Closer

Have you ever been in love?

It's easy to fall in love. But is it possible to fall in love and stay in love forever?

Most of us want to believe it can happen, and that it can happen to us. That's the compelling start off point for a message from Andy Stanley. It's compelling because it's true: we do want to fall in love and stay in love forever. Me too! I love my husband Al.  I thank God for Al, for his love for me and the wonderful godly man he is.

But then yesterday, we had an off night. Al was tired and went to bed early because he had to go to work later that night, but for me, it's still a Saturday night. I am left lonely, sad, and wondering: God, is this all there is, really? I am a woman who craves excitement, romance. Where did that go? Was it ever there? Was this the wrong man?

Satan is so sly. I was in the car yesterday afternoon with my daughter. The car radio was switched on to her favorite station, playing was a song called "Closer" by Ne-Yo. In it, a sweet-voiced man talked about his woman:

 Turn the lights off in this place

 And she shines just like a star

 And I swear I know her face

 I just don't know who you are

 Turn the music up in here

 I still hear her loud and clear

 Like she's right there in my ear

Saying come closer, closer...

And I just can't pull myself away

 Under her spell I can't break

 I just can't stop 

 And I just can't bring myself no way

 But I don't want to escape

 I just can't stop

 I can feel her on my skin

 I can taste her on my tongue

 She's the sweetest taste of sin

 The more I get the more I want

That is it, I want someone to feel that way about me, to sing this song to me. At age 59, with wrinkled hands and graying hair, I still want this!  I can feel the desire down to my toes. That is the love I long for even now.

So I sleep and dream about an old love, cloying, wanting to come closer to me. I wake up, shake myself, wondering, where did that come from? It was so long ago. A cup of coffee and my Bible revives me this morning. It was my own longing taunting me. God reminds me of His purpose: to perfect (sanctify) me, to heal me, to protect me with these verses: 

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.
May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it...

The Lord is faithful, who will establish and guard you from the evil one. 

(1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, 2 Thessalonians 3:3)  

The evil one wants us to be dissatisfied with our spouses. The evil one points out the imperfections in our loved ones and tells us we deserve better. The evil one tempts us with the sweetest taste of sin. He wants us to feel unable to break away from our longings.  

On the other hand, God desires that we cover a multitude of sin with love. God desires unity, sacrifice, humility. He instructs us to treat others as if they are more important than ourselves. God also wants us to be closer to Him. He longs for us, draws us, never with an evil intent, but with the purity of infinite, merciful love. The decision to accept God's love is a choice we make. He never forces, or seduces, or beguiles us.  The Holy Spirit give us self-control to protect us from the power of sin. He sees us as we are, our wrinkled hands, our graying hair, our sagging bodies, our sinful desires, and He says we are beautiful. He says we are His. 

Jesus winked at me today during our church's worship service. He arranged for the worship team to sing this better version of the song "Closer" from Hillsong:

There is no life without You

 You have all that we need

 Where You are every fear is broken

 And the darkness must flee

 Closer and closer we want to know You

 Reaching out,reaching out

 Here in Your presence we want to go deeper

 In Your light come alive

 There is no one beside You

 You alone are enough

 You fling the doors of Your heart wide open

 And we are lost in Your love

 To You we will come running

 In You we find belonging

 Your love is all that can satisfy

Jesus, You alone are enough! As my husband and I stand together to worship You, as we face You, desire to grow closer to You, our love becomes complete and life-giving. 

The wanton desires of my foolish heart still lurk within me. No man on earth fulfills my girlish dreams perfectly. But You, beloved Jesus, complete me beyond anything I can hope for and imagine.  

As we depend on Jesus for fulfilling our deepest desires, we are freed to love others with selfless love pouring our of our spirits from the Holy Spirit. Only the Holy Spirit can perfect us. But He will. And He will save us from the evil one.

That is worth praising Him about!

Andy Stanley talks about "Staying in Love" click below...

Lessons from the Storm

 

What I Learned from Super-Storm Sandy

Super-Storm Sandy was two years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Monday night and we were safe at home together, my husband Al, daughters Christina and Debbie, and our grandson Gio. We just finished dinner when Debbie noticed a flash of light. We rushed to the front of the house and saw this. It is hard to see because it was so bright, but an electrical line had come down in front of our driveway, and the sparks were flying up right next to the tree that hangs over our house. We called 911 multiple times but the fire trucks did not come. My husband, of course, was enjoying this show, not at all worried but us girls were screaming like middle-schoolers. Both the front and side doors were blocked by the sparks so we decided if the house caught on fire, we would jump out a side window. “What do we do, mom?” they asked me, as if I knew. I had no idea. The firemen were supposed to come and save us, and where were they?? I told them to put on their shoes and jackets and put their pocketbooks on their arms so just in case the house caught on fire and we had to jump out the window, we were ready. It was amazing how quickly they did what I said, especially since, as 20-somethings, both are usually reluctant to take my advice.

Turns out our house did not burn down and the electrical fire went out by itself when the storm took out all the electricity on our block. In the light of day, as we walked up our dead end street, we discovered why the firemen never arrived. A huge tree had fallen across the street, blocking it. Turned out the downed tree was a good thing: it put us on the top of the list of repairs and our electricity was only out for hours and not days as many people had to endure.

Perhaps you have your own story of that storm and the aftermath: weeks of electricity outage, lost days at work, rotting food, endless gasoline lines, family or friends camping at your house, or maybe you were camping at theirs.

But our Super Storm Sandy story did not end there. As a matter of fact it continues on today. But before I explain that part, let me fill you in on some family history. About 30 years ago, my husband bought a beach cottage with his dad as a family get-away/investment. It is in a small beach resort community called Ocean Beach Unit 3. It is tucked away on a tiny sliver of land, two blocks wide. Our cottage is a half block from the bay and a block and a half from the ocean. Located in between Point Pleasant and Mantoloking to the north and Ortley Beach and Seaside Heights to the south, it is a community of mostly two bedroom homes, about the size of a big two car garage, but location-location-location, as they say. It was wonderful place to get together with family and raise our daughters.  Every summer we would pack everything we could fit into our car, drive down right after school was out in June and we would return the day after Labor Day. My daughters made great friends and we all have delightful memories.

Because our home was so close to two large bodies of water, I always had the thought in my mind that it was only a matter of time before a storm would come and blow our home away. But years went by. We survived several devastating storms, and although we had neighbors closer to the water whose homes had flooded, our cottage stayed dry.  So we were lulled into a false sense of security.

It was the summer of 2011 when my husband opened the flood insurance bill and announced “we can’t afford to pay this.” But we no longer had a mortgage and we were not obligated to keep it so I told him, don’t pay it. A month later, Governor Christy was on TV evacuating the shore communities for Hurricane Irene. Our daughters were at the beach with friends at the time and called us, “What do we do, mom?” I had no idea. It was too late to pay the flood insurance bill now.  I told them to put everything inside the house, lift everything from the floor they could. “Take home everything you ever want to see again,” I told them, “because when this is over, the house might just be swept away. And come home right now!”          

Again we survived Irene with no damage at all. So the following year, when Governor Christy was again talking about evacuating for a storm named Sandy, we were not overly concerned. We had a busy weekend planned, including a wedding, so when someone volunteered to check on and close up our beach cottage, we welcomed the opportunity not to go down ourselves. After all, we had escaped unscathed up to this point. How bad could this storm be?

After Super Storm Sandy was over and the electricity came back on here in Bloomfield, we were glued to the TV. And as we watched the live feed of the aerial videos of the Jersey shore, we began to realize the extent of the devastation. The peninsula where our beach house was had been turned into an island. The ocean met the bay and created a new inlet at Mantoloking to the north of us, and water had also swept away most of Seaside and Ortley to the south, cutting off both ways onto the island. We hoped, we prayed that somehow our home had been spared but we could not be sure. The more photos and videos we saw, the more our hopes crumbled and we began to fear the worst.

It was 25 days later, the day after Thanksgiving, when Al, Christina, her boyfriend Mike, and I waited in line for 3 hours, crawling in traffic, to get onto the island to see our home. Everywhere we looked the damage was breath-taking. We found our home, still standing, but water had come in, to the tune of about 19 inches. There was still water in the dresser drawers, the oven, the refrigerator, the pots and pans. Everything felt wet and smelled foul. The lion’s share of our furniture, all the mattresses and any electrical items were carried out of the house to the curb. The shell of our home that remained was covered with sludge from the bay and sewer water.  The entire island had no electricity, no gas, no water and no sewer. The island was under Marshall Law and everyone had to leave before dark. During the following week after the first visit to our wet moldy house, Christina developed bronchitis. 

It was overwhelming. We had no flood insurance and FEMA assistance was not offered those owning secondary homes, which is totally understandable. Any work we had to do, we had to do ourselves. Everyone we talked to was frantic about the mold that festered in the homes left wet for weeks. Winter was coming with no running water, heat or electricity for miles. And my family, who does great when we vacation together, tends to bicker and procrastinate when doing family projects together. Which was why we never did family projects together. But we could not walk away from this project. We all loved our beach house too much.

So we began to work and pray. We prayed for provision and God gave us dear generous friends who provided funds for the many things we had to purchase. My frugal husband had unspent money stashed away in his underwear drawer that I started counting in desperation and we discovered much more than we thought. We prayed for wisdom about how to remove the mold, and made many day trips to the beach with containers of water, bottles of bleach, masks, and endless pairs of plastic gloves.

We prayed for strength and the Lord provided us with Mike who was our hero. Mike took supplies back and forth for us in his truck, found a gently used stove just the right size, ripped out walls, put up sheet rock, and most importantly, encouraged my husband to keep working when he would have procrastinated and given up.  Christina, Debbie, and Mike went down on their own to clean the muck, remove the ruined flooring, carry out a soggy cabinet, and dispose of the old refrigerator full of rotting food.

Work at the beach house was depressing and exhausting. We had to carry in water to drink and water for cleaning, a generator for electricity, a propane heater for warmth, and a pot to pee in, literally. There was no place to buy supplies or lunch on the island, and no clean place to eat. We had to eat in our cars. We could only stay during daylight, and afterwards made the long trip home, filthy dirty and totally drained.  We found we not only had to repair what the storm damaged, but ripping down our walls revealed other rotted areas of our cottage we had to rebuild.

I prayed most of all that our family would not come to blows on this project, because truth be told, my husband is stubborn and I am controlling. He is talented in fixing things but wants to put them back together with wire and duct tape. He struggles to finish projects so there is always that piece that is not quite done yet. I prayed I would be patient and gentle with him and my daughters, because in the fear and fray of all that needed to be done, I knew it was my default to be a screaming ranting shrew. In the end I did not want to have a repaired home and a torn apart family. And the Lord in His mercy helped me to do that.

Little by little our house came back together and we were so grateful to  be back in our beach cottage by the time the summer season started in 2013, but the battered houses were still everywhere. On the news we saw the ads stating “Jersey, Stronger Than the Storm”. I understand the governor was trying to encourage people to come to the shore communities because the businesses were hurting but the sentiment did not coincide with what I saw. Stronger than the storm? Really? To see all these sights in person, and remember what it was before, did something to my soul. Suddenly I saw, up close and personal, the power of nature.   That first summer after Sandy, walking in the area gave me nightmares. All of these photos, we took our selves in our community within walking distance from our cottage.   Our beach community, a haven of peace and joy for our family for decades, suddenly became a horror, totally devastated, a natural disaster.       

We think we are smart enough and strong enough for anything. And we just are not. We are fragile. What we build is fragile. Your world and everything in it could all get blown away in a moment. My world did.  Staying at the shore that first summer was sad and scary and humbling. It was like visiting a dear sick friend.

Two years have passed since the storm of the century. Al and I were at the cottage earlier this month, taking more photos and we are still working on parts in our cottage left undone, but at least we have a home we can sleep in. Some families are still fighting with insurance companies to pay and others with builders to finish constructing their new homes, like our friend house.  There are homes half done. There are shells of homes, gutted and empty. There are vacant lots.  There’s construction in the streets and enormous trucks and dumpsters everywhere.  Labor Day ended the “stay pretty for the tourists” pause and the frantic pace of rebuilding had started again. Super Storm Sandy is long over for most of you, but not for me.  Not yet.

But even if you are not rebuilding a damaged home, you have experienced storms in your life. Life brings much uncertainty but there is one thing we can count on, storms will come. It may be something as brief as a 24 hour stomach virus, although at the time, it seems like forever, right? Or it could be a long-term chronic medical or physical condition for your child, your spouse or a parent. Or a financial downturn, or career setback, or relational conflict. Storms come in all different shapes and sizes. They come at unexpected times. Maybe you are in the middle of a storm right now and you are wondering, am I stronger than this storm? And you look around at the devastation and you don’t think so.

How can you be brave in the middle of a super storm? Here’s what I have learned.

First, it’s good to be prepared. Even though the Bloomfield house did not catch fire that night and we did not have to jump out the window, it was good to have our shoes and jackets on just in case. I wish we had heeded the warnings and gone down to our beach house before the storm and took care of things better there. 

Second, it’s good to dive in and just do the hard work. For me, it was easy to get overwhelmed with all the things that had to be done and I got tired just thinking about it. But when I focused on only the next thing, and did it, it was still hard but manageable. I found that starting a task was the hardest part. And that is where fear is a good thing. Fear is a great motivator. We need to remember that being brave kicks into gear when there is something to fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is fear turned into resolve and action.

For me, prayer was a huge part of the process. Prayer changed things for us. God provided in so many ways: with friends to help work on the house or provide funds and furniture. I thank God the storm did not come until my daughters were grown and could help us in the rebuilding process. God gave wisdom in choices and calmed fears especially for dealing with the mold. Even the weather that first winter was a great blessing to us. Mike, who was so instrumental in helping us, works as a landscaper who also does snow removal. The winter of 2012-2013 was mild so he had free time to help us. Plus the lack of snow made being at the beach house in the winter bearable. If we had to make repairs during the horrid winter of 2013-2014, we never would have been able to complete it by May.

As we plan for life’s storms, everyone trusts something or someone, and I have seen that in my beach community. Some neighbors trusted in their own strength, some relied on flood insurance, FEMA or the government to provide. Some had relied on their well-built homes or the dunes. From what I saw, none of these came through 100%. Many large homes and all the dunes were swept away. FEMA and the government were overwhelmed. Even these big organizations did not know what to do with the storm’s far-reaching damage. Many neighbors did not get enough insurance to rebuild as they needed to, and others did not get the money they were entitled to receive. Everyone trusts something. We chose to trust God and it is my testimony that even though God did not take away the storm, He helped us through it, far beyond anything we could have asked or imagined.

I think God allows storms in our lives to get our attention. Like my adult daughters who are more apt to seek my counsel and take my advice when there is an emergency, I must confess I am like that too! When I am in over my head, I pray more, I am more apt to ask for help, and I listen better. I am also more open to change. I have been changed by this experience. I am more patient, less controlling, and less fearful because we survived this. Our family has grown closer in the storm.

I could have dwelled on “God, why did you do this to us?” We did pray at first that we be spared the flood water. But when God said no to that, we trusted Him and continued to pray through the process. God sometimes says no because He has a greater plan. He allows the storm but always stays right besides us through it, if we let Him, if we are aware of Him. It is so difficult to see this, but because we hung in there and trusted God, we found Him trustworthy.

Today, our beach house is in much better shape than it has been for years. The walls are more solid than ever. The house has a new refrigerator (that’s my favorite part!), more space, fresh paint, new furniture. This is not true for just my house. All the houses around us are built better than before. Governor Christy was half right with his slogan. Certainly Jersey wasn’t stronger THAN the storm. But we were stronger AFTER the storm.

And in spite of all the work there is still to be done, there remains so much beauty in our community.  We are grateful we had room at our house for old friends to come and visit us since their house is not completed yet. Here are the girls and their friends this summer, all grown up. We are hopeful next summer their house will be ready and we will have more time to enjoy together. 

As I thought what I learned in the storm, I found this from the book of the Bible written by James, the brother of Jesus. James knew all about experiencing the storms of life, and I feel his words sum up this experience for me.

Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them. If you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure.

And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing.

If you don’t have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking.

James 1:2-5 (The Voice)

Storms come. When I talk to women, it seems to me that we are always in the middle of one storm or another. I am sure you have been thinking of your personal storm. Let me encourage you that although nothing is going to take away all the storms of life, but God wants to be there for you, to direct and comfort you in your storm!

Do you have a story from the storm? Please comment and share!

Rachel: Lost in Longing for Her Own Dream

Do you have a dream for your future? Do you lie in bed thinking of it? Planning for it? Scheming for it?

Rachel did. She had a dream that someday she would have sons, the ultimate accomplishment for a woman of her generation. Her dream was frustrated by God who blessed her sister Leah with four sons and yet she remained childless.

What do you do when you wait and wait and wait for your dream to come true? When your dream seems to be happening for everyone around you, but still you wait?

Family not a place for envy: it is a place to share the love.
Here are cousins Deanna and Debbie at the beach.

Rachel did the unthinkable. She asked her husband Jacob to have children for her with her maidservant, Bilhah. Oh, did I mention that hubby Jacob already had two wifes, Rachel and her sister Leah? Consumed with jealously and desperate to fulfill her goal, Rachel takes matters into her own hands by adding yet another wife to the mix. Bilhah then has two sons and Rachel feels vindicated.

Leah, who stopped having children at this point, retaliates and gives her maidservant Zilpah to Jacob and Zilpah has two more sons for Leah. Then Leah buys a night with Jacob with some mandrakes and she has another son. After that, Jacob must have given Leah some nights for free, for she conceived a sixth son.

Are you following all this?

As we discussed this story at our study group, we marveled at the dysfunctional of this family. We talked about how the sisters' jealousy must have affected the sons of Jacob. Leah and Rachel, sisters and both wives of one husband, were locked in a desperate battle for success and love. Rachel had the love of Jacob but longed for children. Leah, had many sons but dreamed of having Jacob's devotion. Both were willing to do whatever seemed expedient to get what they wanted.

However, it was God who was in control the entire time.

Then God remembered Rachel; He listened to her and enabled her to conceive. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

Although Leah and Rachel knew God was ultimately directing all these events, they did not trust Him. They were impatient and did not wait for Him. They schemed to get what they wanted in their own way, in their own time. They thought they knew better than God. In the end, Rachel dies giving birth to the second son she longed for.

God has His own bigger dream for Jacob's family. Renamed Israel during his encounter with God in Genesis 32:28, these 12 sons of Leah, Rachel and their maidservants became the 12 Tribes of Israel. God's goal was for this family to be His chosen people from whom He would send His Messiah. The dreams of Leah and Rachel were so small compared to how God wanted to use them.

How often I do this!  I think I know better than God, than my husband, my boss, my own mother. I don't listen. I go ahead with my own plans to fulfill my longings and in the end lose like Rachel did.

When we take matters into our own hands, we create chaos.

Beloved Jesus, my dreams seem so important to me, so right. How I long for them, work towards them, become engrossed in them. But You know all things, from the end to the beginning. You know if my dream will hurt others or even kill me. You are ultimately in control and no dream I desire can come to me except through Your hands. Help me come to You with my requests. Help me trust You and be patient as You work out all the details of my life.

Your dream is so much greater than mine.

Read the story of Rachel and Leah: Genesis 29:1-30:24 and Genesis 35:16-26 

Leah: Transformed by Prayer

Have you ever been tricked? Not a small practical joke, I mean something life-changing.

In Genesis 29, the story is told of Jacob who worked seven years to win the hand of lovely Rachel in marriage. After Jacob completed his seven years, Rachel's dad tricked him and placed older, and not so lovely, sister Leah in the marriage bed with Jacob. (One wonders, how did Jacob not notice?? But that's a story for another day...) In the morning when Jacob discovers the deception and complains, dad offers him Rachel as well.

Two sisters, one husband. Who feels tricked the most? Leah.

When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, He enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

Leah, through no fault of her own, found herself in a heart-breaking situation. Instead of having her own husband who loved her, as God intends for her and all His daughters, Leah's father forced her into a situation where she was in a marriage to a man who had multiple wives, and she was the one who was unloved.

But God sees Leah. God shows her special favor and allows her to have children, and not her sister Rachel, the much-loved wife. God says no to Leah's most desired prayer, to have Jacob love her, but God makes sure she feels valued and loved by Him. After many years, much misery and four children, Leah is grateful in a new way.

She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah (meaning "Praise"). 

Cell: My current method of prayer
Photo by myworldinclicks.com 

During the past few weeks a friend from church has been in a heart-breaking situation of her own. Her cancer was found early so her prognosis was good, but the treatment put her in the hospital twice. As we text-ed back and forth and fervently prayed for her recovery, we both discovered a profound comfort in seeking God. God does not answer always as we wanted, but the process of coming before Him with such an urgent need changes you. It changed me. My friend still suffered but she knew, without a doubt, that she was loved by God.

Sometimes God provides a miraculous end to a horrid situation. Sometimes God sits beside us while we go through it, if we seek Him. Sometimes, as He did with Leah, God shows us His special favor and mercy without changing the situation.

Beloved Jesus, You see our misery and You weep with us. Help us to turn to you for comfort. Allow Your presence to be felt. Allow my interaction with You to change my heart even if You do not change the situations that pain us. Thank You that You never leave us alone. You are as close as our next breath. We are so grateful, we praise You!

Read the story of Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29.

Ruth and Boaz: True Trust and True Love

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."  This famous quote is from Khalil Gibran.

That sounds so romantic, until you are up against the reality of loving someone, wanting someone, but then being open handed with the result. Then it feels like your heart is being ripped out.

What true love looks like

Boaz and Ruth determined that they wanted to be married and start a family according to the Levite law. However Boaz knew there was another man in town who was a closer relative and thus had first rights to Ruth and to the family inheritance. He knew according to the Law, he had to offer Ruth to this other relative. Boaz hoped the relative would not want her. However, he could not be sure.

Boaz could have just taken what he wanted. Ruth was willing and the other relative was unaware. However, Boaz did what was right according to God's Law. Boaz chose to truly trust his God.

How good are you at being open-handed and trusting God when it comes to important people in your life?

Honestly, I am not naturally good at this. I am a control-freak and my default is to manipulate situations to get the result I want or I think is best. This story reminds me that I have no idea of what is at stake in my decisions day to day. The story of Ruth and Boaz demonstrates that being in God's will makes a huge difference.  

Our choices may not seem to have implications for anyone else but ourselves, but that is short-sighted. Decisions made today have implications for our family, our children, our co-workers, neighbors, and others who watch us, way beyond what we can see. I need to take this seriously. If I did, I would pray more fervently, study God's Word more closely, be less impulsive and less controlling. I would trust my instincts less and God more. Because God knows what is best, and the end from the beginning. 

God can be trusted, even with the thing we want the most!

So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When he made love to her, the Lord enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son... And they named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David. 

Read the end of this love story in Ruth 4.

restore in a spirit of gentleness

What is your reaction to someone who hurts or offends you? How do you treat someone who has made a mistake?

At work, it's easy when someone else makes a mistake, at least for me. I point it out, and giggle and say, that's fine, next mistake is my turn. Because it usually is. I want to be gentle with others because I want them to be gentle with me. I want to correct mistakes because the work is important.

I think it is easy there because it is about the work and not about the people.

At home, it is much harder. I see something wrong, and I know it's wrong, and I turn the other way because confrontation is uncomfortable. I wait too long to speak up. By the time I do, I am so frustrated that even if I am not yelling, I still have that edge to my voice, and they know I am angry. When it is someone close to me, it is harder to be gentle. When it is my daughters, I confess, I still treat them as their momma, which I am, but they are adults now and not children. I don't always treat them with respect. I still speak to them in a way I would never dare speak to another adult.

My daughters are beautiful adult women now
and I must treat them as such!

Today this scripture from Galatians 6:1 jumped out at me.

My brothers,if someone is detected in some wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore that one in a spirit of gentleness, taking care lest you yourself be tempted. 

Note there is wrongdoing. It is not to be ignored. God wants to restore all things, make it right. He wants to use us in that process, but to do so in the spirit. He instructs us to gently restore, forgive, make it right from the fruit of the Spirit He planted inside of us.

Gentleness and humility are the keys to the process. No one likes to be corrected. No one wants to be caught in wrongdoing. It is painful, embarrassing. So I need to be kind and patient when correcting others. The other option is being angry, condemning, condescending, impatient. I have thought in the past that the louder I spoke, the more effective my words.  Nothing could be further from the truth. The softer my words, the more others will listen.

Father, it is so hard to do this consistently but I have experienced that this approach works! You want me to succeed in restoring others, especially those I love most. Please help me not shy away from speaking truth in love when it is needed. However, let me do it Your way. Give me Your wisdom, Your words, Your timing, Your gentleness from Your Holy Spirit. Let me expect great things because I can trust You.  

Ruth: Trusting in the Lord with all her heart

How do you react to unsolicited advice?

Not good? Me too! I struggle to even listen, especially if it is given to me in a harsh or dogmatic manner. And it is particularly hard to listen to if it is coming from my mother, even today, when she is 85 and I am 59. You think I would have outgrown this by now. Ok, so I no longer roll my eyes, curse her out or hang up on her. Now I merely smile, nod, and change the subject.

So I am very impressed with Ruth who graciously heard her mother-in-law's advice:

One day Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for. Boaz is a close relative of ours, and he’s been very kind by letting you gather grain with his young women. Tonight he will be winnowing barley at the threshing floor. Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. Be sure to notice where he lies down; then go and uncover his feet and lie down there. He will tell you what to do.”

Boaz's feet would never be as cute
as my Gio's feet

I can envision this conversation and immediately start thinking of excuses and reasons to smile, nod and change the subject. Ruth is to get all prettied up to uncover this older man's feet and sleep next to him. Boaz is probably 20 years older than Ruth.  He would have been working all day in the hot sun and then partying all evening. Uncovering his work-worn and smelly feet while he sleeps off a long day and wine-filled night hardly seems romantic. And it was also risky. What would he tell her to do? Naomi is purposefully vague about what would happen next.

Despite these concerns and the risk, Ruth replies:

“I will do everything you say,” So she went down to the threshing floor that night and followed the instructions of her mother-in-law.   

Boaz awakes and finds Ruth and commends her for her loyalty to Naomi because because she could have sought out a younger man. Boaz tells her he is willing to fulfill the obligation of family redeemer and marry her, but there is a catch. Another man in the village is more closely related to Naomi than Boaz and God's law demands he be offered Ruth first. Even though Ruth does as she has been instructed, she returns to Naomi in the morning with the matter unsettled.

Proverbs 3:4-5 tells us: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. 

Faith is easy when it doesn't cost you anything. It is one thing to say you believe in God, quite another to take a risk, or to be obedient to Him if it costs you something. But that is what Ruth does here.

I think Ruth obeys her mother-in-law because she trusted her. From years of living together, Ruth knew Naomi was wise in the ways of God and loved her as her own daughter. Ruth and Naomi's relationship with built over time. Trust is earned as trustworthiness is demonstrated. The same is true of our relationship with God. It doesn't happen all at once. It is not perfected in one incident. Over time, as we get to know God, we learn He is good, He is faithful, He is merciful, He is wise. God does not rush us in this process, He is patience.

Thank You, Beloved, that You are patient with me as I learn each day to trust You more with each detail of my life. As Naomi only told Ruth the first part of what needed to be done, You also only give me the next step to take and wait for my obedience. Over time, I have learned to trust You with the step You tell me to take and the step that I cannot yet see. You have shown me You are faithful and true. Continue to help me to trust You with all of my heart, as Ruth did. When it doesn't work out perfectly at first, help me to still wait in faith.

Read this part of Ruth's story in Ruth 3.

Naomi and Ruth: The Bitter and the Sweet

What is your reaction to difficult situations?

“Don’t call me Naomi ["pleasant"], she told them. “Call me Mara ["bitter"], because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

Naomi's reaction was to get bitter. It was hard to blame her. She had buried her husband and both her sons, so it is no wonder she was disheartened and felt stricken by God.

Ruth, however, had a different reaction. Ruth steadfastly clung to her mother-in-law, making the difficult journey to a strange land. When they arrived, she volunteered to follow the harvesters in the fields of local farmers who she hoped would take pity on her. She proved herself to be hard-working and courageous, since the harvest fields was a dangerous place for a young foreign woman.

When Boaz, the wealthy land-owner, noticed Ruth in his field, he commended her faithfulness to her mother-in-law and her trust in God. When he offered his protection and provision to Ruth, she responded with gratitude and obedience.

Like Naomi, Ruth had suffered a great loss. Not only did Ruth lose her husband, but she left her family and country behind to follow Naomi. Their reactions were different: Naomi was bitter, but Ruth was sweet.

Anger is contagious. When we live with a bitter person, we too can become bitter. Or we can make the choice, like Ruth did, to trust God, serve others, and be thankful.  

Women greatly influence the atmosphere of the home. No matter what circumstance we find ourselves in, our attitude is our choice, and that choice affects everyone we live with. We don't have to allow the mood and demeanor of others to dictate our actions. And when we choose to be calm, to have faith, to be thankful for the good in the situation, our home has peace.

It is hard to do this in our own strength! But God is faithful and His Spirit gives us power. In our study group this week, one of the women shared a story of an uproar in her home, but instead of reacting with anger, she looked up to God who gave her the power to stay calm. God helped her control her attitude and eliminate the turmoil.

Difficult situations reveal our character. I know I often don't like what is revealed in mine! But thanks be to God, we have the choice, and God is willing to help us to be sweet and not bitter, influencing those around us for good.  

So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah [about 30 pounds]. She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough. Her mother-in-law asked her, “Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!”

Father, make me like Ruth, grateful, hardworking, and full of faith in You. Help me to influence others for good!

Read the rest of the story in Ruth 1:19-2:23

Orpah's Choice

How do you make difficult choices?

Do you spend nights looking at the ceiling filled with worry? Do you poll your best girl friends? Do you search the internet? Do you call mom? Do you jump into a decision quickly, or wait until the last possible minute?

Naomi and her daughters-in-law Orpah and Ruth were in a tough spot and Orpah was faced with a difficult choice.

Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, both [sons] also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.

When Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there. With her two daughters-in-law she left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah. 

When the path gets dark up ahead, I wonder:
should I keep going or turn back to the familiar and the safe?

I imagine how they felt, filled with sorrow for their loss and concern for their future. Naomi is going to her homeland, Judah. But for Orpah and Ruth this would mean not only losing their husbands but also their families and homeland. That seems too much to bear. It is like traveling down the road into a dark turn. What is ahead? Is it even worse than this grief I am feeling?

But Naomi who loves them, gives them a generous out. Concerned for their futures, she urges them to go home to their families:

Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, "Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the Lord show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband." 

... they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye...

Orpah loved Naomi but returned home. It was the logical thing to be sure. Not only was Judah a strange country to Orpah, but Naomi could not be sure if she had any family left there. She had no way of supporting herself, let alone her daughters-in-law. Orpah was young and could depend on her family for provision and to eventually secure another husband for her in her homeland.

But there was a another factor, hidden, imperceivable, but absolutely most important. It can be seen in the next verse:

Ruth clung to her. "Look," said Naomi, "your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her."

Ruth replied, "Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God..."

 Ruth understood what Orpah did not.  Orpah's decision was not merely between staying in familiar places or moving on to a distant foreign land. It was not even a choice between her mother or her mother-in-law. Her choice was ultimately a choice of faith. Would she have faith in her gods of Moab? Or would she have faith in the God of Naomi, the God of Israel? Orpah did not make a bad choice. She made a reasonable choice, a prudent one based on everything she could see. What she could not see was that her choice would take her away from the one true God. While Ruth's choice seemed like a greater risk, it was actually the safest.

Truth be told, I often are more like Orpah than Ruth. I look around, consider the options, get advice from friends and the internet and jump to my conclusions, often to regret it later. Only recently am I becoming wise enough to pray, ask others to pray, and wait for the Lord to reveal His best way. Not all the time, but I am getting better.

When we choose based on faith, even when the path ahead seems dark and dangerous, it is the safest way to go.

Father, help me to look to You more often before I take a step. Help me seek You and wait for You, trusting You love me and Your ways are always best.

Orpah's story ends here. But Ruth's story goes on. Because following God is always the best path.

Orpah's story starts and ends in Ruth 1.

Rahab: The seamless unity of believing and doing

Rahab had a house in a great stone wall. Into this house she brought her family. And they waited. They waited while the enemy crossed the Jordan river. They waited while the enemy marched around the wall, again and again and again. They waited as the enemy shouted the name of their God, and then as the terrible shaking came and crushed the city wall. They waited as the enemy stormed the city. And finally the enemy came for them and brought them to safety.

Rahab trusted enemy spies more than her countrymen. She trusted the God of foreigners more than she trusted her own gods. Not just a little trust either--no, she trusted them with her life and the life of all her family members. So big was her faith in the God of Israel that she was able to convince her family to sit in her house in the great stone wall and wait for deliverance.

All around them, people of the city went on with their lives as usual, believing they were safe behind their great stone wall. They trusted their strength would save them, their wall would save them. And by all of the facts that could be seen, it was very reasonable to believe that.

What was different about Rahab? Why did she pick the Lord of Israel over her country and her gods? What did she see that the others did not?

We who believe in Jesus are like Rahab. Our faith in Him is a house in a stone wall. We sit and wait and know with a certainty that we are safe, that everyone and everything outside the house will be destroyed but deliverance will come to us. We try to tell our family and friends to join us inside the house in a way that is not weird -- but dang! -- it IS weird! It is crazy and illogical given all that is going on outside the house. But it's TRUE.

I am like Rahab. I sit in my room and read my Bible and write. I meet with other believers and discuss the scriptures. I live my life in a way that is different from others because I have seen what others have not. And I cannot un-see it. It is there, as plain as my hand in front of me. I don't know why God has chosen to show me. I am like Rahab the harlot after all, unpure and unworthy.

But I know Jesus is real and He is alive and that makes a difference in my life. And truth be told, I hate salesmen, but I am like them too, trying to convince even you, dear reader, that Jesus is real and He is alive, and you can trust Him to save you. Jesus loves you, and in the seamless unity of loving and doing, He gave His life for you. It may look weird, illogical, and crazy even. But it's TRUE...

Come into the stone wall house with me. Let us wait for His salvation together.

Is it not evident that a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works? The same with Rahab, the Jericho harlot. Wasn’t her action in hiding God’s spies and helping them escape—that seamless unity of believing and doing—what counted with God? (James 2:24-25)

Read about Rahab in Joshua, chapters 2 and 6 

Tamar: Desperate Measures

Have you ever run ahead of God and tried to fix things yourself?

I must confess, this is my usual modus operandi. I am always trying to fix things myself. It only occurs to me later that I should have waited, that I should have prayed first. It is only later that I realize that God may not have been in this. Usually I am sure I did the wrong thing when in the end things end up all wrong.

What Tamar did to fix things herself was absolutely scandalous!

Tamar was told, “Your father-in-law has gone to Timnah to shear his sheep.” She took off her widow’s clothes, put on a veil to disguise herself, and sat at the entrance to Enaim which is on the road to Timnah. She realized by now that even though Shelah was grown up, she wasn’t going to be married to him.

Judah saw her and assumed she was a prostitute since she had veiled her face. He left the road and went over to her. He said, “Let me sleep with you.” He had no idea that she was his daughter-in-law. 

My first thought was -- this was disgusting and humiliating! But Judah had left her with no good choices. She could take her case to the city gates and shame Judah into giving Tamar his last remaining son in marriage. Or she could have remained childless and unmarried in her fathers house. Her only chance of honor was to raise sons. Her duty was to produce an heir for Judah's family. Her only chance of survival was tied to her ability to bear children. So Tamar took matters into her own hands. She was not a harlot, but a woman determined to fulfill her destiny. The way she picked may not have been right in several respects. But is that the ultimate measurement of good?

In the end, God created a fruitful result from her choice.  Did she pray first and receive God's direction and blessing? We will never know. But God used this for good. In the end, Tamar produced twin sons. God used this to strengthen Judah's character. Ultimately, God uses Tamar and Judah to produce the lineage of Christ. Ultimately we find God using this situation for His glory.

Tamar faced an impossible situation, where there was no way out. But God took her out. It was amazing  Judah did not recognize her. Amazing that she conceived in a single act. Amazing that Judah did not have her burned anyway when she confronted him with his seal, cord and staff. Amazing that he took her into his home instead and raised the sons as his own. Amazing? Or was it God's miracle? A miracle from the hand of a merciful God who delights in restoring the broken. God transforms our biggest sins into glory.

No matter who has victimized us, no matter how far we have fallen, God alone can restore.

Father, help me remember, help me trust You. We don't know if Tamar prayed and asked You.  But I can pray and ask You before I move forward with my plans. Remind me, Beloved and I will give You all the glory. 

Read all of Tamar's story in Genesis 38, and also see Matthew 1:1-16

Lydia: A Strong Woman

What does God think of strong women?

Sometimes I wonder. Especially reading this verse from 1 Peter 3:3-5: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands...

A gentle and quiet spirit--that's what God says is beautiful. If so, I am in trouble. I have always been more of the rowdy and rough type, the "let's get going and get it done" type. More of a Martha than a Mary. But didn't God make me that way? Is this so bad?

Yesterday in life group we were introduced to a woman named Lydia, who Paul meets in Philippi. Lydia is a successful business woman, forceful and persuasive. She also had a heart for God.

On the Sabbath we went outside the city gate to the river, where we expected to find a place of prayer. We sat down and began to speak to the women who had gathered there. One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” And she persuaded us. (Acts 16:13-15)

God gives us all gifts and He intends for us to use them. God gives us gifts to us for His good and His glory. This is exactly what Lydia did. She brought used her strength to bring her household to faith.

God loves strong women. I am so glad. In the end I also remember that it takes inner strength to submit, to be humble and teachable. And it takes courage to have faith.

Thank you, Jesus for making me the strong woman I am.  May I always use my strength for Your good and Your glory!

Hannah: Great Faith Grows from Difficult Situations

He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. 

It is hard to imagine a life more difficult than to be married to a man who had two wives. Except if one of the wives was childless, and that wife was you. In two sentences, the author of the book of 1 Samuel created a picture of a heart-breaking situation.  But no, it gets worse.

Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”

So let's picture this: a life in a household full of children, none of them are yours, another woman who provokes you, and a husband who does not get it. Year after year after year. So it's no wonder that during holiday time, when the rest of the family is joyful and feasting, Hannah is inconsolable. Can you blame her?

Do you remember a Christmas, when everyone around you seemed jolly and in the holiday spirit, but your life was falling apart and it was all you could do to drag yourself out of bed? This is where we find Hannah.

Hannah in her anguish and desperation prays the scary prayer: Lord All-Powerful, you can see how sad I am. Remember me. Don’t forget me. If you will give me a son, I will give him to you. He will be yours his whole life. So God "remembers" her and gives her a son. Hannah demonstrates her great faith and integrity by fulfilling her vow, and returns her son to the priest to raise and serve the Lord in the temple.

Did you ever get so desperate that you prayed the scary prayer? The one where you are finally willing to risk all to the get the one thing from God you so urgently need?  From our point of view, it looks like God finally "remembers" us.  But God never forgot us. It is not like He is in heaven and sudden smacks His forehead and declares, "oh dear, I forget about Barbara!" No, His plans for us are perfect, planned ahead of time, since He created the world! As for Hannah and her son Samuel, God had huge plans. Samuel became a great judge and prophet in Israel, filled with the Holy Spirit.  He went on to anoint the first two kings of Israel: Saul and David. God always planned for Hannah to have a son, but He was working on Hannah's heart to be the woman she needed to be first.

As our small group read about Hannah's life together, we could not picture ourselves having enough faith to give our first child away to be raised by someone else, even if we had promised. But let's not be discouraged by our lack of faith. Instead, let's be amazed by what the Holy Spirit of God can do in a woman's life. Over years, and through circumstances, God strengthened Hannah's faith and encouraged her heart to be able to trust God with her precious son. That same Holy Spirit is working in our hearts as well, making us the women He always intended us to be. God transforms us through our prayers but also through the difficult circumstances we face day by day.

Was Hannah bitter over giving her son back to the Lord as she promised? Not at all. The Bible records her song of praise: Then Hannah prayed and said: “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance." I believe that even if Hannah's story ended here, Hannah would have had peace. But God has much better plans than that. And the Lord was gracious to Hannah; she gave birth to three sons and two daughters. Years later, Mary of Nazareth, as she rejoices in the Child in her womb, uses Hannah's words in her song of praise ( see Luke 1:46-55). Hannah's story of her faith and God's faithfulness, was used to encourage centuries of women.

Life is difficult, but God wastes none of our pain! He is working in our lives and hearts to make us women of great faith. God uses our lives to be encouragement to others. He never forgets us, but is working all things together for our good and His purposes.

Father, thank You reminding us of that, with Hannah's life!

Read Hannah's story in 1 Samuel 1 and 2. 

Read about the time I prayed the scary prayer and how it turned out for me: click here. 

Deborah: The wisdom to know and the courage to do it

Where in your life do you long for certainty and courage?


Now Deborah, a prophet, ... was leading Israel at that time.  She held court under the Palm of Deborah... and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. (Judges 4:4-5)

Deborah, a prophet and a Judge of Israel, possessed both certainty and courage. When she spoke, people listened, men went out to war, enemies were defeated. During a time when Israel's people were compromising in their devotion to God, when the next generation abandoned their faith, Deborah demonstrates what it means to hear from God and step forward in confidence.

A man named Sisera was the commander of King Jabin’s army... Sisera had 900 iron chariots, and he was very cruel to the Israelites for 20 years. So they cried to the Lord for help.

Because the people of Israel kept returning to their evil ways, God allowed the surrounding nations to cruelly oppress them, as King Jabin of Canaan did. Often we see the God of the Old Testament as harsh and unmerciful, but I think punishing the Israelites was ultimately a kindness. If God had not punished them, they would have never returned to the Lord for help. Evil ways lead to bad ends. Instead the Israelites returned to their faith.  

Deborah said to Barak, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go and gather 10,000 men from the tribes... Lead them to Mount Tabor. I will make Sisera, the commander of King Jabin’s army, come to you. I will make Sisera, his chariots, and his army come to the Kishon River. I will help you defeat Sisera there.’”

Deborah did not give Barak, the commander of Israel's army, just any advice, or even advice she thought was wise. Actually, it was crazy advice! Iron chariots -- and the enemy had 900! -- were like missile tanks of today. They gave the enemy a huge military advantage. Even Barak did not have the confidence to go into battle against them.  He insisted Deborah go with them. But Deborah was certain God Himself had spoken and her trust in God encouraged Barak and his army to obey. Deborah understood the risks: 10,000 lives of our countrymen were at stake. And yet, because she believed God, there was no doubt -- obedience was the safest path.

How do we hear from God like that? How do we have that kind of courage?

I think Deborah had a great deal of practice. She was tuned into God's voice and had seen that when she obeyed His word, God would show up in miraculous and powerful ways. She saw how when she followed God's word, He came through for her and her people as He said He would. Best of all the entire nation was influenced by her faith.

When we take the first step of obedience, and we see God show up for us, we can take the next step with confidence. It all starts with that first step. We must also remember that our faith, demonstrated in our actions, encourages others in their faith as well.

Father, make me like Deborah.  Help have the wisdom to know Your truth and then the courage to do it! Help me have the faith to take the next step.

Then Deborah said to Barak, “Get ready! This is the day the Lord will give you victory over Sisera, for the Lord is marching ahead of you.” So Barak led his 10,000 warriors down the slopes of Mount Tabor into battle. When Barak attacked, the Lord threw Sisera and all his chariots and warriors into a panic... Then Barak chased the chariots and the enemy army... killing all of Sisera’s warriors. Not a single one was left alive. 

Read the rest of Deborah's story in Judges 4 and 5.