Saturday, June 24, 2023

Boundary Line

 "Not everyone is as nice as you, Barbara"

That is what mom told me over and over. One golden piece of wisdom I wish I understood at a younger age.

This spring we completed the study Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkheurst and as a result, I felt led to review all my past bad boundary lessons.

Mom was right, of course. I believed people were good and honest. I wanted to help. I wanted to be liked, to be good. My sense of self was wrapped up in other people, accommodating them, making them happy. Often I would try to conform to what they wanted me to be and to hide the parts of me that were ugly to others. But I could not keep up the charade.

I was drawn to adventure and drama to the point of chaos. That was my personal goal: to smooth out the chaos, to make it right. That was how I tried to help. But I was drawn to chaotic people and chaotic situations that I could not fix. Things beyond my control to fix. I tried anyway with talking, then reasoning, and eventually yelling. Cajoling, then guilt and manipulation. It was for their own good! Ha! In the end my being "nice" wasn't good. And it certainly was not loving.

Jesus is never like this. He let people walk away. He drew close to them, loved them, was honest and gentle with them, but allowed them to be who they were. Even when it hurt them. Even when it hurt Him. Even when it killed them. Even when it killed Him. 

Jesus uses broken people to further His Kingdom. It is His plan A and He has no plan B. He knows we are good and bad intertwined. He understands we ruin everything we touch because we are sinful people, but He uses us anyway. He uses the horrid situations we create and works them together for good.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the One who calms the storms. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who sees into the hearts of people and sees into the future. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who gives power and the One who can take it away. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who can change hearts. We cannot do that.

Jesus alone brings the victory. We must choose to be on His side, trusting Him and not others or ourselves!

As I accept these things, I have His peace. I can look at the horrid situations others create -- and I create -- in peace, trusting Him. I drop the burden of the perfection and pick up my own load. 


I can share my feelings and be honest with others. I can stop accommodating and hiding.  I can draw boundaries and explain them in a gentle and respectful manner. I can let others walk away. I can stay alert to evil temptations and resist or flee as God leads me.

But I still want the adventure, the excitement. I still want to tell my story. Let me find my adventure in the future You have for me, doing Your will. Let me find my excitement in worshiping Your glory. Let me tell my story here to You, Beloved. You read every word. You dry every tear. You hear every sigh of my heart.

I can't change anyone. I can love them.  That was all You ever asked of me anyway. 

* * * 

It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...

Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray Me.” His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them He meant. One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to Him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask Him which one He means.” 

Leaning back against Jesus, he asked Him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, He gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. 

As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” (John 13:1, 21-27)

Friday, June 02, 2023

Choice

While browsing on social media I noticed a video from a woman with a heart breaking story.  She and her husband were struggling to conceive and when she finally did, her doctor informed them at 20+ weeks that the baby had a catastrophic defect what would cause him to die almost immediately after birth. She chose abortion. Later they had a healthy daughter who was the light of her life. Although she had previously been pro-life, after her experience she was pro-choice and wanted her daughter and all women to have choices in their reproductive health care.

The point of her story was to convince you that allowing women the choice to abort is good. And choice is good. Choice was God's idea in the beginning, all the way back in Genesis.  

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there He put the man He had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis (2:8-9)

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2:15-17) 

Notice, God created the garden, the man, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He placed Adam in the garden and gave him ONE commandment and a CHOICE. Adam was made in God's image and God's desire was to have a loving relationship with him. And a relationship means there needs to be choice. Adam chose not to trust God and ultimately disobeyed His one commandment. 

God continues with the theme of providing choice to His people. As they entered the promised land, God instructs them through Moses:

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live (Deuteronomy 30:19)

The choice: trust God and obey Him or not. But the choice has consequences. The consequences of Adam's choice in the garden of Eden was for him and all humanity after him to be distanced from God, experience the harshness of the world outside of His perfect garden and ultimate death. 

As God ushered the nation of Israel into the promised land, He reminded them that their choice was truly between life and death. Later Joshua, who leads the nation of Israel after Moses, encouraged the next generation that the choice was theirs to make:

"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

We all have choices and we all choose. Sometimes we think we will avoid consequences but God will not be mocked. And He does not lie. The choice remains: life or death.

But God in His mercy and love for His people did not desire to stay estranged from them. So Jesus comes. His mission was to light the path to life.

God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him. There is no judgment against anyone who believes in Him. But anyone who does not believe in Him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. (John 3:17-19)

Jesus can save us from all our bad choices. He provides forgiveness and His own righteousness so we can renew our broken relationship with God, His Father. But we still have a choice: to trust Jesus for this salvation that He offers, or not.

Every person in every generation must make that choice: to trust Jesus or not. In our generation, choices are even more complicated as technology advances. In every generation, women were faced with unexpected pregnancies and difficult circumstances. In every generation, some women experienced the heart breaking sorrow of a still born or deformed baby. Today pregnant women literally have the choice between life and death of their baby. 

What an excruciating choice!  

Those who advocate for abortion present it as if there are no consequences. They present abortion as a chance to change their future and to make the pregnancy just go away. But this is a deception. There are always consequences.  

Back to the heart breaking abortion video. What the women did not explain was the impact of a second trimester abortion on the mother and her developing baby. Sourced from doctors who provided this information at www.abortionprocedures.com, here is the explanation of the abortion procedure and the consequences:

The D&E (dilation [dilatation] and evacuation) abortion procedure is usually performed between thirteen and twenty-four weeks LMP (that is thirteen to twenty-four weeks after the first day of the woman’s last menstrual period), which is the second trimester of pregnancy.

This is a surgical abortion procedure during which an abortionist first dilates the woman’s cervix and then uses instruments to dismember and extract the baby from the uterus.  To prepare for a D&E abortion, the abortionist uses laminaria, a form of sterilized seaweed, to open the woman’s cervix 24 to 48 hours before the procedure. The laminaria soaks up liquid from the woman’s body and expands, widening (i.e., dilating) the cervix. 

When the woman returns to the abortion clinic, the abortionist may administer anesthesia and further open the cervix using metal dilators and a speculum. The abortionist inserts a large suction catheter into the uterus and turns it on, emptying the amniotic fluid. After the amniotic fluid is removed, the abortionist uses a sopher clamp — a grasping instrument with rows of sharp “teeth” — to grasp and pull the baby’s arms and legs, tearing the limbs from the child’s body.

Sopher clamp

The abortionist continues to grasp intestines, spine, heart, lungs, and any other limbs or body parts. The most difficult part of the procedure is usually finding, grasping and crushing the baby’s head. After removing pieces of the child’s skull, the abortionist uses a curette to scrape the uterus and remove the placenta and any remaining parts of the baby. 

The abortionist then collects all of the baby’s parts and reassembles them to make sure there are two arms, two legs, and that all of the pieces have been removed. 

At twenty weeks LMP, the baby’s nervous system is developed enough to feel pain. Research by the University of Toronto shows that babies at this stage can feel pain in the womb — even with greater intensity than adults. Almost all mothers feel the baby move by this point in pregnancy. 

For the woman, this procedure carries a significant immediate risk of major complications. Since the baby is removed in pieces, sharp pieces of broken fetal bones can puncture the woman’s uterus or cause a large tear (laceration). This perforation or laceration of the uterus or cervix, can also possibly damage the bowel, bladder, the rectum and other maternal organs. In addition to perforation and damage to internal organs, a second trimester abortion has a greatly increased risk of excessive bleeding and hemorrhaging.

I think women need to understand all this as part of their choice. Limiting knowledge or using emotional stories is not empowering women. It is manipulation. Is this information provided to women before they make a choice to abort?

Women know that mothering includes suffering as well as joy. Mothering is hard and requires sacrifice and some situations are much harder than others. I don't want to minimize at all the extremely difficult situation of the woman who made this video. I weep for her. I am sure God does too. And the offer of Jesus' forgiveness is available for her and for all women who chose abortion. 

Personally, I don't think the choice of abortion should be taken away from women. God gave us choice as a gift. It is how we are like Him. But choosing Him is always better. Choosing Him is life. 

We think we are choosing to continue with a pregnancy or not, but in fact the choice is between trusting God or not.  

My prayer is not that abortion be illegal. My prayer is abortion becomes unthinkable and that we rally around women with difficult pregnancy situations with compassion and provision. And that we remind women who have had abortions that forgiveness and reconciliation to God is always available to them through Jesus. 

For more information about abortion procedures from doctors, plus how to get help, please visit www.abortionprocedures.com.