Fear God

Since 2018, I have been choosing not resolutions, but a Word of the Year. This year I am choosing two words, because they go together: Fear God.

For Advent, I had been doing a study and blog series on Revelation. What most impressed me, as I read and tried to tie the second advent of Christ to the first, was this verse:

“Fear God and give Him glory" (Revelation 14:7a NIV) 

Fear of God? Not like this!

Fear of God is not something I have been comfortable about, but there it is on the last pages of God's word to us. Even in the by-line of this blog I talk about my Beloved, my Jesus, whom I am close to, lean on, trust. But to fear Him? Maybe I need a better translation:

Then I saw another angel flying in midair, with an eternal Gospel (good news) to tell to the inhabitants of the earth, to every race and tribe and language and people. And he cried with a mighty voice:

Revere God and give Him glory (honor and praise in worship), for the hour of His judgment has arrived. Fall down before Him; pay Him homage and adoration and worship Him Who created heaven and earth, the sea and the springs (fountains) of water.
(Revelation 14:6-7 AMPC)

The word fear can also be translated revere. I'm not sure what that means either, but it is something for all the earth to do. It is about the judgment of the earth by the One who created it.

Indeed, most of Revelation talks about the judgment of God and fearful things: disease, war, famine, thunder, lightening, earth quakes, the heavens falling, and the earth itself ripping apart. I can not read past that and say, "well, not my Jesus." I need to look it in the face and ask:

• What does it mean to fear and revere God? 
• Why must I fear God? 
• How do I fear God?

So I took out my big heavy exhaustive concordance and started at the beginning, at Genesis. Needless to say, I am not done. But this is what I have found so far. 

Adam first feared God after he sinned. He was afraid and he hid (Genesis 3:9-10). But God had been looking for Adam. Fear does not separate us from God. Sin does. Sin makes us ashamed and want to hid.

I found it interesting that the animals of the earth did not fear men until after the flood (see Genesis 9:2). Even though men were not living together in peace after the fall, at least the animals lived in peace with man. But not after Noah came out of the ark. When the Bible talks about fear of God, though, this is not the same kind of fear. This was terror and dread. This was fear of being slaughtered, not because of any wrong doing on the animal's part.

Fear of God is mentioned again in Genesis 20:11. Abraham had journeyed to the south and was afraid of the people because they did not fear God. In this case, the word means fear/revere, not dread. 

People who fear God can be trusted, will be upright, good people who will not murder, or lie, or swindle you. This thread continued as I read. To fear God is a comfort other to others (Genesis 42:18). Those people can be trusted with leadership and responsibility (Genesis 31, Exodus 18:21).

Fear of God leads to obedience to Him, being fair and kind to others. Fear of God brings us closer to Him, not further away, as we saw with Moses (Exodus 20:20). We should fear God's wrath, plus the consequence of life in the world He designed and created, when we do wrong. 

God repeatedly tell us to fear Him alone, to revere Him alone (Exodus 14:13). This is hard because we live in a physical world: we see, we hear, we touch the things around us. We cannot see God, except when we purposefully look for Him in creation and in His word. It is so much easier to fear our circumstances, the opinion of other people and what they can do to us.  God repeatedly promises to make other nations fear Israel as they obey Him (Deut 2:25). God promises to fight for them (Duet 3:22).

Because it is hard, we are to learn to fear God: 

... the Lord said to me, ‘Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.’ (Duet 4:10)

Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever! (Duet 5:29)     

Before the Ten Commandments are given, the chosen people of God were instructed to learn to fear God. How? 

• Gather, 
• Hear God's word, 
• Teach their children

And why? For their good, not just individually but for their ancestors and as a community. God's plan to bring peace, Shalom, was for all the community to fear Him. And for those who did not, there was swift and severe punishment. 

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. 

And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones; so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear and fear." (Duet 21:18-21)

This is shocking, because this is instructions to parents to bring their own son to the death penalty. This is how important it was for the whole community to be of one mind when it comes to fearing God. At the end of the age, this is what God will do. He will take His own children and cast them out of life in His kingdom because they are stubborn, rebellious and their god is their belly. This is the pathway to the Shalom community.  Permitting evil will allow it to spread and hurt those who revere God. 

God already sent His Son. He made a way for them, but they have refused it. God will not force them to obedience. But He will cast them out. 

What does it mean to revere God?

Revere our awesome God in humility

Reverence is adoring respect mixed with awe for God who is excellent, sacred, powerful and completely good. It results in humility, worship, pure conduct, dedication, amazement, a desire to honor and to be close, connected.   

God gives us a choice (Joshua 24) to fear and revere Him, or not. God is not interested in just outward action; He wants our hearts. Through Joshua, God tells us to serve Him in sincerity and truth (Joshua 24:14). God wants an undivided heart. 

We are to worship Him alone. Because there are so many things to worship and adore. 

Adoring the musicians or worshiping God?

This photo is a great example. From the looks of the people raising their hands, they are excited and adoring something, but what? Are they at a concert and adoring the musicians? Or are they at a worship service praising and adoring God?

Who are we standing up and cheering? 

God wants a loyal heart, one that can survive temptations in our culture and also hardship. Struggles teach us to fear God, as we see with Job (Job1:9). Do we fear God because it is convenient? Because God has answered all our prayers swiftly with a yes? Can we still trust Him when seems to be saying Wait or No? Will we still worship Him when we suffer? Can we obey God when His commandments cause pain? Are we like Job who shuns evil because it is wrong and God alone is good?

All these are difficult questions to consider. Does the New Testament tell us only to believe and be saved? Or must there be more to it? 

You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! (James 2:19) 

What about what Paul said here?

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” (Acts 16:31)

Let's try another translation: 

Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ [give yourself up to Him, take yourself out of your own keeping and entrust yourself into His keeping] and you will be saved (Acts 16:31 AMPC)

It is more than merely affirming Jesus is the Son of God and showing up to church on Sundays.  

I will keep exploring this. Stay tuned. 

Beloved, please help me see this aspect of You more clearly and allow it to change my life to be more pleasing to You.

Sacrifice

I returned to work at the end of last year for a short term assignment. At first I worked from home but eventually needed to make my way into the office I had left over two years ago. Lost in thought as I drove along, I missed the Parkway exit and had to wind my way south on back roads. The next time I traveled there, I made sure I got into the far right exit-only lane to make sure I did not miss it again.

I find that all of life is like that. I am easily distracted and wind up in a place I didn't expect and did not intend to go. I have one glass of wine with dinner and end up drinking three. I start a collection of things I like and end up with a room full of worthless items. I bring home a left-over dessert from a party and start having dessert every night. One thing leads to another, it starts out innocent and ends up a disaster.

That is why I want to daily consider the direction of my life and go in the direction of sacrifice. Sacrifice, my Word of the Year for 2025. 

Now that I am retired and have more time, what am I doing with it? Sure, I should allow for relaxation and enjoyment. Sure I should slow down. But when is it too much enjoyment? When am I relaxing so much that I am missing my exit back to what I intended to do with my retirement, time for service to my family and Christ?

I want to focus on sacrifice, but what is sacrifice? It has several definitions, including religious ones, but the one I want to focus on is this:

 The act of giving up something highly valued
for the sake of something else
considered to have a greater value.

I can also see the opposite of this trait in my grand daughter. When she wants something and I tell her no, she cries her fake cry in hopes I will change my mind. It is adorable and totally normal in a two-year-old but in a 69-year-old, not so much. I may not whine on the outside like she does, but I am on the inside.  I still think, and at this age, God forgive me, that I should have everything I want. This is NOT of God. And I want to repent. 

In contrast to this, Ed told me of his son-in-law who has become a more observant Jew. He was given a gift of a bottle of wine that was Kosher. Sadly someone who was not an observant Jew moved the bottle and their handling of the bottle made it no longer Kosher. He refused to drink it. At first glance, this seemed silly. But in a larger sense, I admire his commitment to God, his willingness to sacrifice a good thing, the gift he received of the wine, for something better, knowing in his heart he was staying in right relationship with God. This is what Paul describes in Romans:    

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Romans 12:1)

Under the Law, the Jews offered animal sacrifices to atone for their sins. But for us who follow Christ, we are to offer our own bodies. This is what Jesus did. Although He did no wrong, He sacrificed Himself for us. He chose humility when he road into Jerusalem on a colt towards suffering and death because He looked forward to something of greater value, eternal relationship with us. He did not have to do this. He chose it because He values us, because He loves us.

Beloved, help me to value personal sacrifice, to model after Your choice to value me more than Your comfort, more than Your life. Let me make a habit of getting in the right lane, going in the direction of Your righteousness. 

Remind me to YIELD to others in peace of heart. Remind me to say NO to temptation. Just because I want something and it is there to take, does not mean I should take it. Remind me to NOT correct others, NOT give my opinion unless requested, NOT feel I need to offer feedback, have my way, insure others are informed of my point of view. Others who read this may need to learn to assert themselves. Not so with me. I need to learn quietness and trust You. I need to pray more and talk less. I can't do this, Beloved, without the power of Your Holy Spirit. So pour out Your Spirit on me. Allow His mighty wind to keep me in the right lane.   

The law of the Lord is perfect. It gives us new strength...
The rules of the Lord are right. They give joy to our hearts...
The commands the Lord gives are true. All of them are completely right...
They have greater value than huge amounts of pure gold...
But who can know their own mistakes? Forgive my hidden faults.
Also keep me from the sins I want to commit. May they not be my master.
Then I will be without blame. I will not be guilty of any great sin against your law.

Lord, may these words of my mouth and may these thoughts of my heart please You. You are my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:7-14)

Way to Heaven

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. One year ago today we sat with the Hospice nurse. After examining mom she told us what we already knew. Mom was actively dying. She advised us to go in one at the time and then leave her alone to pass in peace.

Mom looking fabulous of course!

Mom always loved making an entrance. She would purposefully would arrive late to a party, so everyone would already be there and see her when she walked in. She was a firm believer in it’s better to arrive late than ugly.

Lying in her bed, withered and frail, unable to talk or swallow or even see at the end, there was no way she could have made that exit as her lovely vivacious self. So when we all left her, she left too. My prayer has been that when she met Jesus it will be in her age-30 body, full make-up, spike heels and beautiful dress.

Mom was a forward looking woman. She was still planning vacation cruises in her 90s. Of course, she was not able to go, but I think just the planning was comforting to her. She may have been in her sunset years, but life was not over and she intended to live fully to the end. Which by the mercy of God she was able to do. Until the last weeks when the cancer caused her body to fade slowly away, she did everything, joined groups at the independent living community, went out with her grandchildren, enjoyed her companion Frank.

Mom would love to see her grandkids together

So it is with great regret I need to confess this year was about death for me. My 2023 word of the year was death. I tried to shake it off, but could not. With mom gone, I am next to oldest in my family. As I sorted through her clothing, her trinkets and decorations, then her jewelry and her photos, I could not shake the questions. She was so alive; how could she now be so dead? What would she think of us as we look at her personal items and give some to family, give most away and discard the rest? Does she know how much we miss her? Can she see her great-grandchildren as they learn to walk, go to school, play football, and one being born?

Never has heaven felt more real than now that both my mom and dad are in it.

Even as I tried to shake it off, at year end, more people passed, and it all came back to me.

Mom would have loved to see Gio
play football 

Looking at death in the face – and not blinking – is very important.

At the services I attended, they read from the gospel of John. The disciple John recalls and shares with us the words of Jesus the night before He died.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:1-4)

This is mission of Jesus. To gather us so we will be with Him forever in the place He is preparing for us. We call it Heaven, a place of peace, abundance and delight. But the disciples were unaware of the impending crucifixion of Jesus and they were confused. Actually I am too so I am so glad brave Thomas asked the question everyone in the room was wondering.

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we don’t know where You are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you really know Me, you will know My Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” (John 14:5-7)

Jesus is clear. He is the way to His kingdom and there is no other way. Not only to believe in Him as an excellent teacher or even as the Son of God, but also have enough faith to follow His ways. As Jesus stated as the discussion continued:

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

Jesus answered: “Don’t you know Me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me? The words I say to you I do not speak on My own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in Me, who is doing his work. Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves...”

“If you love Me, keep My commands... Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them.” (John 14:8-11, 15, 21)

There are some of this generation who find this offensive and I get it, it is a hard thing to accept if you feel on the outside of the Christian camp. What about the people who never heard of Jesus? The good people who have other religious backgrounds?

The Christian camp is bad metaphor. In a camp, you sign up, you pay your fee and have fun inside the camp. Others who did not sign up and did not pay the fee are kept outside. Even if they would like to come in.

Mom wanted to meet her new grandchild

Heaven is a kingdom open to all who will choose to say yes to Jesus’ invitation. He left the glory of heaven to sign you up. He paid the total price on the cross. And then He provided the receipt at the resurrection. All we have to do is say yes and accept it as a free gift.

Yes, I know you may have objections…

“I have things I do that are wrong according to the Bible,” you may say. Me too. The Holy Spirit can work with that. Actually the list of rules is quite brief, here it is in two sentences:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Yes, it is more complicated than that, but that is the place to start, a good place, an “easy yoke, a light burden” as Jesus put it. If we have faith in Jesus, and believe He created the world and loves us, we will trust Him enough to keep His commandments. It does not happen all at once. But the Holy Spirit is there to help us.

“I don’t like Christians, they are mean and judgmental and hypocrites”, you may say. Sadly, yes I would agree. We are a motley bunch and we are who Jesus has decided to work with. Please be patient with us as the Holy Spirit will work on us too. The idea is we are all imperfect, all other imperfect people are welcome. You too! Me too!

“All my friends will hate me,” you may say. Yes, agreed that is a problem. Many hated Jesus too. You see what they did to Him. I don’t want to sugar coat it. It can get ugly. But when we continue to be loving as well as truthful to others, sometimes our friends can come around to believing in Jesus as well. The Holy Spirit uses us all like that.

All I can say is you can’t take part of what Jesus says and ignore other parts. It’s like the news sound bite where they report on part of what someone says that is the best—or the worst-- and leave out the rest! Jesus promised Heaven to anyone who would believe and have the faith to follow Him. We are all invited. We choose to come early and ugly (that was me because I never want to miss anything!) or late and beautiful (my mom!) or we can walk away.

I have read the works and words of Jesus and I can’t un-see that He is the Son of God. He is asking you today to consider reading it too, opening up your heart to Him. His Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.

And as for the rest of us who already believe and follow? I don’t know about you but as for me, I feel Jesus is leading me to be intentional about my choices, to follow Him closely, holding up the lamp of the Word to lead me day by day. Because as I said, I am only growing older and the time is short. I am confident that although the end of my trip may be difficult, the destination will be fabulous.

"The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26)

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance… So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him. (2 Peter 3:9, 14)

Don’t have a Bible? No problem, it’s all online! Visit www.biblegateway.com  or for the visual learner, try www.bibleproject.com

Ella loves makeup like her great-grandma
but she has to work on it!

Intentional

Usually I start the year with a "Word of the Year" but it seemed like this year I was too absorbed with my mom, her illness and then her passing. At first that seemed to be my default word of the year: death. 

However that does not honor my mom. My mom was very intentional about life. She was always trying to better herself, move forward, right up to the end when she started to say she was "fading away." It was then when she knew and accepted her next step would be death. While I needed and wanted to be by her side at that time, now I need to go in a different direction. 

So as I wrote this years September mentor moment, I realize these MOPS themes are not just for the new moms, they are for me.

Now I am in the autumn of my life. Not that I am complaining, autumn is a beautiful season. It may be closer to the end, but it is not over yet! It seems even more important to be intentional about what I say yes to and what I walk away from. Even in September it is not too late for a Word of the Year! 

Jesus, please help me be more intentional with my life!

* * *

from the MOPS September Mentor Moment

When the Montclair MOPS group first started over 20 years ago, I was close friends with the woman who organized it. At that time, my two daughters were already in elementary school and I thought, how wonderful it would have been to have a MOPS group when my daughters were newborns. When my first was born, I was 32 years old and knew nothing about navigating life as a new mom. My life revolved around my career. Most of my friends were people I worked with. Even the Bible study I attended at the time was with my co-workers. When I was at home alone with my new baby I was like a ship unmoored. To tell you the truth, initially, I didn’t think I would survive. I was surprised by how hard it was. I was startled by how lonely I felt. Each stage seemed to last forever. And I was stunned that after each stage had passed, how passionately I missed it, even the ones that were difficult at the time.

I stayed at home with my daughters until they went to pre-school and then I worked part time and eventually full time. I retired in July 2022. Barely two months had passed when Sandy asked me to join the MOPS team as a mentor mom, and I was thrilled to say yes!

Matter of fact, that is the theme for MOPS this year: Say Yes!

I will grant you that it is easy to say yes for me today because my children are grown and I’m retired. It’s a lot harder as a mom with littles. Most days are NO NO NO! No, you don’t put that in your mouth! No, you can’t watch another video. No, we don’t hit our brother. No, I’m too busy and can’t meet you for coffee. No, I am too tired tonight honey. Finally, it’s No you can’t borrow the car … but that’s for another day.

This year MOPS is encouraging us to add YES to our vocabulary. Agreed, we need to avoid people-pleasing or over-extending ourselves. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about understanding our goals and moving through life on purpose.

And it’s not only about mothering, it’s about everything: our friendships, marriage, our extended family, and work. We can get so caught up in the urgent demands of the day-to-day, and then years go by and we realize we haven’t been making the small choices that will get us where we actually wanted to be. Too often, our ‘yeses’ are default decisions we aren’t even intentionally making or we say yes to the stuff we feel obligated to do.

Our MOPS Theme Bible verse this year is: Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin… (from the prophet Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

What if we started out with small steps, being intentional to say ‘yes’ to the important things? Yes, to parenting on purpose. Yes, to significant challenges and out-of-our-comfort-zone opportunities. Yes, to carving out time for our marriage. And yes to invitations to connect with others.

Developing a ‘yes’ mindset is living intentionally, focused on our goals for ourselves and our families. Specifically, we want to practice saying yes in three areas:

1. Befriend Discomfort

As mothers, we are no strangers to discomfort. Just the entrance of our baby into the world was extremely discomforting, to say the least. Everything we do seems sacrificial. What if we saw the discomfort and the sacrifices as a blessing instead of a curse? What if it is an opportunity instead of a failure? What if we saw the problem as a challenge with potential for good? Maybe the dead end is really a new beginning.

We have this one life. Do we want to spend it regretting the things we didn’t do? Avoiding awkward situations? Procrastinating until opportunity passes us by? Distracted by mourning prior seasons of our lives?

What if the way forward is to embrace difficult things instead of avoiding them? Befriending Discomfort is a life hack that can improve every area of our lives. Tackling challenges can help us become more confident and more courageous. When we take that first step we start to feel less fragile and less stressed. Opportunity can pass us by while we wait until we feel ‘ready’ or qualified or when all the details come together perfectly. Instead let’s step forward and do it afraid. And let’s invite our kids along for the thrill that comes with doing hard things.

James, the brother of Jesus sums it up perfectly when he stated (in James 1:2-4 NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Yes, I want to be mature and complete, don’t you? Honestly there is no way around it. Mothering is hard. It’s exhausting, stressful, frustrating and even painful. You have to do the hard things anyway. Welcome each challenge knowing it will change you for the good.

2. Be Easily Delighted

The other side of mothering is it is incredibly wonderful if you have the eyes to see it. But that sense of delight is the first thing to go between midnight feedings, changing poopy diapers, piles of dirty dishes, stacks of unpaid bills, plus worrying about doing things right. But we can change all of that when we learn to look for the lovely. We can learn to love what must be done and be captivated by simple things like the smell of our kids’ hair and our husband’s glances across the room. It’s all decadent when we take the time to stop and really notice. This year let’s pray for God’s help to be easily delighted with the small things because the small things are the big things.

Our Bible verse from King David’s Psalm 18:19 reminds us of God’s feelings for us:

He brought me out into a spacious place. He rescued me because He delighted in me. (Psalm 18:19 NIV)

If God can find delight is this broken world and in us when we up to knees in dirty laundry, we can surely find delight in our children and our lives.

3. Be Here Now

Our culture tells us it’s all up to us. And while we certainly want to do our best, we must acknowledge that most of life is out of our control. Let’s replace the urge to have a death-grip every possible outcome with the humble surrender that our best will have to suffice. This year let’s remember our direction is more important than our speed. Let’s not let hurry and worry rob us of our time in this sweet season of our lives. Instead, let’s trust God will provide for our every need, and that means we can tend to our kids, marriage, home, friendships, neighborhood, and the work God has given us and take the time to enjoy ourselves while we are doing it.


In Matthew 6:26-27 Jesus Himself reminds us of God’s care for all the details of our lives:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:26-27 NIV)

Now I have been married for 42 years, a mother for 35 years and a grandmother for 17 years. In the end not only did I survive, but my memories of mothering are the sweetest of my life. I do not regret any sacrifice. What I want to offer you, dear moms, is perspective and encouragement because mothering is hard. It not sexy, the pay is bad, and they don’t give awards. But I am convinced mothering is the most important aspect of our lives. When I look at my family today, I am so grateful I did the hard things, that I took the time to enjoy my children and that I chose to trust God for what I could not control. Which was quite a lot. I have found God has been faithful.

My own mom passed away earlier this year. We were very fortunate as she lived an active life until she was sick briefly and then passed at age 94. I think about what she has left me. Oh, we did get some money, nice jewelry, and way too many collectibles. But the most important things she left us we can’t see or touch: it was her love, kindness, generosity, her courage, and her passion for life. Those things are inside me now and I can’t lose them. I want to pass on those things too, but I need to be intentional to do it. I need to say yes to the right things. I pray this year we can help each other figure that out together.

I am excited for this year at MOPS and I am honored to be part of this team who are dedicated to serving moms. We know you want to get it right and we want to support you. We promise to provide you with practical information and the most delicious brunch in New Jersey.

I pray that you will find a supportive and loving community of moms here at MOPS. The other mentor moms and I would be happy to meet with you outside of MOPS or right after our meeting, to discuss any questions you may have on parenting, marriage or about your spiritual journey. We love listening to small questions or big life questions, and we firmly believe there are no stupid questions. Maybe you just need a listening ear or someone to vent to. We are here for you.

If you live in northern New Jersey and are interested in joining us, visit montclair.church/mops 

If you are not, then visit mops.org to find a local group near you.

Accept, My Word of the Year

A new year. a new page, a new word to focus on for 2022. 

For the past few years I have focused on creating and keeping good relationships. This year after watching current events more than usual, I have been longing to bring God's kingdom to our nation, to the earth. How do we do that? 

For comfort I have been turning to the Lord's Prayer. In it Jesus tells us to pray "Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven." (Matthew 6:10) and also reflecting on "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12) 

We bring God's kingdom to earth when we allow Him to be our King and obey His laws. And the foundation of all laws is so simple: to love one another. 

Easier said than done. What does this look like? Jesus has been opening this up like an onion for me year by year. 

A prior word of the year was LISTEN. Last year's was ENGAGE. This year's word is ACCEPT. They all go together. Let me explain...

ENGAGE: As a natural conflict-avoider, my default is to ignore conflict. So last year I was encouraging myself to engage. To engage with people in pain and to engage with conflict when I would have preferred to avoid it. It is hard for me to engage and listen if I am not really interested in the topic, if someone is presenting a contrasting point of view, if someone is in a lot of pain. But that is what Jesus calls us to, to move towards others, even when it is uncomfortable.  I would prefer to hang up the phone, walk away, give up, immerse into social media, anything else. But that is not what Jesus did. He came toward us, even though it was messy, uncomfortable, painful, dangerous, and ultimately deadly. I need to continue to engage. It is what He calls me to do.

LISTEN: Listen involves talking less. Asking more questions such as: what else happened, what feelings came up, what prior event in your life does this remind you of, what assumptions are being made. Making sure I understand the other person. Focusing on all the details given. Being sympathetic. Trying to understand their point of view by picturing myself in their situation.  

ACCEPT: This is the hard next part. Accept their position, their feelings, their prior actions as facts that I am not going to change today. Accept who they are and show respect, tenderness, and compassion. Accept they are a separate person and the Lord has them on a unique path I cannot comprehend and I cannot alter. Accept there are different or conflicting opinions, reasons, world views and it is the way it is. I can still be friendly. I can still be kind. I can still be respectful even when I believe it is wrong.

Only after I honestly accept others as they are, will they be open to hearing my views and continuing the conversation. Once I share, only the Holy Spirit can convict them, and He is well able to do so without any more of my help. Indeed my continued "help" can block His work.

And my Beloved said to me...

I came for all of them but they would not all have Me. Some rejected Me. I did not force them, even now, I never force them. No, I continue to love them.

You cannot force them either. It will not work and only push them away.

Beloved, forgive me for all the times I tried to convince or manipulate others towards my point of view! Forgive my arrogance and pride which led me to believe my ways were right or best and that others needed my help. 

Remind me to love others as You did! Encourage me to engage and listen to accept them and trust You with all things.

Engage

Some people are conflict enjoyers. Some are conflict avoiders. I have always been the avoider. I want people to like me. I want my family and friends to all get along. I want to keep the peace, so I make excuses, sidestep the argument, and convince everyone that it is all right. Even when it is not all right. 

But Jesus was not a conflict enjoyer or avoider. He engaged and resolved conflict. He taught: 

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (Matthew 5:23-24) 

Our offering to God is less vital to our souls than our relationship with others. So what does He instruct us to do? 

Go and Be Reconciled. 

I don’t want to do this. Not when I am at fault. Not when I am sure they are at fault. Not when they are angry, nor when I am angry. I make all kinds of excuses. They will not listen to me. It’s all their fault. It is past the point of repair. But then I remember Paul’s words, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) 

Jesus is our Peace

What does this mean? I must engage. If I am disturbed listening to other people’s grief, sorrow, disappointment or anger, if I refuse to listen to their side, if I want to fix things too soon for my own comfort, then I have failed to engage, and failed to bring peace. Instead of hiding, avoiding, ignoring, I must engage. Instead of arguing, manipulating, berating, pushing, I must use humility as I engage, listening to understand, assuming the other has good reasons and motives for their position, their beliefs, their actions. 

And it’s hard. It’s listening when it hurts. It’s opening up when I would rather run away. It is trying to empathize when I would rather support my position. It’s having the patience to trust the process, believing Jesus will reveal truth and write His best story as I obey His call to go and be reconciled. 

Engage. That’s my word for 2021. I am not good at it. But I want to get better. Only You, my Beloved Jesus can give me the power. But You have called me and so I must trust You can also empower me. 

For Christ himself has brought peace to us. (Ephesians 2:14)

Patience, My Word for 2019

Patience. That was my word for 2019. I was going to write something about it at the beginning of the year but truth be told, I had nothing meaningful to say. I often say I have the patience of a three year old, which may be an exaggeration, I don’t have quite that much. Instead I often prided myself on being a person who makes things happen, as opposed to others who only watch things happen, or worse, are left wondering what happened.

However, my journey with Jesus has continued to show me that it is not always a good thing. Action can be an indication of impatience and impatience is an indication of distrust. I don’t trust you to get this done right, so I will do it. I don’t trust your word when you say you will do something, so I will do it. I don’t trust you will figure this out, so I will instruct you, even though you did not ask me.  I don’t trust you will remember to leave on time to meet me, so I call you or text you to remind you.  Over and over and over.

Worst of all, I don’t believe God will work things together for good so I try to help Him. I worry. I am anxious, whiny and grumpy. I don’t trust you or God so I have to do everything myself.  And it is exhausting.

So this year I thought about patience. Not about the action of patience, because I was not even sure what that is. I thought about the motivations behind my impatience. What were the things I was doing that showed impatience? And then the more difficult question: what do I do instead?

Because the truth is, I can’t control everything. I can’t make things happen, or stop things from happening. This year, despite dedicated prayers, two dear friends lost their battle with cancer. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? [Matthew 6:27] I miss them. But Jesus reminds me this is not the end of my relationship with them. They are whole and happy in the arms of Jesus and I will see them again. I will see them all, and my list is long now of family and friends gone.  I think of their names and see their faces, dear and sweet as I close my eyes. I will see them in glory and they will be even more glorious than my memories. This is not the end. The end will be good.

So, Beloved this year You have shown me what I can do instead.

For those who I have lost, for the prayers unanswered, the dreams dashed that will never come true, I can weep, because Jesus comforts those who mourn.

For the worries of today, the things I would change but cannot, the things that I still wait for, I can pray, because Jesus helps those who ask Him. He helps me not only by saying yes, but also by His presence as I wait, helping to quiet my heart, and then also my mouth. He reminds me this is His world, but not the perfect one He created. That is yet to come.

For people who do not believe as I do, I can respect them and ask Jesus to help me learn and understand them. My goal can be to listen, to understand, have compassion not to convince them that my way is right or better.

I can stop rehearsing my speeches to them. The Holy Spirit will instruct me at the time what to say, if I should even say anything at all. It is one thing to think things over. It is another to rehearse the dialogue when there is only my voice in my head. The best part of the dialogue is that there are two voices, both adding to understanding.

When things are not going the way I think is best, I can stop helping and trust the Author to finish the story. It is His story after all. Sometimes He works it out quickly, sometimes it is centuries later, but the end is good. I can trust that even if I never see the ending.

Patience is about trust in God.

Jesus, You have shown me over and over again that You are worthy of my trust and yet my actions demonstrate that I have not trusted You. That is my fault. I demonstrated I did not even trust my own mother in the post Where She Left Me Standing. Of course she was coming for me. Of course she would never leave me on that corner. She came every time. She was not perfect, she was late, but her love and devotion to me was unfailing. And yet I did not see that love. I only saw her time was not on time for me. What made me right and her wrong? Maybe God’s intent was to teach me the patience that I failed to learn.  And so, stubborn, willful and self-righteous, I spent my life stuck in the anxiety of impatience, not trusting anyone but controlling because of my own fault, not hers. She always showed up. It was me who failed to trust.

Beloved, I can say I trust You but if I cannot wait in patience, You will not believe me and with good reason. Even this, I cannot do without Your Spirit. Allow me to trust You. Even if others cannot be trusted, even though the world is evil, You work all for the good. You have overcome the world. You can be trusted. And as I trust You, I will demonstrate patience.

I know that everything God does will last forever. You can't add anything to it or take anything away from it. And one thing God does is to make us stand in awe of Him.

-- Ecclesiastes 3:14

Listen

There are some who suggest instead of New Years resolutions, to pick one word for the new year. This year the word came on me like a flood and  I can't turn away from it. It has grabbed a hold of me.

The word for 2018 is listen.

Listening is something I struggle to do. Instead I am all about trying to convince others my way is right. And after all I am very busy working and driving and scrolling and swiping and eating and cooking and cleaning and exercising and writing emails and letters and tweets and texts. And snapchatting, of course, don't forget that.

But listening? No. Not to you. As if to listen to you, to really hear, would be to open the door to discover that I may not be right. I might have to consider your point of view. My heart may be expanded to see your heart, to understand your story, to empathize with your plight.

And that is exactly what I need to be doing. Hearing you. Listening not just to figure out where you are wrong and how to make my point and where to straighten you out, but just to connect, to relate, to enter your world. To incarnate.

Love that word. Incarnate. That's exactly what Jesus did. He wanted to listen to us, but in order to do that, He had to risk. He had to leave paradise. He had to suffer our world, our flaws, our cold and heat, our danger and hunger and pain. He wanted to touch us, and hear us, and walk in our sandals and hear us in a way to truly understand.

I want to do that. Listen. Embrace the risk to touch another's soul by feeling each pain, crying each tear, carrying the weight of your burden. To be open to be wrong, to changing my mind, to giving more grace, to judging less. To be able to confess to each sinful desire, each doubt, each fear expressed by you: me too.

Listening is power. It is like a balm. As Al and I do marriage mentoring, the best gift we give our couples is to listen to them, allow them to speak, help them to know we really care about them: what they think, how they feel, their hopes, dreams, fears and disappointments, all of it. It is like being Christ to them, to enter into their world, allow them to feel valued and loved. And in this, Al and I do learn to love them. I want to do this more, to give this to others and in return, we get so much!

Mom was a interested patient listener

Rose, my dear mother-in-law, spent the last few years of her life without speech. I used to wonder how my brother-in-law Joe managed to live and care for her alone when she never spoke. Now that she has passed, he told me how much he misses her presence. Although she could not speak, he could tell she was listening. And that meant so much to him, even without any feedback from her.

I want to be more like her.

Father, help me to learn to listen better, to desire to listen better, to not rush to hang up the phone, or switch the topic, or get up and do the next thing, but to intently and passionately listen to these others You have given me, be it my family or friends, clients or even strangers. Teach me to listen to them. Teach me to listen to You.

Everyone should be quick to listen... (James 1:19)