Saturday, January 11, 2020

Trust Me

I started the year off with a silent retreat. Feeling like I had not truly heard from God in a while, I wanted time alone with Him. After I planned the day, other matters loomed and seemed urgent. But I felt Him calling me, “You made this date with Me, don’t stand Me up. Nothing is more important.”

I was searching for a word for 2020. In 2018 it was Listen, which led me to the word Patience in 2019. Looking deep into the roots of my needs and God’s desire for my good came Trust.

If I want to love God and others, I must trust Him.

“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23)

It is our attitude, how we see the world that affects everything in our life, filling it with light or darkness. We must be aware of our beliefs and where we put our trust. We get to choose. What will we trust? Who will we trust? Whose party will we side with? Jesus never forces, only invites. Will we choose Him?

We always choose something.

 As I sat at the beach house in silence, I thought about trust. What or whom was I trusting? I trusted myself to drive to the beach house on a dark Friday night alone. I trusted my car to make it, my house to be ready, electric and heat working, my bed to be dry, the stove to heat the water for tea. I trust my husband to be faithful to me and to be there when I return. I trust my office and my job will be there on Monday and my boss to pay me at the end of the month. I do trust. But I can see these things. Like the ocean was blocked from view by the fog, I cannot see God. My attitude can be like the fog, hiding God from my view, and then from my life.

What is trust? The dictionary describes it as the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something. Trust is a verb, something we do. When we trust, we allow someone to have or look after something of value or importance to us with complete confidence.

As I searched the scriptures, I found the great men of God spoke of trusting God. They assured me God is worthy of my trust.

The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him and He helps me. (Psalm 28:7)

I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me.
Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust. (Psalm 40:1, 4)

He who trusts in his own heart is a fool
but whoever walks wisely will be delivered. (Proverbs 28:26)

Fear of man lays a snare
but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

The Lord gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm
so always trust the Lord
because He is forever our mighty rock. (Isaiah 3-4)

Not only has God demonstrated He is worthy of my trust, but scripture tell us to not trust Him leads to sin and death. It means I have forgotten all He has done in history, on the cross, through the empty tomb and in my own life. Reading Psalm 78, I saw the perfect picture of the failure to trust God, as the excerpt below highlights…

The men of [Israel], though armed with bows, turned back on the day of battle;
They did not keep God’s covenant and refused to live by His law.
They forgot what He had done, the wonders He had shown them…
But they continued to sin against Him, rebelling in the wilderness against the Most High.
They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God; they said,
“Can God really spread a table in the wilderness?”
My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth…
Teach [your] children, so the next generation would know [God’s law]
Even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.
Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget His deeds
But would keep His commands.
(Psalm 78)

I am guilty Father! Instead of trusting You, I have trusted in other things:
  • In my own wisdom and strengths – which You along have given me!
  • In other people – who may love me but are too frail to carry the full weight of my needs.
  • In my money, my job, my savings, my possessions – which I have seen can be swept away overnight.
  • In my country, its military might, our long stable government – which recently looks much less stable!
  • In medicine, doctors, diet fads, health information, vitamins, etc. – which cannot help me without You!

But what if instead, I ask questions of myself day by day, as I make choices, as I think my thoughts, as I worry on my bed, as I pray to You, Beloved…
  • Why do I feel impatient, worried or afraid?
  • What am I trusting in this matter? Am I trusting in God? Am I trusting in something or someone else?
  • Why do I feel God is not worthy of my trust in this specific matter?
  • What mighty deeds of God have I forgotten?
  • What habits must I cultivate to trust God more?
  • What habits must I STOP to trust God more?

What would my life be like at the end of this year if I learned to trust You more? Jesus, Beloved, I am looking forward to how You will be working in my life, as I cling to You.

“Truly I tell you,
unless you change and become like little children,
you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
(Matthew 182)

Thursday, December 19, 2019

Patience, My Word for 2019

Patience. That was my word for 2019. I was going to write something about it at the beginning of the year but truth be told, I had nothing meaningful to say. I often say I have the patience of a three year old, which may be an exaggeration, I don’t have quite that much. Instead I often prided myself on being a person who makes things happen, as opposed to others who only watch things happen, or worse, are left wondering what happened.

However, my journey with Jesus has continued to show me that it is not always a good thing. Action can be an indication of impatience and impatience is an indication of distrust. I don’t trust you to get this done right, so I will do it. I don’t trust your word when you say you will do something, so I will do it. I don’t trust you will figure this out, so I will instruct you, even though you did not ask me.  I don’t trust you will remember to leave on time to meet me, so I call you or text you to remind you.  Over and over and over.

Worst of all, I don’t believe God will work things together for good so I try to help Him. I worry. I am anxious, whiny and grumpy. I don’t trust you or God so I have to do everything myself.  And it is exhausting.

So this year I thought about patience. Not about the action of patience, because I was not even sure what that is. I thought about the motivations behind my impatience. What were the things I was doing that showed impatience? And then the more difficult question: what do I do instead?

Because the truth is, I can’t control everything. I can’t make things happen, or stop things from happening. This year, despite dedicated prayers, two dear friends lost their battle with cancer. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? [Matthew 6:27] I miss them. But Jesus reminds me this is not the end of my relationship with them. They are whole and happy in the arms of Jesus and I will see them again. I will see them all, and my list is long now of family and friends gone.  I think of their names and see their faces, dear and sweet as I close my eyes. I will see them in glory and they will be even more glorious than my memories. This is not the end. The end will be good.

So, Beloved this year You have shown me what I can do instead.

For those who I have lost, for the prayers unanswered, the dreams dashed that will never come true, I can weep, because Jesus comforts those who mourn.

For the worries of today, the things I would change but cannot, the things that I still wait for, I can pray, because Jesus helps those who ask Him. He helps me not only by saying yes, but also by His presence as I wait, helping to quiet my heart, and then also my mouth. He reminds me this is His world, but not the perfect one He created. That is yet to come.

For people who do not believe as I do, I can respect them and ask Jesus to help me learn and understand them. My goal can be to listen, to understand, have compassion not to convince them that my way is right or better.

I can stop rehearsing my speeches to them. The Holy Spirit will instruct me at the time what to say, if I should even say anything at all. It is one thing to think things over. It is another to rehearse the dialogue when there is only my voice in my head. The best part of the dialogue is that there are two voices, both adding to understanding.

When things are not going the way I think is best, I can stop helping and trust the Author to finish the story. It is His story after all. Sometimes He works it out quickly, sometimes it is centuries later, but the end is good. I can trust that even if I never see the ending.

Patience is about trust in God.

Jesus, You have shown me over and over again that You are worthy of my trust and yet my actions demonstrate that I have not trusted You. That is my fault. I demonstrated I did not even trust my own mother in the post Where She Left Me Standing. Of course she was coming for me. Of course she would never leave me on that corner. She came every time. She was not perfect, she was late, but her love and devotion to me was unfailing. And yet I did not see that love. I only saw her time was not on time for me. What made me right and her wrong? Maybe God’s intent was to teach me the patience that I failed to learn.  And so, stubborn, willful and self-righteous, I spent my life stuck in the anxiety of impatience, not trusting anyone but controlling because of my own fault, not hers. She always showed up. It was me who failed to trust.

Beloved, I can say I trust You but if I cannot wait in patience, You will not believe me and with good reason. Even this, I cannot do without Your Spirit. Allow me to trust You. Even if others cannot be trusted, even though the world is evil, You work all for the good. You have overcome the world. You can be trusted. And as I trust You, I will demonstrate patience.

I know that everything God does will last forever. You can't add anything to it or take anything away from it. And one thing God does is to make us stand in awe of Him.
-- Ecclesiastes 3:14

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Pick a Side?

As I sat at the hair salon waiting for my stylist, I was reading updates from a friend who lives in Israel telling us about the recent bombings there. So I mentioned to my stylist, “Did you hear about the bombings in Israel?” I had recently noticed how the media has been not reported much about the news in Israel that I had heard from my friend.

To my surprise, she said, “Yes, of course, I am Palestinian.” She went on to tell me about her experience when she visited her family in Palestine, how she and her family were treated by the Israeli army.

And as I remained silent, carefully listening to her story, I reflected on how you can be for one side of an issue until you are face to face with the other side.

“It is by the prince of demons that He drives out demons,” the Pharisees insisted of Jesus as the crowds marveled at His raising the dead, healing the sick and casting out demons (Matthew 9:34).

The Pharisees were the strictest and most religious of the Jews. As leaders of the people of God they memorized the Torah and followed it scrupulously. Yet here they were, face to face with God in the flesh, and they refused to recognize Him. They heard His wisdom taught, they saw His power displayed but they call Him the devil. How did that happen?

Not listening. Not patiently seeking to know and to understand. Not being open to other’s ideas, their pain, sorrow, joy. Being so sure of the truth you know that you are blind to the truth you have yet to see.

Jesus was not trying to get them to reject their God but to see Him more clearly. He was not asking them to reject their truth but to know more truth and to live the truth more fully from their hearts.

“Blind guides,” Jesus calls them, and “if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14)

Beloved, I know I must hold onto Your truth. But Your truth is all are loved, on both sides. Your sacrifice and Your desire to save is for all. Let me show Your love always by patiently listening, by allowing myself to get affected by the pain, sorrow and joy of all who I meet face to face. My assignment from You is not to pick a side, but to show Your love to both sides.

Because I can be confident that in the end, You are victorious, I can bring Your kingdom, Your will on earth by fearlessly loving all who You bring to me, no matter what side they are on.

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Settle it in Your Hearts

Walks on the beach can be lost
when I worry about what
I cannot control!
When you think about those whom you love and ponder their lack of faith in God, do you have conversations in your head with them? I do. I find myself doing this is in the car as I drive to work or when I take a stroll on the beach alone. I devise perfect arguments that go perfectly fine, in my mind of course. I confess I spend a lot of time doing this. And then to my great surprise, in real life it never works out the way I thought.

Today I found this verse and it sprang up from the page of my Bible. Jesus is speaking to His beloved disciples, preparing them for when He would leave the Kingdom cause to them. He told them what they should do and it pierced my heart. Then, Beloved, You spoke to me between the lines…

Therefore [in the end times, such as ours when people fail to believe in God and even rise up against God and the godly] settle it in your hearts [plan ahead, promise to yourself, fully trusting in God and not in your own skills, talents, devices] not to meditate [talk to yourself, plan, plot, scheme and devise methods] beforehand on what you will answer [how to convince the godless that God is good or even that God exists, let alone that He loves us and came to save us];

For I [God Almighty of the universe, loving and powerful creator of all things, knowing exactly what to say because I alone know the minds of My children] will give [I promise therefore you can utterly depend on it] you [yes, you, My beloved child, I will entrust you with My sacred mission] a mouth and a wisdom [My perfect wisdom, not your imperfect thoughts] which all your adversaries will not be able [they will try but they will certainly fail!] to contradict or resist or withstand.

Beloved, I repent! Help me to do this, prepare not by worry and create my own arguments, but by nurturing my own soul through Your Word, giving myself, my whole self, more to You in prayer. Let me allow You to demonstrate Your power and faithfulness by waiting for You to give me Your words. And then let me trust You with the results.

Therefore settle it in your hearts not to meditate beforehand on what you will answer; for I will give you a mouth and wisdom which all your adversaries will not be able to contradict or resist. -- Luke 21:14-15 (NKJV)

You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. Everyone will hate you because of Me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life. -- Luke 21:16-19 NIV

Wednesday, May 08, 2019

Town of Sorrow

Most Bible readers are familiar with the story of Abraham who called by God out of his father’s country to journey to Canaan, the Promised Land. However, hidden in the genealogy of Genesis 11, is the story of his father, Terah, who had already brought Abraham (Abram) halfway.

This is the account of Terah’s family line.

Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth… Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan.

It was Terah who had started the journey to Canaan but he never made it. Why?

But when they came to Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran. (Genesis 11:27-32)

Back in biblical times, people lived for hundreds of years. Terah was the first recorded parent who lost a child. Although I have never experienced this, it is said to be the most devastating thing a person can experience. In this case Terah lived for decades after the loss of his son, he even managed to start his journey. But he settled in a place named after his son and never moved. He was half way there, and then stopped, never completing his journey.

The Bible tells us a few simple facts and we are left to wonder. What convinced Terah to start his journey? Why did Terah settle half way there? What led him to stop? Did he give up? Did he find a town named after his son and his grief hit him afresh and was unable to move on? Did he name the town after his son because he was unable to move on?

The thing about a town of sorrow is this:
It's dry, dusty, lonely, and dead
Terah got stuck and settled in his town of sorrow.

Isn’t this what we are tempted do? Surely grief takes time to heal. Some griefs are so deep that they leave a mark that never fades. But God does not want us to get stuck in our sorrow. God knows and understands. He was there weeping with us when our loved one died. Or maybe it was a dream that was lost, or a relationship that could not be reconciled. Maybe foolish choices cost you years of your life. Or maybe you have been profoundly wounded by someone else's evil or a seemingly random event. Whatever it is, it is sad, we need to mourn the loss. We need to feel it and allow ourselves time to heal.

Losses can change our heart for the better as well. It can deepen our empathy, recalibrate our values, strengthen our resolve, come to terms with our limitations, or recognize our sin. Loss can motivate us to do great good. Sorrow can slow us down, it can deepen our joy and it can expand our gratitude for our Savior.

But let’s not decide to stop our journey and live the rest of our lives in our town of sorrow. Let’s rest a while, catch our breath, but let’s not settle there until we die. The Lord has other plans for us and that’s why we are still here.

We should take what we learned from the sorrow. It happened. It mattered. It was important, life changing even. But it can be life changing in a positive way when we continue the journey.

Let’s go follow Him. Let’s find our future, continue our path. It is never too late to follow Him.

So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. (Genesis 12:4)

Father, help me be like Abram and Lot, never afraid, never too wrapped up in my sorrow to follow You. Thank You for reminding me that I am never too old to be called by You. You are my future and my hope!

Sunday, April 07, 2019


When I was a teen and young adult, I remember my mom telling me what to do – my clothes, my hair, my boy friends, my house, my children. It was so annoying. Why couldn’t she just trust me to make the right decisions? Now I have adult daughters and I understand. Loving mothers always have a better plan for their children’s lives. Or at least that’s what they are thinking.

It is the same with our men. Now that my husband is retired, I have plans for him. He won’t cooperate, as usual.

How can I get him to change? How can I get her to see this is wrong? This is the question I ask myself but it is the wrong question.

Then I read Genesis and I noticed the first sin was about a snake trying to get Eve to do what he wanted.

Genesis is a book of voices. The first voice was God as He spoke the universe into existence and commanded Adam to eat the fruit of every tree but one. The next voice was Adam as he sung a song of delight over his new bride.

Then we hear the voice of Satan, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1)

Satan was lying when he told Eve “your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:5) After the eating the fruit, Adam and Eve thought they knew good from evil. They noticed they were naked and covered themselves from each other and hid themselves from God.

God never told them to be naked was evil. Maybe eventually God would have told Adam and Eve to clothe themselves. But while they were alone and with God, they could be naked and unashamed, and it was still good. God not only knows WHAT is good and evil, He know WHEN something is good and WHEN something is evil. The notion that sex is evil, it is not true. God’s first instruction to them to them was “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:28) Sex inside their relationship was good. He commanded them to engage in it often to fill the earth. It was our misguided minds that determined sex is always evil or always good.

The result of the fall was we decided we knew what was good and evil. The truth is we don’t know good from evil and history demonstrates this. Any study of history will reveal humans left on their own are bent towards evil. Moreover, they justify it as good.

We cannot understand these things apart from God’s daily direct instruction. Eating from the tree gained nothing but the revelation that we are foolish creatures not to be trusted to be left alone with temptation for a moment. Like two year olds, we must be constantly watched and guided. Maybe that is why Revelation reveals Heaven as being lit by the constant light of God Himself, where there is no darkness, no night. (Revelation 21:22-25) Perhaps that is the only way we can know and follow truth.

Even as mothers, as women who love their family and friends, we must remember we cannot know good from evil for others. We must remember God works even evil to great and glorious good! We see in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:3-6) women whose lives are stained with sin yet their sons are in the lineage of Christ. We find Tamar, a widow who tricked her father-in-law into having sex with her (Genesis 38). We find Rahab the prostitute. And Bathsheba the wife of Uriah who had a child by King David.

How do I know what is right for the people I love? How can I tell if my way is leading them to a better life? I cannot. Instead I must pray – fill their heart with the Holy Spirit, change their heart of stone to a heart of flesh; convict them of sin and of God’s truth.

Helping people is not about my getting them to change their minds or behavior. It is pointing them to God. Only God knows what is right.

The first sin was about a cunning snake trying to get someone else to do what he wanted. Don’t be a snake.

Even as I lie awake on my bed, Father, I listen to my worried thoughts, and they are about others I feel should change. Father forgive me! I have been a snake! Help me to catch every wayward desire for others and cast it at the foot of Your cross, knowing You alone know good. I can trust You with everyone and everything I love. You know best and bring even wrong to good with Your mercy, power and grace, in Your perfect time.

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Confrontation vs. Retaliation

What is the difference between retaliation and confrontation?

Retaliation is about getting back at someone because they have hurt you. In the Jewish Law, in order to keep law and order between the families and tribes, limits were set for retaliation. Exodus 21:23-25, God instructs His people, “If there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.” The point was God was teaching the concept of justice, not to be too harsh but to allow for our desire for fairness. He was protecting us from the way human anger naturally devolves into “the Chicago Way” -- “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue.” (The Untouchables)

God also urge His people to take into account intent in earlier verses 12-14, “Anyone who strikes a person with a fatal blow is to be put to death. However, if it is not done intentionally, but God lets it happen, they are to flee to a place I will designate. But if anyone schemes and kills someone deliberately, that person is to be taken from my altar and put to death.”

However even this is not enough for Jesus who is God’s expression of perfect love. Jesus taught retaliation was not an option in His kingdom. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” (Matthew 5:38-40)

The question then becomes—do I become a doormat? Do I allow people to hurt me and say nothing? Do we allow evil to run unchecked?

The answer: choose to confront, not retaliate. We confront with intent to restore the relationship, to make peace. We enforce personal boundaries with kindness. We respectfully express our point of view. We say no and add thank you. We rebuke someone’s dangerous or hurtful behavior with empathy and tenderness. We confront lovingly and directly, face to face.

Jesus demonstrates confrontation with evil (Mark 1:23-26), with religious hypocrites (Matthew 23:13-35), with His own disciples (Mark 8:33), with personal sin John 8:11). He did not shy away from confrontation, but also did not retaliate (Matthew 26:52-53, Luke 23:34).

Like spring flowers,
relationships need tenderness
to bloom and grow
Practicing confrontation in this manner takes courage and self-control. It requires prayer because only the Holy Spirit can give us what it takes to love someone who has hurt you. Only the love of Jesus can change the heart of someone determined to make unwise, dangerous choices. Only self-reflection and humility can prepare us to confront others because our hearts are also selfish and corrupt.

Although this is the more difficult path, it is the only way for relationships to grow and stay healthy. Retaliation kills relationships. Lack of confrontation allows us to stay hurt which will eventually kill the relationship as well.

We must accept that sometimes our confrontation will not produce the results we desire. We can choose to confront, but others too have free choice and may not react as we hope even when we have been kind, respectful, and loving. Sometimes relationships can be restored but not always. We must put our trust in Jesus always who promised, “Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the daughters of God!” (Matthew 5:9, AMP)

Jesus, it is easy to type but so difficult to do in the moment. Help me to confront when necessary and always with kindness and respect. Make me an instrument of Your peace!