The Christmas Story for Moms

Presentation to Montclair Mother of Preschoolers (MOPS) on December 14, 2022

Good morning moms! It is 10 more shopping days until Christmas! Are you ready? If you have been shopping you know the stores are certainly ready, right? They have been ready since Halloween, with decorations and advertisements everywhere. There is also no end of entertainment available: Christmas story books, TV specials and movies. I looked up favorite Christmas movies on Google and of course it has a list of the 65 top movies, a very eclectic selection: from It’s a Wonderful Life, Frosty the Snowman and The Polar Express, to Die Hard, Home Alone and Love Actually. The Hallmark Channel and Netflix has an endless supply of Christmas themed love stories offered this time of year.

My personal favorite Christmas movie wasn’t on Google’s list. It is called The Nativity Story. Have you heard of it? Maybe it did not make Google’s list because it is just the original Christmas story. Many have tried to create a more modern and exciting story, but for me, nothing surpasses the miraculous impact of the original.

Maybe it’s considered boring because it is essentially a story about a mom and her birth story. But for us moms, what could be more interesting? That is the first question I ask when I see a new mom. I always ask how the birth went. I want to know all the details of the delivery and usually the mom is ready to tell me the whole thing from start to finish. It’s cathartic for the mom and fascinating for me.

Christina's Birth/Christmas Stocking

As I told you all last month, my first child was born on Christmas Eve. It’s 35 years ago but I can still clearly remember circumstances of her birth. I remember having my brother-in-law come and pick up our dog because I had been having contractions for what seemed like days. I remember the ride to the hospital in the middle of the night with the muffler dragging making the most horrific noise. I remember the doctor examining me the next morning telling me since my contractions had stopped to go home, only to return a few hours later after my water broke. I remember how the walls of the room looked as I labored and how the nurse told me I would forget all about the pain. The woman laboring in the next room had been howling in pain and my husband comforted me saying, “The doctor said all labors are different, honey! Yours won’t be that bad.” I remember my baby Christina screaming as she poked her head out of me and the nurses commenting that she had a good set of lungs. On Christmas morning in the hospital they brought her to me in a baby-sized red stocking and a little red cap. She was perfect. I was so happy.

You remember too, don’t you? Sometimes the tiny details of that one special time stand out so bold in our memory, don’t they? Some women, I am told even remember the night their baby was conceived. I don’t but some do.

2000 years ago, Mary of Nazareth was probably around my age when a man named Luke visited her and asked her what she remembered about her son Jesus. Luke was documenting the life of Jesus and he started his scroll with this:

Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses ... With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account… (Luke 1:1-3)

Luke tells us there were already other documents written about Jesus at that time, specifically the scrolls that would become the gospels of Mark and Matthew, but Luke was looking for more information from eye witnesses. Luke, who was a medical doctor by profession, understood the importance of obtaining eye witness testimony from Jesus’ mother.

But we know how mothers feel, don’t we? So we are not at all surprised when Mary was asked, she remembered many details about the birth of her son Jesus, even His conception. Luke’s gospel reads:

… God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. (Luke 1:26-29)

In those days, it was not 20-30 year olds getting married as is the case today. Mary was engaged at the time and so she was probably around age 15. Can you imagine how you would feel, at age 15, if you were sitting in your home, maybe folding laundry or washing dishes and suddenly there was an angel in front of you talking to you? No wonder she was troubled and confused!

But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a Son, and you are to call Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; His kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:30-34)

Mary still had questions, of course! I love that Luke records her questions and that the angel Gabriel was quick to explain.

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy One to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. (Luke 1:35-38)

Can’t you picture Mary telling this story to Luke with him writing down notes as she spoke? So many years had past and yet she was able to remember it so clearly because of the impression such a miracle had on her life.

There are those who do not believe in the virgin birth of Jesus. Of course it is hard to blame them, it is such an impossible thing. Even angel Gabriel acknowledges this. But the Jewish scriptures and the recollections recorded in the gospel of Matthew corroborate this. 700 years earlier, the Jewish prophet Isaiah recorded this revelation:

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel [meaning God with us]. (Isaiah 7:14)

The gospel of Matthew records Joseph’s side of the story:

This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a Son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:19-21)

In those days, an unmarried woman found to be pregnant could be stoned to death under Jewish law. Mary’s agreeing to God’s plan meant she could be disgraced, at best and stoned at worst. Mary was not only obedient but also courageous. Notice Joseph’s reluctance to move forward with his marriage to Mary because he knew the baby was not his and so he assumed she was unfaithful to him until God sent an angel to him as well. This was complicated enough but God was not done. The Baby had to be born in Bethlehem. Also 700 years earlier, the Jewish prophet Micah prophesied where their Messiah would be born:

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for Me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” (Micah 5:2)

God used the Roman Caesar to accomplish this. Luke continues:

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. (Luke 2:1-6)

The trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem is about 90 miles, less then 2 hours by car but over a week by foot. This is about the same distance as from Montclair to Philadelphia. Can you picture this? Imagine yourself in Mary’s place, you are at the end of your first pregnancy and you are leaving everything and everyone you know: your home, your mother, older sisters, your aunts and traveling with a man you have not had sex with yet for 90 miles carrying everything you own on a donkey. And then when you arrive in town, things get worse. There is no place to stay so the only shelter Joseph can find is a barn.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a Son. She wrapped Him in cloths and placed Him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. (Luke 2:7)

Again imagine you are Mary. You are surrounded by cows, chickens, ox, dung and hay, and there you give birth. Your only aide comes from a man who had never witnessed a birth of a baby and also never seen you undressed. How are we doing? How’s her birth story compared to yours so far? Why isn’t this enough drama for a good movie? But the miracles don’t stop coming. Luke continues.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a Baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this Child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:8-19)

Aren’t you amazed at how God planned for His Son to come to earth? It could have been in any way He wanted, as a powerful prince on white horse, or with all the angels in glory coming down directly from the sky. God could have sent His Son as someone rich, powerful, comfortable and famous with Youtube and Twitter enabling Him to send His message to everyone in the world at once.

But instead God’s perfect plan was for His Son to enter the world as we all do, naked from our mother’s womb, helpless and dependent. He also entered poor and homeless to a teen girl far from home, family, let alone good medical care.

The question this morning for us moms is, why is this original Christmas story important? What can God be saying to us in that He preserved this story so that we can hear it over 2000 years later across the world in New Jersey?

I think God is trying to tell us that moms are important. That God values our contribution even though it often seems small and insignificant. That God sees us and will come to our aid when things get difficult.

And it all began with Mary saying YES to the angel Gabriel. She could have replied anything to the angel, but she said: “I am the Lord’s servant.” That was all she had to do. God took care of everything else. God provided the miraculous conception through the Holy Spirit. God sent an angel to Joseph convincing him not to divorce and disgrace Mary but to move forward with the marriage. God used the Roman Ceasar’s decree to get Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, the prophesied location for the birth of the Messiah. God even provided a shelter and safety for the baby to be born. It was a hard place to be sure, but it worked out.

That is what God wants from us this Christmas, to say YES to Him and then trust Him for the rest.

Even though Mary did not understand the full implications of what was happening to her, she did understand God’s love and mercy. While she was pregnant, she visited her cousin Elizabeth and doctor Luke records this song she sang:

“Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.
How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

For He took notice of His lowly servant girl,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.

For the Mighty One is holy,
and He has done great things for me.

He shows mercy from generation to generation
to all who fear Him.” (Luke 1:46-50)

That is the story of Christmas, God’s mercy and great love even to this generation of moms today in New Jersey. So Merry Christmas.

On Death and Dying

My mother has cancer. Pancreatic cancer. There, I said it. People don’t recover from pancreatic cancer. They die.

I’ve been thinking about death more than usual.

My grandmother died at age 60 from complication of diabetes. My grandfather died at 73 of lung cancer. He worked 6 days a week until he noticed a lump on his shoulder. Then he died a month later. My other grandfather died in his 40s, my father was only 4 years old at the time. My other grandmother died in her 70s. I remember only my one grandfather well who lived with us for most of my childhood. I have only vague remembrances of one grandmother. My dad died at 75 from complications from Alzheimer’s disease

When I turned 60 I started to think about death. I started counting how much longer I could have. Maybe 30 years like my mother? Maybe 15 like my father?   One thing was for certain. I was going to die. It was not IF. It was WHEN. And HOW. It was like an awakening to something that was always there but I ignored. Like the pile of papers in the corner of the dining room that you just keep walking by, in the beginning because you don’t want to deal with then, then eventually you stop noticing. Then company comes and you start cleaning up and you realize what you forgot.

What do we do with this? Death is coming. It is as certain as the setting of the sun but we pretend not to notice it until we get the test results. And they say cancer.

The doctor said mom is strong enough for chemo but there is no cure. But what is a cure for a 94 year old woman? Two more years, five more years, ten years? The life expectancy of women in the USA is 81 so she is in bonus territory at this point.

The real question is, with this is our minds, how then should we live?

Obviously we should enjoy every good day she has. We should celebrate and be glad because she is still here for us. We should be present for each moment as if it is our last because we do not know. It reminds me of what Jesus said in the gospel of Matthew 9:15, And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.”

We mistakenly live like life has no end. But that is not true. Life is fragile and it is not only about us. It is about those we live with and will leave behind, the legacy we will leave them. Will we leave them a pile of collectibles and old VHS tapes? Or will we leave them with a legacy of wisdom and love, examples of service and selflessness?

On the other side of life, through the door of death, remains a mystery to us. There are stories of those who came near death and returned, but they are open to interpretation. Who can know for sure while still on this side? But we all bet on something by how we live our lives.

I am betting on Jesus. I have committed all I am to Him.  I expect to see Him and be with Him in Paradise on the other side of death. Then death is no longer something to fear, but something we can release ourselves to at the time He calls us to Him, trusting He will lift us up and take us to Himself. Meanwhile I am spending all my days knowing Him and serving Him by loving others. 

Mom with her grandkids

I do not remember my grandmothers. My daughters have had the joy of knowing both their grandmothers into their adulthood. The catch is they have lost one and will eventually lose the other as well. That is the cost of love – we will have loss. I think the loss is worth it for the great delight of years of love.

We will enjoy my mom, we will celebrate her. We will stand by her, comfort her, pray for her and help her have as good an end as possible. We will see her leave us, we will cry and then as she would want us to, we will go on, grateful for her life and her love.

And then someday, we will see her on the other side.

What I learned from managing community life

July 1, 2022 I retired from Arthur Edwards Inc, a community management firm caring for properties in New Jersey and New York. I worked there for over 13 years caring for condo high rises and town homes, upscale and lower income areas, over 55 and young families. It was fast moving and complicated. What I found the most fascinating was the interpersonal relationship dynamics. I learned more about people while I managed their associations than I did in the few counseling courses I took several years ago. Because I need to remember, and because these things often apply to any community/family/church/groups, here they are below:

I learned I never want to live in a condo community because I met too many hostile, legalistic neighbors and condo board members. In these type of communities, other people would decide how I should spend my money and repair my home -- or not! If there are owners in the condo who fall into hard times and default financially, all homeowners have to pay more to make up for their bad luck or foolishness. 

However, I have also seen beautiful communities where the neighbors truly care for one another and help one another. For every arrogant mean board member I have met, there are ten sweet selfless ones who despite it being a thankless volunteer job, tirelessly work for the good of their community. Caring for these communities were the best part of my job and what made it the most difficult to leave! 

Rules are vital to a good community and the rules must be enforced. No rules, or unenforced rules cause the community to devolve into chaos resulting in pain for everyone. While boundaries are vital, they need to be enforced with kindness, consideration, respect, empathy and compassion.

When people are contacted about breaking a rule, it is amazing to see how differently people respond. Some people will be horrified they did something wrong and afraid their perfect record will be soiled. They will apologize profusely and make it right immediately. On the other extreme some will be extremely agitated that they were contacted at all and immediately blame you, the board, or their neighbors. They will tell you of a totally unrelated problem you must address immediately! There are rule followers and rule breakers. No matter what our approach is, people's reactions are up to them.  

As with everything, when there is an issue, we need to hear BOTH sides and not jump to conclusions. Often people on both sides of the issue will have completely different stories and it is difficult to find where the truth lies. 

Most people who are being angry today are in a tough spot. Today's issue may have reminded them of an old hurt and opened an old wound. Or they may have other life concerns already putting them on edge. Although it is difficult, it is best not to respond in kind. Listening carefully and respectfully may guide them to process the issue and soften their hearts. Even if we can't change their minds while speaking to them, they may think about it and change their mind later. Trust the Holy Spirit and time to work on their hearts. 

Some people are just evil. There is no reasoning with them. There is no use to even try. But people do not wear signs and it is difficult to tell an evil person from a simply angry person at first. It is hard to tell a liar from someone who is just sharing their unique perspective. But time will always tell.   

Once there is a homeowner who repents of breaking a rule, the board needs to move forward with forgiveness and grace. Continued bitterness can ruin communities.

When there is a dispute, it is better to avoid getting attorneys involved. Once the lawyers take over the only one who really wins is the attorney. 

When we give our gift of wise experience and advice, some people will not accept it. It is best not to take it personally and remember it is not our roof that is leaking or our over-grown garden, or bumpy driveway. It is not our money either. We don't live in their homes, live their lives or even know their whole story. We will not reap the consequences, they will. So let it go. 

No one can tell when the next unexpected expensive problem will occur, but we can be sure it will come. Therefore it is important to save for the future. 

Finally no matter what work you do, I can't over-state the importance of working for someone who values your contribution. Or the devastation of being unappreciated and unseen. At Arthur Edwards Inc., my boss did appreciate me and listen to all my ideas, even if they were not always the best. To be personally valued is the best compensation! Without it, no amount of money will do. So THANK YOU to my boss Ed Frank. May all the value and kindness you give to others, employees and clients, return to you 100 fold.

Spring has come

The storm is over now

This girl, age 16, wrote this poem -- it's me!

 

The sun is breaking through

A whole new life is starting

For me and for you.

The birds are singing now

So wipe away your tears

For Spring has come again 

In spite of all your fears.

When winter came we wondered 

As mortals often do

If we could weather the storm

And see the bad times through

What a waste of time to worry!

How silly could we be?

If we had just faith and patience

The rest would have been easy!

So worry no more, friend of mine

And leave your burden here

Come relax with me and we'll enjoy 

The best time of the year! 

💮 💮 💮

I found this poem when cleaning out my mom's house. Now I know the true fulfillment is found only in Christ in the coming of His Kingdom.

What Does the New Testament Say About Slavery?

What does the New Testament say about slavery? Doesn’t the Bible forbid slavery like it forbids murder and adultery? Certainly slavery, owning another human being made in God’s image, is worse than bearing false witness against my neighbor, right? Then why did it not make the Bible's Top Ten list? 

Matter of fact, Paul writes to the believers in Corinth and tells them this: 

Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches… Yes each of you should remain as you were when God called you. Are you a slave? Don’t let that worry you—but if you get a chance to be free, take it. And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. (1Corinthians 7:17, 20-22a) 

Wait, what? Is that what Paul thinks of slavery? 

Paul’s view of life is totally absorbed by the spiritual reality of Jesus and heavenly things. If you read the whole chapter, you can see Paul is directing this conversation to the circumcised and the uncircumcised, to the married and single, as well as to slaves. Paul’s focus is on heaven and God’s Kingdom coming soon. He wants us to be instruments of the Kingdom. See more on Paul’s thoughts here: 

But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short... Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. I want you to be free from the concerns of this life... I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. (1 Corinthians 7:29-32, 35) 

Paul’s focus is not on changing life’s situations because this life is short and it is not the end. Paul instead urges the believers to change their hearts. There are masters and slaves in the world Paul lives in and he is not focused on changing Roman society. Instead he tells the followers of Jesus to rethink their attitudes, no matter what their place in society: 

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free. Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and He has no favorites. (Ephesians 6:5-9) 

Remember, it was the Jewish people who believed the Messiah would be a political figure, a military leader who would overthrow Rome and become king. Jesus repeated told them that they misunderstood His plan. Jesus came to change hearts. He did not come to force anyone to follow Him with mighty power, but to love us to voluntarily come into His Kingdom. 

Paul’s letter to Philemon also reflects his desire to change hearts. Philemon had a slave named Onesimus who ran away, likely causing inconvenience and financial loss. But Onesimus met up with Paul while he was imprisoned. There Onesimus helped Paul and became a believer. Paul, wanting to do the right thing, and trusting Philemon’s faith and friendship, sent Onesimus back to him with a deeply personal letter: 

That is why I am boldly asking a favor of you. I could demand it in the name of Christ because it is the right thing for you to do. But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you. Consider this as a request from me—Paul, an old man and now also a prisoner for the sake of Christ Jesus. I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison… I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart. I wanted to keep him here with me while I am in these chains for preaching the Good News, and he would have helped me on your behalf. 

But I didn’t want to do anything without your consent. I wanted you to help because you were willing, not because you were forced. It seems you lost Onesimus for a little while so that you could have him back forever. He is no longer like a slave to you. He is more than a slave, for he is a beloved brother, especially to me. Now he will mean much more to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me… I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more! (Philemon 1:8-21) 

Paul could have insisted Philemon free Onesimus, but he did not. He wanted their relationship change to be of Philemon’s free will. Jesus wants us too, of our own free will, to treat others with kindness and respect in every relationship, in every situation. Jesus wants to make slavery and bigotry unthinkable, not merely illegal. And He doesn’t want it to stop there. 

We think of social justice as changing society, changing laws. But Jesus does not want us not to point fingers at other people or at government. Jesus wants us to consider our own hearts. Do we judge others because of how they dress or where they live, or what news channels they watch or what they post on social media? Are we critical of others and analyze whether they measure up to our standards? Are we judging each other and neglecting to consider our own faults, our own self-centered, self-righteous attitudes? 

Do we rant about equity for all when we personally are reluctant to give kindness and mercy to all? 

Do we try to take out the speck in other people’s eye and ignore the plank in our own? 

Jesus came not to free His chosen race, the Jews, from slavery to Rome or any earthly system. He came to free ALL of us from the power of sin and death. Jesus knew once we believed in Him, slavery would eventually become unthinkable. But freedom comes one by one by one. 

Meanwhile, while we wait for the fullness of His Kingdom, Jesus asks us to do one thing: to show kindness and mercy to His children, ALL of them, one by one by one. We can be a "Paul" and advocate for an "Onesimus" we know. We can be an "Onesimus" and serve and trust a "Paul" we know. Or we can just show kindness to that co-worker in the desk next to us who is so annoying out of our love for Christ. Each of us can pick our one.

And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ. (1 Corinthians 7:22b)

 

Beloved Jesus, I am the one who is inclined to judge others. It is easy to talk about racism as a problem someone else has, or society has, or the government has. It is harder to look inside at myself and ask: Where am I bigoted? When do I make assumptions about people? When am I turned off because of someone's accent, or clothing, or Facebook post? Please help me to be aware when I think those thoughts and heal my heart!

Thank You for those You filled with special Spiritual gifts and passions to lead our nation away from slavery and bigotry; people like Martin and Harriet and Fredrick and Abraham. Even though You have not picked me for such an honor, I can still honor You every day by bringing kindness and respect to all I meet. Help me to do that in Your Name. Amen. 

Skunks and Turtles

When it comes to conflict resolution people can be describes as skunks or turtles.

Skunks are conflict enjoyers. They face conflict head-on and want to resolve it immediately but tend to be verbal, pushy, aggressively describing their reasons and logic or passions to the other person. In short, they stink up the place, like a skunk.

Skunks mean well. In their head they hear the words of Jesus, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23-24). Resolving conflict is important. Right?

Turtles are conflict avoiders. They dislike conflict so they keep it to themselves, deny there is a problem, or minimize it, rationalize it or try to forget it. They change the subject, leave the room, hang up the phone, or turn the TV up louder. In short, they retreat into their shell and hide, like a turtle.

Turtles mean well. In their head they hear the words of Jesus, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire." (Matthew 5:21-22) Being meek, kind, patient is important. Right?

Funny these two quotes of Jesus are right next to each other in the Sermon on the Mount. They are meant to be considered together. And mostly because God has a great sense of humor, it often seems like He has designed us to be attracted to the opposite type. Skunks tend to be attracted to turtles, and turtles to skunks. 

Skunks are wrong because in their passion to be heard, they can be experienced as not loving. They can criticize and accuse the other person, assigning motives without first trying to understand. This behavior can drive people away from them and the conflict, sadly because what the skunk really desired was intimacy.

Turtles are wrong because they can allow the hurt to fester and make them bitter towards the other person. In their effort to bring peace they stuff the pain inside but end up leaking instead, acting manipulative, passive-aggressive, with thinly veiled snarky remarks. This behavior can drive people away from turtles when what they really desired was intimacy.

 

What to do? How about we read the rest of Jesus' sermon? Matter of fact, let's start at the beginning.

 

“Blessed [spiritually prosperous, happy, to be admired] are the poor in spirit [those devoid of spiritual arrogance, those who regard themselves as insignificant, the humble], for theirs is the kingdom of heaven [both now and forever].

“Blessed [forgiven, refreshed by God’s grace] are those who mourn [over their sins and repent], for they will be comforted [when the burden of sin is lifted].

“Blessed [inwardly peaceful, spiritually secure, worthy of respect] are the meek, gentle [the patient, kind-hearted, the sweet-spirited, the self-controlled], for they will inherit the earth.

“Blessed [joyful, nourished by God’s goodness] are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness [those who actively seek right standing with God, trying to do the right thing according to His will], for they will be [completely] satisfied.

“Blessed [content, sheltered by God’s promises] are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

“Blessed [anticipating God’s presence, spiritually mature] are the pure in heart [those with integrity, moral courage, and godly character, attitudes and motives], for they will see God.

“Blessed [spiritually calm with life-joy in God’s favor] are the makers and maintainers of peace who show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight, for they will [express His character and] be called the sons and daughters of God.

“Blessed [comforted by inner peace and God’s love] are those who are persecuted for doing that which is morally right, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven [both now and forever].

“Blessed [morally courageous and spiritually alive with life-joy in God’s goodness] are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil things against you because of [your association with] Me. Be glad and exceedingly joyful, for your reward in heaven is great [absolutely inexhaustible]; for in this same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:3-12 AMP revised)

 

As we bravely pursue righteousness by entering into peacemaking conversations, these are the highlights of what we need to pray for and strive for:

• Being humble and devoid of spiritual or intellectual arrogance.
• Being willing to look at our our failings and mourn over the harm and hurt that causes others.
• Being patient, gentle, kindhearted and self-controlled as we listen to and interact with others.
• Trying to do the right things, as much as we understand God's will.
• Showing mercy and forgiveness to others when they fail.
• Consider our motives and attitudes to make sure they are rooted in a godly character.
• Striving to cooperate and not compete or fight.

We also need to have courage. Courage to try to work things out and engage when there is the possibility that we may be hurt, insulted, slandered, or rejected. Jesus tells us here to expect these things and rejoice. Our reward for peacemaking is not here on earth. Our reward is in heaven, kept safe for us by Him.

 

I get disappointed when I try and things don't "work out". But that is a bad goal. It is the wrong goal. Our goal is the Kingdom, not earthly perfection. We do the right thing, with the right attitude and trust the Spirit to work out the rest. 

Beloved, You know where I land with this. I remember demonstrating the worst parts of both the skunk and the turtle. Please forgive me! On my own, I am hopelessly lost in my sinful pattern but my hope is in Your power of Your Holy Spirit in me. This year, help me follow You in these things and help me to encourage others to do the same. You are our hope. Help us trust You more.

Accept, My Word of the Year

A new year. a new page, a new word to focus on for 2022. 

For the past few years I have focused on creating and keeping good relationships. This year after watching current events more than usual, I have been longing to bring God's kingdom to our nation, to the earth. How do we do that? 

For comfort I have been turning to the Lord's Prayer. In it Jesus tells us to pray "Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven." (Matthew 6:10) and also reflecting on "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12) 

We bring God's kingdom to earth when we allow Him to be our King and obey His laws. And the foundation of all laws is so simple: to love one another. 

Easier said than done. What does this look like? Jesus has been opening this up like an onion for me year by year. 

A prior word of the year was LISTEN. Last year's was ENGAGE. This year's word is ACCEPT. They all go together. Let me explain...

ENGAGE: As a natural conflict-avoider, my default is to ignore conflict. So last year I was encouraging myself to engage. To engage with people in pain and to engage with conflict when I would have preferred to avoid it. It is hard for me to engage and listen if I am not really interested in the topic, if someone is presenting a contrasting point of view, if someone is in a lot of pain. But that is what Jesus calls us to, to move towards others, even when it is uncomfortable.  I would prefer to hang up the phone, walk away, give up, immerse into social media, anything else. But that is not what Jesus did. He came toward us, even though it was messy, uncomfortable, painful, dangerous, and ultimately deadly. I need to continue to engage. It is what He calls me to do.

LISTEN: Listen involves talking less. Asking more questions such as: what else happened, what feelings came up, what prior event in your life does this remind you of, what assumptions are being made. Making sure I understand the other person. Focusing on all the details given. Being sympathetic. Trying to understand their point of view by picturing myself in their situation.  

ACCEPT: This is the hard next part. Accept their position, their feelings, their prior actions as facts that I am not going to change today. Accept who they are and show respect, tenderness, and compassion. Accept they are a separate person and the Lord has them on a unique path I cannot comprehend and I cannot alter. Accept there are different or conflicting opinions, reasons, world views and it is the way it is. I can still be friendly. I can still be kind. I can still be respectful even when I believe it is wrong.

Only after I honestly accept others as they are, will they be open to hearing my views and continuing the conversation. Once I share, only the Holy Spirit can convict them, and He is well able to do so without any more of my help. Indeed my continued "help" can block His work.

And my Beloved said to me...

I came for all of them but they would not all have Me. Some rejected Me. I did not force them, even now, I never force them. No, I continue to love them.

You cannot force them either. It will not work and only push them away.

Beloved, forgive me for all the times I tried to convince or manipulate others towards my point of view! Forgive my arrogance and pride which led me to believe my ways were right or best and that others needed my help. 

Remind me to love others as You did! Encourage me to engage and listen to accept them and trust You with all things.