I am domestically challenged

She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. (The Message)


My theory is women generally are good as some homemaking skills, but not others.  I can cook, and do laundry well.  I generally fail at house cleaning and decorating.  I am the woman who has had the same curtains in her living room for 20 years and I still like them just fine, thank you very much!  As I type this, my family room is impassible with tiny Lego parts and various toy vehicles.  My dining room table has books, papers, check book, various bowls of fruit and vegetables, etc on top.  Our mail is in a pile on the piano seat.  Pocketbooks and various bags are on the floor and sofa. My house is basically a disaster.

I am intimidated by women who seem to have it all together, especially the place where I am posting this "31 Days" with: The Nester.  Her byline is: "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful"---are you kidding me?  The photos of her home are stunning.  Where are her children's toys? And her husband's work papers?  Where are the family dirty soxs? Just saying.

I have a dream that someday my home will be small and clutter-free. Where the bathroom toilet and sink are not green, my wall paper is not 20-years old and the floor tiles are not pealing up.  I just can't seem to get there.  Maybe when I live alone, when my children finally move out and my husband passes on and I am really alone, I can have my dream house.

But I don't want to live alone.  I love all these messy people I live with and truth be told, I am the messiest of all. I could be cleaning right now, but here I am writing this blog post instead.

Yet I know that my God is a God is peace and order and joy.  And the mess here gets in the way of that.  This is not happening on my own because I hate housework.  I do.  But I love my family and I want to give them a sanctuary.  

Father, You are my only hope.  You call us to be passionate in caring for our homes, so much so, that we are willing to lose sleep over it.  Honestly, I just don't want to.  I am exhausted by the end of the day and my family often works against me.  Heck, I work against me!  Please help me be diligent in homemaking.  Even if my home will never be picture perfect, help me care for it so that it is a place of comfort and peace.    

She makes her arms strong

She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. (Proverbs 31:17 Amplified)


I always loved this verse.  Raised in a family with a strong mother and more males than females, I always was pushing to keep up.  I wanted to play hard, and then later, to work hard.  I longed to be a part of the male dominated world around me in my family and later in my career.  When I found this verse, I was encouraged and latched onto it.  

I love how the Amplified version expands it.  Strength is for the God-given task ahead of us.  God has given us a path and He will make us able for it, in all ways, not just physical, but also mental and spiritual.  

In a culture that extols physical beauty, the method is to go to the gym and work out.  Have a professional trainer.  Women are strong and fit today are in good shape because they work at exercise and diet.  Here instead the Excellent Wife is strong because she works.  Period.  She is strengthened as she fulfills her God-assigned tasks.  She is confident, she is filled with joy in her accomplishments.

When we serve others, when we care for our husband, home, children and their needs, and even at our career, it is the best beauty treatment. The Lord builds us up not only in our physical body, but also in our mind and spirit. 

Father, day by day as I go about my work at the office and at home, remind me that following Your way, serving others, is the best way to be fit and beautiful.

And when the way is hard and long, remind me of what you said in Nehemiah 8:10: Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Expanding ... Prudently

She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. (Proverbs 31:16)

Do you tend to compare yourself to others, and find yourself wanting?

Here we go ago again, with Mrs. Super-Woman aka an Excellent Wife, with her next  feat -- she buys land.  This verse in particular I find especially intimidating, never having, in my 50-something years, ever purchasing land by myself.  I won't even buy a car without someone knowledgeable looking at it with me first.  Here she considers a field and then with her profits (where did that come from, didn't she just spend a ton of money on land??) she plants a vineyard.
 
I read this and say: Ok, game over, I fail. I don't want to play.  Close the book.
 
But wait, I know God better than this.  God may want to stretch our faith in Him but never to the breaking point.  He is the God who brings us "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)  He never intends to overextend us.  That is not His way.  When we feel overwhelmed, that is not of Him.

So I kept searching and found this translation of this same verse:

She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. (Amplified)

The Excellent Wife expands prudently, considering her present duties.  She understands that we can expand imprudently and become crushed under the weight of too many things, even if they are good things.

I have been considering that.  I cannot compare myself with other women who have homes that are better decorated, husbands who are more accomplished, children who are better behaved, and careers that are more exciting.  Even as I do ministry, the Lord has given me more than a spiritual gift to share, He has defined a SCOPE that I have been created for.  When my ambition and ego desire more than He knows to prudently give me, I find myself restless, anxious, disappointed. 

I am sure as she prudently considers, the Excellent Wife prays and consults with her husband and wise friends.  She does not expand just to expand.  She does not buy just because it is available.  She doesn't volunteer to change diapers in the nursery just because the Pastor says there is a need.  She brings it to her Heavenly Father and asks: "Is this for me?  Or is this a heavy burden from the enemy?  Will this lead me to neglect my other responsibilities?" 

Because our time and strength is limited.  The Excellent Wife is prudent and so she has saved up strength and profit for other things (the vineyard).

I need to learn this.  I need to rest in this.

Father, let me come to You with each opportunity, trusting You know me, You love me.  You would deny me no good thing.  But the enemy wants to overwork me, confuse me, lead me into chaos.  Let this not be the field I purchase, just because I am comparing myself to others!  It all comes back to trusting You!

Before Dawn

She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.  (Proverbs 31:15 NLT)


It was dark this morning when I got up, before my alarm, and the house was still.  How I love my kitchen in the quiet darkness of October!  I make my coffee and while it brews, I put away dishes, fill Gio's tall cup with juice, rummage in the refrigerator for lunch options.  This morning I even put a pork roast in my crock pot before breakfast. On days when it is really early, I eat my oatmeal before anyone is awake and enjoy my Bible reading undisturbed -- ahh bliss!  In the still before the world wakes up, it is then when I can best plan my day.

Because I am dropping Debbie at the train for her new job, I have been rising early and getting to my desk a half hour before the office opens, when the phones are quiet and most of the staff has not yet arrived.  It is the most productive time of the day.

On the days when I hit the snooze button too many times, or hit traffic and get to work late, nothing goes right.  I am rushed, out of sorts, running to catch up all day long.

Although it does not always happen in my real life, getting an early start and planning ahead makes everything run smoother.  I love how The Voice translation says it: She rises from bed early, in the still of night, carefully preparing food for her family.  The stillness of the early morning is a time when the world is quiet and I can hear God better.  I have more time to carefully prepare for the needs of my family.

Lately because I have had to get up early for Debbie, this has become more of a routine but during the summer, I was getting up later, and I could feel the stretch on my nerves. When I have a late start, the whole day all falls apart.  It is so tempting to fall into a routine of sleeping later, but those extra minutes of laying in bed are not worth it in the long run.  Reminds me of the proverb that says: 

How long do you plan to lounge your life away, you lazy fool? Will you ever get out of bed?
You say, “A little sleep, a little rest, a few more minutes, a nice little nap.”
But soon poverty will be on top of you like a robber; need will assault you like a well-armed warrior.  (Proverbs 6:9-11)


It is so easy to fall into a bad morning routine, Father!  Help me remember that extra sleep is better at 10 pm than it is at 7 am!  Help me to put the needs of my family first and to carefully plan for them.  Remind me, that in the end, it is better for me too and leads to confidence and peace!

Delight attends her work

Delight attends her work and guides her fingers as she selects the finest wool and flax for spinning.

She moves through the market like merchant ships that dock here and there in distant ports, finally arriving home with food she’s carried from afar.  (Proverbs 31:1-14 - The Voice) **

Food and clothing. In this era, all of life surrounded this, the essential needs to survive.  There were no cars, no TVs or computers, no phones, no games.  There are not even any books, newspapers, or magazines.  Back then, all of life was about obtaining these things basic needs.  Every. Day.

But see, she is not concerned for herself, the Excellent Wife.  She is concerned for her household. And she is not halfheartedly, grudgingly, absentmindedly taking care of these needs.  No, she is going the extra mile to select the best.  She is a woman of purpose.   She is not only buying clothes, she is making clothes.  She is making clothes from --my goodness-- fibers!  I can not even imagine.  

Moreover, delight attends her work.

She is actually thrilled to be doing this service for her family.  She finds joy in this simple duty, clothing and feeding her family.

I think of me, coming home from work to make dinner when I would rather take a nap.  I think of the pile of dishes to wash, the pile of sox to match and fold.  I complain even though I have running water -- hot and cold -- in my kitchen sink and a washer and dryer in my basement.  Truth be told, delight does not always attend my housework.

But the Excellent Wife does.  She understands the worth of her duties, because she loves her family.  She knows that even though they might not understand or appreciate her attending to their basic needs in an exceptional way, she is confident of the value of her caring for her household.  And that gives her pleasure.  Ultimately what her family says or thinks today is not important--she knows God is pleased.

Father, often it is a struggle for me to do the mundane everyday tasks of caring for my family.  I look for praise from my family and they may not appreciate me today.  They may not even notice.  But You notice!  You see every time I extend myself to satisfy their needs, and You are thrilled.  Help me be thrilled too and find my ultimate worth in pleasing You!



** I just found this Bible translation today and liked it -- a lot! If you like it too and want to read more, check it out on BibleGateway. 

Worth Far Above Jewels

“An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Although the old saying is “it’s a man’s world” and there are those who still “underestimate the power of a woman,” especially in the role of a wife and mother, the author (she's the Queen, remember??) does not.  Neither does God.   Here and elsewhere in Proverbs, much is said about the power of women to influence the life of a man, for good or for bad.  Contrast the “excellent wife” with the “immoral woman” from Proverbs 7:

So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery.

He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter…little knowing it would cost him his life.

So listen to me, my sons… Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her.

Don’t wander down her wayward path. For she has been the ruin of many; many men have been her victims. Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death. (Proverbs 7:21,27) 

As a wife, we have the power to do good or evil to our husbands.  In a household, there is never an act, a decision, or even a conversation that affects only one.  Everything we say and do affects everyone in our household because we are living together. 

We don’t like to think that way.  We are adults and so we can do as we like, right?  But the excellent wife considers her husband and family before she does something, before she buys something, before she says something.  Life is not just about her anymore, but she considers the heart of her husband, as the proverb says, thinking: “This may be good for me, but it is also good for my husband, for us, for our marriage?”

Because we don’t have to be “immoral women” in order to hurt our husband.  We can just be thoughtless and selfish.  Or prideful and manipulating.  Or fearful and controlling.

I can be all those things!  But I want the heart of my husband to trust me.  I want to do him good not evil.  

 

Father I confess I don’t think of the affect of my actions on my husband and family.  Please help me consider them and be less thoughtless, controlling, and self-centered.  And when I am fearful, let me trust You, because You are faithful, always.   Moreover, help me to remember the power I have when I follow Your truth to influence my husband for good.

31 Days to Become an Excellent Wife

“An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Truth be told, I don’t have much interest in becoming an excellent wife. Oh, I want an excellent marriage, and even want to have an excellent husband.  But to be the excellent wife? Not so much. 

Actually, like most women, I am tired.  Tired of doing “everything” for “everyone.” Tired of trying so hard when it seems like the rest of my family is sitting on the couch. 

This whole “Proverbs 31” thing is annoying. What is this about anyway? Is this a bunch of super-women guilting us into trying to be perfect?  Was this some man’s idea of the ideal and non-existent woman?  For heavens sake, she is a mother, decorator, chef, international merchant, seamstress, business manager, real estate broker, agriculturalist, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and politician's wife.   How can we compare ourselfs with that?

But wait, let’s look back at this and see who is the author:

The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him. (Proverbs 31:1)

This was written by the queen mother, instructing her son the prince, on the kind of women he should look for to marry.  We can relate to that.  We only want the best woman for our sons, the best man for our daughters.  So she has her list of qualifications and teaching it to her son.  It is such a note-worth list that it find its way into sacred scripture.  And – get this – whoever King Lemual marries, she will be the Princess!  That is something I do want to be.

So let’s spend 31 days together and look at this proverb and other sections of scripture so we can be the princess.  

 

Father, I confess to you that although I am excited about my husband being better, and my marriage getting better, I am less excited about changing myself.  Help me be willing to undergo the transformation so that I can be all You have designed me to be: a princess in Your Kingdom.

Follow all 31 Days here:

Day 2 - Worth Far Above Jewels (As wives we are valuable to our husbands and our influence is important)

Day 3 - Delight attends her work (We need to find delight in our service to our family)

Day 4 - Before Dawn (Is is good to be diligent in caring for our family)

Day 5 - Expanding ... Prudently (We don't have to do everything!)

Day 6 - She makes her arms strong (Want to be beautiful? Work hard!)

Day 7 - I am domestically challenged! (God wants our family to find peace in our homes)

Day 8 - Allow another to lead (Submit?  No, really! It's a good choice)

Day 9 - Open your hands

Day 10 - When it snows

Day 11 - True Love

Day 12 - Everything she wears is beautiful

Day 13 - Selling linen garments

Day 14 - Strength and Dignity

Day 15 - The Teaching of Kindness

Day 16 - Bread of Idleness

Day 17 - Her children rise

Day 18 - But you excel them all

Day 19 - Inner Beauty

Day 20 - a woman who fears the Lord

Day 21 - the bridge people
Day 22 - let her own works praise her

Day 23 - a helper suitable for him

Day 24 - do not deprive each other

Women of October: Deanna, Debbie, Caroline, Maria & Ana
Find all their birthdays in the blog posts for October

Day 25 - Share the Holiness

Day 26 - Without a Word

Day 27 - a quiet and gentle spirit

Day 28 - Let nothing terrify you

Day 29 - A life that agrees with true teaching

Day 30 - In Everything

Day 31 - Her delight and desire arein the law of the Lord

Other bloggers writing about one topic for 31 Days: at The Nesting Place

Fire and Water

There is a new administrator at my office, where we do community management and building maintenance for condo associations.  Her supervisor said to her just this week, "Fire and water always require our immediate attention as they can wreck havoc in  a building."

We saw this at Seaside Park on Thursday as 50 businesses were ravaged by fire, a terrible blow after rebuilding much of the area after the water deluge that was Super-storm Sandy barely 11 months ago. Labor Day weekend we had pizza at 3 Brothers From Italy with friends and family.  Now it is reduced to a pile of ash and rubble.  To echo the words of NJ Governor Chris Christie: "I want to throw up."  Yeah.

Ocean front home at Ocean Beach 3 in June 2013

What do you say about such things? July 4th weekend, as I walked around, there were so many wrecked houses, I was speechless.  All summer I was looking for words to express the feelings, looking for what God would say to such things.

Mostly I think God has encouragement.  Jesus told His followers, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) God is bigger than the circumstances.  He is with us in the circumstances.  For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  (Hebrews 13:5)  This is not God's punishment for the MTV's Jersey Shore or Snooki.   But as each home and business at the beach is in a different state of repair, so should all of us ask ourselves when trouble comes: "what can God tell me in this?"

For me, the call is to continue traveling light.  In the past, we have decorated our beach house in the "it's just a beach house" mode of decor.  Some of the furniture we had before Super-storm Sandy was from the prior owners--and we bought it in 1985 furnished!  Some were new items, like a bookcase and bunk bed from IKEA.  But others were cast-offs from friends, or items garbaged picked at the end of the season.  Although we had to purchase many new items and had to make some costly repairs to be able to live there again this summer, we tried to keep that thought is mind: we need to travel light.  As Paul instructed his protégé Timothy:  Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.  After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. (1 Timothy 6:6-8)

Because no matter how strong Jersey is, there will always be fire and water. Ultimately no one is getting out of this world alive.  Traveling light means knowing that we are on a journey though to Heaven, our real home, and where we stay on earth is merely a perishable tent. Whether our bodies or our house, it is temporary.  Eventually we will leave this planet with nothing, as we came in.  And on the other side, we have nothing from this earth but the people we loved who will meet us there.

All that remains of this ocean front home is this marker.

In the end we are grateful because we were able to repair our beach house enough so we could enjoy family and friends.  The true value of our beach house is not what we have in it, but the people who we can meet and enjoy there.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.  Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. (Paul to Timothy in 1 Timothy 6:17-19)

Father, help me to trust in You alone, and to be generous always with what you have give me.  No matter what happens, I can trust You!

Stronger Than The Storm?

Probably you see the signs too, it is hard to miss.  New Jersey, Stronger Than The Storm.  They are all over, but I noticed them first on the Garden State Parkway, the place where I travel to get to my beach house in Ocean Beach 3, nestled between both communities where Super-storm Sandy hit the hardest, Mantoloking and Ortley Beach.

And yes, our house too is "open for business" so to speak.  We are sleeping there, we have running water, and electric, I can cook on my stove and flush my toilet now.  I even have a new refrigerator and a real bed.  We don't have to leave the barrier island before dark.  And the beach is still as beautiful as even.   The waves splash and the sand still makes castles.

But there is an unmistakable sadness in the wake of the destruction.  On my short block, there are 6 houses missing, some reduced to a pile of rubble on a cement slab, waiting for the workers to return to cart it away.   Al, who was there to watch one cottage be taken down, says the crunching sound lasts two hours and then the house is gone.  Other houses are unoccupied because either the owners can't afford to rebuild or there is too much demand for work, and they are closer to the bottom of the list.  These are interesting facts but these people are my neighbors.  The empty houses belong to my friends.  Their houses, gutted and bare or missing, are places where I sat and ate and laughed and enjoyed life with them.


And then there is still devastation that lingers, as with this home in Normandy. I mean this is no little house like our cottage, and see how the storm lifted it up and tossed it on its side.  Stronger than the storm?  Not so much.

I understand the campaign.  And many areas are looking great.  Considering how it looked when we first returned, it is amazing what has been done.  Seaside is open for business, as are many of the resort towns.  Our community has rentals available. But is has the unmistakable quality of visiting a sick friend.

I am confident that our community will recover.  It was not stronger than the storm, but we will not walk away because it is still a beautiful gift from God that we treasure.

So come and visit anyway.  Visits always help a sick friend.

25 Years

It was June 24, 1988, and Christina was 6 months old.  I was at Ocean Grove at a conference with my friend from Bible study, Gloria Fairchild.  The speaker was Bill Gothard and the seminar was Institute In Basic Youth Conflicts, and the Bible verse was Revelation 3:15-16:  I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. I no longer wanted to be lukewarm but burning like a fire. The wind of the Spirit caught me up, like a hurricane, and transported me to a new place, never to return. I came out of a long dark tunnel, out into a beautiful light. I was born again.

It is twenty five years ago now.  As this anniversary approached, I was considering what it had been like, all these years.  How would I describe them?

It has been like a romance, where I suddenly wanted to know more and more about my beloved Jesus.  Through reading the Bible and memorizing scripture, it was like seeing Him for the first time, drawing near to Him, tracing His lovely face with my fingers, leaning back into Him and sensing His presence, smelling His fragrance, memorizing His smile. I began to trust that He loved me, He was trustworthy, His ways were good and true.

And that transformed my life.  Bad habits fell away from me, and things that I used to love to do, I discarded.  There were words I no longer said, places I no longer went, music I no longer listened to, movies and TV shows I no longer watched, books I no longer read.  None of this was a burden to me.  In fact, the more things I let go of, the better I felt.  I felt lighter, free, fresh, healthier the more things I gave up. It brought peace. Actually, it was not like giving up at all, it was like stripping myself of dirty smelly rags.

Of course there have been times of confusion, times of difficulty, times of sorrow.  There have been seasons when I allowed myself to enter back into another dark tunnel. There have been times when I have been faithless, but not Him, I thank God, when I was faithless, He has proved time and time again that He was faithful.  He has been patient, persistent, and merciful. Through His love, I have grown: like the sunshine and rain nurtures a flower, I have blossomed in His care.

Perfection is still far away, waiting for that day when I strip off my body like a garment and be given the white robe and join the multitude of heaven:

There before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” ~ Revelation 7:9-10.

I remember on the other side of this decision to follow Christ, I was afraid.  I did not want to give up control of my life.  I thought I would miss out on something, have to give up too much.  What a deception that was!  Instead I have found I have received everything.

Everything.

Have you said yes to Jesus?  Have you invited Him into your heart?  He wants you too!  Looking back over 25 years, it was the best decision I ever made.

For the Graduate

I wrote this for a friend but it has timeless truths I want to remember...

You have reached an important milestone in your life.  It is a wonderful time and frankly, I am jealous for all you have ahead of you:  college, starting your life, and the strength, vigor and freedom of young adult hood.  It is the best time of your life.

It is a significant time. Decisions you make now will have an impact on your entire life and alter its direction for good or for bad.  It is time a when you are making your own decisions, based on your own values and opinions. Many will be without input from mom and dad for the first time in your life. It is a season when you are trying new things, finding your own way, testing your wings.  That is a good and normal thing.

However, there a danger that pride, emotions, ambition, or fear can cause you to make a decision in the moment that can derail your adulthood.  Although this is a time when you can make your own choices independently, making decisions impulsively can lead to sorrow.

We all have faults.  Worse, we have blind spots.  Like cars have blind spots, so do we.  When we drive, we don’t just look straight ahead when we make a turn or switch lanes; that could be fatal!  No, we look left and right, over our shoulder, check our mirrors first, to see all around us before we switch lanes.  Life is like that too.

When making decisions, we need to stop and look around.  Especially at this season of life, that can feel unnatural, repressive even.  We want to try new things and enjoy life, relax.  But just like not looking in the mirrors before switching lanes can cause an accident in our cars, not reflecting and seeking wise council on decisions can cause a major derailment in our life.

So how do we do this?  How do we “look into the mirror” before making decisions?  There are several ways:

1.      Consider the consequences.  Play it out in your mind what will happen if you make a choice, into the next day, the next week, the next year.  I find even now my first thought, my initial response to a situation, is wrong.  And the more I want to impulsively jump ahead and do something, the more wrong it is!  Sometimes, just sleeping on it, letting time pass, waiting a bit, can lead to a much wiser decision.

2.      Consider what people who you love and care for you would think. If you would be ashamed if your parents, or others people who you are close to, knew what you are doing, it is a red flag.  Life is best when lived in the light.  If there is something you are doing in secret, in the dark, it is something that will cause you heartache.  Don’t go down that path!  If you find yourself there because you wandered there carelessly, get help quick! Don’t linger and don’t let fear or shame trap you further!  Confess to someone who cares for you.  That is always the first step.  Remember, there is always a way out, if you have courage, be a man, and take it.

3.      Consider God’s ways.  When Paul said “pray about everything,” he wasn’t kidding.  Pray about your decisions: invite God into the choice.  Wait on Him, allow Him time to speak to you.  Read His Word: a daily reading of scripture will be a surprisingly accurate guide in your life.  It will feel like God is reading your thoughts (He is!!) and He will speak to you and guide you through scripture in amazing ways. 

4.      Consider the counsel of godly mentors.  Mom and dad first, but also have other godly people who love you, can speak into your life, and are willing to tell you the truth, even when you will not want to hear it.  This is the relationship I have with your mom. We need this.  You will need this!  Have people around you who will see what is happening in your days and can speak to you when you are going down a wrong path.  You will always be rubbing up against people who will influence you in negative ways—it is just how life is.  Even at a Christian college, even at church, there are people who can lead you into situations that can be harmful or just distracting to God’s purpose in your life.  So to help keep you on course, keep godly friends around you and stay in regular contact with them.  They will be a life saver.

5.      Consider: “I could be wrong!” We all have unique points of view and opinions.  But it is a trap to get so stuck in our own ways that we never think we could be wrong.  When I find myself disagreeing with what someone else is thinking or doing, I have begun to ask this important question: Is it me, Lord? Maybe it not them. Maybe they are right—or at least right-er. Maybe they have another perspective that is valid.  Maybe I don't know all the facts. Maybe I have a part in the problem. Maybe the bulk of the problem is not them—maybe, just maybe, it is me.   Pride is the smoke that hides our blind spots.

Finally, as you choose your path, it is most important to remember our life is not just about us and achieving the life that we want.  Our story is about God's story that He wants to write with our lives. Therefore, in all things we should consider if our lives and choices honor God.  Are we about our glory or His?  Our prayer should be as the song:

Creator God you gave me breath so I could praise Your great and matchless name all my days. So let my whole life be a blazing offering, a life that shouts and sings the greatness of our King

My father was a successful man

In memory of Gabriel William Micchelli, devoted husband and world-class father, jovial brother and uncle, expert hairdresser, World War II veteran, Italian chef, amateur artist, wanna-be crooner, and Christ-follower 1925 - 2001

It was Monday, January 22, 2001 and I was just bringing in the bags from the Shoprite when the phone rang.  It was my mom and she was weeping.  "The nurse says dad is going to die today."  Thus brought on an hour of denial, as I tried to connect with the nurse and the doctor to find out what was wrong and what they could do for him as I packed my bag.  After my bag was packed and I was getting ready to leave, mom called one last time.  "Dad is gone," she said, "please hurry."

I drove down the parkway alone as I had done many times during the last eight years to visit them.  They had moved to the retirement community of my mom's dreams, but dad had already started drifting away to Alzheimer's disease.  They call it "the slow goodbye" and it was.  It was also a thief.  It stole my dad's vigor and good humor, his cheerfulness and wit, his mind, his language and eventually his life.  In the end, he would only have one or two phrases he would repeat.  One of them was "Louise, let's go home, Louise," he would say.  And as I was driving, yelling at the doctors in my mind, God reminded me gently of this phrase, and told me it was a prayer that He answered for him.  Dad was tired and wanted to go home.  So God took him home.

Later at his funeral, many of his family would say, "Gabe, he was so good!  This should not have happened to him."  And my father was good, no doubt.  But as he was just beginning to struggle with this disease, he would say to me, "Barbara, some people say: why me?  But why not me?"  Yes, he was afraid, frustrated, angry and confused, but he was also surrendered to God's will and confident is God's ultimate care for him.  I picture him now in heaven, at the table with Jesus and his mom, and his brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, having dinner, laughing, singing, joyfully, peacefully waiting for us to join them.

My father was a successful man.  He may not have had a big home, nor a fancy car, but he had a loving family and enjoyed his job.  He loved God and had the comfort of His love, and the confidence of salvation.  Dad believed what Paul wrote to Timothy: Now godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.  And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. [1 Tim 6:6-8]  Dad had us, his little brick house and he was content.  He wanted for nothing else.

My father was a powerful man.  He was not a corporate VP, he held no public office, he never wrote a book, or even a blog post.  Dad's power came from his servant's heart.  Dad believed and lived the words of Jesus when He said: "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” [Matt 20:25-28]  Dad was always there for us and you always knew where he was and how to reach him, even before the days of cell phones.  During the day, he was at his hairdressing shop.  After that, he was home.  You could call him any time for any reason and he would come, no lectures, no strings, and he would help.  On Sundays he cooked dinner for the family and after dinner, Al would have to go straight to work, and I would drive home with two toddlers and the dog.  He would follow me home in his own car and carry the girls inside the house for me.  Dad served until he was physically unable to, and then he mourned because he still wanted to do more.

My father was a passionate man.  He was not one to give diamonds and furs, but he gave of himself.  He loved us passionately.  He enjoyed himself passionately.  He did everything passionately: cooking, sharing meals, taking us out to dinner, to the beach, taking mom out dancing and going on trips with her.  He loved to tell jokes and to sing, often making up nonsense songs, making us all laugh.  Dad never gave me any expense gifts, but he gave me the best gift ever, the gift that keeps on giving: his total, full-out, unconditional love.  And his love gives me confidence every day and I am still grateful for that.

My father was a good man.  But not because of the good he did, because my father was quite aware of his imperfections.  He knew he was not good enough and so he trusted Jesus to save him and complete him, to come into his heart.  During his long illness, dad's soul and spirit was hidden in the cleft of the Lord's rock.  Dad lived what David said: I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust. [Psalm 18:1-2]

Dad used to spend time with catholic nuns because he used to cut their hair.  He told me that they explained the sacrament of Confirmation to him in this way: In Confirmation God gives you a gift of salvation, and it is yours to have, to keep, and to enjoy.  But it is a wrapped gift and you must open it up or doesn't do you any good.  So many people keep this gift under their bed or in the back of a closet and never use it.  My dad opened his gift and wore it for all the world to see.  Dad's goodness came not only his own heart, but also from his Savior.

So dad would say to you today: OPEN YOUR GIFT! Do not wait or hesitate because life is short and uncertain.  Tell Jesus you know you are not good enough but you believe and trust that HE is.  And Jesus will save for you the white and shining robe that my dad wears today.

Dad with two of his favorite girls, sister Tillie and mom

To my family: please know that Dad would be very sad, passionately sad; if you did not because he is waiting for you to join him at the table in heaven.  But as sad as he would be, it could not come as close to how sad Jesus would be. 

Thank You Jesus for the gift of my dad.  Thank you for his love, encouragement, prayers and his example.  Help me to be more like him, more passionate, more trusting in You, more humble, more willing to serve others without expecting anything in return, because I can trust that in You, I have everything.

Reactions to the Dark Road

When Jesus had finished saying all these things, He said to His disciples, “As you know, the Passover is two days away—and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.” ~ Mathew 26:1

What do you do when you get the bad news?  When things take a turn for the worst?  When clearly the thing you feared is about to happen?  Or worse, when something you never dreamed of happens?

This was the place where the followers of Jesus found themselves.  They knew Jesus was the Messiah but they thought Jesus had come to take Jerusalem from the Romans.  They expected Jesus would be king, and and they would be the top men in His new kingdom.  Of course, Jesus would be king, but not in the way they expected.  This was a U-turn down a dark road for them.

Judas, one of Jesus' closest follower had this reaction:

Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver Him [Jesus] over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand Him over. ~ Matthew 26:14-16

In the past, I thought Judas betrayed Jesus for money.  This week, while listening to a message on this passage, I realized this was not about the money.

It was about gaining control.

Many times, Judas had seen the religious leaders try to trap Jesus before and He always escaped.  Judas did not expect Jesus to die, as we see later in the scriptures (see Matthew 27:3-4).  Judas wanted to force Jesus' hand.  Judas thought he knew better than the Son of God and wanted to maneuver Jesus into declaring Himself Messiah and King on his timetable.  In face of the unexpected turn onto the dark road, Judas tried to control the situation.

As I reflected on this I thought -- often I do that same thing!  Many times my reaction just like Judas, not to accept and deal with the difficult situation, but to try to manipulate and control.  Like I know better than the Son of God.

Judas, the infamous betrayer was not the only one who reacted negatively.  Even Peter, the disciple who would one day lead the church, reacted this way:

Peter took Jesus aside and began to rebuke Him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to You!” ~ Matthew 16:22

Then I noted how Mary of Bethany reacted to the news:

While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to Him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on His head as He was reclining at the table. ~ Matthew 26:6-7

Mary reacted by truly hearing and understanding what Jesus had said.  She thought not of herself, but of Him, as she took this last opportunity to comfort and bless Him in this beautiful act of worship.  Mary understood Jesus is King and He is worthy of worship, even on the dark road.  The disciples scoffed and objected to her extravagance, but Jesus praises her for it:

Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to Me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have Me. When she poured this perfume on My body, she did it to prepare Me for burial. Truly I tell you, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” ~ Matthew 26:10-13 

Reflecting back on my worst "dark road" times, I can see now that often Jesus rescuing me from a dark place.  He was in fact, saving me then too, The road out was difficult and I did not want to go, but my Beloved Jesus led me out, sometimes pushing me out while I was kicking and screaming! Because He knew what was best for me.

Jesus, thank You for showing me that when I attempt to control the situation, try to make things work out the way I think I they are supposed to, I am acting like Judas who betrayed You!  God forbid I should continue in this sin!!  Please help me hear Your voice, trust You, worship You, and believe You know what is best, even on the dark road.

Read the whole story in Matthew.

Dirty Water

Last night, Christina shouted from upstairs “Mom, come quick, there is something wrong with the tub!”  I ran upstairs and she was standing there, still dripping from her shower, and sure enough the tub was full of brown soapy water.  “What is that?”  Well, it was after 11pm on an evening in April in Bloomfield, time for the town’s annual flushing of the water hydrants, causing our water to turn an ugly rusty brown.  They do it late at night, when the town is mostly asleep.  Unfortunately for Christina, she took a shower during the middle of it. 

 “What do I do?” she asked, “I just washed my hair in that water!” 

“Nothing you can do right now, just go to bed.  The water will be all right tomorrow”

And I thought about the fact that for many moms in the world, the solution is not that easy.  For many moms, there is no other choice but dirty water.  Not only for bathing and washing our hair, but for drinking too. 

Where we live, clean water is a given. If we’re thirsty, turn on the tap and clean water comes right out. All kinds of drinks are at our fingertips. Truth is -- we're the minority. Right now, 1.1 billion people on the planet don't have access to clean, safe, drinking water. That's one in nine of us. Dirty water causes 80% of all sickness and disease and kills more people every year than all forms of violence, including war.

But what can we do?

In May 2013, Liquid Church had a fund raising campaign for clean water, culminating in a 5K Run/Walk, called the Superhero 5K.  They have sent teams to places like Africa, Haiti, El Salvador where they build clean water wells so that other communities can have clean water like we do.  They plan to build more wells too. 

Although I participated in the 5K, I walked, and certainly I am no super hero!  But you can be a hero to these children by making a donation of $10, $20 or more.  Even though the 5K is over, the need is not gone, so please visit the website to find out more and donate here: LiquidWater.com.  A contribution of the amount of money we would spend on Dunkin Donuts coffee for a week can help bring life-giving water to a child and their family. 

Thank you!

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’  ~ Matthew 25:34-40