I judge people

My Mentor Moment given at the October 22, 2025 MomCo Meeting 

 

Hello, my name is Barbara, and I judge people. 

Before I became a mom, I was a normal, run-of-the-mill judger of people. I judged others based on what I saw immediately: their clothing, their size, their hair style. I judged them if they were younger than I, older than I, richer than I, poorer than I. I judged all of them. I mean, I assumed things about them before they ever spoke to me. I assumed their thoughts, motives and actions by their outward appearance. I judged if they were right or wrong; if they were wise or foolish. 

Then I got pregnant with my first child. 

At the time, I was a IT manager at IBM. When I started my career at IBM in 1977, the expectation was new-hires would stay until retirement and get a full pension with health care coverage. I excelled and was promoted there. I made life-long friends there. Leaving IBM seemed unthinkable. Plus I wondered how women could spend four or more years in college to land a fabulous job, only to abandon it when they had children. I loved my job, felt empowered by it, and fully intended to return to it after I gave birth. Of course, I’d take the first year off, then my husband offered to take the second year off. At least that was how I thought it would turn out. 

Then I gave birth. 

I didn’t understand how bonded I would become with my baby until I experienced it. Yes, I was lonely. Yes, I missed the mental stimulation and validation my career gave me. But I didn’t want to return either because that meant I would have to leave my baby. I did visit day care centers but that only made me feel worse. I probably did not visit a good one, and this was 37 years ago, but all I remember was a line of portable cribs, wailing infants, and harried child care workers. As I left, I hugged my baby tight promising her, “I’ll never leave you in a place like that!” 

Suddenly I found myself judging other moms who didn’t stay at home to care for their babies. What was the matter with them? 

My judging others did not stop there. I judged moms who did not punish their kids enough, or too much, or not in the way I was doing it. I judged what moms allowed their children to watch on TV, or the amount of TV they permitted. I judged moms who would allow their children to go trick or treating on Halloween in spooky costumes. I judged moms who pretended Santa was real to their young children. Shouldn’t Christmas be about Jesus? I even judged moms who used disposable diapers after I switched to cloth diapers with my second child. 

I hope you realize this is a confession of my guilt. I didn’t understand why every mom did not feel exactly like I did. 

The root of my problem was I neglected to factor in the special circumstances that led to my decision to resign from IBM to stay home with my daughter. During my maternity leave, my IBM department relocated to another state. This was not an option for my family. Plus IBM was downsizing for the first time and offered me an excellent by-out option that included a full year of salary and two years of medical benefits. Since I was employed for over ten years, my pension was vested and I knew I would receive a small pension at retirement. 

But the most significant reason was not financial. It was spiritual. When my daughter was six months old, I committed to following and serving Jesus in a way that was unique to anything I experienced before. Previously I believed Jesus was the son of God, that He was born of the virgin Mary, that He was crucified, died, buried and rose again on the third day. But that belief had made no practical difference in my life. Quite suddenly, after I made that commitment to Him, all my priorities changed. Suddenly it was very important to raise my children myself so I could instill in them a faith in Jesus. I was no longer willing to entrust that influence to others. 

My decision did have huge financial and career consequences. Immediately, our family income was cut in half. It impacted what I could buy for my children and myself. It severely limited our entertainment and vacation options. I was good with making those sacrifices. 

The PS is later, at age 50+ when I reentered the workplace to find full-time employment, I could not find a job at even half of my old salary. Since my work experience was in IT, a job sector that changed rapidly, my old career no longer existed. I still think staying home was the best choice for me and my family and I do not regret any loss. But these factors were unique to me and my family. No other mom had this exact situation. 

None of these crucial details could be seen as I strolled my baby in the park at 11 am in my t-shirt and sweat pants. If you saw me then, you could tell I was a stay-at-home mom by looking at me. But you would not know why. You would have had to ask me. 

Here’s my point. 

We all judge people. It is immediate, unbidden, normal, and even helpful in certain situations. I know that even this morning, you were aware that you would be judged today. I know because, look at you. You look fabulous. You took care in your appearance, and in your children’s, before you left your house. That’s why we shower, brush our teeth, comb our hair, apply makeup, and try on five different outfits to find the one that doesn’t make our butt look fat. We understand that we never get a second chance to make a first impression. 

And I know that I am being judged by you as well. That’s why I wrote down every word I am going to speak to you today and had Sandy proof read it. I know you are judging me, even before I opened my mouth this morning. Before I started to speak, you can see I am not like you. I am an old church lady that probably shops for her clothing at Wal-Mart, more like your mom than your friends. Everything I say will be colored by that. 

What I want to suggest is not that we stop judging others. We can’t help that. 

But we can have a second thought. 

• We can let the first judgment pass over us and NOT allow it to be the definitive judgment that colors all our future thoughts and interactions. We can be open to being wrong about our first impressions. 
• We can start from the belief that other people have a reasonable reason for making their choices and try to understand those reasons, even if they do not apply to our situation. Even when we disagree. 
• We can try to find out the WHY behind other people’s actions by asking them questions. 
• And then, we can listen to them with an open heart and mind. Especially when it comes to other moms. 

Here’s a recent example. There were two friend of mine who attended two different women’s Bible study groups I lead. It was an election year, and both thought they were being judged in the group meetings, or would be, if they spoke up with what they personally believed. Both decided to stop attending the group. 

One friend ghosted me. 

The other friend was open to having an honest conversation. In the end, there was significant disagreement, but at least there was understanding. We could respect each other’s opinions and disagree in a agreeable manner, and stay friends. 

The point is they felt I was judging them, but they were judging me for judging them. Get it? The truth was we were all working with our assumptions about other’s positions and motives until we talked openly and actually heard each other and worked towards true understanding. 

It works the other way too. Just because other moms do things differently, does not mean our ways are wrong. Part of why I judged other moms was my own insecurities. If other moms didn’t do things the way I did them, I was worried I was doing it wrong and was afraid I was messing up my daughters. The moms that agreed with me, validated me. The ones that didn’t, called into question my decisions. 

We are all different. We are in different situations, have different financial means, had different backgrounds. Our children have different dispositions, different needs, and different personalities. Even in our own households, we must remember each child is unique. The household your first child grew up in is not the same as your second child. Just the fact there are more people in the family is huge. 

Let’s remember: 

• We don’t have to be like other moms to be ok. As we choose to have that second thought and to ask questions, listen carefully, giving others grace, it will be easier to give grace TO ourselves. 
• We don’t have to judge our former selves either. It is good that we learn from each other and grow over time. We did the best we could with the knowledge and experience we had at the time. Our intentions were good, even if our actions were not perfect. 
• We can use our mistakes to model repentance as we admit our failures to our children and apologize. 

Moms, God gave us these children knowing we were imperfect. He’s not surprised. He has us covered! Let’s raise them with the confidence that we can do our imperfect best and that He will take it from there. Let’s be open to listen and learn from each other. We may even find out that we were wrong, and that is a good thing! 

Let’s give each other grace and not judgment. This will encourage us to be honest with each other and develop true friendships. 

Two of my favorite moms.

 As I was dressing this morning, I remembered it was three years ago, after the October MOPS meeting, that I went to visit my mom. She told me she was not feeling well and she was yellow, her eyes, her face. We went to the emergency room that evening and discovered she had pancreatic cancer. 

I used to judge my own mom as well. I judged her when she hurt my feelings, when she disappointed me, when she acted selfishly. In God’s great mercy, He helped me see I needed to forgive her, to stop judging her and instead enjoy her many good qualities. Those next three months, as we cared for her and watched her die, I was so grateful I had been able to forgive her and be able to enjoy her in the time we had left together. 

Maybe you have someone in your life who you need to stop judging and forgive so you can enjoy their good qualities. Because the time is always shorter than we think. 

But that’s hard. So let’s pray. 

Beloved Jesus, I confess to You that I continue to judge others! Remind me always to have that second thought, to ask why, to listen carefully and to have grace. Remind us that it is always better to forgive than it is to criticize. Give us the power of Your Holy Spirit to enjoy each other instead of judging each other. 

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

Is God Cruel?

This question came up as we were working through the book of Revelation and we arrived at chapter 6.

12 I watched as He [Jesus] opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, 13 and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. 14 The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.

15 Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and everyone else, both slave and free, hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. 16 They called to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of Him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! 17 For the great day of His wrath has come, and who can withstand it?”

Who can read this and not be alarmed? It is the complete destruction of the whole earth and everyone in it. We paused as considered, how can this be the same Jesus from the gospels? Will He be this angry, this cruel?

Consider this example. 

Imagine you are in your own room with a friend, playing a game or listening to music. Suddenly, three 5-year-olds burst into your room. One is screaming. Another is opening your dresser drawers and dumping all your clothes on the floor. The last one is hitting your friend. 

You tell them to stop screaming dumping and hitting but they ignore you, mock you and keep doing it louder, faster and harder. What to do?

You pick all three of them up, move them out of your room and lock the door. They bang on the door and complain you are mean for throwing them out. You tell them: "My room; my rules. I need to protect my room and my friend." 

Are you being cruel? No. You are wise and good to your friend. 

So is God. Looking back in Revelation, these people left on the earth have made war with each other, causing famine, disease and death (See Revelation 6:2-8). When Jesus comes from Heaven, do these people turn to Him in repentance and grief over their sins? No, they hide and would prefer to have the mountains fall on them than to face God. 

They are just like the three boys, only bigger, more powerful, more evil. They cannot be allowed into the kingdom of God. Indeed, they don't want to come in! They prefer to hide from God under the rocks, call to the mountains instead of to Him to save them.

In the gospels, Jesus too expressed His wrath towards the religious establishment who kept His people from worshiping God. 

15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 

17 And as He taught them, He said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’” (Mark 11:15-17)

Jesus was angry. He saw wrong and needed to right it. The temple court had become a shopping mall with no discounts, just exorbitant prices, excluding the poor from worship. 

The truth is our God is a God of wrath as well as love. Love for us who trust Him and follow Him. Wrath for those who choose to do evil. We can seek His mercy or reject Him. It's ultimately our choice.

What will  you choose?

 

Wisdom from Mom's Storage Boxes

Mom kept things. Notes from dad, newspaper clippings, funeral cards, business cards, homemade cards from children and grandchildren, girl scouts programs. 

But this typed wisdom, she had multiple copies of this. It was special to her. So I want to share it with you.

* * * * * 

The Key to Peace of Mind and Happiness

Shun suspicion and resentment.

Live in the present and the future.

Don't waste time and energy fighting conditions you can't change.

Cooperate with life instead of trying to demolish it or run away from it.

When you find yourself in the grip of emotional stress, force yourself to be outgoing with others instead of retreating within yourself and building a prison of loneliness. 

Refuse to pity yourself, or seek self-justification in alibis that make you appear NOBLE to others.

Cultivate the old-fashioned virtues of love, honor, loyalty and thrift.

Stop expecting too much of yourself.

Find something bigger than yourself in which to believe. (note from me: Jesus)

 * * * * *

How to Deal with Demanding People 

Be honest and admit the relationship is unpleasant and causing you pain. Demanding people are impossible to please.

When faced with an unreasonable demand, just say NO. Don't waste time giving reasons or trying to work out a compromise. 

Above all, do not be drawn into a fight! Controlling people love to fight and they are good at it.  

Your weapon should be polite withdrawal. Refuse meetings. Screen your calls. Ignore letters, emails and texts unless they contain an apology and indicate a sincere desire for change. 

Note: If you have spent a lifetime trying to please others, you may find these recommendations difficult to consistently put into practice. Habits can become entrenched and are hard to break without some coaching. If you feel constantly put upon, seek out a mentor!  

* * * * * 

The Impact of Our Attitude

The longer I live, I realize the impact of attitude on life. 

Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. 

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one thing we have control of and that is our attitude. 

I am convinced that life is 40% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitude!  

On the Top of the Mountain

Every morning as I have my coffee, I read my Bible. It is one of the benefits of retirement to have that precious time to learn more about my beloved Savior. And as I have been studying the scriptures, I see how glorious God is, especially in Revelation...

...There before me was a throne in heaven with Someone sitting on it. And the One who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. 

From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven Spirits of God. Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal. In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures... Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come.” (Revelation 4:2b-6, 8b)

It is different to consider this on the top of the mountain. In April Christina and I traveled to Puerto Rico and to the top of El Yunque. It was a long, winding, exhausting climb around and up the mountain. But it was worth it. We took lots of photos but none of them could capture the magnificence of the landscape -- mountains of lush green and in the distance the bright blue of the ocean. 

Jesus is much more magnificent than this mountain range, from which I could touch the clouds and see the island emerge from the blue waters in the distance. He is beyond the words on the page I read from my kitchen table, because mere words cannot describe His grandeur, as a photo could not portray the majestic scene before us on the mountain top. Do I properly worship this amazing Savior who invites me into His presence as well as created the immense beauty before me? 

As I stood there, I recalled the verse of the morning, 

Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:21-22)

In front of me was this huge mountain, and Jesus promises even this is not too big for me to ask. It is one thing to read this at my kitchen table. Quite another to remember it at the top of El Yunque.  

Jesus invites us to ask for even the impossible. All things should be presented to Him with confidence. We can trust Him with EVERYTHING. As we drove the Puerto Rico coastline, past soaring mountains and endless ocean, it seemed silly to ask such things, to cast the mountain into the sea. But that is exactly His point. He said: don't think it silly. Ask anyway and trust He can do it. Because He can. He has authority over even the mountains and the seas. 

Yes, sometimes He will tell us No. But it's not because He cannot do it. It is because in His wisdom and goodness, it is not best.

He is powerful. He is wise. He is good. We can trust Him.

We should praise Him with highest praise. We should ask Him even the most impossible things. 

 

That is what He reminded me from the on of the mountain. 

How to Listen So That People Will Talk

This talk was given at the April 2025 MomCo Meeting. 

Recently I picked up a book entitled How to Talk so People Will Listen. I love to talk, and write, so it seemed interesting to me. 

When I was younger I loved reading the newspaper column by Dear Abby. People would write in a question, maybe a sentence or two, and Abby would write back and solve their problem in a brief paragraph. Don’t you wish life was like that? Submit your question and have someone give you a simple solution? Just do these five easy steps, or take a magic pill? Sign me up. 

Of course, that doesn’t work.

I was struck again by this uncomfortable fact as I read some of the questions you moms submitted to us mentor moms during this year. When we spoke to you at the February meeting we started with the disclaimer that many of these harder issues are best resolved by a counselor, coach or mentor that could talk with you one on one. However, I wanted to share with you more about it today. 

Instead of how to talk so people will listen, I want to encourage you to learn to listen so that people will talk. 

Because listening is important. 

As I read each question you submitted, I wanted to ask more questions. I needed to know more about your specific situation. How could I help you when I didn’t accurately understand the problem, know about the history behind it, and fully grasp how you are feeling? 

As my daughters passed from teens to adulthood, at first I continued what I did when they were younger. After they briefly told me their problem, I would give them my solution. I discovered this doesn’t work with adults. 

 Somehow I had believed the lie that if I said it loud enough, if I repeat it often enough, if I am logical, clever and manipulative enough, I can bully others to do what I say. Sometimes that works on five-year-olds, but most often, not even then. 

For one thing, life is complicated. Second, we need to earn the right to be heard. 

We need to listen in order to help people talk and tell us more. This is how we love them, how they learn to trust us, and how we earn their respect. It is how we know them well enough to be able to pour into their lives. 

The Bible authors also encourage this. 

 In the new testament, James 1:19 tells us: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry 

The Old Testament Proverbs 18:13 also urges us to listen: To answer before listening— that is folly and shame. 

I have found listening is hard. 

• It is devastating when my mom rants on about the health crisis she is experiencing. 

• It is crushing when my daughter explains of how I hurt her as a teen. 

• It is annoying when my husband goes on and on in detail about how he repaired our car when I don’t understand and frankly don’t want to know, honey just fix it, thank you. Honestly I need to work on listening to my husband because my old habit is to tune him out. I hear "wat wat wat." It is bad. Entrenched habits are the worst. 

I had this revelation with my adult daughter: Just listening to her helped. 

• I didn’t have to solve her problem. 

• I didn’t have to straighten her out. 

• I didn’t have to make excuses for my bad behavior. 

• I just had to listen and it was healing for her. It was MORE healing than if I offered any solutions or excuses. 

• It allowed me to understand her better. It encouraged her to talk to me more. And the more I understood and earned her respect by listening, the advice I did give her was more helpful and she was more apt to listen to it. 

Because this is not natural for me to listen well, I have been practicing. Maybe you need to practice too. Here’s my ideas on HOW to do it: 

• Pay attention. That seems obvious but it is so easy to drift off to think about something on my to-do list, consider how to reply, or focus on how I feel about what they are saying. Instead I need concentrate on their words. I must practice being patient and not rush them along, assuming I know what they are going to say before they say it. I need to let them speak until they are done. Think of it as a test. If I was going to re-state what they just told me, would I be able to do it? 

• Tell them what I heard. Sometimes I misunderstand. I need to ask for their help in clarifying meaning. In marriage classes we learned a helpful trick of using a napkin. We would take a napkin and one of us would hold it. They would be the speaker. The other person is the listener. The person who held the napkin would speak until he said all he needed to say without any interruption. Then the other person, the listener, would repeat what they heard. The speaker would then make any needed clarifications. Then we would switch and the other person would hold the napkin and be the speaker. We use a tangible object to remind us who is speaking and who is listening. In the end, even if we did not agree, at least we felt heard and understood and that by itself is helpful. 

• Ask questions. We can ask: Why do you think that? How do you feel about what happened? We need to find out why a normal, good, rational person would say or do what they did. Allow them time to explain, set the stage, give all the information. Ask for more details. The most important question we can ask them is WHY to get to the root issue that often does not immediately emerge in conversations. This can help them understand their own motives and underlying feelings. 
  

• Suspend judgment. My judgment meter is always working evaluating what their motives are, wondering how they feel about me or would I have done what they did. The point is I don’t know their motives or how they feel about me. Since I am not living their life right now, I can’t imagine if I would have chose what they did. I have to ask them.
  

• Believe the best and NOT expect the worst. In every situation, I bring my own feelings, thoughts and assumptions into what I hear and that colors everything I believe. We judge others by past events, but also by how they look, what they wear, how they speak, and the manner in which they present themselves. We must be aware and capture that thought before it affects how we react to others. It is not fair. It’s prejudice and moms, we all do it without realizing it.
  

• Fight against becoming defensive, shutting down or becoming angry. This is difficult, especially when someone is accusing us of wrong doing, whether they are correct or not. It feels like a knife to the heart. Remember that often allowing others to speak it out loud to us can be healing to them. They are thinking it anyway. Aren’t you glad you know now how they feel, even if it hurts? If we are wrong, we can take this as an opportunity to confess and ask forgiveness. This can allow the hurt to dissipate for them. If we’re not wrong and they are missing some facts, we can share this better if we are not doing it in anger. It will be easier for them to hear. 
  

• Be kind, sympathetic and encouraging when they are done talking. Don’t offer advice. I should not unless they ask me what I think. Be hopeful and express confidence they will choose the right path. When I do these things, others will trust me and feel loved. They will be more likely to be kind and cooperative in return. 

Sometimes we do have to speak up. We need others to hear what we need from them. We talked about this last month at the our table, specifically how to get husbands off the couch and help us with the house and the kids. How can we get them to do what we say? 

First of all, I experience this at my house too. I feel your pain. I wonder: Why can’t my husband just do what I ask? I know some of you have husbands that actually do what you ask and for all of the rest of us here today may I say, we hate you. Ha. Just kidding. 

But our husbands are not puppies we can command and expect obedience. They have their own lives, concerns, struggles and sometimes, they don’t share it all with us. We are tempted to judge them and assume their motives. We think we already understand their thoughts. We fail to believe the best. So instead of going off on them, let’s ask them as they lay on the couch: 

Honey, did you have a bad day? Are you worried about something? Maybe you have been distracted and forgot it was your turn to empty the dishwasher. Could you please do that while I feed the baby so I can start dinner when I am done? Thanks so much. 

Sounds easy, right? Not so easy when you have to climb over the toys on the floor, the baby is crying and it’s a half hour past time to start dinner. You are frustrated and want to hit him by now, right? I get it. But when we start off with the frustrated tone, the guilt trip, or rolling our eyes at him, he may do as we say, but we have missed the chance to bless him and feed the relationship we want. 

So take a deep breath and get control of our emotions. Then try the "sandwich" approach. 

1. Be kind, ask about his day, how he feels. Find out why he is on the couch to begin with. 
2. Give him your request as a request, not as an order, believing the best that he loves you and wants to help. 
3. Be hopeful, thankful that he would stop whatever he is doing to help you. EVEN if he is only doing what he is supposed to do. Help him feel like a hero, not a puppy. Because you want to be married to the hero, not the puppy, right? 

Do I do this all the time? Nope. I don’t even have a baby crying and toys all over the floor at my house. It’s still just a goal of mine. Let me encourage you to make it a goal of yours too. 

 

Finally, as I thought about listening this week, I re-read these words Jesus spoke during His final week before His crucifixion. He said, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let Me.” (Matthew 23:37) 

In that last week, Jesus reflected on everything He had taught and all the miracles He had done, and still His people did not understand who He was. They heard His words, they saw the signs and miracles but they were not listening. 

With Easter coming this month, we see signs of it everywhere. There are Easter Bunnies and stuffed yellow chicks. There are chocolate eggs and peeps and multicolored jelly beans. I know a bloody man with a crown of thorns hanging on a cross is not a family-friendly theme that sells but that is what Easter is about. It’s a holy day. A day to remember we can’t even listen well to the people we love. We are flawed and we can’t get it right all by ourselves. We need a hero, not a bunny, someone to save us. 

Jesus knew that so He came to us. He left the comfort of heaven and willingly took the punishment for our wrongs, to make us in right relationship with God. Then three days later, God proved Jesus was His Son by raising Him from the dead. 

Are we listening to Jesus? What does He say to us? 

In His last letter sent to His church, He said to them: “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear My voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Revelation 3:20) “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying” (Revelation 3:22) 

Are we listening to Him? Or are we are like the church Jesus was writing to in this letter? He said to them: “You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’” (Revelation 3:17)

Maybe have felt self sufficient before but having babies exposes a much greater need in us moms. If we hadn’t realized it before, we realize now how limited we are, how much we need help. It is so easy to be frustrated and sharp with our children. We are often overwhelmed by everything we have to do, and how much we don’t know. We can’t be everything our children need and we desperately want to be. I know I wanted to be the perfect mom. But I found as hard as I tried, I could not. 

Jesus doesn’t scold us. He invites us to come to Him, to listen to Him. 

He says, “Come to Me, all of who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give rest. Take My yoke upon . Let Me teach , because I am humble and gentle at heart, and will find rest for r souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Jesus is the most important Person to listen to. But like listening to everyone else in our lives, it’s hard. So let's pray...

Jesus, thank You for knowing we needed a Savior, not a bunny! Thank You for the the great sacrifice You made to make us right with God. We want to be good moms, good wives, daughters, sisters and friends, but it is hard. Help us to be more attentive, patient, kind, respectful, not judging others and expecting the worst, but believing the best. Most of all, help us listen to You!

 

Questions To Think About: 

1. Do you find listening attentively and patiently difficult? Who in your life is the most difficult person to listen to? 



2. Which one of these do you need more practice on?
   • Paying attention, not thinking of a reply or believing you know what they are going to say
   • Fighting against becoming defensive
   • Believing the best and not expecting the worst
   • Being sympathetic and encouraging instead of giving advice
   • When you want your husband to help you, be kind, respectful and thankful when you ask him.



3. When you think of God, do you think of Him more in terms of giving commands or issuing invitations? What do you think of Jesus’ invitations Barbara spoke of here, to let Him into our homes to dine with us, or to come to Him with our burdens? How do you feel about that? How can we listen better to Jesus?

How to Raise a Godly Child

When my first daughter was exactly six months old, while attending a Christian conference, I committed my life to Christ. It revolutionized my world. 

Since I was a new mom at the time, my deepest desire was to figure out how to raise a godly child. Since I was new to the Bible, I simply looked up the word "children" and I found this gem.

It was from Moses' last address to the Israelites before they entered the Promise Land. It is the prayer most Jews still pray daily, the Shema.  

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.
Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
(Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

So that is what I did. As we went on with our day, we had Jesus spottings. I'd say, "Look, Jesus is making all the trees bloom now, isn’t it beautiful"... "Jesus is making a lovely sunset for us all to enjoy" ... "I am so thankful Jesus is healing your cold" ...  "Let's thank Jesus that He gave us good friends and a warm house tonight" etc.  

I talked about about Jesus like He is the uncle who lives far away, and we only talk to him on the phone. Because Jesus really is alive. This persuaded them to view Jesus as a real person who sees us, hears us and cares for us. True religion is not something you do on Sunday at church. It is how we act every day.

It is important to pursue God yourself. Let them watch you pray, read your Bible, being kind when others are mean, being generous, thankful, gentle, and respectful even with people with whom you do not agree. 

Of course pray for your children but also with them. Pray with them as they tell you their concerns, right then and there, bring their concerns to Jesus. Let them hear you pray out loud for them. 

We had prayer triggers. We would pray before meals, but also as we started our day driving to school in the car or when we went on a trip. We would pray at night a prayer I made up to remind them to be thankful but also to soothe them and remind them of God's care for them while they slept. 

Here is our Goodnight Prayer:

Zachary and Ella ready for bed

Thank You Jesus for today,
we got to laugh and sing and play.
Now it’s time to go to bed,
the angels sit beside my head
and watches me the long dark night
and wakes me in the morning light. Amen. 

There is much negative information and influences in our culture, so as much as possible, add wholesome and Biblical messages. Listen to worship music in the car.  Read Bible story books to them. When picking videos, add godly ones to the mix.

Because it does take a village, it is vital to find and attend a local Bible-believing church. Get involved with children's activities and youth group. It will help for your children to have friends that follow Christ. You need that too! 

As they grow, remember faith is always their choice. Jesus invites all and forces none. We as mothers are to be faithful to teach and love them. And then we pray because the work of faith is always done by the Holy Spirit.

My Responsibility Today

So often I toss and turn at night, filled with concern about what will happen. I am worried and upset about many things, for many people whom I love. What should I do? And as I prayed this morning it came to me...

Love them well. That is all I have to do. Forgive them. Those two things are all I have to do today.

I don't have to fix them, or heal them, I just have to love them. I can't fix them. I can speak God's truth to them and point them to Jesus. I can't make them believe or follow. I can be kind when they are mean. I can be forgiving when they wrong me. I can listen patiently when they are sad, or angry, or joyful. I can pray with them, for them.

I can say no, not today. Not that way. I can't do that. I need to go now. I can refuse sometimes when I need to. It's ok.

I can't fix it. I can love, pray, forgive. That is all I can do. And it's ok. 

Likewise, Jesus will not always fix it. Jesus will not always heal. Sometimes He does and so we praise Him. But He always loves us. He always forgives us. Sometimes He says no to our request, not today, or I can't do that. But He always listens. And He is always with us. 

Last good pic of mom

And in the end, that is enough. 

Two years ago, mom was suffering from end stage cancer. I wanted to fix it. But I could only love her. I am thanking God I had the wisdom and the strength to forgive her, and to be with her until the end. Thank You, Jesus, as I remember her and that difficult time, that my loving her was all you asked of me, and it was enough. 

"Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one." (Luke 10:41-42)