Journey to Paradise

Because we wanted to add adventure to our vacation in Puerto Rico, we decided to take a trip to the Isle de Culebra, located 17 miles northeast of the main island. 

We rented a car near San Juan and tried to make the 10 am ferry to Culebra on Tuesday but we missed it by half an hour. We bought tickets for the following day, 10 am in the morning and the return trip to the main island leaving Culebra at 9:30 pm. 

On Wednesday, we were determined not to miss the ferry again. The staff recommended arriving one hour before departure. We were up at 5:45 am, quickly ate our hotel breakfast, packed our gear and lunch, and were on the road by 7:30 am. It takes over an hour to drive to the far eastern end of the island where the ferry is located. I grew nervous as we made two wrong turns adding to the length of our drive, but Google maps kept us on track.

At the last leg of our trip, we were stopped by police blocking the what seemed to be the only road that connected us to the ferry launch. It was now close to 9 am as we anxiously asked the policeman how to get to the ferry. He only spoke Spanish but somehow we managed to find the right detour. 

We parked the car and waited for a shuttle from the parking lot to the ferry. We were one of the last to board but we made it. It was an hour ride on the ferry. At the ferry dock, in the business section of Culebra, there was a street full of of vendors offering taxi rides, or jeep and golf cart rentals. We decided on a golf cart. Christina took the shuttle to the rental store, while I waited with our gear by the ferry dock. Half an hour later, Christina comes with a golf cart that was more complicated than we expected. Off we went to Flamenco Beach, bouncing hard with each rut in the road, and there were many! 

To our delight, Flamenco beach is perfect for a day trip. It had bathrooms and showers and cafes. We rented an umbrella and two chairs. As we waited for our turn to have the umbrella set up, I briefly considered that if we had stayed at our hotel, we could have been on the beach for hours already. Then I saw the beach.

It was beyond what we could capture on film. It was magnificent. Crystal water, white sand, green mountains in the distance. It was paradise beyond what we could see because there was so much that was NOT there. There were NO tall resort hotels, no electric wires, no sound of traffic or air planes. Only the gentle lapping of waves, chirping of birds and the occasional rooster crowing. 

As I walked the beach, I considered our long journey to this paradise. It had taken 5 1/2 hours. It included a wake-up before dawn, a long drive, wrong turns, and a detour that threatened the whole trip. Then there was a long boat ride, waiting for the rental golf cart, a ride through unknown narrow roads, dodging pot holes and chickens, not knowing in the end what we would find. It required patience and courage, determination, sacrifice and hope.

It was like all of life. I am confident of the Lord's promise, that we will someday be in an even grander eternal paradise with Him, but the journey of life is long and hard. It requires all those things: patience, courage, determination, sacrifice and hope. 

We didn't need to do it. There was a choice involved. We could have chosen to stay at the hotel. But then we would have missed it. 

Paradise is never nearby. It's not where everyone hangs out. It requires us to take the road less traveled. We must choose the hard thing and make the sacrifices it requires. We must do it afraid.

After our swim, we went to explore other beaches. We traveled up and down hills that resembled roller coasters, took several wrong turns but found two other beautiful beaches at sunset. We walked after we returned the golf cart and waited for our return ferry, drove home and crawled into bed after 1 am. It was a long day. But a wonderful one.

God has created incredible beauty but we have paved over it, strung electric wires around it, and built tall buildings blocking the view. To see His glory, the paradise He created, it is a long, hard journey. But as I closed my eyes that night I was grateful that I had the patience, courage, determination and made the sacrifice to go and see.

Also in life, I make sacrifices with hope that I will be with God in the Heavenly Paradise He has created. Even with the hard things, I look forward to the Joy of eternity with Him. Especially since we won't have to leave. 

Remind me of this, Beloved, when the road of life is full of danger, sorrow, pain, and uncertainty. Remind me of at the end, there is forever with You in Paradise.  

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
    The skies display His craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
    night after night they make Him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
    their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
    and their words to all the world.  (Psalm 19:1-4)

Hunger and Self-Control

Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28)

It was only a generation ago that my ancestors lived in the outskirts of Napoli, Italy. The southern segment of the newly unified country were farmers and community tradesmen, unlike their cosmopolitan neighbors to the north. During the unification of Italy around 1865, the south did not fare as the north. Famine and poverty led to the Italian diaspora, the large-scale emigration of Italians during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Approximately 30 million Italians left the country, many to the United States. My grandparents were among them.

So I assume my grandparents were no strangers to hunger. But I am. I have never known what it is like to not be able to have food available to eat. Actually, there has always been too much food around. We struggle to finish left-overs before they go bad. The refrigerator is often so full we can't fit it all in. Our pantry is overflowing with non-perishable food. And yet, each week, we go out to buy more.

The food stores are just as bad. They are full of so many varieties, it is difficult to decide. The "goodies" and processed foods that bring comfort and convenience to us are always stocked and prominently displayed. Candy is arranged along the check out line. 

We abound in tempting, unhealthy choices. And if we are too busy (or lazy) to go to the store, food will be delivered right to our door. 

Is it any wonder we are overweight? Or should say I am.

But hunger did not wound my grandparents. It seemed to only make them stronger and more determined to make the long and difficult journey to American to start a new life. 

Now more than 100 years after they came to the USA, their great grandchildren live in a world they would have considered the Promised Land. There is an abundance of food! What is our problem?

The Promised Land is not designed for the sinful, selfish, prideful people we are by nature. We have turned abundance into a problem because we don't know when to stop. We don't know what is enough.  

Just because I feel hungry, that does not mean I have to eat. "Have to" is the operative phrase here. It feels like something inside is making me eat. It is forcing me. It is beyond my control. But that is not true. There is this thing called self-control. It is actually a fruit of the Holy Spirit, given to me because I trust in Jesus to save me. I trust Him not only to save me but to sanctify me, that is, make me more like Him, day by day. 

Just because there is chocolate cake on the table, or ice cream in the freezer and I want it, that does not mean I have to eat it though it seems to be calling my name. There is this tool of self-control I can use to redirect my thoughts to something else.

Just because the hostess offers me cookies, does not mean I have to eat one (or three!) There is this gift of self control. I can say no.

Hunger is not only a signal to eat to satisfy ourselves. It can also be an opportunity to practice self-control.

It becomes more than a diet, but a process that can sanctify us, making us not merely skinny women, but holy women.  

Beloved, this is easy to type, but hard to do. Indeed it is impossible without Your grace. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to become not merely a skinny woman, but one with more self-control, more like You.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good. (Titus 2:11-14)

 

ARE YOU HUNGRY? 

• Have a drink. You may just be thirsty.
• Wait 5 minutes. If you wait, the feeling may go away.
• Get busy. Do something to take your mind off of your tummy.
• Just don't eat. It's ok to be hungry. Grandma had done it for years. Eating at specific times a day can create a habit and you feel hungry because your body is like a clock. You can break the habit one day at a time by using self-control.  
• Eat a small amount of protein. Nuts, cheese, yogurt.
• Put snacks of any kind in a bowl. Don't eat from the bag. You'll eat too much mindlessly. When it is in a bowl, when you get to the bottom of it, you'll know when to stop. 
• Don't eat the baby's leftovers. It is ok to throw it away. Or save the small amount for tomorrow. 
• Drink less wine. Alcohol increases appetite. 
• Eat dinner early. It gives the body more time to process the food. 
• Don't skip a meal. Eat a smaller portion. Don't eat the carbs. But eat.  
• Remember, our actions have consequences and every thing we put in our mouth has a consequence. It shows on our body. 
• Success comes when we don't give up. Don't say, I'll start on Monday or even tomorrow. Start now.  

Are We Drunk by the Wine of Her Immorality?

Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!” (Luke 1:26-28) 

Consider the contrast between the Mary, virgin of Nazareth and the great prostitute of Babylon described in chapter 17 of Revelation.

One of the seven angels who had poured out the seven bowls came over and spoke to me. “Come with me,” he said, “and I will show you the judgment that is going to come on the great prostitute, who rules over many waters. The kings of the world have committed adultery with her, and the people who belong to this world have been made drunk by the wine of her immorality.” (Revelation 17:1-2) 

I could see that she was drunk—drunk with the blood of God’s holy people who were witnesses for Jesus. (Revelation 17:6) 

Together they will go to war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will defeat them because He is Lord of all lords and King of all kings. And His called and chosen and faithful ones will be with Him.” (Revelation 17:14) 

And this woman you saw in your vision represents the great city that rules over the kings of the world.” (Revelation 17:18)

What is the difference between the great prostitute of Babylon and Mary, the virgin of Nazareth?

• The prostitute is rich. Mary is poor.
• The prostitute controls the nations and martyrs the people of God. Mary has no control beyond her own personal choice. She can't even control the reaction of her fiance Joseph. An angel must intervene.
• The prostitute blasphemies God. She loves her sins and wears them like a royal robe. Mary trusts the Lord and is obedient to His will.
• The prostitute is full of obscenities, impurity and immorality.  Mary magnifies the Lord and is grateful. 
• The prostitute will war against Christ and His followers. Mary was willing to risk everything to bring Christ into the world. 
  

Reading about the great prostitute of Babylon is horrifying. I want to figure out what country the angels are talking about. Is it my own? When will this happen? How can I and my family stay safe?

Those are not the important questions. Like Mary, I have no control beyond my own person choice. I must focus on that: 

• Will I refuse the comforts and riches of Babylon when they require my allegiance to anything else besides Christ? 
• Will I stay alert to seduction of the culture and its immoral things and refuse them? 
• Will I trust the Lord and stay obedient to His word even when it costs me? 
• Will I praise Him and be grateful even in the suffering? 
• Will I side with Christ against the things of this world?    

Beloved, send Your Spirit. I am weak but Your Spirit is strong. Help me to be like Mary. Continue Your work to sanctify me while I wait for Your victory!

Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)

He is the Lamb

Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with Him 144,000 who had His name and His Father’s name written on their foreheads. And they sang a new song before the throne (Revelation 14:1, 3). 

Few animals are more gentle and harmless than a lamb. A lamb is a sheep less than one year old. In his John's vision of heaven, this is how he sees Jesus.

Actually most of the photos of lamb on the internet are lamb not as a furry friend, but as dinner. Lambs nurse at their mother's breast and eat grass. People eat lamb. 

Jesus came to us at Christmas as a baby, small and helpless. When John the Baptist first introduces Jesus to Israel, John calls Him the Lamb of God (see John 1:36). Jesus is "gentle" God. Jesus is "come close to Me" God. Jesus allowed predators to ravish Him. Just like a lamb.

But instead of needing a shepherd, Jesus is the shepherd, leading a congregation of followers. And they worship Him. 

“Fear God and give Him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come. Worship Him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water.” (Revelation 14:7) 

We are instructed to fear and worship the Lamb. 

This is why it is hard to do. Jesus seemed gentle. He looked like one of us, a man. His glory was hidden in His human form.  This is what Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 1:22-24: For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 

This is why we are easily deceived by powerful charismatic evil men (and women) who tap into our desires. We all want to be led by a competent, strong leader. But we also want what we want. 

At the end of the age, the Lamb will reveal Himself as Lord of heaven and earth. He will send His mighty angels to execute the wrath of God on those who have chosen this evil path.

“If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives its mark on their forehead or on their hand, they, too, will drink the wine of God’s fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of His wrath. They will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment will rise for ever and ever. There will be no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and its image, or for anyone who receives the mark of its name.” (Revelation 14:9-11) 

We discover the Lamb is not gentle or harmless. Instead the Lamb is good, just, and faithful. He is the powerful King of all kings. He will not allow evil to flourish forever. He will end evil. 

Ending evil is not being hardhearted, judgmental or wrong. Ending evil is good. Maybe this is why people love the movie Die Hard and claim it is a Christmas movie. We all long to be rescued by the good guy and cheer the death of the bad guy.    

This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep His commands and remain faithful to Jesus. (Revelation 14:12) 

Right now, we still have time to choose Jesus. To "not choose" is to side with evil and reap their reward. 

Who have you chosen?

Beloved, I have chosen You but I am not good at patience or endurance. Please help me! Give me courage. Strengthen me to face the suffering. Fill me with Your Spirit to obey Your word. Praise God that even when I am faithless, You remain faithful.     

Jesus Gives Us a Choice

Christmas shopping has never been my favorite thing. As I wandered through the mall, I saw so many stores, so many options, but still I could not find what I wanted. So instead I returned home, and as so many of us do now, and I searched Amazon for exactly what I wanted. Of course, I found it, in several sizes and colors. 

Today we have so many options, a vast selection of goods and services. They are all available at our fingertips and will be delivered before the end of the week to our doorstep.

This masks the reality of eternity. In eternity, there are only two options. Good or evil. In the first eight chapters of Revelation we have seen what good looks like. Here we see evil.

I saw a star (angelic being) that had fallen from heaven to the earth; and the key of the bottomless pit (abyss) was given to him (the star-angel). He opened the bottomless pit, and smoke like the smoke of a great furnace flowed out of the pit; and the sun and the atmosphere were darkened by the smoke from the pit. Then out of the smoke came locusts upon the earth, and power [to hurt] was given to them, like the power which the earth’s scorpions have. They were told not to hurt the grass of the earth, nor any green thing, nor any tree, but [to hurt] only the people who do not have the seal (mark of ownership, protection) of God on their foreheads. They were not permitted to kill anyone, but to torment and cause them extreme pain. (Revelation 9:1-5 AMP) 

I think following my heart's desire is good. But in reality, straying from God's will is not good. It is the opposite of good. It is evil. And evil's intent is to hurt me. It may promise pleasure but the pleasure leads to intense pain. We will in the end, long for release, but it will not let us go. 

This here, in a metaphysical sense, describes all addictions: to drugs, to sex, to gambling, to power, but also to shopping, to food, to gossip, to pleasing other people. It is killing us, but it is so hard to stop. 

However, God is in control. He limits the power of evil to hurt us. He will mark His servants for protection. In the end, He continues to invite us to reach out to Him. He can save us. How will we respond to Him?

They did not repent of their murders nor of their sorceries (drugs, intoxications) nor of their [sexual] immorality nor of their thefts (Revelation 9:21).

We want what we want. We love our sin too much. We don't want to let it go.

There are only two options. God's peace or Satan's torment. We will chose our master. Do not be deceived. To not choose is to choose torment. 

Will you choose God?

Beloved, You remind me of my choice here. It is one I choose day by day, moment by moment. By the power of Your Holy Spirit in me, help me choose You. Help me to come to You with each desire. Strengthen my self control to recognize the choices and choose You. You alone are our Peace. 

 

Is God Cruel?

This question came up as we were working through the book of Revelation and we arrived at chapter 6.

12 I watched as He [Jesus] opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, 13 and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. 14 The heavens receded like a scroll being rolled up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.

15 Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and everyone else, both slave and free, hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. 16 They called to the mountains and the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of Him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! 17 For the great day of His wrath has come, and who can withstand it?”

Who can read this and not be alarmed? It is the complete destruction of the whole earth and everyone in it. We paused as considered, how can this be the same Jesus from the gospels? Will He be this angry, this cruel?

Consider this example. 

Imagine you are in your own room with a friend, playing a game or listening to music. Suddenly, three 5-year-olds burst into your room. One is screaming. Another is opening your dresser drawers and dumping all your clothes on the floor. The last one is hitting your friend. 

You tell them to stop screaming dumping and hitting but they ignore you, mock you and keep doing it louder, faster and harder. What to do?

You pick all three of them up, move them out of your room and lock the door. They bang on the door and complain you are mean for throwing them out. You tell them: "My room; my rules. I need to protect my room and my friend." 

Are you being cruel? No. You are wise and good to your friend. 

So is God. Looking back in Revelation, these people left on the earth have made war with each other, causing famine, disease and death (See Revelation 6:2-8). When Jesus comes from Heaven, do these people turn to Him in repentance and grief over their sins? No, they hide and would prefer to have the mountains fall on them than to face God. 

They are just like the three boys, only bigger, more powerful, more evil. They cannot be allowed into the kingdom of God. Indeed, they don't want to come in! They prefer to hide from God under the rocks, call to the mountains instead of to Him to save them.

In the gospels, Jesus too expressed His wrath towards the religious establishment who kept His people from worshiping God. 

15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 

17 And as He taught them, He said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’” (Mark 11:15-17)

Jesus was angry. He saw wrong and needed to right it. The temple court had become a shopping mall with no discounts, just exorbitant prices, excluding the poor from worship. 

The truth is our God is a God of wrath as well as love. Love for us who trust Him and follow Him. Wrath for those who choose to do evil. We can seek His mercy or reject Him. It's ultimately our choice.

What will  you choose?

 

Fog

Aunt Ana and Ella in the fog.

The air cooled as I walked to the ocean. The white caps on the waves were barely visible as I rounded the top of the dune. 

How is the water? I asked the departing surfer.

Frigid and rough, he replied.

As I walked to the water's edge, the fog was so thick I could not see the life guard stands on the neighboring beach. Everything in front of me seemed to disappear into the fog when I walked along the ocean's shore. I could not see what was ahead, and what was behind me also vanished into the heavy white fog.

Like the future, we cannot see what is up ahead. Unlike the surfer, no one can come back from the future to tell us what is there. No one knows but You, Beloved Jesus. You are already there in the future. You will greet me with Your loving arms and only then will it be clearly seen. 

Ella feels safe with mom and
Aunt Chrissy

When I look back to my past, it too is clouded by my current knowledge, my attitudes. My heart cannot always rightly remember. Only You know, Beloved. And You will not tell me. 

Can I trust You with this secret? Can I have faith that You will be there?  Will I stay at peace while I still do not yet know?

Or will I trust these others who assert that they too can see into the future? I am sure they cannot, nor will they be there to depend on, to give me the provision and safety I will need. 

No! I will trust only You, Beloved. Only You.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Marriage Hacks

Presented at The MomCo Meeting on March 2024

Good morning moms! Every month Shantell has been providing us with some excellent hacks. Today I am going to provide you with some Marriage hacks. These are favorite tips my husband and I learned from marriage classes we attended and also from the marriage mentoring materials provided to us by our church.

When we were engaged, wise people told me that in order for our marriage to work, we needed to “work” on our relationship. I had no idea what work they were talking about. My fiance was a good man. Our backgrounds were similar. We had been together for over a year so we knew each other well. We were in love. What could go wrong?

Looking in the rear view mirror 43 years later, I realize love does not cure all problems. I now know what they meant and I want to be specific with you today. Nothing is better at this stage of my life than being with the man who I spent my youth with, who knows me, loves me and has stood by me in good times and bad, when we were rich and when we were poor, in sickness and in health. I want the same for all of you. But this takes work.

Hubby and granddaughter Ella

Before I was married, I thought true love meant my husband would understand me and would know what I needed and how to make me feel loved. This is a big lie. In general, men need to be told what we need and how they can love us in the way we need to be loved. They are bad at guessing. Actually we all are. So we need to tell them. Maybe multiple times. It’s ok. It does not mean they love us any less. They just can’t know what is in our heads unless we tell them.

We all marry with our own expectations of how life will be and it is frustrating when our lives together are not what we expected. Today this is exaggerated by social media because others only post the highlight reels of their lives, not the normal messy parts. We look at others and want what they have, or what they SEEM to have on Instagram!

Often we don’t even realize our expectations until we are disappointed. When we mentored engaged couples, one of our goals was to help them share their expectations on different aspects of life before they married. For you moms, it is more complicated now, but it is still helpful to think about what our expectations are and share them with our husbands. Take some time for personal reflection to clarify those unmet expectations. Ask yourself: What do you want? What do you need?

It is vital to tell our husband how to please us, how they can make us feel loved because they WANT to make us happy. They probably just don’t know HOW. We need to help them out. But HOW we tell them can make all the difference!

So here are four hacks to communicate with your husband in a constructive way:

1. Avoid Criticism: Criticizing your husband is different than voicing a complaint. Sharing our concern about a specific issue is good and valuable to the relationship. However what we don’t want to do is attack our husband’s character. That is criticism. Listen to the examples to hear the difference:

• Criticism: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish. You never think of others! You never think of me!”

• Complaint: “I was scared when you were running late and didn’t call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”

Do you hear the difference? Criticism attacks a person’s character. Instead we want to focus on a specific behavior.

A better alternative is to express your concern or complaint without blame, while being gentle and respectful. Avoid saying “you,” which can indicate blame, and instead talk about your feelings using “I” statements and express what you need in a positive way. A good way to prepare yourself is to ask these questions: What do I feel? What do I need?

Here’s another example:

• Criticism: “You always talk about yourself. Why are you always so selfish?”

• Better Alternative: “I’m feeling left out of our talk tonight and I need to vent too. Can we please talk about my day?”

Notice that the better alternative starts with “I feel,” leads into “I need,” and then respectfully asks to fulfill that need. There’s no blame or criticism so the discussion does not escalate into an argument.

Remember, the relationship is always more important than the issue at hand. Life is complicated and so many issues can seems to have a life of their own. These problems seem to be a huge obstacle between the two of you. Instead put the problem IN FRONT of the two of you, NOT BETWEEN the two of you. Remember, you are on the same team. The problem is the enemy, not our husband. Working together we will have a much better chance to overcome whatever comes our way.

2. Avoid Contempt: When we communicate contempt, we are being truly mean. This is when we treat others with disrespect, mock them with sarcasm, ridicule, call them names, and mimic, or use body language such as eye-rolling or scoffing. When we do this, our goal, whether we want to admit it or not, is to win the argument by making our husband feel despised and worthless.

Contempt goes far beyond criticism. While criticism attacks your husband’s character, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over them: Here’s an example:

“You’re ‘tired?’ Cry me a river. I’ve been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do when you come home from work is flop down on that sofa like a child and play those idiotic video games. I don’t have time to deal with another kid. Could you be any more pathetic?”

The antidote to contempt is to build a culture of appreciation and respect in your relationship. Start by thinking about things to be grateful about. Consider where you take him for granted. There is always something good if you look for it. Then if you begin a habit to verbalize your gratitude, appreciation, affection, and respect for your husband, you’ll create a positive perspective in your relationship that acts as a buffer when negative feelings arise. The more positive you feel, the less likely that you’ll express contempt. Here’s another example:

• Contempt: “You forgot to load the dishwasher again? Ugh. You are so incredibly lazy.” (Rolls eyes.)

• Better Alternative: “I understand that you’ve been busy lately, but could you please remember to load the dishwasher when I work late? I’d appreciate it.”

Again, put the problem in front of you both, not between you. Your husband is NOT the enemy. The problem is. Solve the problem, attack the problem together, do NOT attack him.

3. Avoid Defensiveness: This is typically a response to criticism. When we feel unjustly accused, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim so that our husband will back off.

Unfortunately, this strategy is almost never successful. Our excuses tell our husband that we don’t take their concerns seriously and that we won’t take responsibility for our mistakes. Defensiveness can escalate the conflict instead of resolving the issue at hand. Here’s an example:

• Question: “Did you call Jessica and Rob to let them know that we’re not coming tonight as you promised this morning?”

• Defensive response: “I was just too darn busy today. As a matter of fact, you know just how busy my schedule was. Why didn’t you just do it?”

This defensive response also reverses the blame in an attempt to make it the other spouse’s fault. A better response is to express acceptance of responsibility and an admission of fault, even if only for part of the conflict. This will demonstrate that we care by listening and understanding our husband’s perspective:

• Better Alternative: “Oops, I forgot. I should have asked you this morning to do it because I knew my day would be packed. That’s my fault. Let me call them right now.”

Here’s another example:

• Defensiveness: “It’s not my fault that we’re going to be late. It’s your fault since you always get dressed at the last second.”

• Better Alternative: “I don’t like being late, but you’re right. We don’t always have to leave so early. I can be a little more flexible.”

By taking responsibility for part of the conflict (trying to leave too early), even while asserting that we don’t like to be late, we prevent the conflict from escalating by admitting our own role in the conflict. From here we can more easily work towards a compromise.

We must be responsive to his needs as well as expecting him to respond well to ours. This encourages good will in our relationships.

4. Stonewalling: Stonewalling occurs when one withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their spouse. Rather than confronting the issues, people who stonewall can make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive or distracting behaviors.

Unfortunately, stonewalling isn’t easy to stop. It is a usually a result of feeling flooded with emotions to such a degree that we become physically affected and we just can’t discuss things rationally.

If you feel like you’re stonewalling during a conflict, stop the discussion and ask your husband to take a break. Here’s an example:

“Alright, I’m feeling too angry to keep talking about this. Can we please take a break and come back to it in a bit? It’ll be easier to work through this after I’ve calmed down.”

Then take at least 20 minutes to do something alone that soothes you— take a walk, read a book or magazine, just do anything that helps to stop feeling flooded with emotions—and then return to the conversation once you feel ready. It is also good to examine your own heart: what exactly is upsetting you, what your expectations are, what you need, where might you be responsible for part of the problem, etc. It’s crucial that during this time you avoid thoughts of righteous indignation (“I don’t have to take this anymore”) and innocent victimhood (“Why is he always picking on me?”).

After you are calm enough to listen to him and respond with gentleness and respect, make sure to return to the issue and work towards resolving it.

But what do you do if your husband is the one doing these things? The hard answer is: YOU GO FIRST. This is where the hard “work” comes in. Gently and respectfully explain how his method of problem solving is hurtful to you, damaging your relationship and not solving the problem. We can’t avoid complaints. But we can complain in ways that are more loving and therefore more effective. Our goal is a good long-lasting life together and that will involve personal change and growth. And you can be the adult and go first.

The process of working on our marriage is hard. It is humbling to put the needs of others first, to consider their feelings, listen to their needs, and to be forgiving when bad behavior repeats. The good news is this work will make us more patient, more gentle, more compassionate, more respectful. This becomes an inner beauty that does not dim with age but glows brighter. It is good not only for our marriage but it is spiritually and emotionally healing for ourselves. 

So devote yourself to the work. It is good for your marriage, for your children, and for you.

Put on Your Armor

Having just completed Priscilla Shirer's study The Armor of God, here are my notes and blessings received that I want to remember...

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. 

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:10-18).

We talk about Faith being a journey. Sounds like a trip to Disneyland. But here we are reminded it is a battlefield. The enemy may be invisible but he is very real, clever and persistent. We may think we are immune because we are believers, but we are not. However, the Holy Spirit gives us power but we must employ the strategies Paul gives us to overcome the evil one. We must be alert and participate in the battle.

First we must be alert to the lies of the enemy. Refuse to allow trials or comforts to make us unaware of the battle. Pay attention to not only our areas of weakness but also of great strength. Pray the Lord would not only protect us, but also open our eyes to see where we need to engage in the battle. Help us notice the lies of the enemy and understand and desire God's truth. 

For me, my weakness is my desire for control, the lure of comfort, and my attraction to chaos. Father, help me to quiet my soul to hear when You want me to act, or silently pray and trust You. Help me not seek mere comfort but true peace, Your Shalom, which sometimes requires action when I would prefer to rest, confrontation when I would prefer to make nice, and being still when I feel I must act. Help me see, Beloved! Help me hear Your voice. You have promised to give us this wisdom when we ask; You are in our hearts always and all we need to do is ask You.

Truth is what God says. Jesus is truth. This is the starting place. Whether we understand--or  not; whether we agree--or not; whether we like it--or not; whether it is uncomfortable--or not. His Word is true and we must AGREE with it and LIVE it. God's truth may restrict us, but it also give us the pathway to peace with not only God, but also with others. His ways was never given to harm us but to give us the best future and hope.

Truth gives us freedom! It may look like restricted living but we all have a master, and we get to pick: rebellion or Jesus. Jesus is always the best choice and gives us true freedom.

The enemy tells us it's only a small thing, it won't really hurt, it's not really a problem. But it does hurt. It is a problem. Partial obedience is rebellion. Secret sins are not hidden from God. The enemy is always lying.

A life of righteousness, aligned with God's truth, is a demonstration to the world of the beauty and peace of holiness, testifying of God's love. Because of Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection, I am already the righteousness of Christ. I already have it. Before I do anything, I have everything I need. He has already been victorious, I need only to walk in its power. We have an invisible partner: the Holy Spirit. He is renewing our minds, changing our attitudes and desires, giving us strength. And our invisible partner is much stronger than the invisible enemy! Our focus must be on our spiritual health and the Spirit will supply all we need.

Peace with God should break down the dividing wall between us and others because we all fall short of God's glory. Jesus provides forgiveness for us all. We engage, showing others respect, listening, being kind but sharing truth. This allows others to see Jesus. Some will reject, but may it not be because we were not gentle and patient.

Peace means trust in God: being thankful, focusing on the good, taking our sorrows and anxiety to Him, doing what is right and trusting Him with the results. Then He promises us His peace. 

The shoes of peace He gives us are GO shoes. We are to go to others, bringing peace, joy, love and good news of reconciliation and salvation. He has created us for good works what He has prepared for us beforehand. What I say matters. What I pray matters. The enemy wants me to retire and I must not.

Faith is a shield to us to protect us from the distractions of the enemy. Faith is when we choose to act according to God's truth event when we can't know the outcome. "Faith is acting like it is so, even when it is not so, so that it might be so, simply because God said so." -- Dr. Tony Evans.

I can be absorbed by things I can't change (in culture and in politics), instead of paying attention to more important things in my own life that are truly my responsibility. 

God will help me when I take the first step. I will not run out of time--God is in control of that! As we move forward, God gives us a holy confidence and bold courage to push back on the things that had been overwhelming us. It is not about the size of our faith. It is about the power and faithfulness of our God. The enemy hopes we will be deterred by how feel and what we perceive. That is why he makes us feel unloved, insecure, incapable, or afraid. We can't let him win this war. We must trust God. He is always worth the risk.

Beloved Jesus, help me to have self-control: I don't want to do what my body and heart tells me to do, and allow myself to be ruled by my desires. Instead I want to allow the Spirit to rule me, to be alert and intentional.  

The helmet of our salvation protects our brains by reminding us our identity is in Christ. We are our Beloved's and His desire is for us. We must hold onto it and protect it. Our brain is affected by what our mind thinks. Science now demonstrates thoughts change the chemistry of our brain. When we change our thinking, we change our mind and then it changes our life. "Every time we have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body--for better or for worse." -- Dr. Caroline Leaf

We there must take every thought captive:

• Review each thought 
• Refuse idle and evil
• Replace with God's truth
• Repeat

When we agree with and rehearse the enemy's lies, we are a partner with him in building up walls that keep us captive. There may be a grain of truth, but entangle that from the other lies.

We always need the humility to ask the question: is it me, Lord? But with it we must have the peace to know that what is my sin, when I confess and repent, I can be confident God will be faithful to forgive and restore me. And the Holy Spirit will change me. But when the enemy uses others to tell me lies about myself, I must reject those lies  

We act out who we believe we are. Before I make a choice, reflect on the why--the motivation behind it. 

And always compare all to God's Word. It is our great weapon against the enemy. God speaks to us because He loves us. Listen to Him.

We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared for us beforehand so that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

Beloved Father, You saw who You created me to be before I became me! Before I'd even seen the light of day, the number of my days You planned for me were already recorded in Your Book... How precious and wonderful to consider that You cherish me! (Psalm 139:16-17 TPT) 

You cherish me not for what I do, but for who You made me to be, Praise God! 

Way to Heaven

Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. One year ago today we sat with the Hospice nurse. After examining mom she told us what we already knew. Mom was actively dying. She advised us to go in one at the time and then leave her alone to pass in peace.

Mom looking fabulous of course!

Mom always loved making an entrance. She would purposefully would arrive late to a party, so everyone would already be there and see her when she walked in. She was a firm believer in it’s better to arrive late than ugly.

Lying in her bed, withered and frail, unable to talk or swallow or even see at the end, there was no way she could have made that exit as her lovely vivacious self. So when we all left her, she left too. My prayer has been that when she met Jesus it will be in her age-30 body, full make-up, spike heels and beautiful dress.

Mom was a forward looking woman. She was still planning vacation cruises in her 90s. Of course, she was not able to go, but I think just the planning was comforting to her. She may have been in her sunset years, but life was not over and she intended to live fully to the end. Which by the mercy of God she was able to do. Until the last weeks when the cancer caused her body to fade slowly away, she did everything, joined groups at the independent living community, went out with her grandchildren, enjoyed her companion Frank.

Mom would love to see her grandkids together

So it is with great regret I need to confess this year was about death for me. My 2023 word of the year was death. I tried to shake it off, but could not. With mom gone, I am next to oldest in my family. As I sorted through her clothing, her trinkets and decorations, then her jewelry and her photos, I could not shake the questions. She was so alive; how could she now be so dead? What would she think of us as we look at her personal items and give some to family, give most away and discard the rest? Does she know how much we miss her? Can she see her great-grandchildren as they learn to walk, go to school, play football, and one being born?

Never has heaven felt more real than now that both my mom and dad are in it.

Even as I tried to shake it off, at year end, more people passed, and it all came back to me.

Mom would have loved to see Gio
play football 

Looking at death in the face – and not blinking – is very important.

At the services I attended, they read from the gospel of John. The disciple John recalls and shares with us the words of Jesus the night before He died.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:1-4)

This is mission of Jesus. To gather us so we will be with Him forever in the place He is preparing for us. We call it Heaven, a place of peace, abundance and delight. But the disciples were unaware of the impending crucifixion of Jesus and they were confused. Actually I am too so I am so glad brave Thomas asked the question everyone in the room was wondering.

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we don’t know where You are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you really know Me, you will know My Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” (John 14:5-7)

Jesus is clear. He is the way to His kingdom and there is no other way. Not only to believe in Him as an excellent teacher or even as the Son of God, but also have enough faith to follow His ways. As Jesus stated as the discussion continued:

Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”

Jesus answered: “Don’t you know Me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me? The words I say to you I do not speak on My own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in Me, who is doing his work. Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves...”

“If you love Me, keep My commands... Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them.” (John 14:8-11, 15, 21)

There are some of this generation who find this offensive and I get it, it is a hard thing to accept if you feel on the outside of the Christian camp. What about the people who never heard of Jesus? The good people who have other religious backgrounds?

The Christian camp is bad metaphor. In a camp, you sign up, you pay your fee and have fun inside the camp. Others who did not sign up and did not pay the fee are kept outside. Even if they would like to come in.

Mom wanted to meet her new grandchild

Heaven is a kingdom open to all who will choose to say yes to Jesus’ invitation. He left the glory of heaven to sign you up. He paid the total price on the cross. And then He provided the receipt at the resurrection. All we have to do is say yes and accept it as a free gift.

Yes, I know you may have objections…

“I have things I do that are wrong according to the Bible,” you may say. Me too. The Holy Spirit can work with that. Actually the list of rules is quite brief, here it is in two sentences:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Yes, it is more complicated than that, but that is the place to start, a good place, an “easy yoke, a light burden” as Jesus put it. If we have faith in Jesus, and believe He created the world and loves us, we will trust Him enough to keep His commandments. It does not happen all at once. But the Holy Spirit is there to help us.

“I don’t like Christians, they are mean and judgmental and hypocrites”, you may say. Sadly, yes I would agree. We are a motley bunch and we are who Jesus has decided to work with. Please be patient with us as the Holy Spirit will work on us too. The idea is we are all imperfect, all other imperfect people are welcome. You too! Me too!

“All my friends will hate me,” you may say. Yes, agreed that is a problem. Many hated Jesus too. You see what they did to Him. I don’t want to sugar coat it. It can get ugly. But when we continue to be loving as well as truthful to others, sometimes our friends can come around to believing in Jesus as well. The Holy Spirit uses us all like that.

All I can say is you can’t take part of what Jesus says and ignore other parts. It’s like the news sound bite where they report on part of what someone says that is the best—or the worst-- and leave out the rest! Jesus promised Heaven to anyone who would believe and have the faith to follow Him. We are all invited. We choose to come early and ugly (that was me because I never want to miss anything!) or late and beautiful (my mom!) or we can walk away.

I have read the works and words of Jesus and I can’t un-see that He is the Son of God. He is asking you today to consider reading it too, opening up your heart to Him. His Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.

And as for the rest of us who already believe and follow? I don’t know about you but as for me, I feel Jesus is leading me to be intentional about my choices, to follow Him closely, holding up the lamp of the Word to lead me day by day. Because as I said, I am only growing older and the time is short. I am confident that although the end of my trip may be difficult, the destination will be fabulous.

"The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26)

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance… So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him. (2 Peter 3:9, 14)

Don’t have a Bible? No problem, it’s all online! Visit www.biblegateway.com  or for the visual learner, try www.bibleproject.com

Ella loves makeup like her great-grandma
but she has to work on it!

Intentional

Usually I start the year with a "Word of the Year" but it seemed like this year I was too absorbed with my mom, her illness and then her passing. At first that seemed to be my default word of the year: death. 

However that does not honor my mom. My mom was very intentional about life. She was always trying to better herself, move forward, right up to the end when she started to say she was "fading away." It was then when she knew and accepted her next step would be death. While I needed and wanted to be by her side at that time, now I need to go in a different direction. 

So as I wrote this years September mentor moment, I realize these MOPS themes are not just for the new moms, they are for me.

Now I am in the autumn of my life. Not that I am complaining, autumn is a beautiful season. It may be closer to the end, but it is not over yet! It seems even more important to be intentional about what I say yes to and what I walk away from. Even in September it is not too late for a Word of the Year! 

Jesus, please help me be more intentional with my life!

* * *

from the MOPS September Mentor Moment

When the Montclair MOPS group first started over 20 years ago, I was close friends with the woman who organized it. At that time, my two daughters were already in elementary school and I thought, how wonderful it would have been to have a MOPS group when my daughters were newborns. When my first was born, I was 32 years old and knew nothing about navigating life as a new mom. My life revolved around my career. Most of my friends were people I worked with. Even the Bible study I attended at the time was with my co-workers. When I was at home alone with my new baby I was like a ship unmoored. To tell you the truth, initially, I didn’t think I would survive. I was surprised by how hard it was. I was startled by how lonely I felt. Each stage seemed to last forever. And I was stunned that after each stage had passed, how passionately I missed it, even the ones that were difficult at the time.

I stayed at home with my daughters until they went to pre-school and then I worked part time and eventually full time. I retired in July 2022. Barely two months had passed when Sandy asked me to join the MOPS team as a mentor mom, and I was thrilled to say yes!

Matter of fact, that is the theme for MOPS this year: Say Yes!

I will grant you that it is easy to say yes for me today because my children are grown and I’m retired. It’s a lot harder as a mom with littles. Most days are NO NO NO! No, you don’t put that in your mouth! No, you can’t watch another video. No, we don’t hit our brother. No, I’m too busy and can’t meet you for coffee. No, I am too tired tonight honey. Finally, it’s No you can’t borrow the car … but that’s for another day.

This year MOPS is encouraging us to add YES to our vocabulary. Agreed, we need to avoid people-pleasing or over-extending ourselves. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s about understanding our goals and moving through life on purpose.

And it’s not only about mothering, it’s about everything: our friendships, marriage, our extended family, and work. We can get so caught up in the urgent demands of the day-to-day, and then years go by and we realize we haven’t been making the small choices that will get us where we actually wanted to be. Too often, our ‘yeses’ are default decisions we aren’t even intentionally making or we say yes to the stuff we feel obligated to do.

Our MOPS Theme Bible verse this year is: Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin… (from the prophet Zechariah 4:10 NLT)

What if we started out with small steps, being intentional to say ‘yes’ to the important things? Yes, to parenting on purpose. Yes, to significant challenges and out-of-our-comfort-zone opportunities. Yes, to carving out time for our marriage. And yes to invitations to connect with others.

Developing a ‘yes’ mindset is living intentionally, focused on our goals for ourselves and our families. Specifically, we want to practice saying yes in three areas:

1. Befriend Discomfort

As mothers, we are no strangers to discomfort. Just the entrance of our baby into the world was extremely discomforting, to say the least. Everything we do seems sacrificial. What if we saw the discomfort and the sacrifices as a blessing instead of a curse? What if it is an opportunity instead of a failure? What if we saw the problem as a challenge with potential for good? Maybe the dead end is really a new beginning.

We have this one life. Do we want to spend it regretting the things we didn’t do? Avoiding awkward situations? Procrastinating until opportunity passes us by? Distracted by mourning prior seasons of our lives?

What if the way forward is to embrace difficult things instead of avoiding them? Befriending Discomfort is a life hack that can improve every area of our lives. Tackling challenges can help us become more confident and more courageous. When we take that first step we start to feel less fragile and less stressed. Opportunity can pass us by while we wait until we feel ‘ready’ or qualified or when all the details come together perfectly. Instead let’s step forward and do it afraid. And let’s invite our kids along for the thrill that comes with doing hard things.

James, the brother of Jesus sums it up perfectly when he stated (in James 1:2-4 NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Yes, I want to be mature and complete, don’t you? Honestly there is no way around it. Mothering is hard. It’s exhausting, stressful, frustrating and even painful. You have to do the hard things anyway. Welcome each challenge knowing it will change you for the good.

2. Be Easily Delighted

The other side of mothering is it is incredibly wonderful if you have the eyes to see it. But that sense of delight is the first thing to go between midnight feedings, changing poopy diapers, piles of dirty dishes, stacks of unpaid bills, plus worrying about doing things right. But we can change all of that when we learn to look for the lovely. We can learn to love what must be done and be captivated by simple things like the smell of our kids’ hair and our husband’s glances across the room. It’s all decadent when we take the time to stop and really notice. This year let’s pray for God’s help to be easily delighted with the small things because the small things are the big things.

Our Bible verse from King David’s Psalm 18:19 reminds us of God’s feelings for us:

He brought me out into a spacious place. He rescued me because He delighted in me. (Psalm 18:19 NIV)

If God can find delight is this broken world and in us when we up to knees in dirty laundry, we can surely find delight in our children and our lives.

3. Be Here Now

Our culture tells us it’s all up to us. And while we certainly want to do our best, we must acknowledge that most of life is out of our control. Let’s replace the urge to have a death-grip every possible outcome with the humble surrender that our best will have to suffice. This year let’s remember our direction is more important than our speed. Let’s not let hurry and worry rob us of our time in this sweet season of our lives. Instead, let’s trust God will provide for our every need, and that means we can tend to our kids, marriage, home, friendships, neighborhood, and the work God has given us and take the time to enjoy ourselves while we are doing it.


In Matthew 6:26-27 Jesus Himself reminds us of God’s care for all the details of our lives:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:26-27 NIV)

Now I have been married for 42 years, a mother for 35 years and a grandmother for 17 years. In the end not only did I survive, but my memories of mothering are the sweetest of my life. I do not regret any sacrifice. What I want to offer you, dear moms, is perspective and encouragement because mothering is hard. It not sexy, the pay is bad, and they don’t give awards. But I am convinced mothering is the most important aspect of our lives. When I look at my family today, I am so grateful I did the hard things, that I took the time to enjoy my children and that I chose to trust God for what I could not control. Which was quite a lot. I have found God has been faithful.

My own mom passed away earlier this year. We were very fortunate as she lived an active life until she was sick briefly and then passed at age 94. I think about what she has left me. Oh, we did get some money, nice jewelry, and way too many collectibles. But the most important things she left us we can’t see or touch: it was her love, kindness, generosity, her courage, and her passion for life. Those things are inside me now and I can’t lose them. I want to pass on those things too, but I need to be intentional to do it. I need to say yes to the right things. I pray this year we can help each other figure that out together.

I am excited for this year at MOPS and I am honored to be part of this team who are dedicated to serving moms. We know you want to get it right and we want to support you. We promise to provide you with practical information and the most delicious brunch in New Jersey.

I pray that you will find a supportive and loving community of moms here at MOPS. The other mentor moms and I would be happy to meet with you outside of MOPS or right after our meeting, to discuss any questions you may have on parenting, marriage or about your spiritual journey. We love listening to small questions or big life questions, and we firmly believe there are no stupid questions. Maybe you just need a listening ear or someone to vent to. We are here for you.

If you live in northern New Jersey and are interested in joining us, visit montclair.church/mops 

If you are not, then visit mops.org to find a local group near you.