Hunger and Self-Control

Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28)

It was only a generation ago that my ancestors lived in the outskirts of Napoli, Italy. The southern segment of the newly unified country were farmers and community tradesmen, unlike their cosmopolitan neighbors to the north. During the unification of Italy around 1865, the south did not fare as the north. Famine and poverty led to the Italian diaspora, the large-scale emigration of Italians during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Approximately 30 million Italians left the country, many to the United States. My grandparents were among them.

So I assume my grandparents were no strangers to hunger. But I am. I have never known what it is like to not be able to have food available to eat. Actually, there has always been too much food around. We struggle to finish left-overs before they go bad. The refrigerator is often so full we can't fit it all in. Our pantry is overflowing with non-perishable food. And yet, each week, we go out to buy more.

The food stores are just as bad. They are full of so many varieties, it is difficult to decide. The "goodies" and processed foods that bring comfort and convenience to us are always stocked and prominently displayed. Candy is arranged along the check out line. 

We abound in tempting, unhealthy choices. And if we are too busy (or lazy) to go to the store, food will be delivered right to our door. 

Is it any wonder we are overweight? Or should say I am.

But hunger did not wound my grandparents. It seemed to only make them stronger and more determined to make the long and difficult journey to American to start a new life. 

Now more than 100 years after they came to the USA, their great grandchildren live in a world they would have considered the Promised Land. There is an abundance of food! What is our problem?

The Promised Land is not designed for the sinful, selfish, prideful people we are by nature. We have turned abundance into a problem because we don't know when to stop. We don't know what is enough.  

Just because I feel hungry, that does not mean I have to eat. "Have to" is the operative phrase here. It feels like something inside is making me eat. It is forcing me. It is beyond my control. But that is not true. There is this thing called self-control. It is actually a fruit of the Holy Spirit, given to me because I trust in Jesus to save me. I trust Him not only to save me but to sanctify me, that is, make me more like Him, day by day. 

Just because there is chocolate cake on the table, or ice cream in the freezer and I want it, that does not mean I have to eat it though it seems to be calling my name. There is this tool of self-control I can use to redirect my thoughts to something else.

Just because the hostess offers me cookies, does not mean I have to eat one (or three!) There is this gift of self control. I can say no.

Hunger is not only a signal to eat to satisfy ourselves. It can also be an opportunity to practice self-control.

It becomes more than a diet, but a process that can sanctify us, making us not merely skinny women, but holy women.  

Beloved, this is easy to type, but hard to do. Indeed it is impossible without Your grace. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to become not merely a skinny woman, but one with more self-control, more like You.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good. (Titus 2:11-14)

Confrontation vs. Retaliation

What is the difference between retaliation and confrontation?

Retaliation is about getting back at someone because they have hurt you. In the Jewish Law, in order to keep law and order between the families and tribes, limits were set for retaliation. Exodus 21:23-25, God instructs His people, “If there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.” The point was God was teaching the concept of justice, not to be too harsh but to allow for our desire for fairness. He was protecting us from the way human anger naturally devolves into “the Chicago Way” -- “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue.” (The Untouchables)

God also urge His people to take into account intent in earlier verses 12-14, “Anyone who strikes a person with a fatal blow is to be put to death. However, if it is not done intentionally, but God lets it happen, they are to flee to a place I will designate. But if anyone schemes and kills someone deliberately, that person is to be taken from my altar and put to death.”

However even this is not enough for Jesus who is God’s expression of perfect love. Jesus taught retaliation was not an option in His kingdom. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” (Matthew 5:38-40)

The question then becomes—do I become a doormat? Do I allow people to hurt me and say nothing? Do we allow evil to run unchecked?

The answer: choose to confront, not retaliate. We confront with intent to restore the relationship, to make peace. We enforce personal boundaries with kindness. We respectfully express our point of view. We say no and add thank you. We rebuke someone’s dangerous or hurtful behavior with empathy and tenderness. We confront lovingly and directly, face to face.

Jesus demonstrates confrontation with evil (Mark 1:23-26), with religious hypocrites (Matthew 23:13-35), with His own disciples (Mark 8:33), with personal sin John 8:11). He did not shy away from confrontation, but also did not retaliate (Matthew 26:52-53, Luke 23:34).

Like spring flowers,
relationships need tenderness
to bloom and grow

Practicing confrontation in this manner takes courage and self-control. It requires prayer because only the Holy Spirit can give us what it takes to love someone who has hurt you. Only the love of Jesus can change the heart of someone determined to make unwise, dangerous choices. Only self-reflection and humility can prepare us to confront others because our hearts are also selfish and corrupt.

Although this is the more difficult path, it is the only way for relationships to grow and stay healthy. Retaliation kills relationships. Lack of confrontation allows us to stay hurt which will eventually kill the relationship as well.

We must accept that sometimes our confrontation will not produce the results we desire. We can choose to confront, but others too have free choice and may not react as we hope even when we have been kind, respectful, and loving. Sometimes relationships can be restored but not always. We must put our trust in Jesus always who promised, “Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the daughters of God!” (Matthew 5:9, AMP)

Jesus, it is easy to type but so difficult to do in the moment. Help me to confront when necessary and always with kindness and respect. Make me an instrument of Your peace!

Best Diet Ever

I am not much of a dieter, frankly because I like food much more than I ever wanted to be thin. Plus I have NO will-power. However, as I grew older my metabolism slowed and frustrations from life heightened causing me to eat too much, too often and too thoughtlessly. The numbers on my bathroom scale began to rise at an alarming rate until I found myself the same weight as the peek of my first pregnancy -- with no baby to show for it! It was harder to move around, harder to do steps, harder to fit into my already too-large size clothes.

I tried to diet again, and again, and again, failing each time. As I said, I have no will-power. I started to pray. As time went on and the numbers on the bathroom scale continued to creep up, I asked friends to pray for me too. To my horror, I gained more weight. I prayed more earnestly finally coming to the realization that only God could help me.

I realized that the problem was not the food. The problem was me and I needed to repent.

I needed to repent of thinking I could eat anything I wanted and as much as I wanted.

I needed to repent of eating because bagels and muffins or chocolates and cake were left on the break-room table at work, or because my husband bought a quart of ice cream, or because one of the sweet women in my church group brought a lemon cake to our meeting.

I needed to repent of eating in response to stressful situations and turn to God instead, my true Comforter.  

Once I repented, and God in His mercy developed self-control in my heart, I was able to stop eating the sweets and the carbs that turned into sugar the moment I swallowed them. Once I stopped eating them, I no longer craved them.

Still not bikini ready like my babe Deb

Another enemy was discovered in my journey. It was my bathroom scale! At first it was my friend, revealing the error of my ways with an ever increasing magnitude. Once I started eating better my scale showed my progress downward, slowly but thankfully downward. Then one morning, for no apparent reason, I stood on my scale and it displayed the exact same number as the day before. I panicked. That is when my Beloved Jesus whispered to me,

"You are doing the right thing. Continue to obey and trust the results to Me."   

My new diet is repentance. We live in a land of plenty -- too much in fact. We are killing ourselves with extravagances that tempt us with their appeal and kill us with their true essence. It is all as King Solomon said, vanity and grasping at the wind. Yes we need to eat and God has given us all we need to enjoy. But too much of anything becomes an idol an a curse that rots our bones.

Beloved, let me continue to trust You and the goodness You give me. Let me discern when the thing I desire is from Your hand and when it is Satan tempting me. Give me the self control to flee from sin as I should. Remind me that my part is to obey You and that You can be trusted with the results. Help me have faith to believe all You have for me is good.

Good to eat. Good for my body. Good for my life. Because You are good.

Closer

Have you ever been in love?

It's easy to fall in love. But is it possible to fall in love and stay in love forever?

Most of us want to believe it can happen, and that it can happen to us. That's the compelling start off point for a message from Andy Stanley. It's compelling because it's true: we do want to fall in love and stay in love forever. Me too! I love my husband Al.  I thank God for Al, for his love for me and the wonderful godly man he is.

But then yesterday, we had an off night. Al was tired and went to bed early because he had to go to work later that night, but for me, it's still a Saturday night. I am left lonely, sad, and wondering: God, is this all there is, really? I am a woman who craves excitement, romance. Where did that go? Was it ever there? Was this the wrong man?

Satan is so sly. I was in the car yesterday afternoon with my daughter. The car radio was switched on to her favorite station, playing was a song called "Closer" by Ne-Yo. In it, a sweet-voiced man talked about his woman:

 Turn the lights off in this place

 And she shines just like a star

 And I swear I know her face

 I just don't know who you are

 Turn the music up in here

 I still hear her loud and clear

 Like she's right there in my ear

Saying come closer, closer...

And I just can't pull myself away

 Under her spell I can't break

 I just can't stop 

 And I just can't bring myself no way

 But I don't want to escape

 I just can't stop

 I can feel her on my skin

 I can taste her on my tongue

 She's the sweetest taste of sin

 The more I get the more I want

That is it, I want someone to feel that way about me, to sing this song to me. At age 59, with wrinkled hands and graying hair, I still want this!  I can feel the desire down to my toes. That is the love I long for even now.

So I sleep and dream about an old love, cloying, wanting to come closer to me. I wake up, shake myself, wondering, where did that come from? It was so long ago. A cup of coffee and my Bible revives me this morning. It was my own longing taunting me. God reminds me of His purpose: to perfect (sanctify) me, to heal me, to protect me with these verses: 

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.
May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it...

The Lord is faithful, who will establish and guard you from the evil one. 

(1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, 2 Thessalonians 3:3)  

The evil one wants us to be dissatisfied with our spouses. The evil one points out the imperfections in our loved ones and tells us we deserve better. The evil one tempts us with the sweetest taste of sin. He wants us to feel unable to break away from our longings.  

On the other hand, God desires that we cover a multitude of sin with love. God desires unity, sacrifice, humility. He instructs us to treat others as if they are more important than ourselves. God also wants us to be closer to Him. He longs for us, draws us, never with an evil intent, but with the purity of infinite, merciful love. The decision to accept God's love is a choice we make. He never forces, or seduces, or beguiles us.  The Holy Spirit give us self-control to protect us from the power of sin. He sees us as we are, our wrinkled hands, our graying hair, our sagging bodies, our sinful desires, and He says we are beautiful. He says we are His. 

Jesus winked at me today during our church's worship service. He arranged for the worship team to sing this better version of the song "Closer" from Hillsong:

There is no life without You

 You have all that we need

 Where You are every fear is broken

 And the darkness must flee

 Closer and closer we want to know You

 Reaching out,reaching out

 Here in Your presence we want to go deeper

 In Your light come alive

 There is no one beside You

 You alone are enough

 You fling the doors of Your heart wide open

 And we are lost in Your love

 To You we will come running

 In You we find belonging

 Your love is all that can satisfy

Jesus, You alone are enough! As my husband and I stand together to worship You, as we face You, desire to grow closer to You, our love becomes complete and life-giving. 

The wanton desires of my foolish heart still lurk within me. No man on earth fulfills my girlish dreams perfectly. But You, beloved Jesus, complete me beyond anything I can hope for and imagine.  

As we depend on Jesus for fulfilling our deepest desires, we are freed to love others with selfless love pouring our of our spirits from the Holy Spirit. Only the Holy Spirit can perfect us. But He will. And He will save us from the evil one.

That is worth praising Him about!

Andy Stanley talks about "Staying in Love" click below...

Rachel: Lost in Longing for Her Own Dream

Do you have a dream for your future? Do you lie in bed thinking of it? Planning for it? Scheming for it?

Rachel did. She had a dream that someday she would have sons, the ultimate accomplishment for a woman of her generation. Her dream was frustrated by God who blessed her sister Leah with four sons and yet she remained childless.

What do you do when you wait and wait and wait for your dream to come true? When your dream seems to be happening for everyone around you, but still you wait?

Family not a place for envy: it is a place to share the love.
Here are cousins Deanna and Debbie at the beach.

Rachel did the unthinkable. She asked her husband Jacob to have children for her with her maidservant, Bilhah. Oh, did I mention that hubby Jacob already had two wifes, Rachel and her sister Leah? Consumed with jealously and desperate to fulfill her goal, Rachel takes matters into her own hands by adding yet another wife to the mix. Bilhah then has two sons and Rachel feels vindicated.

Leah, who stopped having children at this point, retaliates and gives her maidservant Zilpah to Jacob and Zilpah has two more sons for Leah. Then Leah buys a night with Jacob with some mandrakes and she has another son. After that, Jacob must have given Leah some nights for free, for she conceived a sixth son.

Are you following all this?

As we discussed this story at our study group, we marveled at the dysfunctional of this family. We talked about how the sisters' jealousy must have affected the sons of Jacob. Leah and Rachel, sisters and both wives of one husband, were locked in a desperate battle for success and love. Rachel had the love of Jacob but longed for children. Leah, had many sons but dreamed of having Jacob's devotion. Both were willing to do whatever seemed expedient to get what they wanted.

However, it was God who was in control the entire time.

Then God remembered Rachel; He listened to her and enabled her to conceive. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

Although Leah and Rachel knew God was ultimately directing all these events, they did not trust Him. They were impatient and did not wait for Him. They schemed to get what they wanted in their own way, in their own time. They thought they knew better than God. In the end, Rachel dies giving birth to the second son she longed for.

God has His own bigger dream for Jacob's family. Renamed Israel during his encounter with God in Genesis 32:28, these 12 sons of Leah, Rachel and their maidservants became the 12 Tribes of Israel. God's goal was for this family to be His chosen people from whom He would send His Messiah. The dreams of Leah and Rachel were so small compared to how God wanted to use them.

How often I do this!  I think I know better than God, than my husband, my boss, my own mother. I don't listen. I go ahead with my own plans to fulfill my longings and in the end lose like Rachel did.

When we take matters into our own hands, we create chaos.

Beloved Jesus, my dreams seem so important to me, so right. How I long for them, work towards them, become engrossed in them. But You know all things, from the end to the beginning. You know if my dream will hurt others or even kill me. You are ultimately in control and no dream I desire can come to me except through Your hands. Help me come to You with my requests. Help me trust You and be patient as You work out all the details of my life.

Your dream is so much greater than mine.

Read the story of Rachel and Leah: Genesis 29:1-30:24 and Genesis 35:16-26 

Two Words for 2014

Woe to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim,
Whose glorious beauty is a fading flower
Which is at the head of the verdant valleys [valley of fatness],
To those who are overcome with wine!  
 ---Isaiah 28:1


It was new years morning and I opened my Bible where the book mark lay and read these words and gasped.  At first this sounded like an awful way to start the year, but all of God's Word is truth and life, yes?  As I looked closer I saw it.  

It is me and those things that in 2014 I need to reign in, gather control:

PRIDE ~ OVER-EATING ~ OVER-DRINKING

Father, You are warning them and this warning is also for me.  Because WOE is not what You want for me in this year, in this life or in eternity.  You love me and want love, joy, and peace for me, but it does not happen without kindness, goodness, patience, and self control.  It just doesn't.  

I don't know, Beloved, how long before You take me home but I want to do as much damage for the Kingdom as possible before I fall asleep. I must redeem the time.

But I cannot witness without humility.  I don't know where other's hearts are so I must be respectful, gentle and patient.  I must be prayerful and wait on You and Your perfect timing.  

And by overindulging in food and drink, I set a bad example for my children and render myself useless for the Kingdom.

Humility and self control is what is needed and what I lack. Not a whole list of resolutions, but these two words.  These two vital qualities. 

Father, even I cannot do this small thing without a portion of Your grace.  Please give me a double portion so I might be healed and therefore able and ready to proclaim Your truth.