simplicity of a child

Mark 10:1-15

"God made male and female to be together. Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity...

A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery."

It's hard to live with a man. I know, I do. The other ones, the ones you are not living with--not putting up with their long hours at work, bad tempers, annoying habits--they always look more attractive.

But that is because you are looking at them from afar.

It seems so much easier to discard the old and get something new and better. But it is a big lie. Love is really about what happens inside the commitment, the one-ness. It is about submission and sacrifice, patience and forgiveness, and those are not bad things. In the end they are life-giving and full of joy. In our disposable society, it is so tempting to allow your marriage to flow apart. It is so much work to keep it together, but it is worth it.

More than that, Jesus commands it. It is clearer in the Message translation: relationship hopping was never God's intent. It ruins the spirit of the completeness and union He intended in creation. "It is not good for the man to be alone." We are blessed as we cleave together and stay together.

Father, thank You for giving me a blessed marriage. Help me to guard my heart to be faithful always to my man, the one You gave me. Allow my heart to have the simplicity of a child in trusting that Your ways are right and true in asking us to commit totally to our marriage union. Let our example encourage others to do the same, to show it is possible to stay together and stay in love, as we entrust our lives and hearts to You.

take last place and be the servant of everyone else

Mark 9:30-50

The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of His enemies. He will be killed, but three days later He will rise from the dead...

Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else...

Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on My behalf welcomes Me, and anyone who welcomes Me welcomes not only Me but also My Father who sent Me...

If anyone gives you even a cup of water because you belong to the Messiah, I tell you the truth, that person will surely be rewarded...

If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off.

The path to greatness, the road to success is about death, being last, welcoming children, service, leaving your sin behind, violently if need be. It is opposite of the way of the world. It is self-sacrificing, humiliating, lonely and painful.

This is the road Jesus took. He did not demand worship, though He was God and deserved worship. Instead, He offered service and sacrifice. He healed and fed and comforted and taught.

No one wants to volunteer for this part of it, but this is the only way. And He did not, from the comfort of heaven, only point to it and teach it to us. No, He came and showed us. He went first. And so we must follow.

Father, forgive me when I forget that the small acts of service, unnoticed, are unimportant. You see it all and are pleased and will reward. Remind me to flee sin, to be violent and resolute about it if need be. Renew my heart by Your whisper that tells me You see me and I am Your beloved child. I love You!

His face and person yet glistening

Mark 9:14-29

And immediately all the crowd, when they saw Jesus returning from the holy mount, His face and person yet glistening, they were greatly amazed and ran up to Him and greeted Him.
And He asked them, About what are you questioning and discussing with them?

And one of the throng replied to Him, Teacher, I brought my son to You, for he has a dumb spirit. And wherever it lays hold of him so as to make him its own, it dashes him down and convulses him, and he foams at the mouth and grinds his teeth, and he falls into a motionless stupor and is wasting away. And I asked Your disciples to drive it out, and they were not able to do it.

Jesus had just been transfigured, for a few moments, morphing into who He really is in glory, beyond His human body, and with the remains of that glory still clinging to Him, He returns down the mountain to the crowd.

But they don't notice!

They are intent on their own questions, their own problems, their own agenda. And even in hindsight, I have read this so many times, that I almost miss it as I read.

Jesus is God Almighty, glorious, glistening, other-worldly in substance and power is in their midst.

Oh, they do flock to Him, but not in worship, but with their issues. He knows He is almost at the end of His time on earth and His disciples will need to carry on, but they can't yet. They could not cast out this demon and heal the boy. But Jesus in His compassion and humility, is not deterred nor does He rebuke them. Instead He heals and encourages their faith and belief in Him.

This man, the father, is smart enough to know that although Jesus' disciples were unable to heal, Jesus still could. We could learn from this father. When the disciples of Jesus let us down, when the church lets us down, when our Christian friends let us down, (and they will!) still we need to run to Jesus who is greater, always greater.

Father, I am just like them! I run to You in prayer, but it is with my list and not to bow at You feet to worship You in glory! I do not notice that Your face is glistening. I focus instead on my agenda, my issues, my concerns. Father, remind me to begin my prayers with worship of You, in Your holiness and beauty and compassion and faithfulness and might. As I notice these things, as I ponder these things, it helps my unbelief.

be treated with utter contempt

Mark 9:1-13

Jesus’ appearance was transformed and His clothes became dazzling white, far whiter than any earthly bleach could ever make them. Then Elijah and Moses appeared and began talking with Jesus ... Then a cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son. Listen to him.”
Suddenly, when they looked around, Moses and Elijah were gone, and they saw only Jesus with them.

Here it is again, that other reality breaking into our world. Jesus is transformed before Peter, James and John, His glory temporarily breaking through His humanity. I love how The Message describes it: "His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes." The Holy Spirit inside Him broke through.

This is the transformation I want too! I long for the Holy Spirit You have given me to transform my heart and my mind so that I can display Your glory.

And yet, this glorious Jesus allowed mere men to treat Him with utter contempt. He hid His glory from their eyes and submitted to their hatred and violence, in order to save us.

They did not recognize Him. Nor did they see His world.

Father, help me to see and to live in Your kingdom reality. Give me peace as others also treat me with contempt. Help me to follow You and trust You in all things.

My way, to saving yourself, your true self

Mark 8:27-38

"Anyone who intends to come with Me has to let Me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow Me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, My way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

"If any of you are embarrassed over Me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when He arrives in all the splendor of God, His Father, with an army of the holy angels."

There is a reality beyond what we see. And that reality is huge, enormous, beyond words magnificent. It is hidden from the eyes of the world at large, and the pathway is also hidden to this unseen reality.

The pathway is self-sacrifice.

Everything around us and everything within us fights against this truth. As we see Peter here trying to deter Jesus from destruction from Peter's perception, but Jesus understands, this is the true road to paradise.

Take up your cross.

When we follow Jesus, this is where it leads us. To submission, to rejection, to having less, but having it all. It is not that we enjoy pain, it is an understanding of true worth. Not that we can really understand or even choose the right thing. He chooses for us as we choose to follow Him.

All the disciples knew was that He was the Christ, the Messiah. And that was all they needed to know. After that, they knew they had to follow Him. There was not one else to turn to, and no matter how it turned out, they were in. They sided with His party.

Father, I am here on earth and it is so real to me! I cannot deny my flesh for long and my eyes can see the world so clearly. Mostly as Peter did, I see things merely from a human point of view, not from Yours. Please open my eyes, and when I cannot see, help me to cling to You. I want to follow You even when I cannot see, because only You know the way.

He had spit on the man’s eyes

Mark 8:1-26

Some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When He had spit on the man’s eyes and put His hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”

Once more Jesus put His hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

Not only do I notice that each healing is different in detail, but here I notice an interesting thing.

Jesus is weird.

I mean, why did He spit on the man's eyes? Did He have to do it that way? It's, well, it's disgusting! And as I look at this with new eyes, I notice that if I was there, quite honestly, I would think Jesus was weird and I would start thinking of ways to re-direct Him so He wouldn't be so offensive at times.

Even to the Pharisees, Jesus is downright rude in this passage. Couldn't He be more cordial? More polite? More politically correct? I mean, the Pharisees were the heavy-weights of the religious world.

But Jesus is not weird. He is perfect, by definition. He is God. He doesn't have to impress people, or show people who He is, or try to be popular, or ask people to "Like" Him on Facebook. We don't have to approve or even understand Him. And we certainly do not need to change Him.

So of course, this leads me to remember all the other men I have tried to re-direct. Maybe that was a bad idea. Maybe. Maybe they were more like Jesus than I am, and my definition of weird is off.

Maybe I am being judgmental. Ya think?

Father, help me to see You with new eyes, and to see Your beloveds with new eyes too. Help me be less judgmental and more loving. Let me love even the weird people. Because only then am I loving You.

she kept begging Him

Mark 7:24-37

At once, a woman whose little daughter had, was under the control of, an unclean spirit heard about Him and came and flung herself down at His feet. Now the woman was a Greek, a Syrophoenician by nationality. And she kept begging Him to drive the demon out of her little daughter.

And He said to her, First let the children be fed, for it is not becoming or proper or right to take the children's bread and throw it to the little house dogs.

But she answered Him, Yes, Lord, yet even the small pups under the table eat the little children's scraps of food.

And He said to her, Because of this saying, you may go your way; the demon has gone out of your daughter permanently.

On Sunday, Pastor Tim talked about prayer and my heart opened up to a great truth: be bold, be honest. Pastor Tim said God always answers: sometimes He says NO, sometimes He says GROW (we need to grow/mature before God can give us what He has planned for us), sometimes He says SLOW (I am always in a hurry, God is not), and sometimes God says GO (or YES, my favorite answer).

For me, it is all about control. I want to know what to expect, what will happen, when I pray. But God is so unpredictable. You never know what He is going to do, or how He is going to answer. I realized then how much I want to control the outcome. Almost like I'd rather pray a lesser prayer and be more confident of the outcome, than to pray the bold prayer and worry about the rejection of getting a NO.

That's why this story is so important. Look how shamelessly bold this Greek woman is! She does not care even how Jesus answers her, she is relentless in her pursuit of a healing for her daughter. Father, this is how I want to be all the time. I want to be totally honest with what I want and think I need so You and I can wrestle with these things and I can receive Your answer in truth. I want to trust You so much that I can rest in You controlling the outcome.

However, contrast this with the story that follows about the deaf mute who was healed. He did NOTHING!! He said nothing. And still Jesus healed him. We cannot control Jesus by doing anything--it is ALL about HIS mercy.

Yesterday I had jury duty. As I went through the process of signing in, being called and questioned, it became very real to me that the judge was in control of my life for perhaps a few days, perhaps a few weeks. There was nothing I could do.

Free fall. That is really how life is, all else is an illusion of control. I need to give it up, Father, and ask for what I need and let the chips fall where they may. I need to rest in the fact of Your wisdom and Your love. In all cases, every answer, the NOs, GROWs, SLOWs and GOs are all a product of your love. You who made me, love me, saved me, are better at choosing. Let me say with those who saw you in Mark's gospel:

He has done everything excellently, commendably and nobly! He even makes the deaf to hear and the dumb to speak!

It comes from within

Mark 7:1-23

For the Pharisees and all of the Jews do not eat unless [merely for ceremonial reasons] they wash their hands [diligently up to the elbow] with clenched fist, adhering [carefully and faithfully] to the tradition of [practices and customs handed down to them by] their forefathers [to be observed]...

And [Jesus] said, What comes out of a man is what makes a man unclean and renders [him] unhallowed... All these evil [purposes and desires] come from within, and they make the man unclean and render him unhallowed.

We're reading a book by that name, by Andy Stanley. Actually I bought it and Al grabbed it and started reading it first. Here is that scripture-source -- evil comes from our hearts, from within.

It strikes me how "carefully and faithfully" the Pharisees were to follow their own traditions, and how careless and faithless they were about the things of God--the things He specifically laid out in His Law.

How am I different? In my house, I have a way to do things. A way to do the laundry, stack the dishes in the drainer, select foods at the supermarket. Now that I am working full time and Al has been trying to help me more, we talked about that, how I insist on my own way and how that discourages him to help me. Why can't I be just as eager to follow God's clear commands? Why do I insist on my own way?

It's because I think I am so smart, so right, so good. That is just what the Pharisees thought here. They thought they were so smart, so right, so good, that in fact, they totally missed the Messiah, the one their nation had been waiting for.

What am I totally missing?

Father, humble my heart to hear Your Word. Empower my heart to follow Your commands carefully and faithfully. For Your Word is truth and Your commands sweet life to my body. Let me not miss it. Let me see You clearly.

as many as touched Him were restored

Mark 6:30-56

But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

This sections starts and ends with the crowds running to Jesus and His great compassion for them. Even though Jesus intended to go away with His disciples for a rest, He was driven with the compassion He had towards His people. He could not turn away from them, and He healed and fed them.

Part of His plan for the disciples, and for us it seems, is to love His people with the deep compassion and passion as He did. But also to grasp and rely on God's power within us. We give up too soon, sense the impossible, even when God fully intends to do the miraculous. I wonder why God does so little in our midst, but do I trust Him for the bigger things? I think to myself, yes, it is foolish that the disciples were amazed that Jesus walked on water after He just fed 5,000 men plus their families with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, but am I any different? Is not my heart just as dull as theirs?

And He went up into the boat with them, and the wind ceased (sank to rest as if exhausted by its own beating). And they were astonished exceedingly, beyond measure, for they failed to consider or understand the teaching and meaning of the miracle of the loaves; in fact their hearts had grown callous and had become dull and had lost the power of understanding.

All this action, Lord, can be distracting. It seems what You are really trying to tell us is that You adore us, love us with such tenderness, in fact, that you cannot turn away from our pain and need. But we don't trust You. You did all this because You wanted us to believe and trust You. And I don't enough.

And wherever He came into villages or cities or the country, they would lay the sick in the marketplaces and beg Him that they might touch even the fringe of His outer garment, and as many as touched Him were restored to health.

Beloved, You created universes from Your spoken word, from the heights of the sky to the depths of the sea, to the microscopic parts of our wondrous bodies. Nothing is impossible for You! Allow me to know the difference between the vain imaginations of my own heart, and the truly miraculous that You desire to do with our hands. Help us to run to You, reach out to You, and not be afraid because You Are.

His head on a platter

Mark 6:14-29

Herod was in awe of John. Convinced that he was a holy man, he gave him special treatment. Whenever he listened to him he was miserable with guilt—and yet he couldn't stay away. Something in John kept pulling him back...
...Unwilling to lose face with his guests, he caved in and let her have her wish. The king sent the executioner off to the prison with orders to bring back John's head.

The story turns back to John the Baptist, demonstrating that loving God is not about getting the life you always wanted, but losing your life. Sometimes, God causes miracles and saves lives. Sometime, inexplicably, almost randomly, evil prevails (see Acts 12). It makes it difficult to believe in God's goodness. Makes you think twice about telling the truth about God's holiness, as that was what John did that cost him his head.

And yet, Father, although I may never lose my head for serving You, I have lost other things, maybe lessor things, but loss just as well. And I hold them up beside You and they are not worthy of my days. Your beauty, siding with Your party was so much sweeter than anything else I could have ever had or done.

But back to Herod. In contrast, he did not have the courage, the humility, whatever it takes to say yes to You. He knew!! He knew what John said was true. And yet, he could not leave the depth of his sin to come to You. He continued to wallow in the mire of it. What a sad, sad man.

And yet, at the time, I am sure as the disciples of John carried his body off to bury him with dignity, they must have wondered about it with deeply broken hearts. Was it worth it? Is God really good?

There are times in our lives where we all wrestle with these things. When I think of people, good people who I loved dearly, who died young, I wonder about Your purpose, Father. But in the end, You are beautiful and true and there is no where else to go. Whatever it takes, whatever I lose, I choose You!
I choose You!

telling everyone they met

Mark 6:7-13

"... if any community will not receive and accept and welcome you, and they refuse to listen to you, when you depart, shake off the dust that is on your feet, for a testimony against them."

I still worry about what people think of me. I worry about offending them, turning them off to Christianity. I was re-reading Blue Like Jazz today and could really relate to what Don Miller said: "So much of me believes strongly in letting everybody live their own lives, and when I share my faith, I feel like a network marketing guy trying to build my down line." Sometimes when I talk, I feel like I am selling religion, trying to make it sound appealing, or worse, selling my church.

I also feel like I am going to let God down, mess it up for Him with other people. I don't know how to do it right, I don't know how to make people respond well. Truth be told, I am an awful salesman.

The point is not, as Don Miller points out, to get other people to agree with your beliefs, or to change religions, or even become a Christian, whatever that means. It is about introducing them to Jesus. Telling them that I believe Jesus loves me, even likes me. And that He loves them too.

But their response, whether they believe or not, no matter what I tell them, or how I do it, is not about me at all. It is about them. Their choice is to believe or not.

My choice is to be courageous and tell. Or not.

Father, help me to share how You love me, and with these others, in a good and pure way. And help me not to blame myself for their response. It is really between You and them. Not me. Help me see that in a way that encourages me to tell them about You.

So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God. And they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil.

He’s just a carpenter

Mark 6:1-6

They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him.

Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” And because of their unbelief, He couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place His hands on a few sick people and heal them. And He was amazed at their unbelief.

In contrast to Jesus being amazed at faith, here He is amazed at unbelief. But even worse, these are the people in His own neighborhood, people who He grew up with, who knew Him.

It is easy to be impressed at someone's faith and spiritual gifts who we do not know, and harder to accept that the people we do know and are close to are able to change and grow in God. But that is unbelief in the power of the Holy Spirit. Help me to remember people grow up Spiritually like my grandson grows tall and to see old friends in new spiritual realms, because the Spirit does work in people, even people we know! I am amazed how God has worked in my husband Al. He is truly a new man! Help me to guard against being offended at the growing faith of others, or being cautious to trust it. Help me to remember that I am really trusting You, Father.

The other point is the lack of Christ's power in the face of their unbelief. On one hand we need to remember, God works often in spite of us. But how much more He would work if we would believe Him for bigger things! I want to find out, Father! I want my faith to be bigger - to be foolish in my trusting in You! Help me, Beloved, trust You more, to trust You totally.

You took a risk of faith

Mark 5:21-43

Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague."

While he was still talking, some people came from the leader's house and told him, "Your daughter is dead. Why bother the Teacher any more?"

Jesus overheard what they were talking about and said to the leader, "Don't listen to them; just trust Me."
I don't trust Jesus for healing. There, I said it, confessed it. I pray, but I don't believe. I pray small so as not to risk looking stupid ... or what?

But the gospels are clear, especially Mark. Jesus doesn't even waste time teaching much, He just does miracles, and especially He heals. He can hardly help Himself. The young and the old. Here we see two especially hopeless cases. This poor woman was sick for decades and treated probably in every different way under the sun. And the girl could not even speak for herself, because she was dead. You don't get much more hopeless than dead.

And each time it is different. The woman with bleeding didn't even want to ask, she felt so unclean and unworthy that she preferred to stay hidden. She only reached to touch Him and was healed. The young girl did not have to do anything, even have faith. She was dead! It was almost like Jesus was just showing off. There is no pattern. There is only mercy and hope.

Faith is a risk. It is a risk to ask the Father, because sometimes He does say no. But when He says yes, what a great miracle that is! How blessed He seems, at the woman's faith, so He blesses her, makes her healed and whole, something that never would have happened if she did not take the risk.

Father, help me take the risk of faith to trust You for the big things and trust that even if You say no, I will be able to withstand it. There are some prayers that will never be answered if I do not pray them. Help me to pray them and not to listen to others, not even to listen to the voice that tells me You will not help me. Let me only hear the one that says, "Just trust Me."

Tell them everything the Lord has done for you

Mark 5:1-20

Then those who had seen what happened told the others about the demon-possessed man and the pigs. And the crowd began pleading with Jesus to go away and leave them alone.

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon possessed begged to go with him. But Jesus said, “No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been.” So the man started off to visit the Ten Towns of that region and began to proclaim the great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed at what he told them.

This story of Mark is exhausting, just reading it! Jesus, how comforted I am to know You really understand and can sympathize with the busy-ness of our lives!

Again I find interesting the vastly different reactions to Jesus. They saw the same miracle, the towns people and the man who had been demon possessed, and yet, the townspeople wanted Jesus to go away, and the man who had been demon possessed wanted to go with Jesus. Unlike Matthew and the other disciples, this man was not invited to follow Jesus. His job was no less important: to tell others what had been done for him. This reminds me how we are all called to different things, some to follow Jesus and teach, others to share in testimony, but all are important to the kingdom. Especially people who have experienced a miracle at the hands of Christ, need to be willing to, and invited to tell their story, because it often creates responses of faith.

Jesus, help me to hear where You want me to go, and what You want me to do, not looking to the left or the right, but to follow Your voice and trust You, indeed rest in You. Remind me that the small portion You have given me is important and my contribution is valuable. Let me be active and passionate to show love to others in the way You have shown it to me.

Who is this?

Mark 4:35-41

Suddenly a windstorm struck the lake. Waves started splashing into the boat, and it was about to sink. Jesus was in the back of the boat with his head on a pillow, and he was asleep. His disciples woke him and said, "Teacher, don't you care that we're about to drown?"


Jesus got up and ordered the wind and the waves to be quiet. The wind stopped, and everything was calm. Jesus asked his disciples, "Why were you afraid? Don't you have any faith?"

Now they were more afraid than ever and said to each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Today , it struck me why this exercise to blog every day about Mark's gospel is so difficult -- the stories are so familiar. At first glance (and second and third) nothing jumped out at me. But as I diligently mediated on this passage, I am reminded that scripture is so deep, we cannot exhaust it's wealth no matter how many times we study it.

I find so comforting the disciples struggled with the same questions I have when I am facing a storm, even a storm Jesus instructed me to row into: (1) Are You aware? (2) Do You care?

Even though I know how the story ends even before I begin to read it, the disciples did NOT know. As they woke up Jesus, they did not expect Him to calm the storm. Maybe they wanted Him to help bail, or did not want Him to drown in His sleep. They were amazed and surprised when He calmed the sea.

On the other hand, Jesus rebuked them for their lack of faith. After all the miracles they had already seen, His take was, they should not be asking "who is this?" They were the closest to Him. They saw all His miracles. They should have known! They should have known the answers to those questions -- Yes, God is aware and yes, He does care -- PLUS God is powerful enough to intervene -- in a BIG way.

But they did not. And often, neither do I! And I pray feeble little prayers like I have a feeble little God. Forgive me!

Pastor Ed often encourages us to pray: "God surprise me today with Your goodness." That is certainly what Jesus did here--surprised them with His goodness, even with their lack of faith. Matter of fact, it is good to note, even though they did not believe He was aware, cared or could calm the sea, still He did. His mercy does not depend on our faith. Even when we are faithless, He is faithful. (2 Timothy 2:13)

Jesus, I thank You for all the times You have surprised me with Your goodness and Your power. I thank You that Your mercy and goodness does not depend on my faith. Surprise me with Your wonders and goodness anew. Help my faith be contagious and beautiful and give glory to You.

If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear.

Mark 4:21-34

And [Jesus] said to them, "Is the lamp brought in to be put under a peck measure or under a bed, and not to be put on the lampstand? Things are hidden temporarily only as a means to revelation. For there is nothing hidden except to be revealed, nor is anything temporarily kept secret except in order that it may be made known. If any man has ears to hear, let him be listening and let him perceive and comprehend."

And He said to them, "Be careful what you are hearing. The measure of thought and study you give to the truth you hear will be the measure of virtue and knowledge that comes back to you--and more besides will be given to you who hear. For to him who has will more be given; and from him who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away by force."

We are currently doing a marriage course at church, and a recent class talked about communication. After listening to the teaching I realized how terrible I am at communication, and especially listening, to Al in particular. I have this terrible habit of zoning off into my own little world while listening to the sweet sound of his voice. The worse part is, it hurts Al's feelings deeply when I do this. Often when he realizes I am not listening, he stops talking altogether. I have been trying to be more careful to really pay attention.

Today, I talked to Al during the day, and talked with him after work, while he fixed my car, during dinner, and while he prepared for bed. It was only at almost midnight before he just left for work that he told me the thing laying heaviest on his heart. Last night Al learned that a man from work, only 44 years old, died suddenly. He was a good, honest man, Al said, and he had known him for years. I thought it was funny that he waiting until the last possible second of the day to tell me this. If it was me, I would have come out and told him right off. But Al is not like that. He had to warm up before he could speak of it.

Sometimes I think God is like that too. He wants to see if we are really listening, as we read His word, or listen to teaching, or even when we pray. Are we quiet in our souls? Are our thoughts zoning off into our own little world, as we listen to teaching, or even as we try to pray? Are we too busy doing things and planning things that all we hear is blah blah blah? And when we DO hear, do we obey? Or do we just say, "oh, that's nice," and continue on as before?

I think, like Al, God's feelings are hurt deeply when we do not listen to Him. And He stops talking to us. God longs to be partners with us, in our lives and in building His Kingdom. He wants to tell us everything and help us understand. But He cannot make us listen. That is up to us, our part of the dance we do with Him.

Father in Heaven, please help me to listen to You and to Al with more passion and purpose. It is only by Your mercy we are still on earth together! Help me enjoy our days while we have them. Help me to enjoy You too!

the worries of this life

Mark 4:1-20

"The farmer plants seed by taking God’s word to others. The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message, only to have Satan come at once and take it away.

The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word.

The seed that fell among the thorns represents others who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced."

After my husband Al committed his life to the Lord, a dear woman from my church, Lyn, would tell me how she continued to pray for his faith fervently. I did not understand this. We prayed so hard for him to receive the Lord, I did not understand why we were not "done" with that request and could go on to pray for other things. But these verses explain that.

Even after, or maybe especially after, we commit our lives to Christ, we continue to have the danger of our fruitfulness being compromised by persecution and the worries of this life. How true I know this! Today, we are concerned about Al's brother, who is in the hospital, without insurance, concerned about his placement into a rehab facility. It consumed my day with worry. Being fruitful is the issue, because when you are concerned about yourself and your issues, you cannot be concerned with expanding the Kingdom. When we do not have the deep roots of good devotional practices, of personal study, worship, prayer, and sitting under good teaching, it is easy to fall away from the truth, even after it has been accepted.

Like babes, new believers must be nurtured and loved, fed and comforted, and after a time, be encouraged and challenged to walk on their own and to give back as they have been given. They need places to go to, but also people with more mature faith, to run after them, as the Good Shepherd, and bring them back to the fold when they stray.

Father thank You for putting people like that in my life. Please help me be that to others. And help me see the worries of this life through the lens of Your love for me and ultimate power. Let me present them to You, placed at the foot of Your cross. And let my fruitfulness be 100-fold!

And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!

He would send them out to proclaim the Word

Mark 3:7-35

"I'm warning you. There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven. But if you persist in your slanders against God's Holy Spirit, you are repudiating the very One who forgives, sawing off the branch on which you're sitting, severing by your own perversity all connection with the One who forgives."

The litmus test is our reaction to Jesus. Everything wrong we do can be forgiven. But if we can not believe Jesus is the God who saves, there is no one left to save us.

But belief must lead to action for it to be real. "The person who obeys God's will is My brother and sister and mother," Jesus says at the end of the chapter. Jesus is inviting us all to become part of His family. It is free but not cheap. It comes with surrender. It is confusing! We cannot do anything to merit or lose God's favor, and yet, obedience must be the RESULT of our faith, or our faith is not real.

The players in the drama continue to have different reactions to Jesus:

The crowd of hurting people were pushing and shoving to get near and touch Him. They wanted something from Him.

Evil spirits recognized Him, fell down and cried out. They knew and feared Him.

His friends heard what was going on and went to rescue Him, by force if necessary. They suspected he was getting carried away with Himself. They wanted to save Him from Himself.

The religion scholars from Jerusalem were spreading rumors that He was working black magic, using devil tricks. They were jealous of Him and wanted to eliminate Him.

Even His own mother, brothers and sisters were concerned about Him. They wanted to mother Him and was not able to believe He was who he was, yet.

Jesus did not allow any of that to deter Him, change His approach or His message.

Father, this is what I need to do as I share my life with others. Share Your message and not be concerned about the reactions of others. I am overly concerned with pleasing people and what their reactions will be to me, and my words about You. Help me to shine Your light and not be concerned with their reactions, only monitor my own reactions, my own motives, my own heart.

Jesus, I want to be Your sister, Your bride! Help my faith so I can better obey in all things, but especially to share Your Good News!

Sabbath Best

Mark 3:1-6 (MSG)

Then [Jesus] went back in the meeting place where He found a man with a crippled hand. The Pharisees had their eyes on Jesus to see if He would heal him, hoping to catch Him in a Sabbath infraction. He said to the man with the crippled hand, "Stand here where we can see you."

Then He spoke to the people: "What kind of action suits the Sabbath best? Doing good or doing evil? Helping people or leaving them helpless?" No one said a word.

He looked them in the eye, one after another, angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion. He said to the man, "Hold out your hand." He held it out—it was as good as new! The Pharisees got out as fast as they could, sputtering about how they would join forces with Herod's followers and ruin him.

Agendas. We all have them. Jesus had one and so did the Pharisees. Jesus' agenda was to do His Father's will--teach about the reality of the Kingdom come and to heal. Jesus could not, would not, turn away from the man with the crippled hand. He noticed him right off, and would not leave without healing him. And the consequences did not matter, only following the Father's will for this man to have two good hands.

The Pharisees' agenda was to throw dirt on Jesus. And they did. Nothing would change their minds about Jesus--not what He did or what He said. And even in His anger at them, He still hurt for them, as the Amplified says, "grieved at the hardening of their hearts."

Hearts. We all have them. Does our heart break like Jesus for those who are hurting? Are we more concerned with doing the Father's will and pleasing our Father than pleasing the crowd? Are our words healing and encouraging or are do they accuse, blame and criticize like the Pharisees?

As I think on this, Beloved, I remember all my hurtful accusations, blame and criticism towards those I loved the most. How You must have been grieved at my hard heart! Help me to do the Sabbath Best. Help me to say healing words every day of the week!

new wine and new wineskins

Mark 2:18-28

And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; if he does, the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost and the bottles destroyed; but new wine is to be put in new (fresh) wineskins.

There was a large cement stadium near our home at Foley Field. It has been there for all of my life, however, the last few years it had begun to crumble, and the town voted to have it rebuilt. Today I drove past it, and the large impressive cement structure had been reduced to rubble, large broken up stones waiting to be carted away. Such is life. Old things crumble and can no longer be used, and new things come to take their place.

The same with the Church. The message of good news stays the same, the essence of it, but as culture changes, the expression of it morphs to speak to the next generation. Also, as the scribes show here, sometimes our religious systems get too inbred and we lose the meanings of the law, and instead merely follow the traditions and the rules. It is not that good men mean to go astray, but the truth is, even for the righteous, there is a danger to go off to the left or the right. But God is faithful to allow old damaging ways to begin to crumble, and to be bring in the new to take its place.

As now I am the older woman, it is getting easier for me to hold onto the predictable and comfortable when in fact, it is crumbling and really dangerous like the Foley stadium was.

My grandson, Giovanni, will never remember the old cement Foley stadium. At age 4, he is too young. He will always remember whatever will be built in its place. However, the spirit of the place, a place where town sports can be enjoyed, will remain the same.

Father, help me not fear when the old crumbles, but trust in You, that You are always doing a new thing, and it is good.

side with My party

Mark 2:13-17

Jesus went out again along the seashore; and all the multitude kept gathering about Him, and He kept teaching them. And as He was passing by, He saw Levi (Matthew) son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax office, and He said to him, Follow Me! [Be joined to Me as a disciple, side with My party!] And he arose and joined Him as His disciple and sided with His party and accompanied Him. (AMP)

It is pretty amazing to be singled out from a multitude of people and to be invited to a party. It is interesting to consider who Jesus invites and how He does it. I love how the Amplified version puts it: "side with My party."

Jesus calls Matthew the tax collector, the sinner and not the religious scribes. Matthew's response is to leave his table and follow Jesus. Contrast this with the scribes, who, as the Amplified Bible puts it, are "belonging to the party of the Pharisees." Unlike Matthew, who recognizes the good news of Jesus calling him, the scribes sit in judgment of Jesus and criticize Him, saying, "Why does He eat and drink with tax collectors and notorious sinners?" Scribes do not side with Jesus' party but instead, belong to another. One has to pick a party. One or the other and not both.

Out of the multitude, Jesus calls us too, to "side with His party." Or we can choose to sit with those others who judge and criticize. And do not be deceived, if we side with Jesus' party, we will also be judged and criticized as well. Worse, when we extend love and mercy and compassion to those who are of the more notorious kind of sinners, we can be misunderstood even by those who claim to believe the Good News.

Thank You, Jesus, for calling me too! Yes, I am glad to follow and side with Your party. But Beloved, sometimes it is difficult to deal with the criticism in a way that honors You, with a peaceful confidence that You are with me. Help me, Beloved! Give me your power to love the those who still have not chosen Your party and to help them to see Your beauty by the type of life I lead and the love I show them. Help me to keep on and not to give up hope. Help me to be patient and trust in You and Your perfect timing!

That you may know

Mark 2:1-12

Recently I read a Christian book and they were discussing the power guilt had on our lives, and as I read it, I vividly remembered that sin. Maybe you have a sin like this too. It was so ugly and so huge that it never gets forgotten. It does not get talked about because it is too horrific and embarrassing. But worst of all, it is the type of sin that keeps haunting me, as my life journey continues and I meet repeatedly with the same exact temptation again...and I wonder, would I succumb to this sin again?

It keeps coming up like this, and I tell myself, because I know better...Jesus has forgiven me, He has paid the penalty, it is over, and so I take a big breath and life goes on.

Yet still there is this nagging thing in me, did I repent enough? Did I confess to the right people at the right time in the right way? Do I avoid this sin enough? Is there something wrong about me, deep inside me that cannot be righted somehow?

Enter the paralyzed man, from the roof, no less. His friends carry him to see Jesus, unable to get in the door for the crowd, they climb up on the roof, carrying their friend, break open the roof and lower him to Jesus. Jesus takes one look at him and the faith of his friends and is amazed and said "Son, your sins are forgiven."

I can almost picture the paralyzed man, who expected Jesus to heal him, begin to weep as he hears this from Jesus. Because Jesus looked into his heart and saw what the paralyzed man needed most.

What we all need most. Forgiveness.

We can't see forgiveness. It is not big or small, blue or red, smooth or rough. Forgiveness is invisible, like the wind, we cannot see it, only its affects. But that is what He came to do, that was His purpose: our forgiveness. As the Amplified Bible puts it: the penalty is remitted, the sense of guilt removed, and you are made upright and in right standing with God.

Sometimes it is hard to believe Jesus can, or even is willing to forgive us, repeatedly, of our ugly, horrific, devastating sins. Like the scribes did that day, we say to ourselves, Who can forgive sins, remove guilt, remit the penalty, and bestow righteousness instead, except God alone? We have difficulty believing too. So we feel guilty still even when Jesus removed it, we try to pay back with good works or devotions when Jesus remitted the penalty and paid our debt in full, we try to act righteous, when Jesus has bestowed righteousness on us as a free gift.

But Jesus is patient and willing to teach us and show us.

"But that you may know positively and beyond a doubt that the Son of Man has right and authority and power on earth to forgive sins"--[Jesus] said to the paralyzed man, "I say to you, arise, pick up and carry your sleeping mat, and be going on home." And he arose at once and picked up the sleeping mat and went out before them all, so that they were all amazed and recognized and praised and thanked God.

Jesus did miracles as signs. Signs that He is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, and that He has the right and authority and power on earth to forgive sins. He will heal our bodies finally in Heaven. But most importantly, most urgently, He needs us to know beyond a doubt that He has forgiven us our sins. All our sins.

Even that most ugly, horrific, embarrassing sin and He loves us dearly. Anyway.

Beloved Jesus, help me to believe You and and know that guilt is not mine--You have given me Your righteousness!

You are My Beloved Son; in You I am well pleased

Mark 1:9-45

Jesus bursts into the scene, and Mark's first chapter continues with a whirlwind of activity surrounding Jesus. And all who came into contact with Jesus, reacted to Him differently.

• God the Father was well pleased with Him.

• The Holy Spirit filled and anointed Him.

• Satan tempted Him - to no avail!

• Angels cared for Him.

• Fishermen of Galilee at once ... left their nets and yielding up all claim to them followed with Him, joining Him as disciples and siding with His party ... abandoning all mutual claims ... left their father... and went off with Him.

• Jews in the synagogues who heard His teaching were completely astonished.

• Demons recognized and feared Him, obeying His commands.

• People who saw His miracles were amazed and almost terrified and spread rumors immediately about Him.

• Friends and family brought their sick to Him.

• Crowds followed Him, pursuing Him eagerly and hunting Him out.

• The leper had faith enough to ask Him for healing. Then healed, the leper disobeyed Jesus' direct command and told everyone about Him.

I ponder, why is it that the demons obeyed Jesus but the healed leper did not? And more importantly, why do the demons obey Jesus and I do not?

But most importantly, what is my response to Jesus? Do I stop enough to consider His power? His mercy? Do I bring my sick friends to Jesus? Do I have the faith to believe, as the leper did, that Jesus can indeed, make us clean? Even though the leper walked away, unable to contain the Good News of the arrival of the God/Man, Jesus, he at least had the faith to believe for his healing. Do I?

Help me, Beloved, to believe in Your power and trust in Your goodness and come to You for the hard things, the astonishing things. I confess that sometimes I ask too little, trying to protect You from looking bad! How silly I am! Allow me, like the leper, to come begging You on my knees and saying -- If You are willing, You are able to make me clean.

I can trust You for the response.

The Beginning of the Good News

Mark 1:1-8

Lent starts today, Ash Wednesday, according the Catholic calendar. And for the past years, I have not followed the prescription of Lent, the fasting, the ashes, etc.

But this year, I feel called to a fast and when I asked the Lord about it, it feels like this is what He has called me to. A fast of daily devotion to His Word and to write about the story, the beginning of the Good News--the Gospel. And so I picked Mark, the Gospel that starts with John the Baptist and the beginning of Jesus' ministry, to take this daily journey and to write this devotional of sorts.

The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer. And so we begin with Mark 1, when John the Baptism prepares the way for the coming of Jesus. John begins with a call to repentance, which the Amplified Bible defines as a change of one's mind for the better, heartily amending one's ways, with abhorrence of his past sins. Sounds like a message that would be unpopular, but throngs of people came from Judea not only to hear John, but to submit themselves to his baptism.

When God created the world, He spoke it into being with His words. All of creation was formed in this way. Then with man, God formed him lovingly with His own hands and then blew the breath of Life into his nostrils. And all of creation obeys God's words, except for us, His crowning creation, made in His image. Instead, we all have gone astray.

And in the great act of mercy and love, He comes to find us and restore us as Jesus, a poor man and holy God. But before Jesus makes His way onto the center stage, John the Baptist is sent to prepare a people for Him to hear His words of truth and grace.

"The real action comes next," John told the crowd. "The star in this drama, to whom I'm a mere stagehand, will change your life. I'm baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. His baptism—a holy baptism by the Holy Spirit—will change you from the inside out." (Mark 1:7-8 MSG)

Repent. To turn from going our way to His way. Maybe the crowd was tired of the futility of going their own ways. Maybe many were ripe for a savior. I know I am. Led into the water by a man who was humble and truthful, they went, and so too, I want to go. I want this life change, life exchange, my old life for new. I want to experience the breakthrough of truly hating my sins enough to leave them.

Beloved, Jesus, only Your Spirit can do this in my life! Blow on me too, help me repent and follow Your word, as You intended all creation to. Change me too from the inside out! Amen.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Here are all the posts on this journey:

You are My Beloved Son; in You I am well pleased - Mark 1:9-45
That you may know - Mark 2:1-12
side with My party - Mark 2:13-17
new wine and new wineskins - Mark 2:18-28
Sabbath Best - Mark 3:1-6
He would send them out to proclaim the Word - Mark 3:7-35
the worries of this life - Mark 4:1-20
If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear. - Mark 4:21-34
Who is this? - Mark 4:35-41
Tell them everything the Lord has done for you - Mark 5:1-20
You took a risk of faith - Mark 5:21-43
He’s just a carpenter - Mark 6:1-6
telling everyone they met - Mark 6:7-13
His head on a platter - Mark 6:14-29
as many as touched Him were restored - Mark 6:30-56
It comes from within - Mark 7:1-23
she kept begging Him - Mark 7:24-37
He had spit on the man’s eyes  - Mark 8:1-26
My way, to saving yourself, your true self - Mark 8:27-38
be treated with utter contempt - Mark 9:1-13
His face and person yet glistening - Mark 9:14-29
take last place and be the servant of everyone else - Mark 9:30-50
simplicity of a child - Mark 10:1-15
Sell everything - Mark 10:17-31
the highest places of honor - Mark 10:32-45
Many tried to hush him up, but he yelled all the louder - Mark 10:46-52
Hosanna in the highest! - Mark 11:1-26
Show us your credentials - Mark 11:27-33
Come, let us kill Him - Mark 12:1-12
much more than burnt offerings -Mark 12:13-24
she gave extravagantly...she gave her all - Mark 12:35-44
Stay at your post. Keep Watch. - Mark 13
and they prepared the Passover meal - Mark 14
Crucify Him! - Mark 15:1-39
a very large stone against the door of the tomb - Mark 15:40-47
He Has Risen! - Mark 16:1-8
So Celebrate This Festival - Exodus 13-14

Please be guided accordingly

Have you noticed when you try to stop doing something for your own good, often you find yourself going in the opposite direction to an extreme? Or is it just me?

Now I have been trying to stop mothering everyone, giving unsolicited advice. Why, maybe not as much as my daughters would like, but I am trying. But then I find myself giving all grace and no truth. Allowing others to do as they please and never telling them it is foolish, or even how it is hurting you. But this is not good either.

John 1:14 tells us when Jesus came, He was full of grace and truth. He allows us to go our own way, make our own choices, but not without telling us the truth.

In property management, the position I currently find myself in, I have come across this sentence we use in letters to clients: "Please be guided accordingly." We use this phrase at the close of the letter when we have told them the dire consequences they will face if they continue their current foolishness, such as refusing to pay their bills, park their cars in restricted areas or allowing their children to mark the buildings with chalk. We do this, knowing they may ignore the warnings, indeed it is their choice to do so, but consequences are thoughtfully and carefully explained.

I love this phrase because it reminds me of an important truth.

In the rest of life, there are those we are close to and love and out of that love, we need to point out the dire consequences of continuing in foolishness or hurtful behavior. But then let it lie and allow them to make the choices themselves. We release them with the information and pray they will be guided by it.

Maybe that is clear to you, but to me, this is new. I still need to point out foolishness, hurtful choices, especially when I am the one being hurt. I need to give the truth, and then the grace to allow others to make their decisions, yet still love them.

Truth and grace. Together.

Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed. -- Psalm 85:10

the still waters

It's been a while.

To catch up on my life, as expected, we were kicked out of Claridge House and I was offered a position as an assistant to our company's president.  So it ended up, I got a promotion of sorts and I feel great peace where I have ended up.  The office is busy and the people are sweet; the location is nice and I am able to go out every day at lunchtime for a walk, or to shop, or to study at the nearby library.  God has indeed been caring for me in ways I could not have expected or planned.  Al has had the same job for several weeks now and he comes home before I am even out of bed.  To be able to cuddle with him each morning has brought much peace.  God has provided this schedule for the weeks I needed the car each day to get to my new job.  God provided my new job in River Vale where I am no longer able to take the bus, and also provided a job for Al to allow me to take his car every day.  How wonderful is that??

So this afternoon I had time to walk to the brook nearby.  There is something about that spot, as I stand on the narrow walk bridge over the brook, where I pause and ask God to speak to me.

Today the waters were clear and clean, running briskly and sparking in the sunshine.  Up ahead, there was a spot where the waters were still, almost like glass, and you can see the reflection of the trees.  And I felt like He was telling me to be still and rest in this moment of peace in my life.  He has given me such healing!  Of course, there is more to go, but I am so grateful for how He has led me to still waters.  Right now it is enough to pursue righteousness and allow my life to be His reflection, to follow the flow, not to plan ahead at this point but to wait until His plan is revealed.

How beautiful You are, My Beloved!  How You have shown Your love for me!  I can I resist You? I will not resist but lay back and rest in Your arms, always and forever.

Psalm 23 
The LORD is my shepherd;

I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD 
Forever.

a time to weep

Ecclesiastes 3

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Today my little white dog KC was put to sleep.  Sweet to the end, he had laid there bleeding for two days and the vet said the time had come.  I had to take my evening walk alone.  No greeting bark was heard on my arrival back.

Today a letter was sent that sealed the end of my time at Claridge House.  I lasted a year, but now in 9 more days, I will need to leave and not come back.  The residents and vendors I speak to are sad and I want to weep.  But nothing can be done.

And that is it, really.  Nothing can be done.  Gio struggled to accept and understand.  He was mad at us.  When it was time for us go the vet with KC, and to leave him there, Gio kept saying "not yet, not yet!"

Not yet.  It is never time enough.  We want to hold onto the warmth, like the September days when we want summer to last forever. But the autumn winds blow and reminds us that we cannot stop the seasons.  We cannot stop the aging.  We cannot stop time and death and change.

But the snow piles melt and spring returns.  The days lengthen and the sun burns bright reminding us of the circle of seasons, giving us hope until we are united with our Beloved.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

It is NOT up to us

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery...

and they thought...

It is against the law.  What she did, it was immoral, illegal too in our town.  We cannot just let her get away with it!  What will the others think?  They will think it is alright for them too!  It is a bad witness.

And you, Jesus, have been befriending these people, these sinners.  Tax collectors, harlots! You do not come from the God we serve!  The God of Moses who gave us these laws that we have been trying so hard to get Israel to follow.  God will take away our land again if we ignore the law.  We will not do it, nor allow and encourage these others to break the law too.  It is up to us and we will do whatever we have to to hold onto our nation.

"In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?"

Let them all see, this crowd who loves you, what you are really about!   Let them see your disrespect for the law.  Show yourself to be an impostor!  Come on, come on!  What do you say?

They made her stand before the group...

and she thought...

Jesus, why do you let them treat me this way?  It is true what they say, but they did not take my lover too, they only took me!  They have no interest in my life, my sin.  It is you they are coming for.  My lover was a man, an important man at that.  It is I, the disposable woman who they took because I am nothing to them, like an old worn out dog, not even that valuable.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.

Jesus, they say you are different, that you value women and children too.  See the women who follow you.  They say you are kind to them and to all: the rich and the poor, the learned and the simple, the religious and those far from God.  What are you doing drawing on the ground when they will soon stone me?  Help me! Protect me.  Save me, Jesus.  Forgive me! I am a weak and sinful woman!

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

and Jesus thought...

I love them all, these confused souls who think they do My Father's will and yet cannot see His love and power in Me.   Fill them, Holy Spirit, so they can see their need for the mercy that I so long to give them.  And let this woman feel the pain of her sin and the joy of the forgiveness I will show her.  Father, Our children, they fight and hate each other!  How it makes me weep and how I long for the peace of heaven. There they will all sit together at Our table, laughing and embracing one another.


"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin. -- John 8:1-11



 "It is up to us," that is the lie.  We can not beat down the sin of others with stones.  Only the Holy Spirit can draw souls, convict and heal.  

Keep your hands to yourself

Our sweet baby, Giovanni, is no longer a baby really. He is 3 1/2 now. He has developed a habit of doing things intentionally, that he knows is wrong, and then say "sorry!" Although we are quick to forgive him, I have been considering how to correct him. In His mercy, God stepped in, and in the process, helped me understand too.

The other day, Gio hit our dog, KC, and then before he could say "sorry" to KC, he nipped at Gio. Gio, who was standing next to me at the time, looked at me with big sad eyes, holding his hand. And I said to Gio, "You should not hit KC, because he will bite you."

That nailed it for me. Obeying God is not about anything else but our good and protection.

It it not about getting into heaven. Jesus has paid the entire price for our sins. God does forgive us every time.

It is not about getting God to love us. God loves us because He is love, not because we are lovable.

It is not about our witness. The world is not impressed by our perfection. It is drawn to God by our love.

It is not about God's ability to use us. God delights in using broken vessels. Check scripture. All who are used by God are imperfect. This shows God's power.

God gives direction for our good, for our protection, for life and peace. And we get to choose. By our choice we demonstrate our trust of Him.

The world will bite us, so keep your hands to yourself.

<sup>Jeremiah 17

5</sup> This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

⁶ He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

⁷ "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

Pray where your heart is

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:26-28

How do we know how to pray in God's will?  We know we are supposed to pray in God's will, but how can we do that if we don't know what He plans to do?

I have come to the place where I am comfortable to pray where my heart is, with confidence and with openness.

God wants us to come to Him honestly and share our heart.  So we can come to Him and pray for healing of physical or emotional brokenness, restoration of relationships, protection of ourselves and our friends, provision for our families.  Those are all good and worthy things to pray for.  These are all things God can do and desires to do for us.

But what if it is not in God's will to heal, to restore, to protect and provide in this circumstance?  This is where I can get stuck.  God, in His mercy, does not reveal our future to us.  Although I long to see my future, experience has shown me that I can not handle it.

Actually, that is not what matters.  What matters to God in prayer is where I am right now, that is what He wants me to pray for.  Even if what I desire is not God's will, as I perservere in prayer, God will change my desires and aline them with His.  As I prayed for things, I can see this progression, this journey. Day by day, as God and I walk together by reading His Word and my praying honestly to Him, He shows me His perfect will.  I need to be open to it.

And it needs to be a process.  Sometimes God wants to give us our heart's desire.  But sometimes, we need a while to accept the difficult parts of life: the wayward child, the abusive relationship, the inevitable death of family members.  He does not rush us through this, but works in prayer to comfort and encourge us as we grieve these losses.

So for now, just pray where your heart is and trust Him to take you step by step, where you need to go.

After all, that is what Jesus did...

"Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. Luke 22:42-43

He holds me by the hand

Psalm 37

3 Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.


My boss (and oh how I love and respect her!) talks about being politically correct in the workplace.  Do the right thing, take the right action, be nice to the right people, avoid being seen with the wrong people  in order to be assured that you will keep your position and succeed. She is a pro at being politically correct and I watch her and take notes, to be quite honest.

But then, there is this place where we part company, her and I.  My Boss holds me to a higher standard...then again maybe that is the wrong way to put it.  A higher standard sounds like a harder standard, but it is not like that at all.

He wants me to trust Him and do good.  Even when it seems foolish, when it is politically incorrect.  Mostly, although I may not want to do these things, when I am obedient to Him, I find it is actually easier.  I experience the truth that "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matt 11:30)  When I do the "difficult thing" such as remain calm and be kind and pleasant to people who are upset when they come to see me, I find blessing in the truth that Love does overcome.

I used to want to be rich and famous.  Well, sometime the baser part of me still wants those things.  Then I used to want to save and fix my family, my friends, well, the entire world around me!  But praise be to God!  He has healed me and revealed that only He can save and change hearts.  He only wants me to trust Him and do good.  He wants me to wait patiently for Him to act.  Only then can He work in my heart and in the hearts of others.  But it is Him, not me.

No amount of plotting, scheming, lecturing, striving can secure riches and fame for me.  And now I realize that if this is not of Him, I don't really want it anyway.  I want to be in His will, whatever that is.

Whatever riches He gives me, He wants me to share and not keep!

He wants me to Make Him Famous!  Give Him the Glory!

And this means I get to Be Still and Rest in Him.



7 Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.
12 The wicked plot against the godly; they snarl at them in defiance.
13 But the Lord just laughs, for He sees their day of judgment coming.

16 It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich.
17 For the strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the Lord takes care of the godly.

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

I will give thanks to Him

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song. -- Psalm 28:7

Never have I experienced a year with so much change, so much uncertainty, a time when my pride was attacked as much.    And yet, it is a choice, isn't it, how we look at things.  Do we see the five loaves and two fish and walk away hopeless?  Or do we give thanks and break them?

And so I choose to give thanks...

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, for the deep and intimate relationship that has developed between Al and I.  Today, he helped me with my work and it was oh, so sweet!  Such a joy to have him share the load, to hear the vacuum running while I cooked.  A few years ago, I would have said it was impossible.  But here we are.

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, that today I still have a job.  I thank You for the boss who appreciates me and tell me so.  And for all the times she told me I was wrong when I was, and for the grace You alone gave me to accept that and obey.  I thank you for the sweet people in Claridge House and I am grateful for the opportunity and the strength You have given me to serve them.  I thank You for giving me words for all those troublesome times, and allowing me to be an instrument of Your peace and Your love.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, that Al has a place to work and that the work has been steady.  I thank You for keeping him safe, and bringing godly men in his path, and for giving him others to share Your love and truth with.  I thank You for holding him close in this ordeal and changing him gently but firmly, showing Your love and provision throughout.

I thank You, Beloved Jesus, that Christina has been doing well in college, almost done, in fact, with her degree.  She loves her part time job and has a man in her life who loves her and her son, is mature and stable and gives her joy.  She is such a wonderful mother and our relationship is almost well again, certainly on the right track.  A few years ago, I would have said it was impossible.  But here we are.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, that Debbie is doing well in college, and has great friends, and has decided that being without a man in her life right now is a good thing.  I thank You that she loves her job and that the Olive Tree has been a blessing to us.  I thank You, Dear Jesus, for their beauty and their health and their sweetness.

I thank You, Dear Jesus, for Giovanni, the light of our lives.  I thank You that by Your grace, we are able to see him every day and partake in the routine of his life.  I thank You that You knew we needed Giovanni in our home and have given us provision for him.

I thank You for our Bloomfield home, our beach house, our cars that continue to run like manna from heaven.  It is truly a miracle of the magnitude of the loaves and fishes and how I know Your finger prints are all over it!!

I thank You that my mom still lives and that she is enjoying her retirement with a great man who not only loves her and is healthy but who is also able to take her to wonderful places.  I thank You that our family lives close and we love each other and enjoy each other.  I thank You for the sicknesses we do not have and the energy we do.

I thank You for MCC and ACE and Middle Ground, for the opportunity to continue to teach and how much I am learning.  I thank You for each person at the table.  I thank You for forgiving my mistakes and for each second chance.  I thank You for encouraging me to lay down those things that You never intended me to pick up.  I thank You for Your patience and perseverance with me in all.

I give You thanks, Beloved.  I give You the glory!  I celebrate You and rest in Your arms.

Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke them. Then He gave them to the disciples to set before the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. -- Luke 9:16-17

Follow You

My pastor is doing a series on leadership. I am not going.

This summer was the first Willow Creek Leadership Summit I missed in many years. And yet I didn't miss it.

I am trying to become a better follower these days. Getting better at keeping my mouth shut and just doing what is asked of me. Trying not to second guess those above me, or thinking about ways to do it better or things they might have missed. Resting that it is not my job to drive all the time, and that ultimately Jesus knows the way.

At the Claridge House, Sam our super knows how to follow. For decades now he has seen Board presidents come and go, residents move in and out, workers hired and fired. I am following him. "What ever they say, I do that," says Sam. If it's wrong or right, good or bad, Sam does it soon, and with a smile, as much as possible. I am following Sam follow.

Recently I listed to a recorded speaking engagement of Paul Young, author of The Shack. Paul was in professional ministry for a while and he tells of a time when he was working hard for the Lord, asking for His blessing on the work he had started. "Follow me," he confessed to the audience, is what he said to God. God had replied to Paul, "you go ahead, I am going to stay here with the kids. I'll be here when you get back." Paul has since repented and asked God to allow him to get in on what God was doing.

How convicted I was when I heard that! How often, Father, have I said the same thing! What mercy You have had for me! Forgive me! I repent! I no longer want to do anything but what You want me to sign up for! I need Your power to accomplish anything worthwhile. I need Your Spirit, Your strength, You, Beloved, most of all I need You!

Most of all these days, I find myself in the dependent servant position. I eat my peanut butter and jelly in the basement "cage" with the other blue-collar types. I sit on the bus. I run when I am called. I smile at those who are angry at me. I thank God for the opportunity to show them the love of Christ, these sweet people who I would never have met if I stayed in the church.

I am learning better what in means not to lead, but to follow well. Trusting that in truth, I am following You.

I'm casting my cares aside
I'm leaving my past behind
I'm setting my heart and mind on You, Jesus

I putting my fears aside
I'm leaving my doubts behind
I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You, Jesus

I'm reaching my hands to Yours
Believing there's so much more
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good
Is good

Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
And I won't worry about tomorrow
I'm giving You my fears and sorrows
Where You lead me I will follow
I'm trusting in what You say

Today is the day

Just different

We are doing a couple's study for the summer and the study is called Love and Respect. In this DVD presentation, Emerson Eggerrichs explains how men and women think differently, talk differently and have different needs.

"She has a need that you don't have. Is that ok? It's not wrong, just different."

As he talks about the differences, giving us examples and stories of illustration, he keeps going back to this...not wrong, just different.

Judgment is a subtle thing. We judge everything in our world, as we pick out fruits at the grocery store, choose car insurance, decide who to call with a problem, choose our words with our friends and co-workers, we are constantly making judgments: good or bad, right or wrong, appropriate or dangerous. Judgment and discernment are important, valuable, essential tools that we need to survive. Women, especially, try to figure people out--What did he mean by that? What will she think of me if I tell her this?

And without even realize that we are being judgmental, we are being judgmental.

Maybe I should restate--I am being judgmental.

And even with my understanding of male and female differences now that I am becoming a Love and Respect expect here (ha! I'm joking!) I cannot assume that I know someone's motives. I need to ask to find that out because we are all different.

Not wrong, just different.

Father, in so many areas, I find my self softening, being more gentle and open to other's concerns and needs, but I am not yet where I need to be, where I want to be. Help me see others through Your eyes of mercy and grace and not take offense, but ask questions and assume always, until unmistakably sure, that the person I am dealing with is good willed. Let me voice that assumption of good will in all my questions. And when I show mercy and am unsure what I will get in return, remind me that over all, I can trust You.

Shout for Joy

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is He who made us, and we are His;
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise;
Give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the LORD is good
And His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.
--Psalm 100

Father God, You are mighty and eternal
You created the world with Your breath
You formed the cosmos, placing the stars in the sky.
Yet You who made the heavens
And the earth Your foot stool,
Stepped down to us
As a mother stoops to pick up her babe,
As a father kneels down to romp with his children
You came to comfort us
To care for us
To do for us what we could never do for ourselves.
You, the High and Holy God,
Came to us lowly broken people!
You are our God, our Hero
And the Lover of our soul.

All we have is a gift from You!
I confess in my self-centeredness,
I have thought it was mine!
My house, my car, my children, my job, my money, even my rights!
But it is not! It is all Yours!
Things that You delighted to give me!
As a father fills his pockets with surprises for his little ones,
As a mother searches stores for treasures for her children,
Father, You own the treasures of the universe
And it is Your pleasure to give us good things.
But You give gifts for a purpose, if we would hear You and be grateful.

Allow me to see You as You really are!
Open my eyes that I would not see You as a God of my own making,
A God who says what I want to hear
A God who does what I want Him to do!
Allow me to see You in truth!
Your perfect will brings me peace and joy.
Allow me to surrender all to You
So that You can be my everything!

All creation worships You, Lord!
I long to add my voice to that song!
Let me not only worship You with my voice
But help me to obey Your truth
Lead all of me to worship You
A living sacrifice of obedience
Holy and pleasing to You—
Let this be my spiritual act of worship.

Not because I want You to love me.
You already love me.
Indeed Your love has cleansed me,
Made me without spot,
Perfectly beautiful, You present me,
Covered in Your atoning Blood.

We are Your bride, Holy and beloved.
How right we are to adore You!
You are glorious, our Beloved, our King!
You are the King of all kings, Ruler of the nations!
And yet You love me!

You have filled my heart with wonder so that I would always remember
That I was made for this...

I was made to worship
I was called to love
I am forgiven and free
When I embrace surrender
When I choose to believe
Then I will see who You have made me to be!