I am His

Jesus' creation is beautiful
and He came for me!!

Jesus....
He made all things
He upholds all things
He is heir to all things
All things express His glory.
He is superior to the angels
So much better than we can ever imagine
Jesus. He is God.

And Jesus, the God of the universe, King of kings and Lord of Lords
Came down
Became flesh
Humbled Himself to be a baby, born of a women
Took all of our sins
Past present and future
Onto His own body, His perfect body
He allowed Himself to be
Mocked
Whipped
Nailed to a tree
So that all justice could be upheld
And by His mercy we could be freed, sinless, adopted as children of God.

He came to save us but because love must be free, we get to choose.
Yes or no.

What will you say to Jesus?

Will you side with His party? Or will you turn away to side with your own?

As for me....
I am not republican or democrat.
I am not liberal or conservative.
I am not right or left.
I am not pro "this' or anti "that"

I am His. I belong to Jesus. He paid the price for me not to be a slave to anything or anyone, but for me to be free.

What He said is truth. His truth is the real and only truth.
What He commands us is good. Good for us, good for all.

I said YES,

What will you say?

Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, whom He appointed the heir of all things, through whom also He created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of his power. 

After making purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name He has inherited is more excellent than theirs. 

(Hebrews 1:1-4 ESV)

Beans and Veggies and Open Hearts

But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine. (Daniel 1:8)

Daniel was far from home, taken captive by a powerful king, to be assimilated so Daniel could be of service in his kingdom. Daniel was a young man in a desperate situation with a choice to make. Would he hold onto the spiritual roots of his conquered county or would he conform to make the best of the evil nation that was his new home?

Daniel resolved but he did not rebel. He only spoke up and made a request. But the Lord gave him favor with his captors. And thus the name of the fast, the Daniel Fast. For 40 days, our church has called a fast.

As I reflect on Daniel's plight, aren't we presented with the same choice? As followers of Christ, we find ourselves in a nation filled with evil, children killing children, relative morality, selfish pleasures, pervasive drug use, divisive politics. Even social media platforms, where friends should meet, are contentious and filled with hateful dialog. How can we resolve to not defile ourselves? How can we not conform but be agents of change for good and God's glory? How can we help God's kingdom come to to this evil world that is our home?

And can we do that by eating beans and veggies for 40 days? Seriously?

I guess that is the point. We can't do it at all. Only God can. So we humble ourselves to fast and pray.

As I considered the purpose of my fast, my mind went immediately to my lack of self control. But You, my Beloved Jesus, want me to focus on Your heart and to depend on You for control. I want a stronger relationship with You, but You want to connect even more than I do. I want a spiritual renewal for my daughters and extended family. You, Lord, want a spiritual renewal for me. 

In our culture, we avoid hurt and even discomfort at all cost. As I prepare for the fast I feel Jesus saying to me: I died for you, an emotionally and physically excruciating death so that you would not have to die. Are you willing to turn away from what your sinful culture says is good and satisfying and life-giving so you can see that I am good, I am satisfying, and I am life-giving? Are you willing to be uncomfortable and even hurt in order to be closer to Me and to become the woman I always intended you to be?

Yes! Yes! And so I will be eating beans and veggies. I will pray. I will open my heart. Because God is good, Jesus is satisfying, the Holy Spirit is life-giving. As we allow God to change our hearts, one by one by one, He can change the world.

Are you with me?

#FAST40 Black Bean Soup

• In a large pot, saute 2 chopped onions in olive oil. 
• Add 2 chopped red peppers, 2 chopped stalks of celery and 4-5 peeled and cut carrots. 
• Saute and stir often until the veggies start to wilt. 
• Push veggies to the side and make a well in the middle of the pot, add more oil if needed.
• Add 2 cloves of chopped garlic to the center of the pan. Cook about a minute then stir to blend. 
• Season with Goya Adobo (or salt is fine), pepper, and cumin (a scant teaspoon)
• Stir well.
• Add 3 cans of black beans and their liquid plus a half can of water.
• Add 8 oz tomato sauce.
• Stir and cook about half hour.
• Taste and correct the seasoning. 
• Serve alone or with brown rice. 

Listen

There are some who suggest instead of New Years resolutions, to pick one word for the new year. This year the word came on me like a flood and  I can't turn away from it. It has grabbed a hold of me.

The word for 2018 is listen.

Listening is something I struggle to do. Instead I am all about trying to convince others my way is right. And after all I am very busy working and driving and scrolling and swiping and eating and cooking and cleaning and exercising and writing emails and letters and tweets and texts. And snapchatting, of course, don't forget that.

But listening? No. Not to you. As if to listen to you, to really hear, would be to open the door to discover that I may not be right. I might have to consider your point of view. My heart may be expanded to see your heart, to understand your story, to empathize with your plight.

And that is exactly what I need to be doing. Hearing you. Listening not just to figure out where you are wrong and how to make my point and where to straighten you out, but just to connect, to relate, to enter your world. To incarnate.

Love that word. Incarnate. That's exactly what Jesus did. He wanted to listen to us, but in order to do that, He had to risk. He had to leave paradise. He had to suffer our world, our flaws, our cold and heat, our danger and hunger and pain. He wanted to touch us, and hear us, and walk in our sandals and hear us in a way to truly understand.

I want to do that. Listen. Embrace the risk to touch another's soul by feeling each pain, crying each tear, carrying the weight of your burden. To be open to be wrong, to changing my mind, to giving more grace, to judging less. To be able to confess to each sinful desire, each doubt, each fear expressed by you: me too.

Listening is power. It is like a balm. As Al and I do marriage mentoring, the best gift we give our couples is to listen to them, allow them to speak, help them to know we really care about them: what they think, how they feel, their hopes, dreams, fears and disappointments, all of it. It is like being Christ to them, to enter into their world, allow them to feel valued and loved. And in this, Al and I do learn to love them. I want to do this more, to give this to others and in return, we get so much!

Mom was a interested patient listener

Rose, my dear mother-in-law, spent the last few years of her life without speech. I used to wonder how my brother-in-law Joe managed to live and care for her alone when she never spoke. Now that she has passed, he told me how much he misses her presence. Although she could not speak, he could tell she was listening. And that meant so much to him, even without any feedback from her.

I want to be more like her.

Father, help me to learn to listen better, to desire to listen better, to not rush to hang up the phone, or switch the topic, or get up and do the next thing, but to intently and passionately listen to these others You have given me, be it my family or friends, clients or even strangers. Teach me to listen to them. Teach me to listen to You.

Everyone should be quick to listen... (James 1:19)  

Images of Christmas

What images come to mind when you think of Christmas? Is it holiday decorations in store windows? Brightly wrapped gifts under the tree? Holiday parties with good friends and special foods? Santa surprising children with favorite toys? A babe in a manger, surrounded by sheep and cows, peacefully sleeping?

Although God planned Christmas to bring peace on earth and to demonstrate His good will towards men, as with most efforts towards peace, first there had to be war.

Christmas was God’s rescue mission. He sent His only Son deep into hostile enemy territory. Jesus entered this dangerous world not well armed, but instead totally defenseless, as a newborn baby. At the time of Jesus’ birth Israel was occupied by the Roman army. God could have chosen any era to send His Son, but He chose Galilee 2000+ year ago where there were no conveniences: no internet, no cell phones, no electricity, no cars, no running water even.

Jesus was sent to Mary, a poor unwed teenager, through a miraculous conception at a time when unwed pregnant women had no good choices. Indeed, the Law of Moses states they were to be stoned for their sin. When Mary said yes to Gabriel, she was risking her life and the life of her Son. Although Gabriel appeared to Mary and explained how she would become pregnant, he did not appear to anyone else except Joseph. Who would believe her?

Joseph too risked public shame to take Mary as his wife. People would have thought that either he was the dishonorable man who was the father, or worse, a fool who would accept a woman bearing another man’s child. Either way, in a small village, he faced contempt of his neighbors.

Both traveled a long treacherous journey, on foot, from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary in her last month of pregnancy. Once there, they had no place to go in the crowded city but a barn to provide shelter as she gave birth for the first time, miles away from her home and family. There were no sanitary birthing rooms, no doctors and nurses, no epidurals, no deposable diapers or cute new-baby outfits.

When none of these things deterred the birth of the Christ Child, the enemy ramped up his game. The magi tipped off the birth of the true King of Kings to Jerusalem’s reigning King Herod. Evil Herod, livid in his inability to find the One Child, sent his men of war to kill all the infants and toddlers of Bethlehem. Yet God demonstrated His power to move forward His mission and sent His angel to warn Joseph in time to escape with Mary and Jesus.

Yes Jesus came to bring peace but to do that He entered an evil world. He faced shame, discomfort, and danger. He came defenseless, entrusted to teenage girl and a poor carpenter to protect Him. It is not a nice tale for children. It is an epic drama of rescue mission that ultimately changed the world!

Christmas is the image of a God of such fierce love and overwhelming power that nothing could stop His rescue of His people.

And that’s you and me.

May God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. Jesus gave His life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen. (Galatians 1:3-5)

Read the original Christmas story, click here. 

Conflict Resolution

Disclaimer: This is not my recommended five easy steps to resolve conflict! Not at all. It is a confession followed by what I’ve learned during the Liquid Church LoveComesToTown series…

I am bad at conflict resolution. I begin as a TURTLE. Before an argument gets heated up, I change the subject or I offer excuses (often very lame ones). I toss out the forgive-and-forget cards before their appropriate time, and so the conflict does not resolve, it only gets kicked down the road. If the conflict continues, I lapse into the MOCKING BIRD. I do not directly attack, but I make snide, sarcastic remarks. I complain to my friends. I‘m passive aggressive by attempting to manipulate others and trying to get my way through a workaround. I try to enlist other people with influence to assist me because after all I only want to “help” make the situation right. Finally, as the conflict escalates I become the SKUNK and stink up the place with my harsh words, demands, and idle threats. Yes, I am very bad at conflict resolution!

Jesus, in contrast, was excellent in conflict resolution, as Mark 3:1-6 (GNT) illustrates:

Then Jesus went back to the synagogue, where there was a man who had a paralyzed hand. Some people were there who wanted to accuse Jesus of doing wrong; so they watched him closely to see whether he would cure the man on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man, “Come up here to the front.” Then he asked the people, “What does our Law allow us to do on the Sabbath? To help or to harm? To save someone's life or to destroy it?”

But they did not say a thing. Jesus was angry as he looked around at them, but at the same time he felt sorry for them, because they were so stubborn and wrong. Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and it became well again. So the Pharisees left the synagogue and met at once with some members of Herod's party, and they made plans to kill Jesus.

Jesus was not a TURTLE. He did not avoid this conflict. He initiated it. He knew there was an elephant in the room and refused to step around it. He was not merely concerned with healing the man with the paralyzed hand. He was concerned about the condition of the hearts of the Pharisees, those who wished to accuse Him. Jesus could have avoided the confrontation by healing the man the next day or in private. But He didn’t. He did not try to appease the Pharisees and others who were trying to accuse and destroy Him. He did not fear their reaction or retaliation, even though they were the ones with the political power. He brought them the truth and left the results and their reaction up to them.

Jesus was not a MOCKING BIRD. He did not sink to ridicule or sarcasm.

Jesus was not a SKUNK either. He did not rant or accuse them of wrong-doing. He did not command them to do anything. Although clearly angry, He demonstrated self-control. His remarks were simple and to the point. He asked a succinct question that demonstrated what was in their hearts. In the end, Jesus was the one who did good by healing the man’s hand. The Pharisees did evil by making plans to kill Jesus.

Jesus was angry here, but He did not sin. His motive was pure. He was grieved because of the hard hearts of the Pharisees because they were His people who represented God to the nation of Israel. They were more interested in following their rules than compassion. Jesus demonstrated His love for them because He used the opportunity to show them the truth even though it cost Him.

Jesus was more interested in truth than in the reactions of others. And yet, He was not about proving He was right as much as trying to get them to see the condition of their own hearts.

Paul tells the Ephesians (5:21) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We think that means we need to be nice to everyone at all times, no matter how they are acting. I think we misread it. I think we need to be led by the Spirit to first to determine what is the loving thing to do or say dependent on the situation and people involved. Paul also told the Thessalonians (5:14) And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Some people need to be warned, others encouraged and helped. Sometimes I need to humble myself and ask for forgiveness! How can I tell the difference? Certainly not by a list of rules.

In order to resolve conflict first I need to gently ask questions and patiently listen to others. Unlike Jesus, I cannot assume what is on anyone's mind unless they tell me.  I must examine my own motives. I need to rely on prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit to discern what God is leading me to do and the courage to do it. Although sometimes, as it did for Jesus, it does not turn out well, I need to follow the Spirit and trust the outcome to God.

Dear Jesus, please help me listen first and turn to You for the discernment and courage I need to resolve conflict in a way that honors You!

it's not Me

Do you have an old sin, the one that was so dog-gone awful you have hid it from everyone? It was long ago and you keep telling God you were wrong and you're sorry but you just can't get any peace. And when the topic comes up or that song comes on you think about it. It haunts you. You get peace for a while but then it's back.

The Lord has sworn by Himself,  

“I will never forget anything they have done...

In that day...they will fall, never to rise again...

I will kill with the sword. Not one will get away, none will escape. 

Though they dig down to the depths below, 

from there My hand will take them. 

Though they climb up to the heavens above, 

from there I will bring them down. 

Though they hide themselves on the top of Carmel, 

there I will hunt them down and seize them.

Though they hide from My eyes at the bottom of the sea, 

there I will command the serpent to bite them. 

Though they are driven into exile by their enemies, 

there I will command the sword to slay them. 

I will keep My eye on them for harm and not for good.” 

(Amos 8:7, 9, 9:1-4)

This was my devotional for today. I had never read this before and it is horrifying. I wondered, does this apply to our nation? Worse, does it apply to my life, my sin, my future? Is there something I need to do, something I must repay to heal my soul and make me free?

Often this is how I feel. I think about my day and mourn over the harsh words, the missed opportunities to do good, the wasted time on frivolous things. Or I think about the past and blame myself for things I had no control over. Surely I should consider my day and repent of sin, but I forget to rest in my Savior and His peace.

Today, Jesus made me stop and hear His heart:

The voices that are reminding you of your sin, it's not Me. It may be Satan the accuser. It may be your unbelief.  But you can be sure it's not Me. 

Those of us who have accepted Jesus and as our Savior and Lord have been forgiven all sin. Past, present and future. He has thrown them away as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Jesus had already completed everything needed for my complete forgiveness. There is nothing left undone, nothing I need to do, it is finished! Reading the rest of the chapter shed light on the true purposes and heart of God.

But all the sinners will die by the sword—

all those who say, ‘Nothing bad will happen to us.’ (Amos 9:10)

God will judge. He will punish those who reject Him, who assume He is powerless or that He does not exist. God loves us but we have the power to choose to trust in Him or not. Those who choose God have a much different future as the last part of the chapter shows. 

“In that day I will restore the fallen house of David.

I will repair its damaged walls.

From the ruins I will rebuild it and restore its former glory.

And Israel will possess what is left of Edom and all the nations I have called to be Mine.”

The Lord has spoken, and He will do these things.

Hoping the house Jesus is building for me has a back yard
looking like this...

“The time will come,” says the Lord,

“when the grain and grapes will grow
faster than they can be harvested.

Then the terraced vineyards on the hills 
of Israel will drip with sweet wine!

I will bring My exiled people of Israel 
back from distant lands,

and they will rebuild their ruined cities 
and live in them again.

They will plant vineyards and gardens; 
they will eat their crops 
and drink their wine.

I will firmly plant them there 
in their own land.

They will never again be uprooted 
from the land I have given them,”

says the Lord your God. 
(Amos 9:10-15)

Thank you Father for reminding me of your faithful forgiveness. All I ever needed to do was to say YES, I am Yours and You are my God. Amen!

Dealing with Your Very Draining People (VDP)

How do you deal with a very draining person? Maybe they are demanding or destructive; or maybe they are merely disappointing or difficult. What is your usual reaction?

Do you bark back in anger? Or do you silently fume? Do you change the subject or cut the phone call short? Or do you try to please and accommodate so they will stop the rampage? Do you try to talk it out and explain your position? Or do you deem the conversation as hopeless and complain to your sister instead?

Maybe your tactic changes depending on the person in front of you. Do you accommodate your boss but later take your pent up emotions out on your kids? Do you vent on your mom but are sweet as pie to your boy friend? Do you have a new friend who you talk things out with but that old friend from high school, well, you know how that discussion will turn out so why bother?

This was our discussion this week at church and also in our small groups. We talked about the people we experienced as draining and our reactions to them. What was the right reaction? For the answers, we searched the gospels and read some of the interactions Jesus had with draining people in John 3:1-21, Matthew 12:1-15 and Luke 14:1-14.

We saw Jesus' reaction to people wasn't a reaction at all. Jesus knew what He was about and He was not deterred by other's questions or actions towards Him.  He spoke to people from the heart about the real issues (John 3:3, Luke 14:7). He used illustrations to help others understand His position (Luke 14:6, Matthew 12:11). There were times when He walked away (Matthew 12:14-15) but that was due to His being obedient to the timing of His Father. It was not intended to avoid conflict. Actually, He invited conflict at times, and used the conflict to point to truth (Luke 12:3).

Jesus listened to the people who came to Him with questions, no matter what their motives were. Jesus knew when their real plan was not to obtain answers but to trap Him. Nevertheless, He did not back away, but answered them directly with truth and used the opportunity to reveal important information regarding the kingdom of heaven (Mark 10:2-9, Matthew 22:16-22, Luke 12:13-21, Luke 15:1-10, Luke 18:18-30).

When the time came for Jesus to face the most destructive people, He prepared Himself with prayer (Luke 22:41-43). He did not do what would come naturally as a human man, but what His Father wanted. He prayed and received not only direction but also supernatural strength.

Why do you react as you do to the draining people in your life? Do you act as your parents modeled or are you doing the exact opposite because of how it worked out for them? Were you hurt or rejected at a prior time of life and swore to yourself never to be hurt like that again? Do you act to avoid conflict and anger because "Christians don't get angry" or do you confront others harshly because "Christians must stand for truth”?

I confess I usually assess the situation and try to use the approach that would work out for the best (read: "for my benefit").

Like the ocean can be raging or calm
depending on the wind,
so we must allow the wind of the Spirit
to control our reactions to others.

Jesus did what He saw the Father doing. Jesus was controlled by the Spirit. Nothing anyone else did controlled or deterred Him. And the really good news is the very same Spirit lives inside of us when we commit our lives to Christ.

I came to the conclusion there is no specific right or wrong way to deal with difficult people. Each person, each situation, each time is different. Sometimes it is best to confront with love. Sometimes it is good to try to understand and be understood. Sometimes it is best to walk away and cool off. Sometime it is good to submit to another's ways. Sometimes it is better to say "this time, I want to decide." Sometimes it is even best to be harsh (Matthew 23:1-36, John 3:13-17). God knows which is best and He desires to tell us, moment by moment as we walk with Him, pray to Him, listen to Him. And we can count on His angels to strengthen us as well so we can do His will.

Sometimes as we obey God we find things don't work out exactly as we would like. That is where faith comes in, when we learn to trust God will work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). We obey God and trust the results to Him.

And of course, we need to ask ourselves (and God) the important question: in this situation, is the draining person ME?

Just saying.

And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Fire and Floods

Fire and floods
Earthquakes and hurricanes
Mass murderers and maniacs with nuclear missiles

And our reactions is to point fingers at each other
We criticize, we rally, we march, we carry cleverly worded signs
We tear down statues, we tweet and troll
As if anyone is at fault, as if anyone of us could fix this.

We need to fall on our knees
We need to mourn and repent
We need to cry out to the only One who can heal our world in the ancient prayer:

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy and grant us peace.

Perfect

At worship last night, my thoughts were scattered and rambling as I sang out the words to the songs. Even as the music blasted in my ears and the floor shook, I was distracted. Then we sang...

You're a good good Father, it's who You are
And I am loved by You, it's who I am
Because You are perfect in all of Your ways....

And God, as He is always faithful broke through my chaotic mind and He said....

Perfect, only I am perfect. I am the good, good Father, standing at the open doorway, My eye always on you as you romp and play outside. I smile as you dirty your hands, thinking with delight how I will wash you later.

But your deeper sins, as I watch them unfold in your life, My stomach turns, not in revulsion or even disapproval but in sorrow as I truly understand the pain you are causing yourself and others. I understand your weakness, I created you! I have already supplied the solution.

O come to the altar, the Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with the precious blood of Jesus Christ  

My eyes never leave you and I long for the time you come home to Me in prayer. I will hold your precious face in My hands and say, My daughter, how much I love you! 

You are My princess but never forget it is I alone who am perfect. In My time, in My power, My Spirit is perfecting you until finally you will be with Me forever in perfect glory. I do not need your works or your service to prove your love for Me. I want your attention. I want to give you My power. Come to Me, I long to give you all you need and also Myself. 

Come, My child. Come. 

Three Easy Steps to a Perfect Marriage

Disclaimer: Ok, the steps are not easy and there are no perfect marriages but these will help a lot!

1.      Pray.  God is invested in your marriage and not only wants it to last forever but designed it to be joy-filled and life-giving. Talk to Him about everything in your marriage through prayer. Pray together, pray alone, pray when you have troubles, when you argue, when you are confused, when you feel lost, when you wake up, before you sleep. Pray without ceasing.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.(Phil 4:6)  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:6)

        

2.      Submit.  To freely give the other spouse the opportunity to have their heart’s desire is an act of love and a sign of strength on your part. It is the true path to life and peace. Submit is what Jesus did constantly when on earth all the way to the cross. He asks us to do it because He did it first. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Eph 5:21)

3.      Believe the Best.  Be generous with your assumptions and your attitude toward your spouse. Believe that they love you, want the best for you, desire the marriage to last, have your best interests at heart, aspire to become more Christ-like even as they fail again and again. It is not so much about trusting them, but trusting Christ in them, the hope of glory. Your attitude towards them will greatly affect your relationship so never assume the worst, but always believe the best. Love…is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:5,7)

Best Diet Ever

I am not much of a dieter, frankly because I like food much more than I ever wanted to be thin. Plus I have NO will-power. However, as I grew older my metabolism slowed and frustrations from life heightened causing me to eat too much, too often and too thoughtlessly. The numbers on my bathroom scale began to rise at an alarming rate until I found myself the same weight as the peek of my first pregnancy -- with no baby to show for it! It was harder to move around, harder to do steps, harder to fit into my already too-large size clothes.

I tried to diet again, and again, and again, failing each time. As I said, I have no will-power. I started to pray. As time went on and the numbers on the bathroom scale continued to creep up, I asked friends to pray for me too. To my horror, I gained more weight. I prayed more earnestly finally coming to the realization that only God could help me.

I realized that the problem was not the food. The problem was me and I needed to repent.

I needed to repent of thinking I could eat anything I wanted and as much as I wanted.

I needed to repent of eating because bagels and muffins or chocolates and cake were left on the break-room table at work, or because my husband bought a quart of ice cream, or because one of the sweet women in my church group brought a lemon cake to our meeting.

I needed to repent of eating in response to stressful situations and turn to God instead, my true Comforter.  

Once I repented, and God in His mercy developed self-control in my heart, I was able to stop eating the sweets and the carbs that turned into sugar the moment I swallowed them. Once I stopped eating them, I no longer craved them.

Still not bikini ready like my babe Deb

Another enemy was discovered in my journey. It was my bathroom scale! At first it was my friend, revealing the error of my ways with an ever increasing magnitude. Once I started eating better my scale showed my progress downward, slowly but thankfully downward. Then one morning, for no apparent reason, I stood on my scale and it displayed the exact same number as the day before. I panicked. That is when my Beloved Jesus whispered to me,

"You are doing the right thing. Continue to obey and trust the results to Me."   

My new diet is repentance. We live in a land of plenty -- too much in fact. We are killing ourselves with extravagances that tempt us with their appeal and kill us with their true essence. It is all as King Solomon said, vanity and grasping at the wind. Yes we need to eat and God has given us all we need to enjoy. But too much of anything becomes an idol an a curse that rots our bones.

Beloved, let me continue to trust You and the goodness You give me. Let me discern when the thing I desire is from Your hand and when it is Satan tempting me. Give me the self control to flee from sin as I should. Remind me that my part is to obey You and that You can be trusted with the results. Help me have faith to believe all You have for me is good.

Good to eat. Good for my body. Good for my life. Because You are good.

Who is God? Who am I? And how do I relate to you?

Tonight we received certificates to show we completed our counseling courses require to serve in Liquid Church's Care Ministry. We were asked to answer three questions from the perspective of what we learned in our course work. 

This is that essay. 

God is perfect; perfect power, perfect wisdom, and perfect love. Because God is love, He created humanity to love Him back. He did not want forced, coerced, manipulated love so He created us with free will. With the freedom to love, God also gave us the freedom to turn away from His love. We call this sin.

Even before God created the world, He knew we would sin so He had a plan to reconcile us to Himself and be with us in perfect peace forever. His plan spanned millennia, generations and nations. God is patient, willing to bear the pain of our rejection and of watching our self-inflicted tribulations as we ran from Him and His perfect will. We could not save ourselves even after God gave us His Law and His warnings through His prophets. Even when we desired to be righteous, we became self-righteousness. We were hopelessly dead in our sin.

At just the right time, Jesus came to save us. He left paradise to meet us in our broken world. He walked beside us, telling us stories, asking us questions, and healing our diseases. He demonstrated He was fully human by eating and drinking, laughing and crying, bleeding and dying. He demonstrated He was fully God by His control over the sea and the rain, over angels and demons, over life and death.

Jesus took all our sin on His own body and paid our debt to God in full. As He died, He proclaimed, “It is finished.” Death could not hold Him, nor will it hold us when we trust in Him. We are truly free now, free to choose God, free to love Him as He always intended.

God adopted me and I am His daughter, beautiful and perfect in His sight. That is how God sees me in His eternal realm. However while I am trapped here in time and space I must still work out my salvation in fear and trembling. I must diligently follow Him and be alert to the evil one as he accuses me, tempts me, and appears as an angel of light.

Now God is our Father so we are one family. I am the sister and my family is vast, from every continent, every nation. I link arms with them, lean on them, help them as they help me. We share God’s truth and God’s love. I love and forgive them. I listen with humility as they point out my blind spots, and I confess and pray for the Holy Spirit’s power for change.

All glory to God!

Before this course, I knew to speak with mercy and tenderness as I point out the blind spots of others. However, now I realize I cannot understand their pain or attempt to help them until I walk beside them as Jesus did. I must enter their world, listen intently, and ask questions. I cannot assume I understand their heart or their situation. I do not know their answers. Only Jesus knows. Only He can see what is in the depth of their hearts. I must be patient and love them as Jesus did, freeing them to change or not, at their own pace, in their own way. Jesus was in no hurry to fix people. He was willing to withstand the pain of watching our trials while He waited for us to be ready to accept Him and His truth. So it must be with me.

We offer them Christ’s stories, the thread of themes from Genesis to Revelation that demonstrate God’s grace and truth. Where does their story intercept with God’s story? Where is God encouraging change at a heart level, not merely our changing our behavior? What truth or mercy of God are we missing or misunderstanding? We bring them to the Holy Spirit and trust God for change in His direction and timing. As we point them to God, we are confident God is faithful. He will use our pain for His glory and give us peace.

Confession, the Pathway Home

Confession has a bad rap.

It conjures up images of an old white-bearded man pointing a long bony figure at us snarling "repent!" Or the apprehension of a small child entering a small dark closet and whispering the words, "Bless me father for I have sinned." It is the dread of being exposed and seen with our hands dirtied with our most heinous deed. It is the anxious anticipation of your dad's scream, mom with the wooden spoon, or sitting in the principal's office.

That is not God's view of confession. Proverbs 28:13 tell us, Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. James 5:16 has even a better promise, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

Mercy and healing are the sweet fruit of confession.

Jesus paints an even more delightful picture in the story of the prodigal son. The son leaves home, takes his inheritance, and makes a series of reckless choices. He finds himself homeless, hungry and surrounded by swine. It is there that the scriptures tells us he came to his senses. He confesses his sin and in that turning point, he starts on his way home. The son expects punishment.

However, there is no punishment waiting for the lost son who returns to his father, only an embrace of love, tears of joy. The father summons his servants to bring the sandals, robe and ring. The servants knew immediately right where to find these precious items that would restore the wayward boy to full son-ship. Why? Because the father always had them at the ready, waiting only for the son to return to him.

There is no punishment waiting for us either when we confess. God is not waiting to give us penance, as if a few prayers or acts of contrition could erase our sin. No, Jesus paid it all, it is finished, completed, accomplished. Our restoration waits for us to receive it, if we would only come home.

At Aunt Tillie and Uncle George's beach house there was
always a celebration! 

And then there is the party because the father is ecstatic to have his son home. The father instructs the servants: Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Confession is the privilege of God's children. It is the vehicle for God's mercy, His healing, His celebration. God the Father invites us  His children to come to Him to confess, so that we can be restored.  Because that is what the Father desires, for us to come home, sit at His table, enjoy His presence.

Confession is our pathway home.

To read the entire story of the prodigal son, see Luke 15:11-32.

Prejudice and Transformation

Last Friday I went to the movies and watched Hidden Figures. As the movie progressed I winced as I watched the true story of three women who endured treatment that no human should experience. Prejudice in all it's hateful glory was on display. However, by the end of the movie, the hearts of the most prejudice among the players had changed. Instead we saw understanding, respect, and kindness on the screen. How did that happen? What triggered the transformation?

On Saturday night, my daughter and I watched the 30th anniversary edition of The Breakfast Club. She had never seen it before, indeed it was released before she was born. "Why do you like this movie, mom?" she asked.

Because it too was about prejudice and transformation. There were no people of color in this movie. In fact, they were all white, straight teens in a middle class high school. And yet they found a way to be prejudiced, to put people in little boxes and not let them out. The brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess and the criminal. But one Saturday they were forced to sit together all day and after they fought and talked and played together they discovered they were not so different after all. Same thing happened in Hidden Figures. Forced to work together in NASA for the common goal of getting a man into space and returning him safely, they discovered they could see past the boxes of man and woman and black and white that they had been forced into.

Our family in Washington DC 

Tomorrow is the day we remember Martin Luther King Jr. He was a great man who fought for liberty and peace. Four days later, the power of presidential leadership passes from our first black president to a white man, a billionaire real estate tycoon who never before held public office. 2016 was a year tarnished and torn by trash talk and bloodshed and bigotry. We remain a nation divided into pieces and more than just black and white.

How do we heal from this?

Like the teens in The Breakfast Club, maybe we need a Saturday detention, a forced time to sit face to face. Maybe we need a common goal like those who discovered they needed even Hidden Figures to help them all succeed.

Maybe if just one of us reaches out  to someone different to listen, not merely to judge or mock but to try to understand.

Maybe me. Maybe you. Maybe today. Let's try that. Are you in?



I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. 

-- Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. 1963

Me too, Martin. Me too.

The Walk

First summer walk and I return again to the stream by my home, a favorite place to pray. On the narrow walking bridge I stop to look at the brook, swiftly passing below, full with spring rains. The lush foliage bows towards the waters. How often have I looked at the brook and asked God about my future. What is going to happen? When is it going to happen? What do I need to do to make it happen? I desperately wanted to know what was in my future. I needed to know because I wanted to be prepared.

This time, even though there was still many uncertainties in my life, I looked at the brook and felt His peace, not my questions. And in that peace He said to me:

No, you do not need know. You need to trust Me. I alone can prepare you.

It's the same at the beach.  There I found it was tempting to look for shells and rocks, and when I found something interesting I would wonder, what does this mean for my future, Lord? Once I found a large smooth stone shaped in the form of a heart. And my hope was renewed for a vision of mine. But it was mine alone and not of Him. It never worked out.

This summer's first beach walk I looked again at the sandy edge and He said to me:

I do not speak to you from the creation on the shore. I have given you My Word, My Son, My Spirit.

Beloved Jesus, there it is again. Trust. My impatience displays a lack of trust in You. Beloved, remind me of the wonders You have already done. Remind me You are worthy of my trust. Thank You for Your patience with me as I fail and fail again. Thank You of not leaving me in the desperate place of needing to know, wanting to know. It is Your mercy that You do not tell me.

It is in Your mercy that You spare me from my petty desires and give me Yours alone. You have given me so much! Your Word, Your Son, Your Spirit. I may not know the future. I am blessed instead to know You.

on baseball mitts and tap shoes

Debbie and Gio, off stage

I saw Gio yesterday at his game, handsome and so tall already in his uniform and cap. He played first base, he pitched from the mound, using his mitt to catch so well. I was the audience today, watching him and as I did I remembered other times long ago, watching Debbie on the stage, her tap shoes clicking skillfully to the tune, her costume glistening in the lights.

There is still a part of me that longs to be that too, on the stage, in the spotlight, with the audience watching me. On the field, using my mitt, running the bases, pitching the ball. From childhood it started and I never lost that longing. I confess, even now I want to be seen, to be heard, to be noticed. I want what I do to last, to matter, to be a thing of beauty.

The desire haunts me. But it is not working for me.

But then, Beloved, You speak to me tenderly in Your great mercy….

You need to remember that I see you. I am always watching you, always with you. You are never alone. I am your very attentive and loving audience of One. As you delight in Gio and Debbie, so I also delight in you. But I created you and specifically gifted you to be a servant. That is how you will achieve the greatest good, not only for others but also for yourself. It seems lowly but it is not. For you, it is your true greatness, your true goodness. And you cannot be a servant as I have created you to be, from the center of the stage. The center of the stage is not for you. I have protected you from that spot but you still desire it. This is your idol and you must repent.

Trust Me. I know what is good. I want to give you what is good but I cannot when you chase after this other thing. It is not for you. I want to give you the better portion of servanthood. It will not be taken away from you. It is sitting at My feet. It is filling the room with the fragrance of worship. That is where you will be remembered. That is where I will use you best.

As you serve and teach you must remember that you are not better than any whom you serve. They are your family and My beloved. Pride can be a trap even for a servant. Even kings are warned against it (Deut 17:18-20). This too is sin. Point always to Me, the true eternal King.

I will use you by the power of My Holy Spirit where I have put you. Remember, I am the Creator and King of the Universe and I see you. I notice you. I will make what you do in secret last eternally. I will make it matter in My kingdom. I will make it a thing of incredible beauty beyond what you can imagine.

Trust Me. Rest in this. It is from Me. And I am doing a good thing.

...you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:41-42)

That's your problem

It happened again at work yesterday. She called me back weeping, so troubled, so alone. The situation seemed dire, not only for her but also for her young son. My mind raced as I talked to her on the phone: how can I help them? Even though it was not my job to help, even though she wanted to keep it a secret because she was so ashamed.

We’re reading about the last days of Jesus in our life group, where He was betrayed in the Garden. All betrayed Him, but in the end, Peter was restored, and became the hero and leader of the church. However Judas hung himself and is remembered as the betrayer and of the devil himself. Why is that? What’s the difference? The answer lies in three verses left for us by Matthew:

Judas, the one who betrayed him, realized that Jesus was doomed. Overcome with remorse, he gave back the thirty silver coins to the high priests, saying, “I’ve sinned. I’ve betrayed an innocent man.”

They said, “What do we care? That’s your problem!”

Judas threw the silver coins into the Temple and left. Then he went out and hung himself. (Matthew 27:3-5)

Judas, like Peter, realized his sin. The difference was while Peter wept then returned to the fellowship of the disciples, Judas went to the high priest.

Judas tried to fix it himself.

The high priest even urged him on in this: “That’s your problem!” And because the problem was too enormous for Judas to fix himself, he hung himself in despair.

Horrified I considered the situation yesterday with the troubled woman and her son. I want to help her but, let’s face it, the situation is enormous. Like Judas I am anxious, consumed, and in despair because I cannot find a way to help. I am like Judas:

Barbara tried to fix it herself.

Beloved Jesus, forgive me. Some things are way over my pay grade, as this one was yesterday. Maybe I can help in a small way, but not without coming to You first. Nothing is too enormous for You, even death itself. Please remind me again and again that prayer is doing something. Sometimes it is the only thing. I can come to You because You are able, indeed You are enormous and You love with us with an enormous love. I can trust You.

What was I thinking? Reprise

It was 2000 years ago when a widow came to the Jerusalem temple and inconspicuously dropped in two small copper coins into the temple treasury. She was surrounded by many wealthy people giving large sums, but undeterred, she dropped her offering into the box.

Later a woman named Mary scandalized her dinner party guests when she took an entire bottle of pure nard and poured it on the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair. The perfume was ridiculously expensive and although she was ridiculed by others, she only looked at His face.

About 30 years pass. Paul sat in prison and wrote a letter to dear friends far away. They had given him a gift and he was saying thank you and also shared important matters of his heart and his faith with them. When the letter was done, he handed the scroll to his friend Epaphroditus and prayed for his safe travel to the distant city of Philippi.

All three, the poor nameless widow, Mary of Bethany and Paul had no idea at the time of the significance of their obedience. I wonder -- what were they thinking?

Did the widow wonder what difference it made, her two tiny coins compared to the substantial contributions of the others? Did she fear ridicule for her tiny donation? Did she wonder how she would eat the next day because all her money was now gone? Maybe she just had faith and was obedient to God because she trusted Him, even with all she had.

Did Mary wonder what everyone would say when she lavished all of her precious gift on Jesus? Did she think she would be hidden behind Him at His feet? Was she embarrassed when she realized the smell of the nard filled the room and everyone was staring at her, her hair undone, her extravagance revealed? Was she horrified when Judas pointed at her in scorn saying the money could have been used to feed the poor? Maybe she just had faith and was determined to demonstrate her love for Jesus.

Did Paul wonder if his letter would get to it's destination? Was he concerned about Epaphroditus' health and safety as he traveled? Was he in prayer that the Philippians would be encouraged by his letter and be open to his instructions? Did he wonder if he wasted his time to write a letter that they may never receive? Probably he was moved to communicate to them in the only way available to him, although it was lengthy and cumbersome, and he trusted God for the rest.

The widow had no idea that the Lord of Israel in the flesh stood near her watching and held her up as a sterling example of generosity and faith to His disciples for generations. Mary had no idea Jesus would defend her to her guests, praise her faith and proclaim that her story would be included wherever the gospel was preached. Paul had no idea that not only would his letter reach Philippi but it also would sit on my kitchen table today in New Jersey. They only acted in faith. They had no idea how God would use their obedience.

Ten years ago, I voiced frustration to a dear wise friend. While I don't remember the specifics of the situation, I clearly recall his advice. Use your gift, he told me. Find a way to express the gift that God has given you. And so hesitantly I began a blog. What was I thinking? I had been writing in journals all my life as I cried my heart out to the Lord, as I studied His word. Out of those conversations, He seemed to talk back to me. Really, He did. I'm sorry if it sounds crazy. The words, those thoughts were too "other" to be mine. I wanted to write them down and save them in a way so I could remember them. I hoped that they would encourage others. And some people have told me these posts are encouraging. But I am sure the person who reads my blog the most is me! As I recall Jesus' words to me, I am encouraged and rebuked and strengthened all over again.

I have no idea how God will use this blog. But I know He reads every word. He remains my main audience, an audience of One. This is my conversation with Him. My prayer is that you, if you are reading this, would also be encouraged. Do you have a gift? Are you using it? Find a way to express the gift God has given you. Don't be deterred that it seems small. Don't be embarrassed that it seems ridiculous to others. Don't be hopeless that it will be effective.

God used two small coins, a pound of nard, a parchment is a mighty way. And so I trust Him with this blog. You can trust Him too.

Jesus said to them, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me."

Matthew 12:14-44, Matthew 26:6-13, John 12:1-8, Philippians 2:25-30

I hung the moon

I was driving home last night in silence except for the hum of my old Toyota. Inside my head, however, there was the screaming voice of Worry. Worry for people who I would never meet who's life was affected by my failure to resolve the  late afternoon phone call. Worry about how I could not help because it was not my job. Worry about what I could not do because I did not know how. 

Worry swirled around and absorbed me in fruitless conversations I would never have.

Then I looked up and saw the moon in the late twilight sky. A tiny sliver, it stood suspended above the dark blues and oranges of sunset. 

"I hung the moon." God whispered to me. "I hung the moon and I can handle this too."

I remembered a prayer from a prior day when I knew I was praying towards sin but did not know what else to ask of God. "Your will be done, Lord, open doors, close the others that lead to no good." Maybe You are doing that for those people who I just failed but would never meet. Maybe this is Your goodness, Your mercy, closing a door for them. I cannot know.

But I can trust You. Of that alone I am certain. Because I could see right ahead. See, You hung the moon.

God made two great lights -- the larger one to govern the day, and the smaller one to govern the night. He also made the stars....And God saw that it was good. (Genesis 1:16,18)

Grab on

Captivated by the movie scene playing in blazing color on the 72-inch TV, I stood transfixed as I waited for my daughter to complete her Best Buy purchase. It was the Terminator Geneisys bridge scene where Arnold chases the fleeing school bus, his determined face showing through the circle of shattered windshield glass.

As the scene progresses, the evil character damages the bus’ mechanisms causing it to flip in mid-air, careening wildly and finally stopped, hanging off the side of the Gold Gate Bridge. The good gal and guy team are still in the bus, dazed but unharmed, as is the bad guy and a chase ensues inside the dangling bus. Arnold arrives at the bus just in time to reach out his strong arm to the gal, who in turn grabs the arm of the good guy as he reaches out to her. The bus breaks free and falls into the water below with the bad guy in it just as Arnold pulls the gal and guy to safety.

And then the movie switched to another scene in another movie and I found myself back in the Best Buy TV sales section.

For several days the scenes flashed repeatedly through my mind. Arnold, the hero who they tried to kill over and over but they could not. How he relentlessly chased them and then rescued them with his strong arm. So much like our Jesus!

Jesus came as a babe in a manger, tender and mild. He looked like a toddler to the wise men and when He grew He looked like a mere man to the townspeople of Nazareth. But He is not. Jesus is greater than even Arnold in all his cinematic special effects. They tried to kill Jesus but they could not. He too emerged unharmed, not from a damaged vehicle but from the grave. Jesus’ saving is greater too, saving not only our lives of flesh but our eternal lives as well.



Jesus chases after us. He reaches out His mighty arm. He will save you from whatever bus you are hanging from. Grab His hand today.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords…

to Him who alone does great wonders..

with a mighty hand and outstretched arm…

His love endures forever.

(Psalm 136:3, 4, 12)