was with my co-workers. When I was at home alone with my new baby I was like a ship unmoored. To tell you the truth, initially, I didn’t think I would survive. I was surprised by how hard it was. I was startled by how lonely I felt. Each stage seemed to last forever. And I was stunned that after each stage had passed, how passionately I missed it, even the ones that were difficult at the time.

I stayed at home with my daughters until they went to pre-school and then I worked part time and eventually full time. I retired in July 2022. Barely two months had passed when Sandy asked me to join the MOPS team as a mentor mom, and I was thrilled to say yes!

Matter of fact, that is the theme for MOPS this year: Say Yes!

I will grant you that it is easy to say yes for me today because my children are grown and I’m retired. It’s a lot harder as a mom with littles. Most days are NO NO NO! No, you don’t put that in your mouth! No, you can’t watch another video. No, we don’t hit our brother. No, I’m too busy and can’t meet you for coffee. No, I am too tired tonight honey. Finally, it’s No you can’t borrow the car … but that’s for another day.

This year MOPS is encouraging us to add YES to our vocabulary. Agreed, we need to avoid people-pleasing or over-extending ourselves. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about understanding our goals and moving through life on purpose.

And it’s not only about mothering, it’s about everything: our friendships, marriage, our extended family, and work. We can get so caught up in the urgent demands of the day-to-day, and then years go by and we realize we haven’t been making the small choices that will get us where we actually wanted to be. Too often, our ‘yeses’ are default decisions we aren’t even intentionally making or we say yes to the stuff we feel obligated to do.

Our MOPS Theme Bible verse this year is: Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin… (from the prophet Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

What if we started out with small steps, being intentional to say ‘yes’ to the important things?
Yes, to parenting on purpose. Yes, to significant challenges and out-of-our-comfort-zone opportunities. Yes, to carving out time for our marriage. And yes to invitations to connect with others.

Developing a ‘yes’ mindset is living intentionally, focused on our goals for ourselves and our families. Specifically, we want to practice saying yes in three areas:

1. Befriend Discomfort

As mothers, we are no strangers to discomfort. Just the entrance of our baby into the world was extremely discomforting, to say the least. Everything we do seems sacrificial. What if we saw the discomfort and the sacrifices as a blessing instead of a curse? What if it is an opportunity instead of a failure? What if we saw the problem as a challenge with potential for good? Maybe the dead end is really a new beginning.

We have this one life. Do we want to spend it regretting the things we didn’t do? Avoiding awkward situations? Procrastinating until opportunity passes us by? Distracted by mourning prior seasons of our lives?

What if the way forward is to embrace difficult things instead of avoiding them? Befriending Discomfort is a life hack that can improve every area of our lives. Tackling challenges can help us become more confident and more courageous. When we take that first step we start to feel less fragile and less stressed. Opportunity can pass us by while we wait until we feel ‘ready’ or qualified or when all the details come together perfectly. Instead let’s step forward and do it afraid. And let’s invite our kids along for the thrill that comes with doing hard things.

James, the brother of Jesus sums it up perfectly when he stated (in James 1:2-4 NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Yes, I want to be mature and complete, don’t you? Honestly there is no way around it. Mothering is hard. It’s exhausting, stressful, frustrating and even painful. You have to do the hard things anyway. Welcome each challenge knowing it will change you for the good.

2. Be Easily Delighted

The other side of mothering is it is incredibly wonderful if you have the eyes to see it. But that sense of delight is the first thing to go between midnight feedings, changing poopy diapers, piles of dirty dishes, stacks of unpaid bills, plus worrying about doing things right. But we can change all of that when we learn to look for the lovely. We can learn to love what must be done and be captivated by simple things like the smell of our kids’ hair and our husband’s glances across the room. It’s all decadent when we take the time to stop and really notice. This year let’s pray for God’s help to be easily delighted with the small things because the small things are the big things.

Our Bible verse from King David’s Psalm 18:19 reminds us of God’s feelings for us:

He brought me out into a spacious place. He rescued me because He delighted in me. (Psalm 18:19 NIV)

If God can find delight is this broken world and in us when we up to knees in dirty laundry, we can surely find delight in our children and our lives.

3. Be Here Now

Our culture tells us it’s all up to us. And while we certainly want to do our best, we must acknowledge that most of life is out of our control. Let’s replace the urge to have a death-grip every possible outcome with the humble surrender that our best will have to suffice. This year let’s remember our direction is more important than our speed. Let’s not let hurry and worry rob us of our time in this sweet season of our lives. Instead, let’s trust God will provide for our every need, and that means we can tend to our kids, marriage, home, friendships, neighborhood, and the work God has given us and take the time to enjoy ourselves while we are doing it.


In Matthew 6:26-27 Jesus Himself reminds us of God’s care for all the details of our lives:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:26-27 NIV)

Now I have been married for 42 years, a mother for 35 years and a grandmother for 17 years. In the end not only did I survive, but my memories of mothering are the sweetest of my life. I do not regret any sacrifice. What I want to offer you, dear moms, is perspective and encouragement because mothering is hard. It not sexy, the pay is bad, and they don’t give awards. But I am convinced mothering is the most important aspect of our lives. When I look at my family today, I am so grateful I did the hard things, that I took the time to enjoy my children and that I chose to trust God for what I could not control. Which was quite a lot. I have found God has been faithful.


My own mom passed away earlier this year. We were very fortunate as she lived an active life until she was sick briefly and then passed at age 94. I think about what she has left me. Oh, we did get some money, nice jewelry, and way too many collectibles. But the most important things she left us we can’t see or touch: it was her love, kindness, generosity, her courage, and her passion for life. Those things are inside me now and I can’t lose them. I want to pass on those things too, but I need to be intentional to do it. I need to say yes to the right things. I pray this year we can help each other figure that out together.

I am excited for this year at MOPS and I am honored to be part of this team who are dedicated to serving moms. We know you want to get it right and we want to support you. We promise to provide you with practical information and the most delicious brunch in New Jersey.

I pray that you will find a supportive and loving community of moms here at MOPS. The other mentor moms and I would be happy to meet with you outside of MOPS or right after our meeting, to discuss any questions you may have on parenting, marriage or about your spiritual journey. We love listening to small questions or big life questions, and we firmly believe there are no stupid questions. Maybe you just need a listening ear or someone to vent to. We are here for you.

If you live in northern New Jersey and are interested in joining us, visit montclair.church/mops 

If you are not, then visit mops.org to find a local group near you.

Tuesday, September 19, 2023

The Story of Eliseo and Mary Lucciola

as remembered by my brother Gabriel R. Micchelli
09-12-2023  

 

Heritage and Pedigree of the Lucciola Family

This is the story of my maternal grandfather’s immigration experience coming from Italy to the United States America in 1918. Like tens of millions of other Europeans, he came through Ellis Island. The colloquialism “coming through” seems appropriate because he was like a baby being born, coming through the birth canal, not knowing what would happen next or where he was going. Tens of millions of immigrants’ stories are similar. In those days they came by ship. Ellis Island was the birth canal through which the immigrant passed checkpoints and waited to be born into new life, a life of freedom and opportunity in the United States of America.

How I heard this Story

I would ride my bicycle on the warm summer days in July of 1968, down my street to the corner. Once I turned that corner, I was out of sight of my home at 101 Forest Street. I’d ride down a long hill to the busy cross street of Union Avenue where I would make a right turn and ride on the sidewalk for a few long blocks until I reached EL Cleaners on Union Avenue near Joralemon Street - another busy thoroughfare. Joralemon Street was named after one of Belleville’s founding families from the early 18 century.

I’d kickstand my Stingray bike on the sidewalk and visit my grandfather - who I called Popa. I’d watch him sow and press suits and wait on customers. When times were slow, I’d ask him things. Many things. What it was like when he was my age. How old he was when he came to the US. What mom was like when she was a young girl.

Most kids my age had heroes who were sports figures and astronauts. My heroes were businessmen like my grandpa and my dad and his brothers and sister. Dad had five other brothers and a sister in the hairdressing business. My paternal grandfather, the original Gabriel, passed away when my dad was four years old of an unknown illness. My grandfather Gabriel’s brother Nicholas looked after his brother’s young family. When Joe, Nick and Gabriel came home from WWII in 1944 and 1945, their Uncle Nick set them up in hairdressing school and afterwards, brought them into this hairdressing salon in Newark’s busy and bustling downtown. Once employed at Micchelli Hairdressing, Joe, Nick, and Gabriel joined their other brothers, Louis, Anthony and Michael, and their sister Philomena. Also in this gaggle of Micchelli hairdressers was Louis’ son, another Gabriel, named after his grandfather. The two youngest hairdressers in the shop were 18 year old Gabriel, Louis’ son and 22 year old Gabriel, my dad – both named after the same man.

Enough about the Micchelli family for now. Let’s get back to my Papa. My mom was Papa’s only daughter. Papa and grandma Mary raised their daughter Louise in Belleville, on the other side of town from where we lived. Grandma died when I was a toddler - before I could know her. Papa came to live with us after grandma passed and he was like a 2nd father to Barbara and me. I don’t remember a time without Papa being there. Papa and I played a little, but we talked a lot when I was a young boy. Papa’s life was his tailor shop and his daughter Louise and all of us. He and dad would talk about business along with mom. When dad left Uncle Nick’s salon in Newark, he and brother Michael opened their own salon. When dad finally went on his own, Papa gave dad confidence and was a valuable sounding board.

Papa had a relationship with a woman from Brooklyn. Her name was Yetta. She was a Jewish lady who escaped Germany just before WWII and was a great dancer according to Papa. Papa would take the train to meet Yetta on the weekends and they would go dancing. She worked at the Knickerbocker Toy Company in New York City. The name 'Knickerbocker' was derived from the nickname for the citizens of New York in reference to the baggy trousers (knickers) that the original Dutch settlers wore. Yetta came to our house for holiday dinners and once we all went to New York City to meet her and her son for dinner. She was fun and funny and was the only grandmother that I ever knew, as both of my grandmothers had passed away before I ever knew them.

The story that follows is as I heard it in bits and pieces when I was 11 years old from my grandfather, Eliseo (Eddie) Lucciola, in the back of his tailor shop on warm July afternoons in 1968.

The Story Begins in Cassino Italy

Eliseo was startled awake one morning in his small bed in Cassino. He had made his decision concerning a letter he received from his older brother Serafino, postmarked America. Serafino had left Italy a few years before for America. He had been sending money. A few weeks ago, a letter came from Serafino addressed to Eliseo. It said,

In Italian,“Vieni in America dove ho un lavoro per te nella mia sartoria. La vita è bella qui. Arriva attraverso i servizi di immigrazione di New York City a Ellis Island, USA. Fammi sapere il nome della nave che prendi da Napoli a New York, e ti incontrerò nel luogo designato vicino a Ellis Island.”

In English, “Come to America where I have work for you in my tailor shop. Life is good here. Arrive through New York City Immigration Services at Ellis Island, USA. Let me know the name of the ship you take from Naples to New York, and I will meet you at the designated place near Ellis Island.”

Eliseo and his bride, Mary

That letter had been rattling around in Eliseo’s head for weeks. He had never thought about going to America before, but the letter forced Eliseo to look at life in his village. “What kind of life is there for me here in Cassino?”, he thought.

He was 17 years old and was apprenticed to a tailor in Cassino for little wages, to learn a trade. He made extra money by chopping wood for the townspeople in Cassino with his small axe and pick. If he left for America, his younger brother, 12-year-old Elisia, would take over chopping wood for money to buy the family provisions such as flower, eggs, salt, and bread. The cow and their little garden his mother tended supplied milk and enough produce to sustain them.

Mother’s thoughts - and becoming “American”

Eliseo had spoken to his mother about Serafino’s letter and asked her what she thought of him leaving Italy for America. She said, “Italy is old, and the plight of the people hadn’t changed in 1,000 years, and may not change for another 1,000, but America was young and growing.” It was his decision to make, and his alone. She would support whatever he decided to do.

Eliseo thought about what his life would be like in Italy and what his life could be in America. America had gained a reputation during WWI as a powerhouse. People in America were free and not restrained by the circumstances of their birth, or by a repressive government, or by the vendettas of the powerful Mafia who wielded power in Italy. Now with the war over, Eliseo wanted to be free to do what he wanted to do. Go where he wanted to go. He wanted to get married someday and for his family to have a better life than what Italy could offer. He wanted liberty. In that moment, thinking about what we now call “the American dream”, he became an American.

The ship to American sailed from Naples, which was a few days walk from Cassino. He took what money he had and set out for Naples to find work to earn money to sail to America. He left early in the morning and walked all day. The first night he spent just off the road sleeping in a field near some bushes. The next night he slept in an empty barn near a farmhouse. The following day he arrived walking into Naples. It was a large city for the young man who grew up on a small plot of land, in a tiny house, on the outskirts of Cassino.

Naples is the sprawling regional capital of Campania and the third-largest city of Italy, after Rome and Milan. This ancient city had been the capital of the Kingdom of the Two Sicilia. Before that it was the capital of the Kingdom of Naples, and before that it was the capital of the Duchy of Naples. Founded by Greeks in the first millennium BC. Naples is one of the oldest continuously inhabited urban areas in the world – and it looked every day of it. The city was filthy.

By contrast, the ancient bucolic village of Cassino lies at the foot of Mount Cassino, the sight of the great monastery of Saint Benedict. A city of medieval origins, Cassino is scarred by multiple battles and ancient wars. Now a peaceful village. Eliseo had once climbed the steep hillside and approached the ancient wall of the monastery only to be brushed away by the monks who tended the garden outside the walls. Before descending he stopped and took in the grand view from the top of the mountain overlooking his village. He felt like a rich man surveying his lands. He thought of his father.

His father had died when Eliseo was eight years old of an unknown ailment. His mother raised three sons and after his father had died, kept them fed and clothed by taking in sewing in the village for the tailor who was Eliseo’s master and teacher. Before leaving for America, Serafino had chopped wood and done odd jobs to help feed his brothers and mother.

Eliseo’s mother was funny and chatty and wise, and always gave him and his brothers good advice. He always felt good about things and confident in himself whenever they would talk. She smiled while listening to Eliseo. When he told her he was leaving Cassino. She told Eliseo that he was capable of doing great things and should never give up. She reminded him as she had many times, that he was descended from the same great Italian people that had produced the likes of Leonardo DaVinci, Christopher Columbus, Galileo and Michelangelo.

Earning money in Naples

Eliseo soon got a job serving coffee in a little shop in downtown Naples and slept at the top of the stairs in a small room. The next week he got a job waiting tables in a better restaurant such that he could stay at a nearby farmhouse with a family who had a spare room. Then one day he ran into Antony, a 2nd cousin about the same age who was also working to earn money to sail to America. They pooled their money and rented one room to save faster. Within a few months they had saved enough for their fare to America. They didn’t think it necessary to purchase grand accommodations onboard. As soon as they had enough for the cheapest fare and a little more to get started in America, they left on the next ship. Eliseo and Antony did not know how far away America was or how long it would take to get to New York or what would happen when they arrived. Antony had a cousin in New York City and Eliseo had his brother to meet him when he got to Ellis Island. Rumors of what America was like came from returning travelers who had all sorts of differing stories, which Eliseo discounted. They were returning from America or somewhere else.

Off to America

Before they boarded the ship for New York City, Eliseo mailed a letter to his brother containing the name of his ship. The letter would probably sail with them on the same ship. They boarded the ship and found their small cabin that they would share with eight other people. Breakfast and dinner were provided by the crew who served it on large tables in a larger interior cabin of the ship. Breakfast was an egg at various degrees of boiled hardness, two pieces of bread and coffee. Dinner was stew with some meat and vegetables.

The last day of September 1919 was a beautiful end of summer day in Naples. A great day to embark. By the next evening the ship had sailed to the point where it was directly between Marsala in Sicily, Cagliari in Sardinia, and Bizerte in Tunisia. The ship at that position was 100 miles from each city. Each was over the horizon and out of sight. The Mediterranean is a vast and open sea. Eliseo and Antony were amazed at the vastness and wondered how the ancients traversed it in small wooden boats. It would take another four days to reach Gibraltar. The Rock was clearly visible as was the African city of Puerto de Ceuta, the furthest southern outcrop of Spain.

After sailing through the straight they lost sight of the Rock of Gibraltar. Then leaving behind the last site of land, the city of Tangier in Morocco, the vast stormy Atlantic opened up. The next two weeks were open water, rocking seas and seasickness. The last land that was visible before reaching New York was the Acores Islands. The ship sailed between Mt Caldaria on the little island of San Petro and Ponta Delgada on the greater Isle of Saint Miguel. The storms of early October sent the ship tossing in the North Atlantic for what seemed like an eternity, actually 18 more days at sea. During that time Eliseo and Antony were very seasick. A fellow passenger gave them cigarettes to calm their stomachs. Smoking only made their heads hurt but after a while the headaches went away, and smoking cigarettes passed the time. Dying of lung cancer 53 years later was the last thing on Eliseo’s mind.

Approaching NYC and the Statue of Liberty

Every morning Eliseo would come up on deck to see the sun rise over the stern of the ship. It had been heading east since leaving Gibraltar but on this morning the sunrise was off the starboard beam, his right as he looked toward the bow of the ship. It was steaming north, giving him hope that their journey was coming to an end.

What had started out as an exciting sea adventure had turned into a sickness drenched, dirty, exhausting affair. Antony had been sick with a cold for much of the trip and he was weak and often unable to take care of himself. Eliseo brought him food and kept him warm by sharing his blanket so that Antony would have two when it got cold. Sickness was rampant throughout the passengers and crew.

Finally, the next daybreak after a particularly bad night with Antony, Eliseo came up on deck to see in the distance the two sandy beaches separating the mighty Atlantic from what seemed a safe harbor. These sandy beaches are Sandy Hook in New Jersey and Breezy Point in Long Island. Eliseo didn’t know where he was or where he was going next but was relieved that landing seemed close at hand. Briefly, he had seen the day before, distant beaches as the ship sailed up the coast of New Jersey.

Sailing past the sandy outcroppings on each side, the ship headed straight toward South Beach on Staten Island then came hard to starboard with Seagate off the starboard beam. The ship then pointed directly between what looked like big shoulders of land, those being the Verrazzano Narrows separating Lower New York Bay from Upper New York Bay. Giovanni da Verrazzano an Italian explorer followed his compatriot Columbus, landing on the North American continent’s southeastern shores. He then sailed northward along the coast, just like Eliseo and Anthony did, discovering New York’s lower and upper bays, again just like Eliseo and Anthony. Verrazzano named the narrow entrance to the great river that Henry Hudson would later name after himself.

Once through the Narrows the land slipped back and opened to the bustling Upper New York Bay. Ferryboats and sailing ships and other large ships, garbage scows and cityscapes on both sides of the Hudson River were visible with buildings and people. It was a misty, cool morning and there was so much to look at.

Suddenly, from out of the mist a gigantic woman dressed in green, bronze robes. It was the largest thing Eliseo had ever seen. She is mounted on a stone block pedestal. The woman is lifting a torch in her right hand and carrying a book in her left. She wore a crown of seven points and looked down to welcome newcomers. In confusion and gratitude and awe, Eliseo fell to his knees as he stared at the lady in the harbor. He heard those on the deck say…

In Italian, “Che paese e questo! Avere un tale Colosso nel porto accogliere le persone che vengone a cercare una vita migliore.”

In English, “What a country this is! To have such a colossus in the harbor to welcome people who come to seek a better life.”

Scores of other passengers stood on the deck in stark silent awe at the sight. The lady in the harbor was silent too but if she could have spoken, she would say, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

What a country this is.

The lady has many names. Her official name is “Liberty Enlightening the World”. Some call her “Lady Liberty”. Eliseo didn’t know any of this. He just called her “America”.

Steaming past “America” coming up fast is a small island on which stands a strange looking building with four domed peak spires. But what is that just ahead off the starboard bow? What is that great loud noisy place there. As Governors Island passed there became revealed the tallest structure in this great city of New York - the Brooklyn Bridge and its great gothic spires and suspension cables. By then Antony had come up on deck to see. He and Eliseo had never known such things could exist and here they were all in one place all at one time. The Sun was up now, and the mist had burned off on this October morning a few days before his birthday, October 31, 1918.

Ellis Island

The ship was coming to dock at the island where the unusual building stood. This was Ellis Island. There was another ship docked there as well. And several moored in the harbor. All at once over the loudspeaker, the order was given to, “gather belongings and line up at the gangplank to disembark.” People scurried back to their berths as many languages were spoken on deck. Most people had one or two bags. In all the excitement Eliseo forgot to eat.

What followed was a series of lines and waiting. The great room inside the Immigration Services building was sectioned off by rope lines so that one person or family could come up to the podium at a time. They were asked their name, who they were meeting, their country, region, and town of origin, and how much money they were carrying. The great room was deafeningly loud and chaotic until coming up to the podium. The big official asked these questions in English as the translator put them into Italian for Eliseo. Eliseo had the letter from Serafino who was the person meeting Eliseo. But where would he meet Serafino, and when?

Most of the Italians disembarking that day were from Italy south of Naples. Now Italy had only been unified under one flag since 1861. This period of unification called Risorgimento, was completed and not to everyone’s liking, by 1871 - less than 50 years before. When asked about their country or origin many who lived in the south would state their closest major city as their country of origin. Bari, Cosenza, Naples, Foggia, Palermo, Avelino. There was still some animosity between the peoples of Italy. After all Italy had been living an uneasy peace between its city-states for centuries. The great cities of northern Italy, Roma, Venicia, Milano, and Florenzi, looked down on the poor peasants of southern Italy.

Antony’s Bad News

After the interrogation by the customs official Eliseo and Antony were taken to the infirmary for a medical checkup. Eliseo had a cold but was almost completely over it. Antony had a more serious illness. It could have been smallpox or measles or chicken pox. Eliseo and Antony didn’t know but the USA had a strict prohibition on allowing immigrants into the country with certain diseases. After some discussion by the authorities, it was decided that Antony would have to go back. The two were separated and would only see each other again through glass windowed doors after that. They got a chance to say goodbye before the ship taking Antony back to Italy, sailed. This was a harsh reality that was irrevocable. Eliseo wrote down the return address on Serafino’s letter and told Anthony to write when he got back to Italy.

The ship sailed the next day for Argentina. The shipping line departs Naples for New York then to Buenos Aires before heading back to Naples. It was the shipping line’s responsibility to bring immigrants back if US Customs denied any passenger entry. By the time the ship had reached Buenos Aires Antony was in good health and decided with some encouragement by the shipping lines, to disembark there and make his life in Argentina. The two men would see each other again 45 years later when Antony came to our home in Belleville.

Eliseo was now alone, with only the clothes on his back, a change of clothes, and his letter from Serafino, which was his only link to America and his family. No word came from Serafino to Ellis Island for Eliseo. He wondered how and if he would ever find Serafino from this island of Ellis.

Waiting For Serafino

After a couple of weeks on Ellis Island, as November started to bring on winter, Eliseo was told each morning to board a small boat that would take him to the harbor in Jersey City. Eliseo didn’t want to go to Jersey City. He wanted to go to Orange, NJ where his brother lived. Confused, he got on the boat each day and was delivered to a small outside waiting area at the Jersey City docks, not far from where the boat let him off. He was directed to sit on a set of benches and wait there with other immigrants in a fenced-in area.

November days are clear and chilly, and Eliseo didn’t have a warm coat. The immigrants all sat together to keep warm as they watched hundreds of commuters scurrying around where the immigrants were fenced in. They came out of the Central Railroad of New Jersey Terminal and walked over to waiting ferries to take them to New York City’s lower Manhattan. Eliseo knew that they were arriving at the big terminal on train cars because he could hear the trains. He could see through the terminal’s open facing doors that scores of locomotives were arriving every few minutes. Ferries went back and forth to New York every few minutes. Trains arrived every few minutes. Hundreds and hundreds of people streamed into New York City. People from New Jersey had to come by train and then traveled by boat to Manhattan every day. What was going on over there?

On the third day sitting on the cold bench on the dock in Jersey City, a few minutes before 6:00 pm, just before boarding the boat back to Ellis Island, Eliseo heard his name called by a familiar voice. It was Serafino! He had just gotten off the train from Orange, New Jersey for the third time that week. He had been following the schedule of the ship and knew approximately when Eliseo would be sitting on that same bench where he disembarked a few years before.

Big smiles. Warm embraces followed by a rebuke by Serafino as to why it took Eliseo so long to arrive. Eliseo complained back to Serafino simply in self-defense as they ran for the train back to Orange New Jersey and Eliseo’s new home. 

Barbara continues the story...

The Story of Mary

While Eliseo was growing up in Italy, Mary Crecco was already in America, but life was not easy for her either. The middle child of three daughters, Mary's mother and father died was she was a child. Her and her younger sister Anna were moved to a orphanage. Her older sister Jenny was already married with children and she could not afford to take her sisters in until they were old enough to work. Mary and Anna struggled in the orphanage but stayed close together to protect and encourage each other. Once they were old enough to move in with Jenny and her husband Carl, they went right to work, also using their sewing skills. Life was hard. Jenny would often buy bones from the nearby butcher to supplement the meals made from the backyard garden. 

Once she was of age, Mary and Eliseo were matched up by family friends and married. They continued to live in the house with Jenny in a top floor apartment. The house was heated by coal and since Eliseo was out for long days working, Mary was left to do all the other chores, including carrying the buckets full of coal from the basement to their apartment. Louise was her only child and she would tell us of her hands being lined with coal dust she could never wash out. Louise would become close to Jenny's daughters, Marge, Connie and Anita.


Eventually Eliseo was able to go into business on his own and they moved to an apartment in Belleville. Since Louise was older, Mary would work with Eliseo, coming home to cook him dinner and then return to work. Louise was often alone. 

When Louise and Gabe married and had their first child (that was me, Barbara), Louise had injured her arm and was unable to care for her. Mary came over and fed the baby and helped care for her while Louise recovered. After that, she would regularly visit, to help Louise with her children and darn Gabe's socks. She loved to play school with her grandchildren. My clearest memory of her was playing school and one time when I slept over her apartment. 

Louise's description of her was "she worked so hard all her life,"  "she was so good" and "she never got a chance to enjoy herself but she was the happiest when she was with her grandchildren!" Sadly she died too soon at the age of 60.

Saturday, July 01, 2023

Someday When I am Old

By a Not Yet Old Mom. 

For the Health and Happiness of my Children.

This was written by Verdell Davis of One Hope Ministries on the her 60th birthday. I did not write it but I wish I did. To my sweet daughters, I hope you read this as if I wrote it directly for you~

It’s my birthday. On this day, being of sound mind, the soundness of which is always debatable, but while I am thinking clearly enough to write these words, I write to you about… 

SOMEDAY WHEN I AM OLD, I mean really old…certainly older than SIXTY…unless, of course, I die before I have a chance to get old…but Someday When I Am Old, I may become quite difficult. While I hope I will age gracefully and pleasantly, none of us can know how illness or injury or pain will impact our lives. I cannot know if dementia will one day control my thinking. 

Or if loneliness will drive me to expect more of you than you can give. So, just in case that difficult me should arise someday when I am old, I want to prepare you – and release you from thinking your job is to keep me happy. 

I may lash out at the people who love me most in an attempt to get someone to give me back my life! But, you who love me most, that’s not your job. I may not have the capacity of acceptance, but you will. Accept that someday when I am old, I will be old. And with old comes unwelcome changes. 

NO ONE CAN PUT LIFE BACK THE WAY IT WAS. 

DON’T TRY. 


Ask God to help you know the line to walk between touching me with your loving care and living your own life. DO NOT let caring for me make you old before your time! Your family, your calling in life, your commitments, your spiritual journey, your health and well-being MUST NOT be neglected. Your tendency will be to overdo for me. Please don’t. Practice what I have learned to call “detachment without abandonment.” 

I may refuse to take my pills. I may complain when I should be saying “Thank you.” I may think someone, or everyone, is out to get me. I may become obsessive over the strangest of things and demand something my way or else! Trust your wisdom, do what you must, and understand that my demands are coming from a place I can’t control. 

Find the care I need and don’t put it on yourself, even if I beg you to “keep me.” Make the decisions the old me should not be making, and do not feel guilty for one moment. Feel free to laugh with each other at the ridiculous things I do – it will the make the ridiculous more bearable. 

I just might not know you. The thought of that makes me cry. But at that moment, I likely won’t feel the pain. You will. So I say to you now: in the deepest core of my being, NOTHING can erase my eternal memory of you or take away how much I love you. The old in me may short- circuit my brain, but it can never damage my heart of hearts. 

Written with Love from your mom, who is not yet old. 

(Originally written for my three children as a gift for them on MY 60th Birthday) by Verdell Davis of     One Hope Ministries 

Thank you Verdell! I am so glad I found this, for my own peace and for my daughters. May they pass it on!