Race. Prejudice. Everyone has a story.

Race. Prejudice. Hatred. Fear. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

This is my story. It does not start well, and it is longer than a 3-minute read, but I hope you will hang in with me because I think it ends well.

Actually this is more of a confession because I have been guilty of prejudice. When I meet people, I do judge them. But I now I remind myself that my first thought may be (probably is) wrong.

I was born in Newark in 1955 and grew up in Belleville in 1960-70s. Three of my grandparents were born in Italy. My father spoke only Italian until he started elementary school. He was a World War II vet and prejudice then was about Americans who came from other countries. My mothers told stories of the prejudice she received growing up in Belleville because she was of Italian decent. I was raised just as much an Italian as an American. Italian was spoken in my house as well. When I grew up, Belleville had become full of people just like me, Italian or Irish Catholics There was one black family in my neighborhood and he was different from us in the same way the Polish family was. The first Jewish person I met was in high school. As a teen, my father encouraged me to marry a nice Italian boy. Turns out that I did. My husband tells stories of the men he started working with, all from that greatest generation, joking together about the nationality of each other but it all was in good-natured fun.

Growing up we often went shopping in Newark, only minutes away from were we lived. My father grew up in Newark and worked there for years. My mother took me there for my first dancing lessons and for Easter dresses. It was a beautiful city at the time with large buildings, high-end stores and restaurants. But then things began to change.

Our Gio and his Grandpa fight racial prejudice with Ice cream

In July 1967, when I was 12 years old, there were riots in Newark. Many people died. I remember sitting in our living room watching it on TV but we also heard the explosions through the open windows on those hot summer nights. I shuttered in fear. As the poor black population in Newark grew and spilled into the near by towns of East Orange and Irvington, the wealthy whites moved away to the suburbs. The once beautiful city of Newark was scarred with burnt and broken buildings. We no longer went to Newark as we feared it was no longer safe. My father, who owned a hairdressing salon in East Orange was repeatedly robbed and eventually had to move the salon to Bloomfield. My husband who grew up in Irvington watched as the families of all his friends left town. His younger brothers dropped out of high school as it became a dangerous place for white boys. Truth be told, as a young woman I was afraid of groups of black young men. The thoughts would come into my mind: would they rob me? Hurt me? Rape me? I knew it was wrong to assume this but with what I had experienced, it became my reality.

College and my first job at IBM in the 1970s introduced me to many different kinds of people and when I talked to them, I saw they were just like me. When our daughters were growing up, it was a totally different world. In Fairview Elementary School in Bloomfield in the 1990s, it was like the United Nations. Immigrants from Germany, India, China and other Hispanic countries ended up in our school and our neighborhood giving our daughters the beautiful experience of all cultures. Our church in Montclair looked the same way with several interracial couples. We were grateful for that experience.

Even now, my first thoughts are still these others are not like me and I continue to fight it off. From experience I know if I engage with them, ask them questions, hear their stories, I find we are more alike than different. It is also true with people who are not in my economic level. Rich people may take better vacations and have nicer cars, but they still love their kids and worry about their elderly mothers just like me.

And yes, I have felt prejudice myself. As a woman, there were things assumed of me, things I could not do and yes that hurt. It deprived me of opportunities because of how God made me. I can’t change the fact I am a woman. I can’t study more, work harder, or gain more experience to make that go away. But then I can’t change that I am white either and the experiences that gave me more privileged than others.  

My concern for society today is we forget fear and hatred of other people groups have always been with us. Read Genesis and see the stories of Isaac and Ishmael and Esau and Jacob.  Brothers turn into nations who hate and war with each other. The first story of murder is between brothers. It has been with us from the beginning and is not going away because it is part of our sin nature. The government can pass better laws but ultimately can’t fix this because it is in our hearts. We can only do it ourselves, one by one by one.

How easy for us to see a news story about a black man being shot by two white men and think we have the answer. How can we? Did we engage with any of them? Did we ask these men questions, hear their stories? How can we be their jury? Why must we assume the black man was there to steal? Or the white men are bigots? Why, because that fits our internal narrative? Because there was a killing, there needs to be a trial, but let us leave the judgment to the jury who will hear the facts.

Yes prejudice is sin, but must we make the sin of prejudice and of being “white privileged” our “tax collector” sin? Must we make being a white man the same as being a Samaritan? When we do we have forgotten something very important. Who did Jesus come to save? Sinners. Who did Jesus tell us to witness to and serve? Sinners. Who are we? Sinners. 

As Christians, we don't judge the sinners. We love on them. 

Black or white, Italian or Irish, man or woman, rich or poor, let us not be quick to judge. Let us not assume the worst for either. Let us engage instead. Ask the questions. Hear the stories. Show kindness and patience and love. To all.

Paul tell us in Romans 12:20-21: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Race. Prejudice. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

Pick a Side?

As I sat at the hair salon waiting for my stylist, I was reading updates from a friend who lives in Israel telling us about the recent bombings there. So I mentioned to my stylist, “Did you hear about the bombings in Israel?” I had recently noticed how the media has been not reported much about the news in Israel that I had heard from my friend.

To my surprise, she said, “Yes, of course, I am Palestinian.” She went on to tell me about her experience when she visited her family in Palestine, how she and her family were treated by the Israeli army.

And as I remained silent, carefully listening to her story, I reflected on how you can be for one side of an issue until you are face to face with the other side.

“It is by the prince of demons that He drives out demons,” the Pharisees insisted of Jesus as the crowds marveled at His raising the dead, healing the sick and casting out demons (Matthew 9:34).

The Pharisees were the strictest and most religious of the Jews. As leaders of the people of God they memorized the Torah and followed it scrupulously. Yet here they were, face to face with God in the flesh, and they refused to recognize Him. They heard His wisdom taught, they saw His power displayed but they call Him the devil. How did that happen?

Not listening. Not patiently seeking to know and to understand. Not being open to other’s ideas, their pain, sorrow, joy. Being so sure of the truth you know that you are blind to the truth you have yet to see.

Jesus was not trying to get them to reject their God but to see Him more clearly. He was not asking them to reject their truth but to know more truth and to live the truth more fully from their hearts.

“Blind guides,” Jesus calls them, and “if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14)

Beloved, I know I must hold onto Your truth. But Your truth is all are loved, on both sides. Your sacrifice and Your desire to save is for all. Let me show Your love always by patiently listening, by allowing myself to get affected by the pain, sorrow and joy of all who I meet face to face. My assignment from You is not to pick a side, but to show Your love to both sides.

Because I can be confident that in the end, You are victorious, I can bring Your kingdom, Your will on earth by fearlessly loving all who You bring to me, no matter what side they are on.

Confrontation vs. Retaliation

What is the difference between retaliation and confrontation?

Retaliation is about getting back at someone because they have hurt you. In the Jewish Law, in order to keep law and order between the families and tribes, limits were set for retaliation. Exodus 21:23-25, God instructs His people, “If there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.” The point was God was teaching the concept of justice, not to be too harsh but to allow for our desire for fairness. He was protecting us from the way human anger naturally devolves into “the Chicago Way” -- “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue.” (The Untouchables)

God also urge His people to take into account intent in earlier verses 12-14, “Anyone who strikes a person with a fatal blow is to be put to death. However, if it is not done intentionally, but God lets it happen, they are to flee to a place I will designate. But if anyone schemes and kills someone deliberately, that person is to be taken from my altar and put to death.”

However even this is not enough for Jesus who is God’s expression of perfect love. Jesus taught retaliation was not an option in His kingdom. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” (Matthew 5:38-40)

The question then becomes—do I become a doormat? Do I allow people to hurt me and say nothing? Do we allow evil to run unchecked?

The answer: choose to confront, not retaliate. We confront with intent to restore the relationship, to make peace. We enforce personal boundaries with kindness. We respectfully express our point of view. We say no and add thank you. We rebuke someone’s dangerous or hurtful behavior with empathy and tenderness. We confront lovingly and directly, face to face.

Jesus demonstrates confrontation with evil (Mark 1:23-26), with religious hypocrites (Matthew 23:13-35), with His own disciples (Mark 8:33), with personal sin John 8:11). He did not shy away from confrontation, but also did not retaliate (Matthew 26:52-53, Luke 23:34).

Like spring flowers,
relationships need tenderness
to bloom and grow

Practicing confrontation in this manner takes courage and self-control. It requires prayer because only the Holy Spirit can give us what it takes to love someone who has hurt you. Only the love of Jesus can change the heart of someone determined to make unwise, dangerous choices. Only self-reflection and humility can prepare us to confront others because our hearts are also selfish and corrupt.

Although this is the more difficult path, it is the only way for relationships to grow and stay healthy. Retaliation kills relationships. Lack of confrontation allows us to stay hurt which will eventually kill the relationship as well.

We must accept that sometimes our confrontation will not produce the results we desire. We can choose to confront, but others too have free choice and may not react as we hope even when we have been kind, respectful, and loving. Sometimes relationships can be restored but not always. We must put our trust in Jesus always who promised, “Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the daughters of God!” (Matthew 5:9, AMP)

Jesus, it is easy to type but so difficult to do in the moment. Help me to confront when necessary and always with kindness and respect. Make me an instrument of Your peace!

Listen

There are some who suggest instead of New Years resolutions, to pick one word for the new year. This year the word came on me like a flood and  I can't turn away from it. It has grabbed a hold of me.

The word for 2018 is listen.

Listening is something I struggle to do. Instead I am all about trying to convince others my way is right. And after all I am very busy working and driving and scrolling and swiping and eating and cooking and cleaning and exercising and writing emails and letters and tweets and texts. And snapchatting, of course, don't forget that.

But listening? No. Not to you. As if to listen to you, to really hear, would be to open the door to discover that I may not be right. I might have to consider your point of view. My heart may be expanded to see your heart, to understand your story, to empathize with your plight.

And that is exactly what I need to be doing. Hearing you. Listening not just to figure out where you are wrong and how to make my point and where to straighten you out, but just to connect, to relate, to enter your world. To incarnate.

Love that word. Incarnate. That's exactly what Jesus did. He wanted to listen to us, but in order to do that, He had to risk. He had to leave paradise. He had to suffer our world, our flaws, our cold and heat, our danger and hunger and pain. He wanted to touch us, and hear us, and walk in our sandals and hear us in a way to truly understand.

I want to do that. Listen. Embrace the risk to touch another's soul by feeling each pain, crying each tear, carrying the weight of your burden. To be open to be wrong, to changing my mind, to giving more grace, to judging less. To be able to confess to each sinful desire, each doubt, each fear expressed by you: me too.

Listening is power. It is like a balm. As Al and I do marriage mentoring, the best gift we give our couples is to listen to them, allow them to speak, help them to know we really care about them: what they think, how they feel, their hopes, dreams, fears and disappointments, all of it. It is like being Christ to them, to enter into their world, allow them to feel valued and loved. And in this, Al and I do learn to love them. I want to do this more, to give this to others and in return, we get so much!

Mom was a interested patient listener

Rose, my dear mother-in-law, spent the last few years of her life without speech. I used to wonder how my brother-in-law Joe managed to live and care for her alone when she never spoke. Now that she has passed, he told me how much he misses her presence. Although she could not speak, he could tell she was listening. And that meant so much to him, even without any feedback from her.

I want to be more like her.

Father, help me to learn to listen better, to desire to listen better, to not rush to hang up the phone, or switch the topic, or get up and do the next thing, but to intently and passionately listen to these others You have given me, be it my family or friends, clients or even strangers. Teach me to listen to them. Teach me to listen to You.

Everyone should be quick to listen... (James 1:19)  

Conflict Resolution

Disclaimer: This is not my recommended five easy steps to resolve conflict! Not at all. It is a confession followed by what I’ve learned during the Liquid Church LoveComesToTown series…

I am bad at conflict resolution. I begin as a TURTLE. Before an argument gets heated up, I change the subject or I offer excuses (often very lame ones). I toss out the forgive-and-forget cards before their appropriate time, and so the conflict does not resolve, it only gets kicked down the road. If the conflict continues, I lapse into the MOCKING BIRD. I do not directly attack, but I make snide, sarcastic remarks. I complain to my friends. I‘m passive aggressive by attempting to manipulate others and trying to get my way through a workaround. I try to enlist other people with influence to assist me because after all I only want to “help” make the situation right. Finally, as the conflict escalates I become the SKUNK and stink up the place with my harsh words, demands, and idle threats. Yes, I am very bad at conflict resolution!

Jesus, in contrast, was excellent in conflict resolution, as Mark 3:1-6 (GNT) illustrates:

Then Jesus went back to the synagogue, where there was a man who had a paralyzed hand. Some people were there who wanted to accuse Jesus of doing wrong; so they watched him closely to see whether he would cure the man on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man, “Come up here to the front.” Then he asked the people, “What does our Law allow us to do on the Sabbath? To help or to harm? To save someone's life or to destroy it?”

But they did not say a thing. Jesus was angry as he looked around at them, but at the same time he felt sorry for them, because they were so stubborn and wrong. Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and it became well again. So the Pharisees left the synagogue and met at once with some members of Herod's party, and they made plans to kill Jesus.

Jesus was not a TURTLE. He did not avoid this conflict. He initiated it. He knew there was an elephant in the room and refused to step around it. He was not merely concerned with healing the man with the paralyzed hand. He was concerned about the condition of the hearts of the Pharisees, those who wished to accuse Him. Jesus could have avoided the confrontation by healing the man the next day or in private. But He didn’t. He did not try to appease the Pharisees and others who were trying to accuse and destroy Him. He did not fear their reaction or retaliation, even though they were the ones with the political power. He brought them the truth and left the results and their reaction up to them.

Jesus was not a MOCKING BIRD. He did not sink to ridicule or sarcasm.

Jesus was not a SKUNK either. He did not rant or accuse them of wrong-doing. He did not command them to do anything. Although clearly angry, He demonstrated self-control. His remarks were simple and to the point. He asked a succinct question that demonstrated what was in their hearts. In the end, Jesus was the one who did good by healing the man’s hand. The Pharisees did evil by making plans to kill Jesus.

Jesus was angry here, but He did not sin. His motive was pure. He was grieved because of the hard hearts of the Pharisees because they were His people who represented God to the nation of Israel. They were more interested in following their rules than compassion. Jesus demonstrated His love for them because He used the opportunity to show them the truth even though it cost Him.

Jesus was more interested in truth than in the reactions of others. And yet, He was not about proving He was right as much as trying to get them to see the condition of their own hearts.

Paul tells the Ephesians (5:21) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We think that means we need to be nice to everyone at all times, no matter how they are acting. I think we misread it. I think we need to be led by the Spirit to first to determine what is the loving thing to do or say dependent on the situation and people involved. Paul also told the Thessalonians (5:14) And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Some people need to be warned, others encouraged and helped. Sometimes I need to humble myself and ask for forgiveness! How can I tell the difference? Certainly not by a list of rules.

In order to resolve conflict first I need to gently ask questions and patiently listen to others. Unlike Jesus, I cannot assume what is on anyone's mind unless they tell me.  I must examine my own motives. I need to rely on prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit to discern what God is leading me to do and the courage to do it. Although sometimes, as it did for Jesus, it does not turn out well, I need to follow the Spirit and trust the outcome to God.

Dear Jesus, please help me listen first and turn to You for the discernment and courage I need to resolve conflict in a way that honors You!

Dealing with Your Very Draining People (VDP)

How do you deal with a very draining person? Maybe they are demanding or destructive; or maybe they are merely disappointing or difficult. What is your usual reaction?

Do you bark back in anger? Or do you silently fume? Do you change the subject or cut the phone call short? Or do you try to please and accommodate so they will stop the rampage? Do you try to talk it out and explain your position? Or do you deem the conversation as hopeless and complain to your sister instead?

Maybe your tactic changes depending on the person in front of you. Do you accommodate your boss but later take your pent up emotions out on your kids? Do you vent on your mom but are sweet as pie to your boy friend? Do you have a new friend who you talk things out with but that old friend from high school, well, you know how that discussion will turn out so why bother?

This was our discussion this week at church and also in our small groups. We talked about the people we experienced as draining and our reactions to them. What was the right reaction? For the answers, we searched the gospels and read some of the interactions Jesus had with draining people in John 3:1-21, Matthew 12:1-15 and Luke 14:1-14.

We saw Jesus' reaction to people wasn't a reaction at all. Jesus knew what He was about and He was not deterred by other's questions or actions towards Him.  He spoke to people from the heart about the real issues (John 3:3, Luke 14:7). He used illustrations to help others understand His position (Luke 14:6, Matthew 12:11). There were times when He walked away (Matthew 12:14-15) but that was due to His being obedient to the timing of His Father. It was not intended to avoid conflict. Actually, He invited conflict at times, and used the conflict to point to truth (Luke 12:3).

Jesus listened to the people who came to Him with questions, no matter what their motives were. Jesus knew when their real plan was not to obtain answers but to trap Him. Nevertheless, He did not back away, but answered them directly with truth and used the opportunity to reveal important information regarding the kingdom of heaven (Mark 10:2-9, Matthew 22:16-22, Luke 12:13-21, Luke 15:1-10, Luke 18:18-30).

When the time came for Jesus to face the most destructive people, He prepared Himself with prayer (Luke 22:41-43). He did not do what would come naturally as a human man, but what His Father wanted. He prayed and received not only direction but also supernatural strength.

Why do you react as you do to the draining people in your life? Do you act as your parents modeled or are you doing the exact opposite because of how it worked out for them? Were you hurt or rejected at a prior time of life and swore to yourself never to be hurt like that again? Do you act to avoid conflict and anger because "Christians don't get angry" or do you confront others harshly because "Christians must stand for truth”?

I confess I usually assess the situation and try to use the approach that would work out for the best (read: "for my benefit").

Like the ocean can be raging or calm
depending on the wind,
so we must allow the wind of the Spirit
to control our reactions to others.

Jesus did what He saw the Father doing. Jesus was controlled by the Spirit. Nothing anyone else did controlled or deterred Him. And the really good news is the very same Spirit lives inside of us when we commit our lives to Christ.

I came to the conclusion there is no specific right or wrong way to deal with difficult people. Each person, each situation, each time is different. Sometimes it is best to confront with love. Sometimes it is good to try to understand and be understood. Sometimes it is best to walk away and cool off. Sometime it is good to submit to another's ways. Sometimes it is better to say "this time, I want to decide." Sometimes it is even best to be harsh (Matthew 23:1-36, John 3:13-17). God knows which is best and He desires to tell us, moment by moment as we walk with Him, pray to Him, listen to Him. And we can count on His angels to strengthen us as well so we can do His will.

Sometimes as we obey God we find things don't work out exactly as we would like. That is where faith comes in, when we learn to trust God will work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). We obey God and trust the results to Him.

And of course, we need to ask ourselves (and God) the important question: in this situation, is the draining person ME?

Just saying.

And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Love Wins

On June 26, 2015, nine men and women in Washington, D.C., ruled that marriage between two men and two women was a right in all 50 states of the USA that could not be denied. In their decision, they declared in lofty beautiful language that love wins.

2000 years ago, there lived one Man in Israel who claimed that someday He would come and judge the entire world. In His teaching He declared in lofty beautiful language the perfect Law the world should live by, including what marriage means. His moral code was so high that those who truly understood Him knew they could never attain perfection by the standards He stated.

No one could attain His standards. Not the extremely religious of His day, certainly not the common people, not even those who left all to follow Him.

But Jesus embraced them all and loved them all. He showed His love in practical ways: He touched them; He ate with them; He fed them; He healed them; He washed their feet. Despite our failure to be perfect, Jesus loves us and longs for us to be with Him forever, so He did the unthinkable. He took our punishment for all of our sins on His own body and allowed evil men to torture Him and hang Him on a tree.

Then He said, “It is finished,” and when He died, all of our sins were washed away. Our sins of lust, our sins of hate, our sins of pride. ALL of them. My sins. Your sins. Three days later, He destroyed death by rising from the dead. On that Easter morning, God declared that #LoveWins. Not the love of two men or two women or even a man and a woman. God’s love won over our wrongs. Over our fear and hate. Over everything that divided us from God and from each other.

Let’s not forget what Jesus taught us: None of us keep His perfect Law!

All of us fall short in the arena of sexual purity, even if the only place we sin is in our hearts. The ground is level at His cross and we all stand there condemned and justified at the same time.

Jesus Christ is still coming one day to judge all the earth. Jesus is judge. No one else.

What do we say then to these things happening around us?

The LGBT community has been crying out for acceptance. Jesus came to love them too. Can we who follow Him show them His amazing grace?

Jesus came to teach truth as well. Can we continue to strive to live and teach others to live by His moral code in an increasingly permissive world?

There are those who fear the judgment set by nine men and women in Washington, D.C., will begin persecution of Christ’s church in our country. Can we trust that God is bigger than our government and His purpose and glory will prevail?

Can we declare together that #LoveWins because of Jesus? He alone is Judge and Perfect Savior. No one else.

Withholding Kindness

The Book of Job, Chapters 6-19

Job had already lost his livelihood, his ten children, and his health. With heartbreaking honesty, Job described how his pain increased as even his surviving loved ones scorned and abandoned him.

My relatives stay far away, and my friends have turned against me.
My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me.
My servants and maids consider me a stranger. I am like a foreigner to them.
When I call my servant, he doesn’t come; I have to plead with him!
My breath is repulsive to my wife. I am rejected by my own family.
Even young children despise me.
When I stand to speak, they turn their backs on me.
My close friends detest me. Those I loved have turned against me. 

I imagine Job felt like a desolate rocky mountain.

Job was not only hurting and alone, but he was aware of their disgust and rejection. All he wanted was for someone to take pity on him. Job wanted a friend to listen to him. Instead, Job's friends blamed the troubles on his own sinfulness. Others close to him were repulsed by him. By withholding their kindness, they hurt him all the more. Instead of offering comfort, they increased his pain.

How horrid to further injure a friend who is already suffering by withholding kindness!

Beloved, I remember so many times I have avoided loved ones who were hurting. They reminded me of the unavoidable pain of life and the certainty of death. Just the thought of them made me sad and so I ran from them instead of leaning into the situation. I did not want to visit them because I was afraid I had nothing to say or that I would say the wrong thing. I forgot You were ready to direct me and give me the courage I needed. Father, forgive me and help me remember the agony of Job and do better in the future. Thank You for Your forgiveness. 

Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (Job 6:14)

They saw his grief

the Book of Job, Chapter Two

How can we comfort a grieving friend?

This is a challenge for me, and I confess I often avoid visiting sick friends because I don't know what to do or what to say. Truthfully, I'm impatient. Why are they still upset? Can't they just push through the pain? I want to say the perfect thing to make it all better, share the easy answer.

But there is often no simple solution and talking can make suffering worse. Consider Job's wife's words of wisdom: "Are you still maintaining your integrity?" she told Job who sat scraping himself with broken pottery as he sat among the ashes. "Curse God and die!" Now that's helpful!

Job's friends were more comforting.  When Job’s three friends ... heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

As we talked about it in our group this week, often that is the best comfort: show up and shut up! Visiting friends in their distress shows we see their grief, care about them, are concerned for them, want them to be consoled and healed. Just holding their hand, praying for them, giving them a message, brushing their hair, doing their nails, bringing special food, or running errands for them, can be encouraging. Don't offer discouraging advice, such as Job's wife, or ask foolish questions. Laughter is good medicine, sharing good memories and reminiscing about happy times.

Most important, we discovered that different people are encouraged by different things. Some of us wanted people to come and have conversations with us. Others of us appreciated practical help. Others longed for quiet companionship. It is important to ASK what is needed. How else can we know?

Job's pain was extreme. He lost all his livelihood, all his children and his health. Scripture tells us it was all without cause. While he affirmed that we need to accept the trouble from God as well as the good, Job's torment was intense. Not only do I want to have Job's attitude always, but I want to be able to be more of a comfort to others when they suffer.

Father, You are a God of mercy and lovingkindness. Help me to be more like You. I have been reluctant to engage, fearful of saying the wrong thing. Guide me to lean in to them and show Your love in the ways that are most encouraging. Let me also remember that no one is exempt from misfortune and that next time the person who is suffering could be me!    

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Why do bad things happen to good people?

John 9:1-12

That's a question often asked by those who do not believe.  Well, maybe everyone asks that question.  Certainly I have asked it. Have you?

The Jews of Jesus' day asked a different question.  They thought illness and deformity happened because of sin.  See the question they ask Jesus here. 

Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”

It's someone's fault.  Not God's fault.  He is simply meting out justice. But Jesus corrects them:

Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over."

It's the wrong question. I love how Eugene Peterson put it: There is no such cause-effect here. Instead of looking for someone to blame for this man's condition, look instead for how God plans to work.

Then Jesus goes on to involve us.  He tell us WE need to be energetically at work.  Not just Jesus.  We need to get involved.  Instead of asking why, we need to ask how can I be the hands and feet of Jesus, doing God's work here.  I need to help.  We need to help.  We need to work the works of God so that all near will see the great work God wants to do in the situation.

Because the night will fall and the time to help will be over.  I don't think Jesus meant when He would leave, God would be done demonstrating His mercy and power.  I think that it means when this age is over.  The light is still here, in us, as we have the Holy Spirit. 

"For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world’s Light.”

Jesus promised He would never leave us and the Holy Spirit in us is the fulfillment of that promise.

Bad things happen in the broken world, to the good and the bad.  But God promises that He works all things together for good for those who love Him.  And we can get in on that.  We can be part of the fulfillment of that promise.

When I hear this question from someone who does not share faith in Jesus, it seems like they are blaming God.  And while I think we can (and I do) tell God when we are angry with Him because of circumstances, in the end I am confident that His heart is for me and for my ultimate good. Even though I may not understand, I can trust that He using the problems to make my character better, stronger, purer.  He will use the circumstances to make me into the beautiful woman He always intended me to be.

Our good cousin, Susan Murray,
caught in the towers on 9/11

Meanwhile, I can help others.  Help me see when and where to do this, Beloved.  Let me trust You in the darkness, knowing You are the light, You are beautiful,You are worthy of my truth. You are worthy.  

Sometimes the circumstances are too horrible and senseless.  Sometimes there is no works of God and no building of character that could make the catastrophe  worthwhile.  Yes I have seen that too.  In the end there, I have concluded that I can only trust God and run to Him in that pain. He is our Comfort and Healer.  He has shown me: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed. (Psalm 34:18)

He had compassion on them

Matthew 9:18-38

In college, I majored in Mathematics.  I loved the order of it, like a puzzle I enjoyed to decipher.  It was logical, it made sense. It was dependable and consistent, and if I followed the rules, I could always arrive at the correct answer.

I guess that is why reading the gospels always confused me.  I was looking for order, for the list.  Do items a, b, and c and this is how it will turn out for you. But Jesus defies order.  He is so other.  You just can't figure it out.

Nowhere is that more evident than in His healing and miracles.  They follow no pattern.  Belief certainly helps, but it is not necessary.  Here Jesus healed the woman who suffered with bleeding for 12 years because she snuck up behind Him and touched the hem of His robe. “Be happy, dear woman. You are made well because you believed.”

In the next verses, He raises a dead girl to life, even though people had already come to mourn her and laughed at Jesus when He arrived. He tells them, “Go away. The girl is not dead. She is only sleeping.” Then Jesus grasps the dead girl's hand and raises her back to life.

Continuing on, Jesus is harassed by two blind men, following Him and shouting, “Son of David, have mercy on us!” Jesus asks them:“Do you believe that I am able to make you see again?”  He checks their faith before He heals them.

There is no pattern, although I look diligently for one.  The dead girl had no faith. The blind men were yelling at Him.  The bleeding woman did not even ask Jesus for help.

Then it occurs to me: why am I looking still for a pattern?  Jesus, You healed because You loved.  Matthew, who was there and watched You closely, puts it well: Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 

You healed because of Your compassion. Nothing they did. It's all You, all You.

I see that in my own life.  So many times You redeemed situations when I never asked You.  You protected me despite the dead-end path I was taking.  You loved and had compassion on me when I was NOT trusting You, when I was DEAD to Your Spirit.  You took my hand, like the little girl, and raised me to new life.

Jesus, You went through ALL the towns, spreading the gospel and healing EVERY disease.  You are going through New Jersey, even NOW, spreading the gospel and healing every disease.  I just can't see it. Like the men, I am blind.

Beloved, have mercy on me too!  Open my eyes to what You are doing all around me.  I want to be a part of it.  Send me out too!  Send me out to have compassion as You did.  Please send me out to gather Your harvest! 

“There is such a big harvest of people to bring in. But there are only a few workers to help harvest them. God owns the harvest. Ask Him to send more workers to help gather His harvest.”

Sabbath Best

Mark 3:1-6 (MSG)

Then [Jesus] went back in the meeting place where He found a man with a crippled hand. The Pharisees had their eyes on Jesus to see if He would heal him, hoping to catch Him in a Sabbath infraction. He said to the man with the crippled hand, "Stand here where we can see you."

Then He spoke to the people: "What kind of action suits the Sabbath best? Doing good or doing evil? Helping people or leaving them helpless?" No one said a word.

He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, "Hold out your hand." He held it out—it was as good as new! The Pharisees got out as fast as they could, sputtering about how they would join forces with Herod's followers and ruin him.

Agendas. We all have them. Jesus had one and so did the Pharisees. Jesus' agenda was to do His Father's will--teach about the reality of the Kingdom come and to heal. Jesus could not, would not, turn away from the man with the crippled hand. He noticed him right off, and would not leave without healing him. And the consequences did not matter, only following the Father's will for this man to have two good hands.

The Pharisees' agenda was to throw dirt on Jesus. And they did. Nothing would change their minds about Jesus--not what He did or what He said. And even in His anger at them, He still hurt for them, as the Amplified says, "grieved at the hardening of their hearts."

Hearts. We all have them. Does our heart break like Jesus for those who are hurting? Are we more concerned with doing the Father's will and pleasing our Father than pleasing the crowd? Are our words healing and encouraging or are do they accuse, blame and criticize like the Pharisees?

As I think on this, Beloved, I remember all my hurtful accusations, blame and criticism towards those I loved the most. How You must have been grieved at my hard heart! Help me to do the Sabbath Best. Help me to say healing words every day of the week!