Journey to Paradise

Because we wanted to add adventure to our vacation in Puerto Rico, we decided to take a trip to the Isle de Culebra, located 17 miles northeast of the main island. 

We rented a car near San Juan and tried to make the 10 am ferry to Culebra on Tuesday but we missed it by half an hour. We bought tickets for the following day, 10 am in the morning and the return trip to the main island leaving Culebra at 9:30 pm. 

On Wednesday, we were determined not to miss the ferry again. The staff recommended arriving one hour before departure. We were up at 5:45 am, quickly ate our hotel breakfast, packed our gear and lunch, and were on the road by 7:30 am. It takes over an hour to drive to the far eastern end of the island where the ferry is located. I grew nervous as we made two wrong turns adding to the length of our drive, but Google maps kept us on track.

At the last leg of our trip, we were stopped by police blocking the what seemed to be the only road that connected us to the ferry launch. It was now close to 9 am as we anxiously asked the policeman how to get to the ferry. He only spoke Spanish but somehow we managed to find the right detour. 

We parked the car and waited for a shuttle from the parking lot to the ferry. We were one of the last to board but we made it. It was an hour ride on the ferry. At the ferry dock, in the business section of Culebra, there was a street full of of vendors offering taxi rides, or jeep and golf cart rentals. We decided on a golf cart. Christina took the shuttle to the rental store, while I waited with our gear by the ferry dock. Half an hour later, Christina comes with a golf cart that was more complicated than we expected. Off we went to Flamenco Beach, bouncing hard with each rut in the road, and there were many! 

To our delight, Flamenco beach is perfect for a day trip. It had bathrooms and showers and cafes. We rented an umbrella and two chairs. As we waited for our turn to have the umbrella set up, I briefly considered that if we had stayed at our hotel, we could have been on the beach for hours already. Then I saw the beach.

It was beyond what we could capture on film. It was magnificent. Crystal water, white sand, green mountains in the distance. It was paradise beyond what we could see because there was so much that was NOT there. There were NO tall resort hotels, no electric wires, no sound of traffic or air planes. Only the gentle lapping of waves, chirping of birds and the occasional rooster crowing. 

As I walked the beach, I considered our long journey to this paradise. It had taken 5 1/2 hours. It included a wake-up before dawn, a long drive, wrong turns, and a detour that threatened the whole trip. Then there was a long boat ride, waiting for the rental golf cart, a ride through unknown narrow roads, dodging pot holes and chickens, not knowing in the end what we would find. It required patience and courage, determination, sacrifice and hope.

It was like all of life. I am confident of the Lord's promise, that we will someday be in an even grander eternal paradise with Him, but the journey of life is long and hard. It requires all those things: patience, courage, determination, sacrifice and hope. 

We didn't need to do it. There was a choice involved. We could have chosen to stay at the hotel. But then we would have missed it. 

Paradise is never nearby. It's not where everyone hangs out. It requires us to take the road less traveled. We must choose the hard thing and make the sacrifices it requires. We must do it afraid.

After our swim, we went to explore other beaches. We traveled up and down hills that resembled roller coasters, took several wrong turns but found two other beautiful beaches at sunset. We walked after we returned the golf cart and waited for our return ferry, drove home and crawled into bed after 1 am. It was a long day. But a wonderful one.

God has created incredible beauty but we have paved over it, strung electric wires around it, and built tall buildings blocking the view. To see His glory, the paradise He created, it is a long, hard journey. But as I closed my eyes that night I was grateful that I had the patience, courage, determination and made the sacrifice to go and see.

Also in life, I make sacrifices with hope that I will be with God in the Heavenly Paradise He has created. Even with the hard things, I look forward to the Joy of eternity with Him. Especially since we won't have to leave. 

Remind me of this, Beloved, when the road of life is full of danger, sorrow, pain, and uncertainty. Remind me of at the end, there is forever with You in Paradise.  

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
    The skies display His craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
    night after night they make Him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
    their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
    and their words to all the world.  (Psalm 19:1-4)

My Responsibility Today

So often I toss and turn at night, filled with concern about what will happen. I am worried and upset about many things, for many people whom I love. What should I do? And as I prayed this morning it came to me...

Love them well. That is all I have to do. Forgive them. Those two things are all I have to do today.

I don't have to fix them, or heal them, I just have to love them. I can't fix them. I can speak God's truth to them and point them to Jesus. I can't make them believe or follow. I can be kind when they are mean. I can be forgiving when they wrong me. I can listen patiently when they are sad, or angry, or joyful. I can pray with them, for them.

I can say no, not today. Not that way. I can't do that. I need to go now. I can refuse sometimes when I need to. It's ok.

I can't fix it. I can love, pray, forgive. That is all I can do. And it's ok. 

Likewise, Jesus will not always fix it. Jesus will not always heal. Sometimes He does and so we praise Him. But He always loves us. He always forgives us. Sometimes He says no to our request, not today, or I can't do that. But He always listens. And He is always with us. 

Last good pic of mom

And in the end, that is enough. 

Two years ago, mom was suffering from end stage cancer. I wanted to fix it. But I could only love her. I am thanking God I had the wisdom and the strength to forgive her, and to be with her until the end. Thank You, Jesus, as I remember her and that difficult time, that my loving her was all you asked of me, and it was enough. 

"Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one." (Luke 10:41-42)

Way to Heaven

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. One year ago today we sat with the Hospice nurse. After examining mom she told us what we already knew. Mom was actively dying. She advised us to go in one at the time and then leave her alone to pass in peace.

Mom looking fabulous of course!

Mom always loved making an entrance. She would purposefully would arrive late to a party, so everyone would already be there and see her when she walked in. She was a firm believer in it’s better to arrive late than ugly.

Lying in her bed, withered and frail, unable to talk or swallow or even see at the end, there was no way she could have made that exit as her lovely vivacious self. So when we all left her, she left too. My prayer has been that when she met Jesus it will be in her age-30 body, full make-up, spike heels and beautiful dress.

Mom was a forward looking woman. She was still planning vacation cruises in her 90s. Of course, she was not able to go, but I think just the planning was comforting to her. She may have been in her sunset years, but life was not over and she intended to live fully to the end. Which by the mercy of God she was able to do. Until the last weeks when the cancer caused her body to fade slowly away, she did everything, joined groups at the independent living community, went out with her grandchildren, enjoyed her companion Frank.

Mom would love to see her grandkids together

So it is with great regret I need to confess this year was about death for me. My 2023 word of the year was death. I tried to shake it off, but could not. With mom gone, I am next to oldest in my family. As I sorted through her clothing, her trinkets and decorations, then her jewelry and her photos, I could not shake the questions. She was so alive; how could she now be so dead? What would she think of us as we look at her personal items and give some to family, give most away and discard the rest? Does she know how much we miss her? Can she see her great-grandchildren as they learn to walk, go to school, play football, and one being born?

Never has heaven felt more real than now that both my mom and dad are in it.

Even as I tried to shake it off, at year end, more people passed, and it all came back to me.

Mom would have loved to see Gio
play football 

Looking at death in the face – and not blinking – is very important.

At the services I attended, they read from the gospel of John. The disciple John recalls and shares with us the words of Jesus the night before He died.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:1-4)

This is mission of Jesus. To gather us so we will be with Him forever in the place He is preparing for us. We call it Heaven, a place of peace, abundance and delight. But the disciples were unaware of the impending crucifixion of Jesus and they were confused. Actually I am too so I am so glad brave Thomas asked the question everyone in the room was wondering.

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we don’t know where You are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you really know Me, you will know My Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” (John 14:5-7)

Jesus is clear. He is the way to His kingdom and there is no other way. Not only to believe in Him as an excellent teacher or even as the Son of God, but also have enough faith to follow His ways. As Jesus stated as the discussion continued:

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

Jesus answered: “Don’t you know Me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me? The words I say to you I do not speak on My own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in Me, who is doing his work. Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves...”

“If you love Me, keep My commands... Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them.” (John 14:8-11, 15, 21)

There are some of this generation who find this offensive and I get it, it is a hard thing to accept if you feel on the outside of the Christian camp. What about the people who never heard of Jesus? The good people who have other religious backgrounds?

The Christian camp is bad metaphor. In a camp, you sign up, you pay your fee and have fun inside the camp. Others who did not sign up and did not pay the fee are kept outside. Even if they would like to come in.

Mom wanted to meet her new grandchild

Heaven is a kingdom open to all who will choose to say yes to Jesus’ invitation. He left the glory of heaven to sign you up. He paid the total price on the cross. And then He provided the receipt at the resurrection. All we have to do is say yes and accept it as a free gift.

Yes, I know you may have objections…

“I have things I do that are wrong according to the Bible,” you may say. Me too. The Holy Spirit can work with that. Actually the list of rules is quite brief, here it is in two sentences:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Yes, it is more complicated than that, but that is the place to start, a good place, an “easy yoke, a light burden” as Jesus put it. If we have faith in Jesus, and believe He created the world and loves us, we will trust Him enough to keep His commandments. It does not happen all at once. But the Holy Spirit is there to help us.

“I don’t like Christians, they are mean and judgmental and hypocrites”, you may say. Sadly, yes I would agree. We are a motley bunch and we are who Jesus has decided to work with. Please be patient with us as the Holy Spirit will work on us too. The idea is we are all imperfect, all other imperfect people are welcome. You too! Me too!

“All my friends will hate me,” you may say. Yes, agreed that is a problem. Many hated Jesus too. You see what they did to Him. I don’t want to sugar coat it. It can get ugly. But when we continue to be loving as well as truthful to others, sometimes our friends can come around to believing in Jesus as well. The Holy Spirit uses us all like that.

All I can say is you can’t take part of what Jesus says and ignore other parts. It’s like the news sound bite where they report on part of what someone says that is the best—or the worst-- and leave out the rest! Jesus promised Heaven to anyone who would believe and have the faith to follow Him. We are all invited. We choose to come early and ugly (that was me because I never want to miss anything!) or late and beautiful (my mom!) or we can walk away.

I have read the works and words of Jesus and I can’t un-see that He is the Son of God. He is asking you today to consider reading it too, opening up your heart to Him. His Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.

And as for the rest of us who already believe and follow? I don’t know about you but as for me, I feel Jesus is leading me to be intentional about my choices, to follow Him closely, holding up the lamp of the Word to lead me day by day. Because as I said, I am only growing older and the time is short. I am confident that although the end of my trip may be difficult, the destination will be fabulous.

"The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26)

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance… So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him. (2 Peter 3:9, 14)

Don’t have a Bible? No problem, it’s all online! Visit www.biblegateway.com  or for the visual learner, try www.bibleproject.com

Ella loves makeup like her great-grandma
but she has to work on it!

Train of Death

I could see the light in the distance and hear it coming towards us. At first it seemed so far away. I thought I had enough time to get her off the tracks. But the chains were too strong and could not be broken. So intent was I in trying to get her free and calm her fears that I did not notice the speed of the train. I looked up again and it was closer. I could see it clearly speeding towards us now, feel the rumblings beneath the tracks, hear the whistle warning. Now we both were afraid. She began to plead for me to leave her be, stop struggling with the chains that could not be broken. The train was coming for her and we could not stop it and I could not move her. As it came closer I could see her surrendering to the motion of the tracks, the inevitability of the train that would crush her. I stayed until the final moment, holding her hand, telling her I loved her and then, at the last moment, as she would have wanted me to, I let go and stepped back as the train of death took her spirit away from me.

She was there in the bed when I came back after her struggle was over. When I touched her again she was warm at first but then as we waited, she turned cold. And still. And silent.

Mom surrounded by love

How could this woman, so vibrant, so warm, so garrulous and full of life be so still, so cold, so silent, so dead?

The Train of Death came for her. After I watched it so closely and struggled to loose the chains so passionately I realized how real it was. How it will come for all of us. Some day it will come for me.

We gave them the last dress for her to wear, picked out the flowers, wrote the pretty words describing her life. We greeted the friends and family, they spoke of her love, their love, her life. 

We gathered the photos in frames and in books. We boxed up the jewelry. I looked at each article of clothing, put some in bags, some special ones in my drawers.  Is this a life, an accumulation of things? Was it not in her love? Her passion for life and for all of us? Her wisdom, her examples of kindness, her courage to keep going even when it was hard? We can not gather those things up, as they are already inside us. We can give away her kindness. We can share with others her love. We can emulate her courage and continue without her to enjoy life. 

We can miss her with every photo we want to share with her that she will not be there to see; with every story we want to tell her but she will not be there to hear. She was a woman who loved people. She liked solitude at times but did not want to be alone. But on that track, she wanted to take no one with her. She knew that time she needed to be alone. Her last act of courage. 

As we watch the train of death crush another we love, we realize how fragile we are. How random life seems. Even when it is long, it never is long enough.

This is why Jesus came, to give us back our birthright to eternal life. He Himself is the gate, the way, the life. To open that gate, He subjected Himself to the train of death. Unlike my mother, Jesus could have broken the chains and walked away and escaped the train of death, but He did not. He allowed death to crush Him and in that take away our sins, the evil that entraps us so that we can be released to have eternal life with God.

But how can we know for sure? My mother was a control freak; she also trained me to be as well but she was the queen. She did not want anyone to run her life, which was why being sick and dependent at the end was so agonizing for her. Did she, like me, have doubts about God? How can we be sure God is good? That heaven is indeed a paradise we would love and not a trap by a harsh, demanding, controlling God? Do I even want to go there? Sadly my heart sometimes still ask these questions. Did she too?   

"I have glorified You on the earth" (John 17:4) Jesus told His disciples on His last night with them.  Jesus had spent His life showing us the glory of God: His goodness, His mercy, His power, His justice. He healed the sick. He released those oppressed by evil demons. He unburdened His people from oppressive religious practices that God never commanded. He freed them from shame, pride, bigotry, hate, lust, greed. He demonstrated compassion for the children, the women, the poor. He showed that individuals must be evaluated by their faith, even a Roman soldier, a pagan woman, a nationalist zealot and a tax collector. 

Jesus opened the gate for them all to enter and He showed us a glimpse of the beauty and glory of His Kingdom. As if what He said to us was: Don't you trust Me? Well, it is hard to blame you! This world is a hot mess and the people in it  demonstrate that they can't be trusted. Here, see for yourself how I lived My life. See the Good and Eternal Glorious Life that I long to give you, that I was so passionate to share with you that I allowed the train of death to crush Me for all your mistakes, your regrets, your shame. 

Taste and see that the Lord is good... (Psalm 34:8)  

At the end, mom could not swallow anything. I used a toothbrush to wet her mouth on that last day. Eventually, even that was impossible. Right before I left her that night, her eyes locked open. I talked to her, tried to make her see me but I know she could not see. The train of death was too close to her. Her time to see, her time to taste on this earth was over.   

But you, dear reader, still can taste and see. Look to the Lord. Reach out to Jesus. See that He is good. He loves you. He is waiting for you to trust Him.

...blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8)

What even I could not see with my eyes that night was Jesus. Her body was left with me, cold and still but in truth Jesus took her spirit to paradise. I believe there I will someday see her again, beautiful and full of life. 

Jesus said to her, “I am the Resurrection and the Life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

On Death and Dying

My mother has cancer. Pancreatic cancer. There, I said it. People don’t recover from pancreatic cancer. They die.

I’ve been thinking about death more than usual.

My grandmother died at age 60 from complication of diabetes. My grandfather died at 73 of lung cancer. He worked 6 days a week until he noticed a lump on his shoulder. Then he died a month later. My other grandfather died in his 40s, my father was only 4 years old at the time. My other grandmother died in her 70s. I remember only my one grandfather well who lived with us for most of my childhood. I have only vague remembrances of one grandmother. My dad died at 75 from complications from Alzheimer’s disease

When I turned 60 I started to think about death. I started counting how much longer I could have. Maybe 30 years like my mother? Maybe 15 like my father?   One thing was for certain. I was going to die. It was not IF. It was WHEN. And HOW. It was like an awakening to something that was always there but I ignored. Like the pile of papers in the corner of the dining room that you just keep walking by, in the beginning because you don’t want to deal with then, then eventually you stop noticing. Then company comes and you start cleaning up and you realize what you forgot.

What do we do with this? Death is coming. It is as certain as the setting of the sun but we pretend not to notice it until we get the test results. And they say cancer.

The doctor said mom is strong enough for chemo but there is no cure. But what is a cure for a 94 year old woman? Two more years, five more years, ten years? The life expectancy of women in the USA is 81 so she is in bonus territory at this point.

The real question is, with this is our minds, how then should we live?

Obviously we should enjoy every good day she has. We should celebrate and be glad because she is still here for us. We should be present for each moment as if it is our last because we do not know. It reminds me of what Jesus said in the gospel of Matthew 9:15, And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”

We mistakenly live like life has no end. But that is not true. Life is fragile and it is not only about us. It is about those we live with and will leave behind, the legacy we will leave them. Will we leave them a pile of collectibles and old VHS tapes? Or will we leave them with a legacy of wisdom and love, examples of service and selflessness?

On the other side of life, through the door of death, remains a mystery to us. There are stories of those who came near death and returned, but they are open to interpretation. Who can know for sure while still on this side? But we all bet on something by how we live our lives.

I am betting on Jesus. I have committed all I am to Him.  I expect to see Him and be with Him in Paradise on the other side of death. Then death is no longer something to fear, but something we can release ourselves to at the time He calls us to Him, trusting He will lift us up and take us to Himself. Meanwhile I am spending all my days knowing Him and serving Him by loving others. 

Mom with her grandkids

I do not remember my grandmothers. My daughters have had the joy of knowing both their grandmothers into their adulthood. The catch is they have lost one and will eventually lose the other as well. That is the cost of love – we will have loss. I think the loss is worth it for the great delight of years of love.

We will enjoy my mom, we will celebrate her. We will stand by her, comfort her, pray for her and help her have as good an end as possible. We will see her leave us, we will cry and then as she would want us to, we will go on, grateful for her life and her love.

And then someday, we will see her on the other side.

Facing Grief

What do you do when faced with grief, sorrow, pain?

In Matthew 26 we see what Jesus did when He faced the greatest ordeal of His life, truly the greatest ordeal in history. As that last Passover grew closer, He knew exactly what He was going to suffer: the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain of abandonment from His followers, His Father, and finally human death. He even felt the sorrow for those who would ultimately deny Him. 

What did Jesus do in those last days? Those last hours?

He gathered with His friends. In the house of Simon the leper, He had chosen to have dinner with all of His disciples. He shared the Passover meal with the Twelve. Then He got away with His Three closest disciples for prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. In increasingly smaller circles of friends as the time great nearer, Jesus did not shun people but leaned towards them.

Jesus also allowed people to care for Him. This is demonstrated most beautifully by Mary who anointed Him with the fragrant perfume. Sometimes it is hard to admit we need care, accept care from others. Jesus did not have this problem but commended Mary even when others rebuked her.

Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me... For in pouring this fragrant oil on My body, she did it for My burial.  (v. 10, 21)

Jesus shared His thoughts and feelings with His disciples. He did not hide from them what was going to happen, even though they could not comprehend or accept it at that time.

You know that after two days is the Passover, and the Son of Man will be delivered up to be crucified... Assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me. (v 2, 21)

Jesus still cared for HIs disciples during this time of grieving. He taught them, He answered their questions, He prayed for them and promised to forgive and reunite with them on the other side of His ordeal. They did not understand at the time, but He knew His words would comfort them later. Even in His deep sorrow, He was not self-centered. 

All of you will be made to stumble because of Me this night... But after I have been raised, I will go before you to Galilee. (v 31, 32)

Jesus was committed to obey the Law even in His pain. He kept the Passover. This was woven into God's plan but it is significant in that He didn't feel exempt from His religious routines even though He was grieving.

Even though Jesus stayed close with His disciples until the end, He did not expect too much from them. He not demand from them what they could not do. He forgave them for falling asleep when He asked them to pray, for abandoning Him when He was arrested. 

My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me. (v 38)

Jesus drew His greatest strength from prayer alone with His Father. He was totally honest about His desires and grief, but still willing to obey. He went to His Father alone for comfort, strength, peace. And the Father provided all His needs. 

O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will. (v 39)

Jesus did not allow the weakness of His friends to deter Him to seek His Father in prayer. He did not allow the despicable, evil behavior of others to stop Him from going forward with God's plan or to return evil for evil. He was honest but never mean spirited even in His deep pain.

He even called Judas friend. 

Friend, why did you come? (v 50)

No accusations, no recriminations, no retaliations, just a question, asking Judas himself for his motives, reaching out to his heart. You are my friend. Why are you doing this?

How beautiful is our Savior? Who can read this chapter and not be in awe with the perfection of His humanity united with the Spirit? Beloved, help me remember Your ways, fill me with Your Holy Spirit so my ways can be like Yours! 

A Covid Christmas

While I was looking for Christmas ornaments online today I found this one. My sentiments exactly: “2020 stink stank stunk!” 

It has happened already. Our family Thanksgiving celebration was impacted by covid. Usually my mother comes to stay at our home and we enjoy an extended weekend together celebrating her birthday as well as Thanksgiving. We often have a good crowd of 15 or so at our table. However since my mom is 92 years old and both our daughters teach young children in person daily, that large of a gathering was too much of a risk. Christmas does not promise to be much better. Isolation, fear, uncertainty has taken a toll on the most wonderful time of the year. 

But like the story of the Grinch, I remember that no illness or hardship or isolation can take away this holy day. Matter of fact, isn't the story of Jesus’ birth really about hardship and isolation? Mary and Joseph had great hardship as they traveled to a place far from their home. Plus Mary was in her final stages of pregnancy. I wonder, did she travel alone with Joseph, isolated from her mother, aunts, sisters and cousins who could have encouraged her, comforted her, directed and helped her as she gave birth for the first time? As her time came, she gave birth in a manger, really it was a cave, surrounded by animals and hay and cow dung. Finally, Mary’s story of giving birth as a virgin was something only believed by Joseph due to the divine intervention of a dream. It was considered “fake news” by many even today. 

The story of the first Christmas reminds us that the coming of Christ is not about decorations and presents. It is not about comfort and parties. It is about hope and light in the darkness. When we recall the truth of His story and we treasure it in our hearts, it is a light that no one and nothing can extinguish. 

Not even covid. 

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this Child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. (Luke 2:16-20)

Snapshot

The Book of Job, Chapter 42

What does this room tell us about it's owner? Would you say she is sloppy? Disorganized? Careless? Immature?

You'd be wrong. My daughter Debbie is not age 5 or even 15. She is 25. Debbie is one of the most organized people I know. As a girl she would line up her folded socks in the drawer in a single line in color order. Careless? Not a bit! She cares deeply what people think about her to a fault. She is always impeccably groomed; her outfits well put together and her make up flawless.

So, why on earth does her bedroom look like a bomb went off?

Because it's a snapshot, and snapshots only give us a point-in-time view of reality. It is not enough to tell us what is really going on. 

Debbie is a teacher on her winter break. She is in the process of deep cleaning her room and I caught it in the middle of the process. We did this one day together, sorting out her clothes closet. We took EVERYTHING out of her closet, considered each dress, shirt, shoe, and undergarment before sorting each item into save/discard/give-away piles. In the middle of it most of the contents of her drawers and closet were on the bed, on my lap, on the floor. However, when we were done, the room was not merely surface clean. It was completely clean. 

Life is like that. Sometimes in the middle of the process things look like more of a mess than ever, but in fact, buried emotions are surfacing, old wounds are healing, spiritual dullness is being scrubbed away. It may look like a disaster on the outside but that is merely a snapshot, only a slice of the process we must go through to be the best we can be. 

Snapshots only reveal the external of where we are right now, but cannot tell who we will be. Sometimes things stay dormant for a long time, like this ocean front lot. It was an adorable cottage before the waves of Superstorm Sandy splintered it into pieces. The house was removed, leaving this sad little sign.  For over a year the sign sat in the empty lot, a symbol of storm's devastation and the community's struggle to rebuild. 

This past weekend, we were at the beach again inspecting progress of the community and behold, there was the sign but now there is the beginnings of a new home around it. Suddenly hope and the house is blooming like spring. 

The misery we saw in the Book of Job was merely a small segment of his life. Before the story began, the Lord had greatly blessed him. As the story concluded, we see Job received a double blessing.

The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; and he had 14,000 sheep and 6,000 camels and 1,000 yoke of oxen and 1,000 female donkeys. He had seven sons and three daughters...After this, Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons and his grandsons, four generations. 

At first, I could not find peace after the loss of Job's children, even though he did have ten more children later. Now I see I was looking from an earthly perspective. From the perspective of heaven, Job's children were not lost to him eternally, only temporarily. They were waiting for him in heaven. From God's viewpoint, Job was granted a double blessing of children too, because the first, although separated from Job, were never lost. 

Often, my life looks like my daughter's untidy room: disorganized and out of control. Or it resembles the barrenness of the empty seaside lot. But that is only a snapshot, a point-in-time. As God provided incredible blessings for Job, I am trusting God for great blessings in my life. He's just not done with me yet.

He's not done with you either.     

Beloved, even though life has it's bumps, messes, and absolute disasters, help me to remember You have a plan, You are not done, and I can trust You with my life, even when I cannot see and cannot understand.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

The Purpose of God



The Book of Job, Chapters 31-42

Why have bad things happened to me?

Job has been asking this question. His friends said Job brought these things on himself and God was punishing him. However Job does not agree.

a bad thing that happened to me
in October 2012

Look, I will sign my name to my defense.

Let the Almighty answer me.

Let my accuser write out the charges against me.

I would face my accusation proudly

I would wear it like a crown.

For I would tell him exactly what I have done.
I would come before him like a prince. (Job 31:24-37)

Then an amazing thing happened. God responded to Job, but not with reasons. Instead, God presented Job with questions of His own:

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east?

Where is the home of the east wind?

Who created a channel for the torrents of rain?

Who laid out the path for the lightening?

Who provides food for the ravens when their young cry out to God and wander about in hunger?

Is it your wisdom that makes the hawk soar and spread its wing toward the south?

For four chapters God continued His questions to Job, making His point: you are without the knowledge required to question My ways and My motives. In the end Job agrees:

I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me...

I had only heard about You before, but now I have seen You with my own eyes.

I take back everything I said and sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.

In summary: God knows best. We cannot accurately discern His purposes. We need to trust that He is good and faithful.

Does this answer satisfy you?

Me neither.

One of the questions I had when we started looking at Job was why it took 42 chapters to get to this simple point. I concluded it is because grief is a journey and we must walk it, not rush it. God speaks up in chapter 38 but He could have answered anywhere in this process. He was not required to answer at all because, as He pointed out so eloquently at the end, He is God and will do as He sees fit. Job needed to ask the questions and go through the gambit of feelings to be able to accept the truth at the end.

God did not rush Job through the process in order for it to be over sooner. As a mom, I am sure watching Job suffer was painful for God as well. Only a parent knows the truth of "this will hurt me more than it does you" intimately. God was angered by the lies told by Job friends and how those who should have consoled Job made it more painful for him. But God did not push to resolution before the time was right.

We can learn by God's example. We can't rush ourselves or others through the process of recovering from pain. The stages of grief: denial, anger, blaming and bargaining are all valid, necessary, and cannot be set aside. We cannot quicken the process by giving a pat answer, even the right one. We must walk the entire journey. Regardless of our feelings, God is there with us each step. God is already there on the other side where we emerge with acceptance and prepared to receive His peace.

We have also seen something very important: the process of grief, when we go through it with faith, provides an insight to God we never would have had otherwise. Job declares, I had only heard about You before, but now I have seen You with my own eyes. For Job, this insight into God made all the difference.

Who knows the purposes of God? Perhaps part of the reason for Job's suffering was so we can see the workings of God and be encouraged and comforted.

Beloved, we see Your answer, but it is not one we should give to others too soon. Truth without empathy is not kindness. It is not Your way. Even though You restored Job's health, doubled his wealth, and gave him more children, even this is not enough for a broken heart. A broken heart needs time to mend. Thank You for Your patience with us. Help us show each other patience. Help us to have patience with ourselves. Help us to reach for You as Job did. You did not punish Job for questioning Your ways. You rewarded him with Your presence. You are a rewarder of those who diligently see You.

Withholding Kindness

The Book of Job, Chapters 6-19

Job had already lost his livelihood, his ten children, and his health. With heartbreaking honesty, Job described how his pain increased as even his surviving loved ones scorned and abandoned him.

My relatives stay far away, and my friends have turned against me.
My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me.
My servants and maids consider me a stranger. I am like a foreigner to them.
When I call my servant, he doesn’t come; I have to plead with him!
My breath is repulsive to my wife. I am rejected by my own family.
Even young children despise me.
When I stand to speak, they turn their backs on me.
My close friends detest me. Those I loved have turned against me. 

I imagine Job felt like a desolate rocky mountain.

Job was not only hurting and alone, but he was aware of their disgust and rejection. All he wanted was for someone to take pity on him. Job wanted a friend to listen to him. Instead, Job's friends blamed the troubles on his own sinfulness. Others close to him were repulsed by him. By withholding their kindness, they hurt him all the more. Instead of offering comfort, they increased his pain.

How horrid to further injure a friend who is already suffering by withholding kindness!

Beloved, I remember so many times I have avoided loved ones who were hurting. They reminded me of the unavoidable pain of life and the certainty of death. Just the thought of them made me sad and so I ran from them instead of leaning into the situation. I did not want to visit them because I was afraid I had nothing to say or that I would say the wrong thing. I forgot You were ready to direct me and give me the courage I needed. Father, forgive me and help me remember the agony of Job and do better in the future. Thank You for Your forgiveness. 

Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (Job 6:14)

those who long for death

the Book of Job, Chapters Three-Five

What do you say to someone who is suffering so greatly that they long for death? How do you comfort them?

As we join Job in Chapter 3, he is so distressed that he curses the day of his birth and moans,

The white of winter is like a sad soul

For sighing has become my daily food; my groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.
I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.

As we looked closer, we realized that Job had not lost his faith in God. Job believed death was not the the end, but there was a paradise and a peace waiting for him on the other side, where

Captives also enjoy their ease; they no longer hear the slave driver’s shout.
The small and the great are there, and the slaves are freed from their owners.

At first Job's friends come and silently mourn with him, but when they start to speak, they tell him that his situation was caused by his own wrongdoing.

Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.

For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal. 

Although this scripture is truth, it does not apply to Job, because God has specifically stated in chapters 1 and 2 that Job was a righteous man. This was not helpful to Job. It actually made his anguish worse! Job needed a friend who would listen to him, and not condemn him. Even if sin was the issue, comfort must come first, especially to someone so depressed.

By nature, I am an impatient fixer. However, I have learned not to minimize the problem ("it's not so bad"). I have learned that one conversation will not be enough, and simple solutions do not help.

Instead, I have learned to LISTEN and be present, be patient, be prayerful, be loving. Remind them of the people who love them and need them. Remind them the situation, while it looks overwhelming now, may pass over time. In life there is hope and death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If they are extremely depressed and talk about ways to end their life, seek professional care immediately.

As we talked about this, one of the women reminded me of a time when she had shared her turmoil with me and I prayed with her and encouraged her to read a Psalm a day. She told me this was a turning point for her, because as she read the Psalms and prayed for God to reveal His direction to her for each day, she made progress towards healing. I remembered that night distinctly and that I had no idea what to say to her. But I prayed for direction and God was merciful.

Each person and situation is so unique. We must seek God when we want to comfort others. Only He knows why tragedy happens. Only He knows what will comfort a person. Only God knows what He plans to accomplish in this person's life and other's through this hardship. He wants us to be His hands, His voice, His comfort. As we seek Him, He will direct us.

There may be times when God may lead us to confront even the hurting with their own contribution to the problems they are having. We must lead with tentativeness, tenderness, and humility, never condescending judgment.  
 
Father, lead me to be quick examine my own life for sin and to be slow in judging others! Jesus, You entered into our suffering. Lead me to enter into the suffering of others in ways that will comfort them and guide them into a deeper relationship with You.  
   

They saw his grief

the Book of Job, Chapter Two

How can we comfort a grieving friend?

This is a challenge for me, and I confess I often avoid visiting sick friends because I don't know what to do or what to say. Truthfully, I'm impatient. Why are they still upset? Can't they just push through the pain? I want to say the perfect thing to make it all better, share the easy answer.

But there is often no simple solution and talking can make suffering worse. Consider Job's wife's words of wisdom: "Are you still maintaining your integrity?" she told Job who sat scraping himself with broken pottery as he sat among the ashes. "Curse God and die!" Now that's helpful!

Job's friends were more comforting.  When Job’s three friends ... heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

As we talked about it in our group this week, often that is the best comfort: show up and shut up! Visiting friends in their distress shows we see their grief, care about them, are concerned for them, want them to be consoled and healed. Just holding their hand, praying for them, giving them a message, brushing their hair, doing their nails, bringing special food, or running errands for them, can be encouraging. Don't offer discouraging advice, such as Job's wife, or ask foolish questions. Laughter is good medicine, sharing good memories and reminiscing about happy times.

Most important, we discovered that different people are encouraged by different things. Some of us wanted people to come and have conversations with us. Others of us appreciated practical help. Others longed for quiet companionship. It is important to ASK what is needed. How else can we know?

Job's pain was extreme. He lost all his livelihood, all his children and his health. Scripture tells us it was all without cause. While he affirmed that we need to accept the trouble from God as well as the good, Job's torment was intense. Not only do I want to have Job's attitude always, but I want to be able to be more of a comfort to others when they suffer.

Father, You are a God of mercy and lovingkindness. Help me to be more like You. I have been reluctant to engage, fearful of saying the wrong thing. Guide me to lean in to them and show Your love in the ways that are most encouraging. Let me also remember that no one is exempt from misfortune and that next time the person who is suffering could be me!    

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

When bad things happen to good people

the Book of Job, Chapter One

"Have you considered my servant Job?"

And so begins a story of calamity and suffering, that quite frankly, I find difficult to read. We chose the book of Job because it discusses the question most difficult to answer: Why do bad things happen to good people? One woman in our group told us she wanted to be prepared because people often ask her this question. Another woman wrote to me, "Please help me understand why do these things happen. This by no makes me love God any less or makes me not want to serve Him but it does confuse me sometimes."

In the book of Job, the curtain is pulled back and we see what is happening in heavenly places. We hope to discover the larger purposes of God. As we discussed the first chapter together this week, even this does not satisfy. Job is described by God as "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." Blameless does not mean Job is perfect, but it does mean there is no fault in Job that deserves punishment. Job did nothing wrong to merit this onslaught. Indeed, Job was singled out because "there is no one on earth like him." Satan had not identified Job as a candidate for suffering. God did.

From the heavenly conversation we see God clearly is able to control Satan's actions. God allows Satan to strike everything Job has, but in the same breath, God limits Satan's power. God is in control. He could have prevented this pain.

But God does not. God allows it all to happen to Job, the loss of all his livestock, almost all his servants, and all ten of his children. It's the loss of his children that distressed me the most. You can replace sheep and camels. Children are not replaceable.

Even when the calamity came, half of it came from the forces of nature: "The fire of God fell from the heavens and burned up the sheep and the servants," one of Job's servants announce to him. Another tells him, "suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed..." leaving all ten of his children dead. It was God. Who else controls fire from heaven? Who else controls the wind?

We are left the ask the question: Why would God act so cruelly to someone who worships Him? Who is blameless?

Perhaps it is impossible for us to understand the purposes of God. Like our children can't understand why we do things that cause them discomfort or pain, how can we expect to discern the thoughts of a eternal God? Perhaps God tested Job and preserved this historic story all these years for us to see and help us understand pain. Perhaps God was refining Job, helping him grow in his faith and understanding of God. Perhaps the best explanation was the one shared by one of the women: "blank happens!" This is basically what Jesus tells us in John 16:33: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

None of those answer are comforting for people who face death. What answer can be given to the parents of the children of Connecticut's Sandy Hook? To the wives of the fire fighters who climbed into the Towers on 9/11? To the families of those who lost loved ones in the South Asian tsunami on Christmas day 2004?

There are no answers that satisfy, no reason that is good enough. The only one that comes close is that Jesus joined us in our world of trouble. He did not come to merely teach us, but enter into our pain. Jesus experienced poverty, hunger, betrayal, extreme physical pain and death. Even Jesus asked for the pain to be removed, but was willing to suffer it to save us. Jesus' answer to the pain was: "not My will be Yours be done."

Jesus, it was not easy for You either. Scripture tells us in the garden when You prayed these words, You wept and sweat drops of blood. Help me to accept all from Your hand, the good and the bad, trusting You. You give and take away. In this world I will experience trouble. Let my response be to continue to trust You and to bless Your name!