Making the Requests Known

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ~ Phil 4:6-7

Requests.  I really have not been thinking of prayer in that way.  In the Amplified Bible, the word is translated wants, in the New Living Translation it is needs.  

When I talk with friends, and I talk about my wants, dreams, desires, needs, I understand they cannot help me get them.  I am just expressing my heart, we are being knitted closer together by sharing in words what is happening in my head.  Expressing these concerns to my friend is all about intimacy. It is not about getting what I want, because most of the time, they are not able to help me, even if they want to.

But to go to my boss and talk about getting a raise, that would be a totally different thing.  Then it is not about revealing who I am, but expectant anticipation: will he or won't he give me what I want?   Will how I ask, when I ask, what I ask, interfere with what he will do for me and treat me going forward?  I may not ask at all for fear that asking, or asking in the wrong way, at the wrong time, may get the exact opposite result that I want.   My thought is: how can I manipulate the situation to get what I want?

God is neither of these two things.  And yet He is both these things.  God wants us to share our hearts with Him.  He wants us to present our cares to Him because He cares for us. He wants the intimacy of knowing what we want, what we need, what we desire.  He loves us, knows our hearts, wants the best for us so these things are safe to ask, to present to Him.  I know this about God and I want to trust Him.

But God also has the power to give us these things we ask.  And this is where I get stuck.  This is where I want to treat God like my boss.  It is not enough to just ask.  I want to ask in the right way so that I get what I want. And if I don't think I am going to get what I want, I do not ask at all.  Or I ask for something less than I want, so I can at least get the lessor thing.  I can't bear to hear His no, so I ask for what I think He will actually give me.  Or I pretend I don't want it.  I manipulate the relationship, I try to manipulate God.  I am not being totally honest with Him, or with myself.

I do not want to reveal my heart to God, because to do so, to state it, to put it out there, would risk the relationship.  To hear God's "no" would ruin me, would create dreaded conflict in the relationship.  And I could not bear that.  So I try to figure out what God will say before I ask Him instead of actually asking Him.  If I think He will say no, I ask for something else, pretend I don't want it, and so on.

I am afraid to be totally honest with God or with myself.  I am not trusting Him.  I am hiding from Him.

I am just beginning to see this, and why this is not good.

Father, I want to trust You.  I know You are trustworthy in my head, but my heart is desperately afraid to reveal myself, to be honest with myself and to be honest with You.

Prayer is not merely about getting what I want.  That would be like I am the boss, ordering You around!  That is like treating You like Genie Jesus, just rub my Bible and You come out to grant me three wishes.

Prayer is about presenting my wants, concerns, desires and even my fears to You, trusting You love me, know what is best, and that ultimately will do the best for me.  It is about humbling myself and saying I need You.  It is about trusting You with the truth that it is in my heart.  Help me to see that and do that with You.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7

Unspeakable Joy!

As a backdrop to the birth of Christ, there was a woman, His cousin, named Elizabeth. Finally her prayer has been answered.

After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. "The Lord has done this for me," she said. "In these days He has shown His favor and taken away my disgrace among the people."  -- Luke 1:24-25

Unspeakable joy!  The Lord blessed Elizabeth with a child in her old age. For many years she was unable to conceive, a heart-ache today, but an utter failure and disgrace in Elizabeth's time.

But Elizabeth hid herself for five months.  Why?  Was it the custom of the day?  Was she afraid her joy would show before she could bear to speak of it?  Before it was safe?  What if she miscarried?  Today, being pregnant, our assumption is there will be a healthy child born.  No so in Elizabeth's day.

But he was, her baby, healthy, strong and many would rejoice in his birth, especially Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah.  Baby John was an answer to prayer and to the prophesy, as soon she would discover when she met her cousin Mary.  It was too wonderful to be true!  But there it was.

Likewise is Christmas.  God Himself leaving heaven to come and rescue us.  Not because we are good and deserving.  No, we are all on the "naughty list!"  Jesus did not come because we were good little girls or boys, but because He is good and loved us.

But yes, unspeakable joy, it is true.  He came for us, Jesus as a baby, born to a poor woman, hiding Himself in plain sight for 30 years.  In the end, as John was, the truth became manifest.  Jesus is the answer to prayer and to prophesy.

Jesus is our unspeakable joy!

"Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord." -- Luke 1:13-15

First Thought Wrong

This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.

As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”  ~ Matthew 1:18-21

I first heard this term, first thought wrong, in Philip Yancey's book, What Good Is God?  In his chapter entitled Why I Wish I Was an Alcoholic, Philip talks about an alcoholic in recovery who figures out that most first thoughts and impulses he has were wrong..."I need a drink---No you don't you know where that leads." Recovery for him was finding friends who taught him to have better second thoughts, and for him to stop to choose these better second thoughts.

That struck a chord with me.  How often my first thoughts are wrong!  Here I found in reading the Christmas story, that even for Joseph, his first thought, although it was one filled with mercy and integrity, was wrong.  It wasn't what God wanted.  God had a bigger thought.  A far better thought. Joseph "considered this" and the Lord was faithful to speak to him in a dream.

How often I want to think I have "arrived."  I have learned better and can go with my impulses, my first thoughts.  But no, over and over again I find my first thoughts are still wrong.  Even if they are not wrong, how much better to stop and consider and pray to God to ask if He has a better, bigger thought.  Yancey points out that alcoholics have a step up on us because they understand they are only one drink away from falling.  So they know they must be diligent, stay close to God and to their community, where they find continued mercy for failures and strength to carry on.  And tough love when they need it.

I need this too.  I need to take every thought captive, every time. I need stop and ask God for a second thought, a better thought.  His thoughts, that are always greater than my thoughts.

Father help me never think of myself "too recovered" to consider my first thought is wrong!

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5    

A Shelter in the Storm

Hurricane Sandy blew through our state and our town, leaving in its wake downed trees and power lines, coastal flooding.  Everyone has a story.  Let me tell you mine.

Monday night, we are sitting at the kitchen table, having dessert, when Debbie looks out the window and says, "What is that light outside?"

We rush to the front windows, and see there at the end of our driveway, at the bottom of a big old tree, a downed power line has fallen and burst into flames by the leaves in the gutter.  Christina, phone in hand, calls 911, Giovanni starts to cry, and basically we all start screaming like middle school girls.  All except for Al who is totally calm.  "Mom, what do we do?" We scamper around putting on shoes and jackets, looking down the street for the fire department as minutes tick by and the fire continues.  Our good Samaritan neighbor comes out with a fire extinguisher twice to douse the fire, which helps for a moment, but the electric wire connecting with the wet leaves starts the fire again.  Twenty minutes, 30 minutes, it is still burning!  We consider hopping out a first floor window. We were terrified the fire would spread to our house!

Finally, the fire goes out from the wire blowing in the breeze and that's when the firemen come down the street on foot with flash lights,  rope off the area with yellow tape, and go back up the street where they came.

About an hour later, the wire blows from the wind and the fire starts again, this time blowing sparks towards our house and cars.  We call 911 again, but this time, no one comes. Instead, after about ten minutes of white-hot light, flames, and wind swept embers, the wind blows the wire into a safer position, and the fire stops. A while later, the electric goes out and we all find a place to sleep, with one eye open, waiting for the fire to start again.

In the morning light, we find that several trees and large branches had fallen across our street preventing the fire trucks from getting to us.  During the day, the crews came in to cut up the trees and then fix our power.  So, here in Bloomfield, life is good. Our electric and cable is on, we only had leaves and branches in our yard, and our house did not catch on fire. At the beach, maybe not so much. 

Here is a photo about two miles from our beach house. See the large white building sitting on the beach front? We still call it "the Thunderbird" and we often walk to it on the beach. See how half of the community is underwater? See some of the houses seem to have gone up in smoke? 

I am not looking forward to my next trip to the beach. 

As I thought about our beach house this morning, I am remembering the new furniture we bought this year, special photos in our book case, all my bathing suits, shells and trinkets we collected over the years, beach chairs and umbrellas. They may be all washed away.

And yet, it was never the house I treasured. The house was a place to sleep and cook and shower and sweep.  It was loved because it allowed us to be close to a place of unspeakable beauty, a place to feel closer to God, a place to enjoy with family and friends.  God, in His abundant generosity, gave it to us.  In a single storm, it may have been taken away.

God does that.  He gives and He takes away.  And while I was always mindful that our house in the sand was in a dangerous spot, all of our houses are really.  The downed wire in front of our house in Bloomfield could have lit that big old tree and our house up like a candle.  Only by the mercy of God were we spared. 

There is no safe place on this planet.  It may look safe and feel comfortable, but with a strong wind and rising water, any house can be swept away.  We can build to code, we can buy insurance, we can minimize risk factors, but in the end, it is only You, Lord.  Only You can be our shelter and keep us safe. The prophet Joel shares this:

The sun and moon will grow dark,
And the stars will diminish their brightness...
The heavens and earth will shake;
But the Lord will be a shelter for His people,
And the strength of the children of Israel.
“So you shall know that I am the Lord your God..."  ~ Joel 3:15-17

In the end, the storm is a reminder of God's awesome power and His great mercy. In the end, it is a call for us to come home to Him, to His shelter.  It is the only safe place.

Disappointed again

As I opened my Bible this morning, I had a question for God.  Disappointed again, back in that place where  I wonder about my path, my self, my future.  Will it always be like this?  Should I turn back? Turn away?

Instead, I turned to 1 Peter 5:7-14:

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 

It is easy to think the world, and Satan, is out to get me when things do no go the way I want or expect. Nothing extraordinary, this is the normal expectation of the believer.  The key to the scripture is the BUT GOD part that comes next:

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. 

God is in this thing.  The Great I AM is with me.  He has called me to follow Him and I know His voice and His desire for me.  If I run to Him and submit myself to His care, casting all my cares on Him, He will care for me.  Specifically, He will:

• Perfect ~ He is working on me.  His goal is not the thing I am doing or what I want. His goal is to make me perfect, complete, lacking nothing. Even the Kingdom expanding is secondary to the Kingdom in my heart.  My heart always comes first. Healing my heart is of utmost importance to Him because only after that can I obey and serve Him well.
• Establish ~ He desires to put me on the firm foundation of trusting in Christ alone, who is faithful, true, loves me and never changes.
• Strengthen ~ In the power of Christ I can do all things.  I can withstand all things.  Even hurt, disillusionment and disappointment.  Sometimes my dreams can be accomplished.  Sometimes doors close.  Either side of the door I am on, Christ is with me.
• Settle ~ He will give me His joy and peace that is never about the stuff, always about His love and acceptance of me.

And to Him alone -- not to me or some leader, boss, pastor, family member or friend -- be the glory and dominion.  He is in charge, no one else.  And that is for ever.  And ever.

If I remain in Christ, and not do my usual routine of mulling it over, licking my wounds, complaining to all my friends, plotting other plans, or worse yet, revenge  -- then He will show Himself in my life.  If I remain prayerful, if I continue to do what I know is right, trusting in Him alone, then He will be glorified. If I keep my eyes on Him, not on anyone else, He will give me peace.

Peace to you all who are in Christ Jesus.

And all I can say is Amen!

Gay Marriage?

I started this post in May after President Barak Obama's support of Gay Marriage made headlines.  I started it and thought and thought about it, but nothing I wrote seemed right.  Recently I was reminded of the subject again when I noticed an interview with Kirk Cameron, on a CNN Program, where he was asked the question: Do you support Gay Marriage?

Although I wanted to answer the question for myself, I found difficulty with both answers.  To say no was to be hateful and prideful.  To say yes was to put aside truth I thought was clearly stated in scripture.

And then finally I asked the important question -- What would Jesus say to this question?

This question reminds me of the one asked by the teachers of the Law of Moses in John 8:5, "Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?"  Jesus was never one to feel obligated to answering a question outright or directly.  He often asked a deeper and more meaningful question that cut to the heart of the issue.  In this case, I think the issue is not, does Jesus support Gay Marriage? The deeper better question is:  Does Jesus love me?  Does Jesus accept me for who I am?  Can I come as I am to Jesus?

And the answer to that question is clear.  The answer is YES, Jesus loves you, accepts you, all of you, just as you are, knowing all that you are, all you have done, and all you will do.  

I think Jesus would have something to say to to us who call ourselves Christians, standing around the supporters of Gay Marriage with stones in our hands.  Jesus would say to us "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone." (John 8:7) We, as followers of Jesus, can't throw stones.  None of us.  Because when we say it is sin, then the Gay community hear "we don't do that" but that is a lie.  We do sin.  Everyday.  For me, it is more like every 20 minutes.  The Gay community hear "You sin, we are perfect! Jesus loves us and Jesus hates you."  What a lie!  One sin is not worse than another. If anything it is the sin of self-righteousness that is the worse of all!

And to the Gay Community, Jesus would say, "neither do I condemn you." (John 8:11) Jesus is entitled to condemn us, because He is perfect.  But He does not, because to condemn one of us, is to condemn all of us.  Jesus did not come to condemn by to redeem, to restore. Jesus said, "For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world." (John 12:47)

But to tell the whole truth, the scripture in John 8 does not end there.  Jesus adds a part, "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11)  Even as we say this, we need to remember that Jesus led with unconditional love, only at the end does He finish with truth.

Because leading with truth can mask the most important element of the truth: God's Love.

Because the biggest truth for the Gay Community is this: God is waiting for you to come home to Him.  His arms are open, the robe and the ring, symbols of restoration and son-ship, are ready.  If you would only turn to Him and make a step in His direction, begin to come home, He will run to you! He will not ask where you have been or what you have done.  He will embrace you, weep over you with joy and throw an all-out, extraordinary, extravagant party in your honor, so happy will He be to have you home.

It is not about where you have been and what you have done. We are all His sons and daughters.  He made us, He knows we are not perfect!  He not asking us to become perfect.  He asking us to come home to Him.

Come home.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him... the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." So they began to celebrate. ~  Luke 15:19, 22-24

And when they come home, let us not forget to go into the party.

Spiritual Journaling

A spiritual journal is different from a diary. A diary is a recording of events, sometimes thoughts, feelings, impressions. With a diary we are talking to ourselves, or recording events so that someone after us can know what happened, like an autobiography.

I started to journal at age 17, as a senior in high school. Even then, before I committed my life to Christ, I dedicated my journal “to God, Who loves me even when I am wicked.” I kept a journal then to deal with the raging emotions and drama of my teen years. A journal can be that, a pathway to self-discovery, a method to nurture yourself.

Now I journal to nurture my relationship with God. If our goal with God is not religion but relationship, then we need to cultivate that relationship. Journaling is how I do that. I tell God my secrets of the heart, and I listen as He continues to love me even when I am confused and wicked! Typically women bond by conversation, the give and take that comes from sharing thoughts, feelings and intimate details of life. So that is what I do with God through my journal.

My spiritual journal is a conversation with God. It is said the Bible is God’s love letter to us. My journal is my love letter back to Him. I am talking to Him. He hears every word and wants to talk back to me. I have found as I talk to Him with my journal open, He will talk to me and I can record what He is saying.
I keep my journal and my Bible together so I can use it as part of my daily devotions.

My spiritual journal records my journey with God. I can look back on it and see patterns, habits, good and bad, cycles of behavior. I can also see what God has been doing in my life, how He answers prayer, how He is using the events and people in my life to help me grow.

Therefore, my journal entries include Bible passages, information from Christian books I am reading, sermons, conversions with friends as well as my own thoughts. God talks to me through the Bible, other books and often other people. I talk back to Him.

Journaling is a discipline, a pathway. It is not THE pathway, it is one of many. Journaling works for me but it does not work for everyone. Don’t beat yourself up if you start out using it only infrequently. However, like any discipline, the more we practice it, the better we get at it and the more meaningful it becomes. A journal can be a friend who is always glad to see you and welcomes you back, no matter how dusty your book gets between writing.

What do I write in a journal?

Remember, our journal is a conversation with God, and with any conversation, there is give and take. But someone always talks first.

Sometimes my soul will feel quiet and I can let God talk first. Sometimes I arrive at the conversation with something pressing on my heart and I will need to talk first, so I go right ahead. God is patient and kind, He knows our heart. He is perfectly content to listen to us first. So our conversation can start like this:

• Bible study – God talks first
• Rant – We need to talk first
• Prayer – We need help from God
• Questions – We want guidance from God

But it is not limited to these! Sometimes I add drawings, songs, quotes from a book I am reading, movie/TV show I saw, conversations with others, sermons I heard, a dream, an impression from something I experienced or have seen, anything that has been floating in my mind.

No matter what we write about, it is important to remember these important guidelines:

• Be totally HONEST. Our mindset always must be – we are writing to a dear friend who loves us unconditionally, who is profoundly interested in everything that happens to us, every feeling, every thought, every hurt, and every hope.
• Share not only what happened but feelings, impressions, questions.
• Write fast, write everything. Allow thoughts to flow uninterrupted. Do NOT censor or evaluate while writing. It is not necessary to use correct spelling, grammar or punctuation. This paper will not be graded!

When God talks first – how do I study the Bible study with my journal? 

Sequentially studying one book of the Bible at a time is my favorite and most productive approach to Bible study. It doesn’t matter how much I read, a few verses, or a whole chapter. What matters is to take the time to absorb and reflect on it. Then apply it!

What to look for (and examples from Philippians 1):

• Promises of God (verse 6)
• Key Truths (verse 12)
• Commands (verse 27)
• Good (or bad) examples (verse 9)
• Repeated words or phrases – signifies emphasis

Use our friends: What, Who, When, Where, How, and Why

• Circle nouns
• Underline verbs
• Who is the author talking about? Talking to?
• What is he telling them to do? Where is he telling them to go? Why?
• How is he telling them to do it? What attitudes, timing?

After I read, I write:

• I write down verses/phrases that impress me, seem most meaningful to situations in my life, things God and I have been talking about recently.
• I then write what I think they mean in general, and what they mean to specifically to me.
• I end with writing a prayer, what I need help with to change in my life from the application of today’s reading. Nothing ever changes without God’s help. And He never expects us to change quickly or without His help.

When I talk first – How do I dare complain to God?

Pastor Jeff once told me this gem that helped me greatly: Go ahead and tell God you are angry with Him. He can take it! Being honest means when our feelings are ugly, we share them too.
Sometimes when I am overwhelmed with pain, I rant first, then end with Bible reading. Ranting to God is a spiritual activity.

Giants of faith express laments as part of sacred scripture. See King David’s Psalm 55 or the prophet Jeremiah’s Lamentations 3. It is real, it is raw. We can be that way too.

I share how I feel and who I am angry with or who has hurt me and why. Then I turn to God and allow Him to speak into the situation with scripture. Sometimes I search the Bible topically using www.biblegateway.com, an excellent tool. Mostly I just read the next sequential chapter/verse from my daily reading. I am always amazed how often the next chapter speaks directly into the issue I am facing.

Writing down how I feel has helped me reflect and identify the key issues in my life that need healing and/or repentance. While we do not need to rush ourselves through the process of pain, as God loves us and is not in any hurry to “fix us”, by looking back on our journaling, we can tell if we are stuck in this angry cycle and seek the help we need to get out.

My journal has been like a mirror, a place for personal discovery as well as discovery about God. Remember, unlike other friends, God already knows us better than we know ourselves and holds all our memories in His hand. When we talk to God, He not only reveals Himself but also ourselves. I find it is helpful to review my journal periodically and look back on answered prayer, emotional and spiritual growth, as well as unhealthy patterns in my life.

Now it’s your turn – Write your first entry.
No, I am not kidding. Take out a blank notebook and begin by writing your name on it. Make sure to put today’s date, then start, by writing about:

• A Bible chapter. You can start with: Genesis, 1 Samuel, Psalm 1, Psalm 3 (need to rant), Mark, Philippians.
• Something you heard or saw recently that greatly impacted how you looked at things or taught you something significant about yourself, life or God.
• A dream, a night time or day dream/hope/desire you have. Tell Him all about it, what you think it means.
• A praise of thankfulness for something you have received or an answer to prayer.
• A sorrow and concern you want to share with God and ask for His help.
• A deep hurt or fierce anger you want to express to God. Maybe you have questions in this regard: does He see? Does He care? Why hasn’t He helped already?
• A choice or decision that is pressing on you. Explain in detail and then ask for God’s direction.

Explain the whole thing to Him, like He can’t see it for Himself. Tell Him exactly how you feel, all your rambling, circling thoughts about it. Draw Him a picture if that helps. If you start by sharing, don’t forget to end by getting in to the Bible and allow God to talk back to you.

Remember:

• We are all unique – there is no right or wrong way to journal. Please take all my thoughts and sift them through what you know about your own needs.
• Don’t beat yourself up if it does not work for you.
• But if you do journal, let me encourage you to be honest, do not censor or evaluate.

Allow God to love you as your write a love letter to Him.

The Promise of the Empty Tomb

What difference does it make? So the tomb was empty 2,000 years ago, but that was a long time ago, before cars and highways, before TVs and cell phones and 9-5 jobs. What does that mean to me today?

It means that Jesus was who He said He was. Any crazy person can say they are God, or make up stories about themselves. But when you are dead, all that is over and the truth comes out, as the truth usually does eventually. But Jesus rose from the grave. He was pierced and bloodied and beaten. And He was dead, wrapped in clothes in a tomb. But then He was alive again. Only God, could do such a thing. Jesus was God's Son, and death could not hold Him in its grip.

It means Jesus wasn't a loser who talked a bit too loud and a bit too long, and so the men in power killed Him. It means the words He spoke were truth, filled with power. And in the end, He was the one with the power, not those others who thought they could fool Him and get rid of Him.

It means that Jesus loves me. And you--all of us! He came not just to take over a country at a point in time.

No, that was much to small a task for Him. It means He came to release us from the power of sin, from the power of this world, and to gather us up in His love. He came to save all of us, during all periods of time. He came and paid the price for our sins so we would be restored in relationship with Him and be within Him some day forever.

Jesus is God. His is the power of Life and to Save. Jesus broke the power of sin and death. Jesus loves us.
It means that God came near to us not to take over the world, although He could have. He came to take over our hearts. Like a lover He swoops downs to us to rescue us. He wants nothing more than our love.

And my response is like Mary, to anoint Him with my worship and thanksgiving...

Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume [worth a year’s wages]; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. ~ John 12:3

And my response is like Thomas, to confess Him as Lord...


Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then He said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see My hands. Reach out your hand and put it into My side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Thomas said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” ~ John 20:26-29

Even then, Jesus spoke of the blessing of those who believe today! I believe the tomb is still empty, that Jesus is worth everything, that He is Lord, and He is Love.

Return to Eden

Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, and so that you may live long in the land the LORD swore to your ancestors to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey.... So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul— then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied. ~ Deut 11:8-9, 13-15

Here is Israel, standing before the Jordan, only the river separating them from the Promised Land, when Moses shares these words from the Lord. Because of their stubborn refusal to trust in the Lord, and to obey Him, they wandered in the dessert for an additional 38 years, 40 in all, so that all adults who had left Egypt were dead at this time. These, standing ready, hearing these words for the first time, were the second generation.

As I read this passage this morning, I was struck again that God's desire for us is the Promised Land, and it's description here is reminiscent of Eden. Gardens planted for them, vineyards and cities, homes built and wells dug, fields of grass for their cattle, autumn and spring rain for their crops. Everything planted and done, theirs was only to cultivate and enjoy. Ah, Paradise!

There is only one catch. They need to obey. They need to love the Lord and serve Him.

But God is doing it for their good. It is in the wisdom of His Laws that there is peace. But they did not see it that way. As the Bible story continues we see Israel doing just what the Lord warns them not to do. They stubbornly insist their own ways are better. They selfishly look out for themselves and not others. In their abundance and peace, they forget about God and credit themselves for all they have.

Don't we do the same? Don't I do the same?

Father God, You have always wanted Your own to return to Eden! You first designed Eden for all men and women. Then You brought Your chosen people, Israel to the Promised Land. Now You promise the Kingdom of Heaven to all who would believe in Your beloved Son Jesus. And we who believe in Him, when we stay close to You and Your Word, when we love the Lord serve Him with all our hearts and with all our souls, then our world becomes like the world as You always intended. Like a good father, this was never only for You, to have Your way! It was also always for us!

Help me, Father, remember, love You and obey! Father, let Your Kingdom come, let Your will be done. And let it begin with me.

Funeral cards

You know those funeral cards? The one memorial homes have with the name of the deceased and a lovely photo and then on the other side, there is scripture, or a prayer, or a favorite writing? As I was at a wake today, and as I looked at the card, I decided I wanted to write my own. In her younger days, my mother-in-law told me what to dress her in when she was laid out. She repeated it so often that even now, I remember. In that vein, please place this on my funeral card. Give my body to science, to help others. It will be ok, because I will be with Him. So it won't what I wear...


I closed my eyes and when they opened, I was in His embrace.
The hug of a Father, full of passion and joy.
His face I could finally see, His eyes smiled with delight.
His arm still around me, He showed me the splendors untold,
Beauty unparalleled, perfection eternal.
And peace, peace with Him, and in the entire community.

Do not cry for me, I am in Paradise!
Instead, please find the path of Life that Jesus offers us all.
We all like sheep are lost, turn to Him and be found.
Call to Him and He will answer you.
And join me later, in His arms.
They are big enough for you too!

The Nativity Controversy

One of our condo communities had a seasonal decorations controversy. The condo board, making rules as it always does, allowed a Christmas tree and a menorah as common area holiday decorations and nothing else. When one member of the community added her nativity set to the lobby, it was removed because it was against policy. Thus started the controversy.

Yesterday my boss, who is Jewish, and I discussed the difference between a nativity set and a Christmas tree. Until the next phone call which ended the discussion. But I continued to ponder this.

A Christmas tree is not controversial because, let's face it, what is there to argue about? Do we use gold balls and red bows or Victorian ornaments? White lights or colored lights? Tinsel or garland? Does any of that matter, I mean, really? It is a holiday decoration, festive, bright and colorful. Everyone loves a Christmas tree.

But the nativity is necessarily controversial, a stumbling block really. There is a decision to make, and the consequences are huge. Because the figures in the manger can only be one of two things:

Either Mary is a trampy teen and a liar, Joseph is a foolish gullible man, and Jesus is a bastard. And I am a fool for believing this fairy tale.

Or Mary is a pregnant virgin, Joseph is a young man of great integrity and faith and Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is no longer a infant, tender and mild. Jesus is King of King and Lord of Lords, and someday every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the Glory of God. Even the condo board members who want to make this decoration go away, will someday bow before Him.

The problem is not how to make things equitable between religious groups. The problem is a choice is demanded. Only one option is true, not both.

The consequences are eternal.

What do YOU choose?


For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
~ 1 Corinthians 1:22-24 NKJ

Marriage Survivor

for the MCC Mothers of Preschoolers meeting, April 19, 2012

I am not an expert on marriage. I am not the perfect wife or mother. I did not marry the perfect man. My only qualification is I have been married over 30 years to one man. I consider my marriage a good one and I look forward to the next season of our lives together with joy and peace. However, my situation is not the norm.

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescence Psychiatry: "One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children... While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security."

I grew up watching fairy tales like Snow White and Cinderella, giving the impression that a blissful marriage can be the expectation of every woman. Instead I have found the reality of marriage to be more like the TV series Survivor. Survivor is a reality television show where contestants are isolated in the wilderness and compete for prizes. I loved the spoof on marriage that I saw in an email once. It started this way:
"The Next Survivor Series: Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 4 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance lessons. There is no fast food. The men must shave their legs, wear make-up daily, which they will apply themselves while driving or making four lunches. They must clean up after their sick children at 3 am and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins ONLY IF he still has enough energy left to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice."

Honestly, I think it is better backwards, instead of playing a game called Survivor Marriage, it is better said that I am a Marriage Survivor. Like a Cancer Survivor, I have managed to survive difficulties and overcome the obstacles in marriage.

I think it is valuable to think of marriage in those terms. It is not a destination. It is not a pleasure cruise. Yes, there are many joys but often it is a difficult and dangerous trip, with pit-falls at many turns. The more we consider it in this way, the more we will be willing to do what is necessary to be a winner in marriage. Because those of us who are Marriage Survivors will tell you, it was worth all of what we have gone through.
So today we will focus on one central question: what does it take to not only survive in marriage, but to stay in love and achieve the rare intimacy that can only be developed as you grow old together?

There are three points I will be making:

1. Tell him.
2. Accept him.
3. Love him.

TELL HIM

During the first years of my married life, my husband Al was not available emotionally. He was not able to understand my feelings, share his own feelings, and relate to me on an emotional level. So it was my practice to share my deeper emotional issues with close girl friends. But as time went on, I found I was closer to my girl friends than I was with my own husband. It finally occurred to me that this had to stop. I started to share with him more and more, even if he didn't understand, even if he gave me no feed back, even if he ran away from the conversation. I refused to give up because I sensed how important it was to be emotionally intimate with Al.

And that is the point, typically women connect and become intimate through conversations, sharing the intimate details of our lives. If we do not do this with our husbands, we will never be truly intimate with them. Fortunately, through reading books on the subject, I discovered communication skills that helped Al listen to me. Let me share them with you.

1. Men listen better when they are told the punch line, or the bottom line, first. Women love to listen to each other talk and hear their stories for their own sake, but men need to know why they are listening to the story, or they will struggle to pay attention. As with this talk, I started out with giving you my outline: Tell him, Accept him, Love him. This way of talking, giving the outline or topic first, gives men structure so they can better follow what we are saying and piece together the parts of the story. What we women think will "ruin the story" will actually help him to understand.
2. Men listen better when we tell shorter stories. Especially when I first started sharing with Al more, I would tell him the abbreviated version. I left room in the conversation for dialog, allowing him to ask me questions, or to give me advice. I realized by giving advice, he was trying to help and showing his love for me.
3. Men listen better when they are in the right mood. I found the worse time to talk to my husband was as soon as he came home from work. He was tired and distracted. Also, when he was in involved in a project, or watching TV, he would not be able to give me his full attention. But when I caught him in a good mood, at a time when he could listen, then he could be more patient and hear me out.
4. Men listen better when we use a respectful tone. When I was critical or angry with Al, he would be turned off and conversations were non-productive. Also, I can have a tendency to talk in a belittling tone. I learned the hard way that no grown man can listen productively and compassionately when I am speaking with the kind of language and tone that I would use with a 5-year-old. And that is a problem with moms, as we spend the majority of our time with kids! It was a struggle to consider my attitude and my tone before I spoke, but when I managed to use this skill consistently, it worked much better for me.

Another thing I struggled with, was telling Al when I was hurt. Instead of talking to him about it, I would talk to myself, make excuses for him, tell myself the situation wasn't so bad, and that talking about it would not help anyway. As women, we can fall on two ends of the spectrum on this, either everything is a major catastrophe, or nothing is wrong. Either end is problematic. Sometimes it is better to overlook things and accept our husband's quirks as part of the package. We don't have to make a big deal out of everything. But I found I needed to share with Al much more than I did. As we talked about things together, I found that many times, after I told him how I felt and what I thought, even if things did not go my way, I felt better and more at peace.

In the early years of my marriage, I would often keep things inside until I exploded in anger. Anger made Al pull back, get defensive, and because he tends to be stubborn, stand his ground more strongly, even if I was right. Anger made me ugly and my concerns seem not sympathetic or compelling. Then I learned that anger was a secondary emotion, which means, another emotion was fueling my anger -- usually fear or hurt. I learned to reflect on my anger and determine what that primary emotion was, and then express the primary emotion in a way that was not threatening. In other words, I started to own my feelings, and instead of demanding change from Al from a place of anger, I would just put my feelings out there and ask for his help and compassion. The results were much better. Instead of polarizing the relationship, as anger can often do, we were both addressing the problem as a team. Anger is a powerful emotion and can make us feel powerful, which is why it is an attractive weapon to use. But any weapon can work against us in marriage because we tend to attack each other and not the problem. Instead of putting the problem between us, we need to put the problem in front of us, and this way we can work on it together.

So tell him -- share your heart and the details of your life to gain intimacy -- share your hurts with him to solve your problems together.

ACCEPT HIM

I probably watched too many Disney movies and I definitely was reading too many romance novels, because one of the first things I notices after I got married was my expectations were not being met.

This is what I wanted:


When I first got married, all was fine...


but then after a while things began to change...


and it felt like...










this was what I got:


There was a gap between what I thought was reasonable to expect in my marriage, and what I was actually experiencing. One huge problem was my husband's work hours. When we met, he was working nights, starting at 2 am and coming home in the morning. So 5 nights out of 7 I was sleeping alone. Was it too much to expect to sleep with my new husband?

Another huge issue was about the house we were living in. My husband owned a house when I met him at age 24, a huge accomplishment and asset, or so I thought. However, he bought it in partnership with his father and had just decorated it to his liking. When we got married, he was not open to redoing any part of the house so soon. And his younger brothers considered it as a family house and I never knew when they would be stopping by, sometimes not to visit, but to use the garage to repair their cars. Was it too much to expect to decorate my new home and to have some privacy with my new husband?

These two issues, and some others, created such distance between us that we eventually separated after only three years of marriage. I felt there was something wrong with my husband because I wasn't getting what I expected. Let me be perfectly clear: in retrospect, I do not blame my husband for the separation--it was me. I was not telling him what I needed and how important those issues were to me. And also, I had unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be like.

Here was the lesson I learned the hard way: There will always be a gap between what we expect and what we actually experience. And in that gap, we get to choose: Will we accept him or reject him?
I needed to tell Al how I felt, and eventually I did. And obviously we got back together. We did buy another house that we decorated together. But I found I couldn't win all the battles. Al still works nights, after 30 years, we still sleep together 2 nights out of 7. But I needed to be realistic too. Al had to work because we all like to eat. Most men have some difficult hours. I am thankful Al was always home for dinner. There are other men that miss dinner every night, or who have to travel for their jobs. And then, especially in current times, there are men who can't find work at all. My attitude improved when I began to be thankful for the good parts of Al's job, and that he had a job. As I began to focus on thankfulness, I had a lot more peace.

Then there are issues, some we are currently facing, where he is doing something that is wrong. He admits he is wrong, but keeps doing the same thing over and over. He is struggling with being patient with our twenty-something daughters who still live in our house. When he gets impatient and frustrated with them, he reacts in a way that is hurtful. We have talked about how he needs to be more careful with the fragile hearts of these young women, and he understands, asks forgiveness but does the same thing next time.

And in that gap, I get to choose: Will I forgive him and find peace? Or will I stay angry and become bitter? Will I continue to believe the best of him, that he really does want to change, and stay hopeful, or will I give up on him and expect the worse?

Here is the truth we need to accept: It is hard to change. Here is a great example: Who wants to lose 10 pounds? Who wanted to lose 10 pounds last month? Why didn't you? Because it is hard to change. We need to give our husbands a break. I found as I continue to forgive Al, as I continue to tell him -- gently and firmly -- about his shortcomings, especially those that hurt me and my daughters, as I continue to be patient but hopeful, Al does change. It is much slower than I want, but is does happen.

So what do we do with the problems in our marriage? Let's think of our problems as a pie. In my home, the problem pie looks something like this:


If Al could only straighten up, if he could work on his issues, our lives would be so much better! Sure I have issues, but they always looked so much smaller and less consequential compared to his!

Then I learned something that made all the difference in my marriage, but I had always missed it because it seemed so counter-intuitive. I learned when I focused on my slice of the pie, when I put aside his issues and worked on mine, he actually started to change. I found I could not MAKE him change. I can share my feelings, I can pray, but I can't make him. But I can change me.

Let me challenge you for a moment to think about your slice of the problem pie. Are there things your husband has been asking you to do, or areas he is asking you to change and you keep blowing him off? Maybe you think it is smaller and less consequential compared to areas where you want him to change. Or maybe, you want him to go first. Maybe you think you do enough in this marriage and it is definitely his turn.
That may be true, but remember, we want to be marriage survivors. It is not about fairness. It is about survival, for our sakes, for the sakes of our children. Work on your issues, even if they are small. It is important to sweat the small stuff because the small stuff can become the big stuff!

One pet peeve of my husband was late dinners. He really wanted to eat at 5 pm. He kept repeating it. And so, to the best of my ability, I did this even though it was not always easy because I worked when my daughters were in school and had to drive them to their after-school activities, so I often came home at 4:30. But I learned to use my crock pot, made sure I planned the meal the night before, and I creatively used left-overs. It was just one way of saying I love you to my husband, and I avoided a lot of fights and hard feelings.

What issue does your husband keep bringing up? Can you work on that for the good of your marriage?
Another important choice for me was what to do in those gaps of time, when my husband was not available for me. As my children grew, and I had more time for myself, and picked things to do to fill my time. I found that even things that seem benign could be harmful to my marriage. I gave up the romance novels and steamy TV dramas because they fueled my unrealistic expectations of what married life was supposed to be. I stopped spending time looking through store circulars and shopping out of boredom because I found myself buying stuff we didn't need, didn't even have space for, and could not afford.

Instead, I purposefully filled time with volunteering at my children's elementary school so I could get to know their friends and teachers. I volunteered at church and attended study groups where I met women of faith and good character, who would be an encouragement and a good example for me in mothering my daughters. When my daughters got older, I limited the outside activities they had to curtail the stress on them and on me. These choices helped my mothering and my marriage.

How about you? Where are you spending time? Are these things breathing life into your marriage or just making your life more complicated?

Here is the important point: often I have felt victimized by the behavior of other people, especially my husband. I thought: If he would only change, life would be so much better! But I began to realize this very freeing principle: The choices I make is what has the most impact on the quality of my life.
There will always be a gap between what we expect, what we hope and dream for, and what we actually get. No man is perfect. But you have a choice to make. What will you choose in the gap?

• Accept him or reject him?
• Forgive him or stay angry and bitter?
• Believe the best and stay hopeful or expect the worse?
• Work on your issues or focus on his inadequacies?
• Choose good and wholesome life-giving activities that will enrich yours and your children's lives or fill your time with stuff that just makes life more complicated?

We pick. Every day. What will you pick? What you choose makes the difference.

However, here is the disclaimer. There may be some of you who are married to a man who hurts you. Maybe it is physical wounds. Maybe it is just with words, but the words hurt so bad, you would have preferred him to just strike you. And you hate to admit it even to yourself, but you are afraid and it is getting worse. He says he is sorry, but then it happens again and again. You too have a choice. Sadly the choice is to get out and stay safe or stay there and get hurt. Yes forgiveness is still important but in this case, you need to do it from a safe distance and wait from there until he changes. If this is you, please seek help. Take the first step in getting to a safe place today. Don't wait because aggressive angry behavior does not just go away, it escalates and gets worse.

LOVE HIM

In today's society, we often think of relationships in terms of ourselves: what we want to get out of the relationship, our goals, our desires, our needs, and then, later those of our children. Let me challenge you today to consider the needs of your husband. The bonus is loving your husband in the way he most feels love is the strongest motivator in closing this gap. When he feels loved and respected, he will more likely respond with love towards you. If there was one Disney princess that most resembled real life, it was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. In that story, Belle's love for the Beast transformed him into a prince. I found it worked well with my prince too!

All men are different but here are some things that have worked for me:

After the birth of my first daughter, I found I was so exhausted and tired of being touched all day, my need for affection and sex was greatly diminished. I'm not the only one who has felt that way, right? But Al's need for affection and sex had not changed, and it made things, well, tense between us. We talked about this recently and as he remembers it in retrospect, he felt less loved during that time. I found that I didn't need to be "in the mood" to participate in or even to initiate sex, because I would find I would become "in the mood" after we started. Have you started to drift away from him in this area? Let me I encourage you to shower him with affection and be an enthusiastic and willing sex partner.

Remember dating? I found out how important it was to continue dating even after we got married and especially after we had children. We didn't need to be spending a lot of money, and often we traded with friends for child care. We needed to spend time playing together. I would encourage you to try for a date night at least once a month and if you can swing it, a weekend away once a year. For Al, it didn't even need to be that complicated. He just wanted me to spend time with him doing things he likes to do. Sitting outside and chatting with him while he worked on the cars felt like love to Al. Recently, we spent a weekend painting. I hate painting and working with Al is exasperating for me because I like to get right down to work first thing in the morning, and he prefers to linger over breakfast and coffee and start a few minutes before noon. But I let him lead this time and not only did we get all the work done, but we actually bonded in the process. My being with him helped him feel valued and appreciated. So work along side him, play with him. It will make him feel loved.

The world is a hard, cruel place. Our homes should be havens of love and care. Encouraging Al and telling him how much I appreciate him and that I have confidence in him is so vital to his emotional health. So I tell him he is wonderful as often as possible. I look for things he does right and remember to compliment and thank him. It is hard to do, because I tend to not notice the everyday mundane good things and complain about the things that are wrong.

So what are some things you can do to make your husband feel you love and respect him? Let me encourage you to try at least one this week.

So, one more time, to review:

What does it take to not only survive in marriage, but to stay in love?

1. Tell him.
2. Accept him.
3. Love him.

Having daughters was very different from having boys, those of you who are mothers of both sexes know that. Watching my daughter raise my grandson, Giovanni, I had this revelation. Deep inside, all men are boys, looking for approval, love and respect. No matter what they look like on the outside, they look like my grandson on the inside. It made me look Al differently.
As I considered my 30 year marriage, what really stands out for me is how much we needed God in each season of our lives together. Remember when Al and I were separated? As I considered my life at that time, I can only credit the power of God, unleashed by the passionate and faithful prayers of my father, in the reunion and future success of my marriage. No matter what I have tried and what I have done, ultimately all glory goes to God, and I thank Him every day. In His great mercy, God has answered my frequent prayer for my husband, which is, Lord, make Al the man You always wanted him to be.

Marriage is not for sissies. We need to pray always and have hope. We must be willing to do what is needed to keep our marriage strong, not only for ourselves, but also for our children. When we do, and when it works, and sadly there are no guarantees, we will be rewarded with a joy and peace beyond anything written about in fairy tales.

Let's pray for the Spirit of God to help us, for with God, nothing is impossible.

What I learned in 2011

When I came home today, Al shared with me his list of what he learned in 2011...an excellent idea to review and record. So here is my list too...

1. It is important to find a place where you feel valued for what you have to contribute. I have found that in my job. After 3 years, I feel competent and my boss regularly reminds me of how much he appreciates my contribution. My office is a special place filled with the nicest, most caring of people. All of us make unique contributions and add to the whole. We care and encourage each other. It is sweet and I am blessed and blossoming. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)


2. That leads me to the second thing, which is attitude is everything and it is all about choice. There are always things that can be improved, and we are surrounded by imperfect people because we are all imperfect! Having a positive attitude makes the difference between joy and peace verses depression and angst. And it is all about our perspective, which is our choice. We can choose to be positive, to dwell on the goodness and to have hope for the future. Even when we are surrounded by people who are negative, we can still choose to look past it, to change the subject, to unabashedly smile in the face of it. If there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Phil 4:8)


3. Forgiveness is vital to happiness. I have learned to drag up past hurts, not to review and relive them, but to route them out to forgive those who have thoughtlessly and even ruthlessly hurt me. It has given me such peace and joy! My greatest regret is that I did not do this sooner. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)


4. Learning is good but application is better. These past years I have learned so much about God, grace, faith and Biblical history from my pastor and I am truly blessed. But this past year, my learning has been supplemented by others who preach towards application: how the Word of God can work in my life. It has helped me in my relationships, my work, my attitude, everything. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. (James 1:22)


5. Be still and know that I am God. I am not there yet, but I am getting better at not driving, sitting next to God and letting His take the wheel and direct my life as opposed to dragging Him down the road by His hair. I just read the rest of this verse recently: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46:10). God will accomplish all His plans. God doesn't need my help. Nor does anyone else. It is not my portion to look around and see what no one else wants to do and then do that thing. Maybe it was during a prior season. Now I can wait for Him to lead me. The still small voice. Or He can kick the door open. Whatever. But I am no longer into hair pulling and I am praising Him that He has been so patient and longsuffering with me.

Father, lead me, direct me into Your wonderful plans for the next year! I love You! Help me trust You more!

Grandma, is there really a Santa Claus?

As Christmas approached this year, a dear friend asked me if we have told our grandson Giovanni about Santa Claus and if I regret, in retrospect, not telling my daughters about Santa Claus. Isn't there something missing to the Christmas experience, she wanted to know, some of the wonder and excitement?

I have been thinking about this, sort of pondering it in my heart as I watch the second generation of this being played out in my grandson.

Although I had always believed in God, in June 1988, when Christina. my first daughter, was 6 months old, I made a commitment to Christ in a new and personal way. It was only six months later, when Christina was turning 1, that she had her first Christmas and in my new zeal for God, decided not to include Santa Claus in the tradition. Instead Christina was told that grandparents, aunts, uncles and mom and dad give presents. We had a wood manger with plastic figures and every year we played out the Christmas story with the plastic figures of Mary, Joseph, the shepherd and angels. We read stories about the Christmas story and as she grew older, we went to church, she sang on the stage and went to classes where the Bible story of Christmas was taught. Oh, sure we had Santa figures in our home. We also had a lovely picture book, The Night Before Christmas. But I never told either daughter that Santa was real. I told them Jesus, Mary and Joseph were real. The angels were real. The wise men were real.

When they went to pre-school, I remember one day when a mom asked my younger daughter Debbie what Santa was going to bring her for Christmas. Debbie, always shy, just looked at her and said nothing. Debbie did not know what to say because this was not her world.

When they were little, I took them to sit on Santa's lap and have their photos taken. But I never taught them to ask Santa for presents, to write him letters, to be good so that he would not put coal in their stockings. Instead I told them to pray to Jesus for everything, to read His Word, and that He came to earth because we all could not be good enough. Jesus became a baby so we could know Him and He could save us, because we could never be good or smart or talented or strong enough to save ourselves.

The year Debbie was in first grade, she asked me if she could pretend Santa was real. I smiled and told her, of course, that was a wonderful thing to pretend.

When I joined a church, both the Pastor's and the worship leader's kids believed in Santa Claus. Repeatedly, I had to remind my daughters to keep the secret. Of course, I do not believe that telling your kids there is a Santa is somehow un-Christian. This is not a hill I am prepared to die on. However, for better or worse, I have have broken the Santa tradition for my family. My daughters do not know how to make-believe Santa. Instead, this year, Giovanni, astute and eager for to the things of God, has played with the plastic manger people and has gone to church class and sang "Happy Birthday Jesus" on the stage with his church class. He even memorized his verse, Luke 2:11. The excitement and wonder of the season has not been lost on him as he ponders God becoming a baby, the angels who broke out of heaven to sing to the shepherds, and the wise men traveling from a far place, following a super star to find Baby Jesus.

It is my opinion that if you believe in the Word of God, there is plenty of excitement. I remember the disappointment when, as a child, I had to give up my belief in Santa Claus. I now have more than made up for the awe and wonder in the truth of the season.

Jesus, King of Heaven, Lord of the angels, laid down His crown and all His spectacular glories to come close to us, even as close as a baby. He did this because He loves me, my family, indeed all of us. The endlessness of the wonder of that act can be awesome for eternity and needs no embellishments. My daughters and grandson are evidence that even the youngest child can understand and be awed by the truth. The pretend is not needed.

So, the answer is no, I think that for my family at least, I did the right thing. Giovanni never did ask me this question: Is there really a Santa Claus? Instead he asks me questions about the angels, Mary and baby Jesus.

After all, isn't that the real question and the real reason for the Joy of the season?

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you. He is Christ the Lord. ~ Luke 2:11

Blind SPOTs

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me remove the speck from your eye"; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. --Matt 7:3-5

They are so easy to see, aren't they? Other people's sin's I mean. I scratch my head and say to myself, "Can't they SEE that?" But they cannot. It's a blind spot. I may even try to tell them, point it out to them, explain it seven different ways. Lately I don't even bother. Because it is a blind spot and they cannot see.

And then, I get this chill. I have them too, blind spots. And I can't see them either. I worry about that. I ask friends to be honest, but they love me and sometimes in a effort to be kind, or maybe from exhaustion, they just don't say it. What needs to be said. What I need to hear. To see, but cannot see.

There are two good ways to see my blind spots, though. One is to listen to my daughters. Daughters are the gift God gives us to remove all blind spots, if we can swallow our pride and hear them. My daughters know me so well. They know all the spots and are "fresh meat" so to speak. I have learned to try to swallow hard and listen to them, even when they are rude and it hurts.

Another is when you have this disagreement thing. I find myself disagreeing with what someone else is thinking or doing. I have begun to ask this important questions: Is is me, Lord? Maybe it not them. Maybe they are right--or at least right-er. Maybe they have another perspective that is valid. Maybe they are not wrong, just different. Maybe I don't know all the facts. Maybe I have a part in the problem. Maybe the bulk of the problem is not them--maybe, just maybe, it is me.

Pride. It is the smoke that hides our blind spots.

Father, help me. I ask that I may receive sight, insight and healing for my blind spots!

So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?”
The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road. -- Mark 10:51-52

Happy are the Meek

No one would ever accuse me of being meek. Assertive, probably. Aggressive, sometimes. Pushy, often. I am an initiator, someone who makes things happen. In the business world you hear the saying "Some people watch things happen, some people make things happen and some people wonder what happened." I never wanted to be the weak person, the person who waited around, a sorry victim.

But Jesus' words go against what the business world says. Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." (Matthew 5:5)

The Amplified version says it ever louder:

Blessed [happy, blithesome, joyous, spiritually prosperous--with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions] are the meek [the mild, patient, long-suffering], for they shall inherit the earth!

This is the Beatitude I could not swallow. I could not be quiet. I had to speak up. How would anyone know if I did not tell them? It is even hard to explain it. Even now, when I hear troubling news, I want to do something, say something, take some action. Wouldn't the worst happen is I did nothing?? If I said nothing???

And then today, I found these verses hidden like a pearl in the psalms:

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity. -- Psalm 37

Suddenly, I saw the meek differently. They were people who had faith to wait on the Lord and to trust in Him, that He would bring justice, peace and prosperity. Being meek is not the lack of action, it is instead the activeness of faith. They are trusting in the Lord, and their hope is not in their words, their actions, but in Him and what He will bring to pass in due time. Instead of me pushing, prodding, nagging, scolding, warning, and then wondering why nothing is happening, it is trusting God to speak, to open doors in due time, to bring things to pass by His Spirit in marvelous and miraculous ways.

Father, You alone open doors and shut them. You alone hold eternity in Your hand. Justice and promotion and prosperity is Yours to shower upon us. Not because we are smart or quick or lovely, or even pushy. But because You love us. And because we are Yours.

Help me wait on You with hope. Enable me to be meek and bless me with Your peace.

Closed doors, open doors

It has been my prayer, "Lord shut the doors you don't want me to enter, and open wide the ones You do."

It used to be my frustrated wail that people shut doors for me, not allowing me in. But then, I began to see the Lord's protective hand on the shut doors and began to praise Him instead. Lately, as I have begun to seek other places in ministry, the doors continue to shut. I have walked away this time, thinking it too was the Lord protecting me.

Tonight as I look at the scriptures, they are full of open doors ~ doors open for ministry and salvation. God is not closing doors for His children, He opens them. Recently as I prayed I saw God kicking wide open a door for me. "You will not miss it," He seemed to say. In the scriptures, I see doors open as we knock and seek God in prayer.

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Luke 11:10

Maybe I gave up too soon? Maybe if I labor in prayer the door will yet open for me.

Father, I know You alone open and close doors. And I am grateful for how You have guided me through the ones You have closed as well as the ones you have opened. Father, I want to serve you. Please open wide the door for ministry for me. Please let me back in!!

Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:10-11

Terror and Trust

It was a clear sunny September day as I drove my youngest daughter, Debbie, to elementary school and then made my way to work at Montclair Community Church.

The first I heard about it was from William, who called as usual on Tuesday to ask me to send him a audio tape of Sunday's message. Then he said he had to turn around because they were not letting anyone into New York City (where he worked as a dentist) because of something happening at the World Trade Center.

After that, the phone rang non-stop. With no TV, radio or internet at the church, the phone was my only source of information. From it, reports came of the first and then the second plane hitting the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the crashing of the towers. In between, there were people calling about people of the church who may have been in the city. Mike called asking for Ken, who he thought worked in the World Trade Centers. Then later came the call from Ken, who had ran out of the towers after the first plane hit, and was safe but making the long trip on foot uptown. I thanked him for calling as I wiped away tears. Eventually Ken made his way over the George Washington Bridge and home.

Terrorists, they call it. And it was, even 10 miles away in Montclair, even with no TV to see what was unfolding, there was terror. I wondered what was happening and when it would stop. I wondered if I should pick up my daughter from school and go home. Instead I felt the Lord leading me to stay at my post, keep answering the phone, keep praying in between.

At the end of the day, we sat in front of the TV and watched the story be retold over the news. The fire, the cloud of dust, the surreal shots of the people jumping out of windows to their death below, preferring that to the flames. The three of us drove to Eagle Rock where we knew we could see the buildings, or at least the place where the building once stood. When we got there, no cars were being allowed to enter the reservation, so we parked on the street and walked the winding road to the lookout point.

At the lookout was a mob of people staring at the rising tower of smoke that was the twin towers. And we stood and talked and stared at the remains of the unthinkable tragedy.

It was Wednesday afternoon when I heard about Susan. My mom called me after lunch and said that Susan was in the towers, on the top floors for a business meeting. I had not even thought about her because she usually worked in Summit. No one had heard from her. I wept with my mother, and then prayed with those at the church that afternoon. Later that evening I had a meeting planned and left early to stop at my brother's house so I could tell him the news in person. It was only fair. He had come my my beach house early that morning years before to tell me about Gerald. Now I went to tell him about Susan. How do you start a conversation like that? It was his birthday. It was all unthinkable. Unbelievable. Later I called my Aunt Ann. She asked me to pray that they would find Susan. Her only daughter. Eventually they did find her body, and I thank God for that. Susan was only 54, still beautiful, bright, kind, gracious and loved by all who knew her.

In His mercy, Jesus gave me a visual of my father meeting Susan in heaven. She came to sit down with him at the table. And my dad turns to her and says "Susan, what are you doing here? And so soon." And she smiles at him and returns, "I don't know, Uncle Gabe. I was just sitting down at a meeting, having a cup of coffee with my dear friend from work, and all of a sudden, here I am." Father, that it happened like that for her, suddenly finding herself in Your arms, without terror, without pain.

Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m., I will return to Eagle Rock, meeting 22 other family members as we remember Susan, and the others who were lost to a morning of terror. Beloved, You promise to wipe every tear from our eyes, indeed that You store up our tears in a bottle. Let the frailness of these bodies and the briefness of our stay here remind us to love You and each other. Comfort us and remind us in the brutality and terror of this world, You are still good and powerful and love us.

Beyond the terror, let us trust You!

When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. -- Psalm 56:3

Rest to Work

Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, “These are the things the LORD has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it is to be put to death." -- Exodus 35:1-2

Today we go on vacation. Frazzled to the bone with work pressures, meetings, and the duties of our home and family, I have been wanting to crash but have been lying in my bed with eyes wide open, thoughts whirling. This morning, I opened the scriptures and found this. This section of scripture is primarily about building the tabernacle, the house of the Lord. The Israelites have been asked to offer their belongings and their services to build the tabernacle, but before they are called to service, they are called to rest. I almost missed this part. But God is serious, so serious that He said those who refuse Sabbath rest will be put to death.

Put to death because you do not rest.

As a diligent worker, I can see why. Even if I am doing church work, sometimes especially if I am doing church work, I can miss the importance of rest, refreshment, re-filling of the Spirit in the urgency of my tasks. Yes, diligence is important, but also is rest.

So as I sat with my Bible open this morning reading these words, I can hear our Father saying, "You need to rest!."

Because often I can work myself to death -- work so hard that I hurt myself and even hurt others as I try to serve them, because I run out of Spirit and serve only out of myself. Myself is never enough, never transforming, merely wood, hay and stubble. I have been praying and praising, but not as diligent in reading and reflecting on the Word. I have been moving too fast and need to slow down.

So we are packing our car and driving off to Camp of the Woods, to refresh our spirits as well as our minds and bodies. Then we will return ready to work and serve with the Love of our Father. Because we will be full -- of Him.

So celebrate this festival

Exodus 13-14

"So celebrate this festival at the appointed time each year... And in the future, your children will ask you, 'What does all this mean?' Then you will tell them, 'With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery'... This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt."

When I returned to the place of study I was at when I started the gospel of Mark during lent, I find myself at the first Passover, and these verses. Because I worked in the church, I know that pastors often struggle with Easter services, as they try to keep it fresh every year, not only for the congregation, but for themselves. Sometime, they drift away from the traditional stories because, they figure, we have heard it so many times before.

Perhaps they do a us all a disservice. Easter, like Passover, is a celebration of deliverance, something to remember, something to perpetually celebrate because we forget, it can become common place. Immediately following in the text of Exodus, the Israelites find themselves between the powerful armies of Egypt and the Red Sea, but that was exactly where God had led them. We hear the plans of God in the text:

"And once again I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will chase after you. I have planned this in order to display My glory through Pharaoh and his whole army. After this the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord!"

When the Israelites realize where they are in the natural, they react in terror. I should not blame them, I would too! Actually, I have too. But it was God's plan and His plan was for their freedom and His glory!! Isn't that what our pain, our trials, are about too?

See how soon the Israelites forgot God's love and His power! We too forget.

So, as God commanded the Israelites to celebrate the Passover annually, we too must celebrate with routine, with passion, without apology, the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He had risen from the dead and He lives. And because He lives, we are all victors with Him.

It is not only a blind tradition of our fathers. It is wisdom to look back every year at this season and remember the life of Jesus. To read of His great and passionate compassion. To remember His humility and service. To be awed again of His miraculous powers. To weep with Him over those who would not believe. To be ashamed at those who abandoned Him and killed Him. To delight again with Him in His victory over death.

Let us remember and celebrate over and over again. Let our children learn and carry on the traditions that strengthen our faith as we remember.

Remember. And celebrate.