Love and Courage Passed Down

To my grandson Giovanni Emmanuel Moreau, on his 18th birthday 

Gabriele Micchelli was born in Italy in 1882. His wife Anna was born there too in 1885. At that time, Italy was a relatively young kingdom, formed in 1861, unifying the providences in that area under a single king. Note that in the USA, 1861 was the start of the Civil War. 

In the late 1800s, there was dire poverty among the common Italian people who did not own land, and even for those who did, the soil was poor. Exploitation, violence, malnutrition and disease were widespread. Because of this, more than four million Italians immigrated to the United States between 1880 and 1924 to look for a better life. Among them were Gabriele and Anna Micchelli. 

Gabriele and Anna settled in Newark NJ near other family and had nine children, six boys and three girls. As per tradition, the first seven were named after grandparents, uncles and aunts. The eighth was named Ann after her mother. Their last baby, born November 6, 1925, was a surprise as Anna was 40 years old and thought she was past child-bearing age. They named their baby son Gabriel after his father. 

Gabriel grew up in a multi-generational home. His oldest brother Louis was 20 when he was born. When Louis married, he brought his bride to the second floor apartment to live. There, they had a son who they also named Gabriel. He was about four years younger than his uncle Gabriel and they grew up together, as did the other cousins, as the oldest Micchelli children married and took their turn to live in the upstairs apartment. 

In 1929, when Gabriel was four years old, his father died of the flu at age 47. Anna was only 44. Gabriel had no memory of his father, only sharing with us the story of him playing in front of the casket set up in the living room for family to visit. The oldest sons were already working and contributed to the household so that they could manage to keep food on the table. Thus began a habit of the brothers bringing their pay home each week's end and placing their pay envelope (they were paid in cash) on the kitchen table, unopened, for their mother. This practice continued until Gabriel married, when to Louise's surprise, at week's end, he came home and placed his pay envelope on their kitchen table, unopened. Gabriel's older brothers and sisters helped raise him. He remained the beloved baby brother to them all of their lives. 

The language spoken in the home was Italian. Anna never learned English and taught all her children to speak Italian. Therefore, when Gabriel went to public school, he spoke only Italian and had to learn English there. 

The year of Gabriele's death was also the start of the Great Depression. Money was tight. Favorite meals included Pasta e Fagioli (pasta and beans) and pasta with gravy made with leftover bones bought at the local butcher shop. All the brothers at home slept in one room and Gabriel joked that since they all shared clothes, the first one up was the best one dressed. 

When Pearl Harbor was attacked on December 7, 1941, the United States declared war. Gabriel had just turned 16 years old. Therefore after high school, Gabriel did not go to college and he did not get a job. He enlisted in the Army and saw combat in World War II overseas. He was one of the fortunate ones to return home with only a hearing loss due to a bomb that exploded nearby. Another of his brothers, Joseph was not so lucky. He was wounded in the rear leg, had to wear and brace, and suffered with pain for the rest of his life. 

When Gabriel returned from the war, his future was mapped out for him. Like the rest of his brothers and one of his sisters, he learned the hairdressing trade because one well-established Micchelli uncle had a successful hairdressing shop in Newark. Gabriel worked there for several years. He worked as a hairdresser all of his life, until he retired. Then he continued to cut our hair until his dementia took hold of him. 

Gabriele and Anna Micchelli are your great-great grandparents. I have no memory of either grandparent, Gabriele or Anna. All I have are the memories of the stories told about them. But the love they had for their children has been passed on to me. The courage they had to leave their homeland, to come to a distant country for a better life, and to struggle through loss, poverty and war, that has been passed down to me as well. And so I want to pass that on to you. 

This week you turn 18 and graduate from high school. You will attend university in the fall. This is a great adventure, but also a great privilege. Always remember you stand on the shoulders of great men and women of love and courage who have made this possible for us. 

And remember to pass it on.

More on Gabriel Micchelli, click  here.

What I learned from managing community life

July 1, 2022 I retired from Arthur Edwards Inc, a community management firm caring for properties in New Jersey and New York. I worked there for over 13 years caring for condo high rises and town homes, upscale and lower income areas, over 55 and young families. It was fast moving and complicated. What I found the most fascinating was the interpersonal relationship dynamics. I learned more about people while I managed their associations than I did in the few counseling courses I took several years ago. Because I need to remember, and because these things often apply to any community/family/church/groups, here they are below:

I learned I never want to live in a condo community because I met too many hostile, legalistic neighbors and condo board members. In these type of communities, other people would decide how I should spend my money and repair my home -- or not! If there are owners in the condo who fall into hard times and default financially, all homeowners have to pay more to make up for their bad luck or foolishness. 

However, I have also seen beautiful communities where the neighbors truly care for one another and help one another. For every arrogant mean board member I have met, there are ten sweet selfless ones who despite it being a thankless volunteer job, tirelessly work for the good of their community. Caring for these communities were the best part of my job and what made it the most difficult to leave! 

Rules are vital to a good community and the rules must be enforced. No rules, or unenforced rules cause the community to devolve into chaos resulting in pain for everyone. While boundaries are vital, they need to be enforced with kindness, consideration, respect, empathy and compassion.

When people are contacted about breaking a rule, it is amazing to see how differently people respond. Some people will be horrified they did something wrong and afraid their perfect record will be soiled. They will apologize profusely and make it right immediately. On the other extreme some will be extremely agitated that they were contacted at all and immediately blame you, the board, or their neighbors. They will tell you of a totally unrelated problem you must address immediately! There are rule followers and rule breakers. No matter what our approach is, people's reactions are up to them.  

As with everything, when there is an issue, we need to hear BOTH sides and not jump to conclusions. Often people on both sides of the issue will have completely different stories and it is difficult to find where the truth lies. 

Most people who are being angry today are in a tough spot. Today's issue may have reminded them of an old hurt and opened an old wound. Or they may have other life concerns already putting them on edge. Although it is difficult, it is best not to respond in kind. Listening carefully and respectfully may guide them to process the issue and soften their hearts. Even if we can't change their minds while speaking to them, they may think about it and change their mind later. Trust the Holy Spirit and time to work on their hearts. 

Some people are just evil. There is no reasoning with them. There is no use to even try. But people do not wear signs and it is difficult to tell an evil person from a simply angry person at first. It is hard to tell a liar from someone who is just sharing their unique perspective. But time will always tell.   

Once there is a homeowner who repents of breaking a rule, the board needs to move forward with forgiveness and grace. Continued bitterness can ruin communities.

When there is a dispute, it is better to avoid getting attorneys involved. Once the lawyers take over the only one who really wins is the attorney. 

When we give our gift of wise experience and advice, some people will not accept it. It is best not to take it personally and remember it is not our roof that is leaking or our over-grown garden, or bumpy driveway. It is not our money either. We don't live in their homes, live their lives or even know their whole story. We will not reap the consequences, they will. So let it go. 

No one can tell when the next unexpected expensive problem will occur, but we can be sure it will come. Therefore it is important to save for the future. 

Finally no matter what work you do, I can't over-state the importance of working for someone who values your contribution. Or the devastation of being unappreciated and unseen. At Arthur Edwards Inc., my boss did appreciate me and listen to all my ideas, even if they were not always the best. To be personally valued is the best compensation! Without it, no amount of money will do. So THANK YOU to my boss Ed Frank. May all the value and kindness you give to others, employees and clients, return to you 100 fold.

White Privilege

Lately some friends have been talking about feeling guilty of their #WhitePrivilege but I am looking at in a different way.

I want to talk about being blessed by God and so grateful for the mercies He has given me. Instead of being born in Italy where my grandparents grew up, I grew up in America. I was blessed to have a mother and a father who loved me and taught me about God. My father was hard working and encouraged me to work hard. We had everything we needed but not too much. My father loved my mother and his children. All that was a blessing. God continued to bless me with a loving, kind, hardworking, righteous husband and two healthy sweet daughters and a grandson. It was nothing I did. Yes, I was privileged, but I have no guilt. Instead I am thankful to my God for His unmerited favor towards me.

What do I do then? In the light of God’s mercy and kindness to me, how then should I live?

I extend God’s mercy to others. I listen to the woman whose daughter grew up feeling she was a man. I pray for the woman with the husband who is verbally abusive, whose father drank, whose husband has cancer. I care for my family, natural and spiritual. I open my home, feed them, and tell them about Jesus.

But I have been doing that, not because of protests in the street but because of my gratitude to Jesus. I pray God gives me the strength and wisdom to continue. Caring for others is a privilege as well! Those of us who have anything to be grateful for, let us give thanks to God, let us give thanks to each other. Let us pay forward the kindness to others in love.

This guy will be 14 in June. Our goal was to give him all good things.

And let us remember we can hate others not only because of their race. We can hate others because they believe differently, because they dress differently, because they have more or less than we do. There are so many reasons to hate, to stop listening, to be impatient and unkind. Let’s reject ALL the reasons to hate. Let’s side with Jesus' party.


Jesus answered him, If you would be perfect [that is, have that spiritual maturity which accompanies self-sacrificing character], go and sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven; and come, be My disciple [side with My party and follow Me]. (Matthew 19:21, Amplified Bible)

Town of Sorrow

Most Bible readers are familiar with the story of Abraham who called by God out of his father’s country to journey to Canaan, the Promised Land. However, hidden in the genealogy of Genesis 11, is the story of his father, Terah, who had already brought Abraham (Abram) halfway.

This is the account of Terah’s family line.

Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth… Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan.

It was Terah who had started the journey to Canaan but he never made it. Why?

But when they came to Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran. (Genesis 11:27-32)

Back in biblical times, people lived for hundreds of years. Terah was the first recorded parent who lost a child. Although I have never experienced this, it is said to be the most devastating thing a person can experience. In this case Terah lived for decades after the loss of his son, he even managed to start his journey. But he settled in a place named after his son and never moved. He was half way there, and then stopped, never completing his journey.

The Bible tells us a few simple facts and we are left to wonder. What convinced Terah to start his journey? Why did Terah settle half way there? What led him to stop? Did he give up? Did he find a town named after his son and his grief hit him afresh and was unable to move on? Did he name the town after his son because he was unable to move on?

The thing about a town of sorrow is this:
It's dry, dusty, lonely, and dead

Terah got stuck and settled in his town of sorrow.

Isn’t this what we are tempted do? Surely grief takes time to heal. Some griefs are so deep that they leave a mark that never fades. But God does not want us to get stuck in our sorrow. God knows and understands. He was there weeping with us when our loved one died. Or maybe it was a dream that was lost, or a relationship that could not be reconciled. Maybe foolish choices cost you years of your life. Or maybe you have been profoundly wounded by someone else's evil or a seemingly random event. Whatever it is, it is sad, we need to mourn the loss. We need to feel it and allow ourselves time to heal.

Losses can change our heart for the better as well. It can deepen our empathy, recalibrate our values, strengthen our resolve, come to terms with our limitations, or recognize our sin. Loss can motivate us to do great good. Sorrow can slow us down, it can deepen our joy and it can expand our gratitude for our Savior.

But let’s not decide to stop our journey and live the rest of our lives in our town of sorrow. Let’s rest a while, catch our breath, but let’s not settle there until we die. The Lord has other plans for us and that’s why we are still here.

We should take what we learned from the sorrow. It happened. It mattered. It was important, life changing even. But it can be life changing in a positive way when we continue the journey.

Let’s go follow Him. Let’s find our future, continue our path. It is never too late to follow Him.

So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. (Genesis 12:4)

Father, help me be like Abram and Lot, never afraid, never too wrapped up in my sorrow to follow You. Thank You for reminding me that I am never too old to be called by You. You are my future and my hope!

sheer muscle and willpower

John 6:60-71

Jesus had just told the crowd following Him that in order to have eternal life they would have to eat His body and drink His blood.

Ever get to that part of the story where it just seems too hard to go on? Maybe your life is that way right now.  You just need to sit down, take a breath.  You are gazing behind you with longing, thinking seriously about turning around.

That's where this crowd was.  They liked the healing miracles, they liked being fed the loaves and the fish.  But Jesus' body?  And His blood? Many of them were not up for it and started to mutter...

Many among his disciples heard this and said, “This is tough teaching, too tough to swallow.”

Jesus sensed that His disciples were having a hard time with this and said, “Does this throw you completely? What would happen if you saw the Son of Man ascending to where He came from? The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don’t make anything happen. Every word I’ve spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this.”

(Jesus knew from the start that some weren’t going to risk themselves with Him. He knew also who would betray Him.)

He went on to say, “This is why I told you earlier that no one is capable of coming to Me on his own. You get to Me only as a gift from the Father.”

Gio Power!

Sheer muscle and willpower don’t make anything happen.

Those words stick out to me.  Pretty much, that is how I make everything happen.  But not faith.  Faith does not work that way.  Faith is a gift from the Father.  It's all Him.  Even the works I need to do: to believe, even that I must receive, by the Spirit from the Father.

I need Him for everything. 

Yet, I believe.  I have been given the gift. That's why I love the words Peter says next:

Peter replied, “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.”

Yes, indeed, who else can I go to?  I am ruined now.  I have seen too much.  I have experienced too much.  I must believe.  I have already committed myself and am confident that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.  

Even when His sayings are too hard.  Even when life is too hard.  Even when I am tired and my head hurts and my heart hurts and I want to go back to my easy life---and yet, now I have gone too far for even that!  Now I know life is never better, never sweeter, never contains more joy and peace, than when I rest in His truth and love.

There will be those who do not believe today.  There will be others who refuse to believe ever. Let us have compassion for them.  Let us pray for them.  Let us never envy them, hate them, fear them. Let us never give up telling them. Most of all let us rejoice we have been given the gift.

Thank You Beloved! I am not worthy in the least, yet You love me! Ahhhh!

I will give thanks to Him

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song. -- Psalm 28:7

Never have I experienced a year with so much change, so much uncertainty, a time when my pride was attacked as much.    And yet, it is a choice, isn't it, how we look at things.  Do we see the five loaves and two fish and walk away hopeless?  Or do we give thanks and break them?

And so I choose to give thanks...

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, for the deep and intimate relationship that has developed between Al and I.  Today, he helped me with my work and it was oh, so sweet!  Such a joy to have him share the load, to hear the vacuum running while I cooked.  A few years ago, I would have said it was impossible.  But here we are.

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, that today I still have a job.  I thank You for the boss who appreciates me and tell me so.  And for all the times she told me I was wrong when I was, and for the grace You alone gave me to accept that and obey.  I thank you for the sweet people in Claridge House and I am grateful for the opportunity and the strength You have given me to serve them.  I thank You for giving me words for all those troublesome times, and allowing me to be an instrument of Your peace and Your love.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, that Al has a place to work and that the work has been steady.  I thank You for keeping him safe, and bringing godly men in his path, and for giving him others to share Your love and truth with.  I thank You for holding him close in this ordeal and changing him gently but firmly, showing Your love and provision throughout.

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, that Christina has been doing well in college, almost done, in fact, with her degree.  She loves her part time job and has a man in her life who loves her and her son, is mature and stable and gives her joy.  She is such a wonderful mother and our relationship is almost well again, certainly on the right track.  A few years ago, I would have said it was impossible.  But here we are.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, that Debbie is doing well in college, and has great friends, and has decided that being without a man in her life right now is a good thing.  I thank You that she loves her job and that the Olive Tree has been a blessing to us.  I thank You, Dear Jesus, for their beauty and their health and their sweetness.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, for Giovanni, the light of our lives.  I thank You that by Your grace, we are able to see him every day and partake in the routine of his life.  I thank You that You knew we needed Giovanni in our home and have given us provision for him.

I thank You for our Bloomfield home, our beach house, our cars that continue to run like manna from heaven.  It is truly a miracle of the magnitude of the loaves and fishes and how I know Your finger prints are all over it!!

I thank You that my mom still lives and that she is enjoying her retirement with a great man who not only loves her and is healthy but who is also able to take her to wonderful places.  I thank You that our family lives close and we love each other and enjoy each other.  I thank You for the sicknesses we do not have and the energy we do.

I thank You for MCC and ACE and Middle Ground, for the opportunity to continue to teach and how much I am learning.  I thank You for each person at the table.  I thank You for forgiving my mistakes and for each second chance.  I thank You for encouraging me to lay down those things that You never intended me to pick up.  I thank You for Your patience and perseverance with me in all.

I give You thanks, Beloved.  I give You the glory!  I celebrate You and rest in Your arms.

Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke them. Then He gave them to the disciples to set before the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. -- Luke 9:16-17

Blessings from God in 2008

1. In March, Al's job changed, he was moved to Edison and got weekends off.
2. Al’s new job allowed him to get home before Barb got up for work, which meant getting home in time for morning cuddles.
3. Al and Barb were able to attend church together on Sundays.
4. Al’s change of job in March in many ways prepared him for the next job change at year end.
5. Debbie got accepted at Kean University.
6. Christina continued doing well at Montclair State University and has returned to a more active social life.
7. Barb was invited to give her testimony about Al’s salvation at the MOPS Spring Tea in May.
8. Debbie graduated from High School.
9. In June, Gio turned age 2! He talks now and boy! does he have a lot to say.
10. Gio's grandparents, Emmanuel and Julia, got married in June.
11. Gio's dad, Manny, joined the US Marines.
12. Barb was invited to teach at the ACE fall session with David Langford and it was the best attended class that session.
13. Barb and Al were able to take the entire month of August off together and to spend it at the beach.
14. Al and Barb were blessed by their time at Union Congregational Church in Lavalette, meeting new friends there. They also enjoyed visits to Ocean Grove, seeing Charles Stanley and Oracle.
15. Al had his best tomato growing season this summer.
16. Debbie got her driver’s license before she started college.
17. Al and Barb were able to attend ACE fall session together.
18. Barb got a full time job at Urban Renewal Corp.
19. Barb's friends and co-workers at MCC blessed her with many kind words, gifts, songs and a BIG party when she left her position there as Administrative Support and Bible Study leader.
20. God give Al wisdom to select where to work when C&S closed. He hopes to be working stead at the Daily News, in New Jersey.

In all these changes, Al and I rejoice that God has caused us to grow closer together in love for each other. God has helped us to trust Him not only as the author and finisher of our salvation, but to trust in His daily protection and provision in our lives.

In all things, God is good and best of all, He is with us.