Boundary Line

 "Not everyone is as nice as you, Barbara"

That is what mom told me over and over. One golden piece of wisdom I wish I understood at a younger age.

This spring we completed the study Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkheurst and as a result, I felt led to review all my past bad boundary lessons.

Mom was right, of course. I believed people were good and honest. I wanted to help. I wanted to be liked, to be good. My sense of self was wrapped up in other people, accommodating them, making them happy. Often I would try to conform to what they wanted me to be and to hide the parts of me that were ugly to others. But I could not keep up the charade.

I was drawn to adventure and drama to the point of chaos. That was my personal goal: to smooth out the chaos, to make it right. That was how I tried to help. But I was drawn to chaotic people and chaotic situations that I could not fix. Things beyond my control to fix. I tried anyway with talking, then reasoning, and eventually yelling. Cajoling, then guilt and manipulation. It was for their own good! Ha! In the end my being "nice" wasn't good. And it certainly was not loving.

Jesus is never like this. He let people walk away. He drew close to them, loved them, was honest and gentle with them, but allowed them to be who they were. Even when it hurt them. Even when it hurt Him. Even when it killed them. Even when it killed Him. 

Jesus uses broken people to further His Kingdom. It is His plan A and He has no plan B. He knows we are good and bad intertwined. He understands we ruin everything we touch because we are sinful people, but He uses us anyway. He uses the horrid situations we create and works them together for good.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the One who calms the storms. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who sees into the hearts of people and sees into the future. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who gives power and the One who can take it away. We cannot do that.

Jesus is the One who can change hearts. We cannot do that.

Jesus alone brings the victory. We must choose to be on His side, trusting Him and not others or ourselves!

As I accept these things, I have His peace. I can look at the horrid situations others create -- and I create -- in peace, trusting Him. I drop the burden of the perfection and pick up my own load. 

I can share my feelings and be honest with others. I can stop accommodating and hiding.  I can draw boundaries and explain them in a gentle and respectful manner. I can let others walk away. I can stay alert to evil temptations and resist or flee as God leads me.

But I still want the adventure, the excitement. I still want to tell my story. Let me find my adventure in the future You have for me, doing Your will. Let me find my excitement in worshiping Your glory. Let me tell my story here to You, Beloved. You read every word. You dry every tear. You hear every sigh of my heart.

I can't change anyone. I can love them.  That was all You ever asked of me anyway. 

* * * 

It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...

Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray Me.” His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them He meant. One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to Him. Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask Him which one He means.” 

Leaning back against Jesus, he asked Him, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, He gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. 

As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” (John 13:1, 21-27)