And the Winner is

Mom and I always watched the Miss America pageant together. There were other pageants, but this one was our favorite because the contestants not only were judged on their beauty but had to display other qualities as well. There was, of course, the bathing suit competition where the fitness of their bodies were on full display, but also the evening gown segment showing their sense of style, the talent portion highlighting their gift of song, dance or other passion, and finally the interview demonstrating their character. Miss America was required to also have inner beauty.

We sat on the sofa watching and rating them along with the panel of judges, cheering on our favorites and holding our breath as the host announced the winner. 

The best quality of my parents was they always encouraged me in all I did and wanted to become. Maybe a bit too much as they thought I could be the best, and should be the best. Number One. The Winner.  

Maybe I had seen too many pageants and I wanted to be the winner too. 

Maybe.

Now there is nothing wrong with trying hard, being diligent and aspiring to succeed. But there is something sinister about the desire to always want to be the best at everything, or even at that one thing I'm good at. It can get dark when I look at others that seem to be in competition with me.  

It's the trap of jealousy. 

When they are succeeding then I feel I am failing. Their win becomes my  loss. Someone needs to be crowned the winner here and doggonit! I want it to be me!

This issue in my heart is not news to me. I've been watching for it as I think about what I think about. I've begun to catch it first as a thought and take it to the Lord to confess and repent. I'm old enough to know an evil thought can be nursed to become a bitter heart, then harsh words and then ugly actions. 

But today, God has urged me to reflect on where this comes from in my heart. And also on His truth and unfailing love. And He said to me...

This is not a competition. I've welcomed you into a sisterhood.

This sisterhood is the better thing, resulting not in jealousy but instead companionship, mutual encouragement, shared wisdom and tenderness. When we remember we are to help each other, not compete against each other, then every win becomes a win for all of us.

There is none of that for the pageant winner. There is only the stress of performance and the isolation of being on top. Plus the next year, she gives her crown away. No one keeps her crown forever. 

Beloved, You remind me again, my sanctification is never one brief moment of revelation. It is the tedious repetition of sin, confess, repent, repeat until I meet You face to face. Remind me of Your love that I never need to earn, and I will never have to give away. Thank You for the blessing of sisterhood. May I always be empowered by Your Spirit to reject the shiny counterfeit crown and reach instead for this better thing You have for me. It will not be taken away.   

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)