True Love

Our 32nd Wedding Anniversary.  On that day, October 11, 1981, we read:

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. (Song of Solomon 8:6-7)

When I was a romantic-relationship beginner, I read about  how to tell the difference between infatuation and true love.  Infatuation was a rush of feelings, a fluttering in the belly, the desire for physical intimacy.  It was like a high when it first came upon me, and I chased it like a puppy after a squirrel.  I wanted it to be real.  I wanted it to be true.  But the closer I came, the more it eluded me, like a squirrel who ran up the tree, I could see it but it was out of reach.  I could not catch it and keep it.

On the other end of the spectrum, I did not want to settle for the marriages I saw around me, where it seemed like the woman said to herself: "oh well, I married him, I guess I'll have to make the best of this tiresome situation."   No, I wanted the Maria and Tony, the Rose and Jack, the Cinderella and Prince Charming perfect romance and the happily-ever-after marriage.  Never mind these were not real people and in two of the three stories, one lover dies young.  Why would they write on this topic if it could not be true?  Isn't this what we all long for?  Don't we all long for a love that is a blazing fire, that lasts forever?

Many years have passed since I was a beginner and over that time, I discovered there is an answer.  There is such a thing as true love but it is based on the character of the lover, not the desirability of the beloved. 

A love that cannot be quenched is not about beauty or charm.  It is not about physical strength or sensual attractiveness. It is not about wit or wealth.  It is about a bonding that happens over decades, through shared experiences, trials and joys.  It is about an integrity that is loyal and steadfast but still has a sense of humor through the bad times and sickness and lack.  It is about acting loving when we don't feel like it, when it costs us something.  It is about tenderness when there is no longer a surge of delightful feelings. 

Our Wedding Day

In the course of time, there comes a love that is as strong as death.  That is why it takes commitment, because love gets truer over time.  True love requires reliance on God, who has loved us first. His love has shown itself to be as strong as death. To attain true love, we must be connected to the Author of all Truth. Faith in Jesus brings to us the power of the Holy Spirit, and in His power we can have joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  When we have these things, we can love our husband well.   When we bring the Spirit of God into the relationship, we can have a love that "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres," a love that "never fails." (1 Corinthians13:7-8)

Isn't that what we all want?

Father, thank you for the great gift of my husband and for Your mercy in keeping our marriage together for all these years.  It is You, all You, and nothing we can claim we have done.  We are grateful that now, after all these years, we understand better what true love is, a love that starts with You, continues as we love our children, grandchild and family, to include our friends, neighbors, co-workers and to the ends of the earth.  Enable us to show all Your love because You first loved us.

On more on becoming a Marriage Survivor, click here.

When it snows

She is not worried about the cold or snow for her family, for she has clothed them all in warm, crimson coats. (Proverbs 31:21 The Voice)

I love making plans. I preferred to be prepared.  Especially when the children were small, I learned the importantce of making sure coats and boots fit and extra umbrellas were available before they were needed.  Fall and winter clothes were stored away clean and folded so we could find them on the first unpredictible day of cold weather.

But you can only be so prepared.  There are things we could never truely plan for, like hurricanes and terror attacks and early snow storms and parents dying suddenly.  Even smaller annoyances like the weather this weekend on our anniversary get away (gloomy, wind, rainy!) -- you can't be prepared for such things.

God encourages us to plan for as much as we can, and trust Him for those other things.  And when the unforeseen happens, to believe that although it was not in our plans, He knew and planned for it and He's got us covered.

I am getting better with trusting God when my plans go awry. So many times I have seen that His plans are much better than my own. 

Father, help me not get discouraged when I do my best to plan things and my plans get botched up.  Or someone else comes in and disrupts what I wanted to do.  Let me trust You above all. 

Open your hands

She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. (Proverbs 31:20 The Message)

I confess that reaching out to the poor is something I struggle with.  I think it is about the state of my current finances.  There was a time in my life, believe it or not, when I felt like I had enough money.  That was a long time ago, but I remember it.  After having children, it never happened again.  

And yet, compared to the rest of the world, our family is rich.  We have two homes (ok, one is small, just saying), 4 cars, plenty of food, clothing we can hardly fit in our closets.  And yet, I struggle to think we have enough.  I compare our lives with others who have more, not less. 

I don't have a problem serving others, but serving the poor is problematic.  It is dangerous to go where they live. I have all kinds of excuses, but they all add up to one thing. 

Greed.  I think all my stuff is MINE.  And I don't want to share.  I might not have enough for everything my family needs and wants.  I don't want to take the risk of not having enough.

The Excellent Wife is not like that.  She gives to ANYONE in need. She doesn't worry about if she has enough.  She doesn't make excuses ("maybe they will use it for drugs.."). She doesn't dawdle, she does it QUICKLY.  She does not wait for people to come to her, she REACHES OUT to them.  She goes to find them.  She is not concerned about what is left for her family. She is confident as the next line boasts:
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. (Proverbs 31:21 The Message)

She trusts You, Father.  She is confident that You will provide her and her family.  

God wants us to give to the poor not only because the poor need it.  We need it.  It is not about redistribution of wealth, it is about our heart.  "It’s not about money. It’s about the undivided attention. It’s about the undivided focus of your heart." (Andy Stanley, "Guardrails")  We need to trust God with out stuff, our money and our time.  We might SAY we trust God, but we show it by how we share with others.  Especially others who are poor.

Father, You are trustworthy and all my stuff comes from You.  It is all Your stuff!  You have said time and time again that when we care for the poor, we care for You and expand Your Kingdom.  But is is hard, so help me.  Help me put Your kingdom first and my kingdom second.

Allow another to lead

My husband Al was the best labor coach ever.  Really.  My natural mode is to panic, but Al is calm and supportive and encouraging, especially in the labor room.  

It was 24 years ago that I was in labor with my second daughter Debbie.  She was inside my body, pushing out.  Back then, there it was fashionable to have a non-medicated birth.  Al sat by me the whole time, like a rock I could lean on.

Women are natural worriers when it comes to health and family.  Men less so, in general. This was a good time for me to lean into what Al was confident in: I was going to be fine, our baby was going to come out all right.  In leaning on Al, there was peace.

And that is why, I think God directs us to submit: Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. (Colossians 3:18) God wants us to be able to lean on them.

"Submission" has gotten a bad rap. To submit is to voluntarily allow another to lead.  And that is not a bad thing.  To submit is not to be subdued under duress or by force.  It is all about choice. We get to choose.

It was a good choice to allow Al to lead when I was in labor, in pain and vulnerable.  I thank God he was able to be strong and lead so I could follow.  Of course there are other times when I need to stand up and speak truth to him, to influence him for good.  But sweating, in labor, with an infant soon to come, it was good I could count on him to lead.

This is what to submit means.  It means God has blessed us with someone strong and loving to care for us and we are smart enough to say yes and follow their lead.  It is a blessing, a mercy, a grace, and thank You Jesus for that!  

Debbie is 24 now, sweet and strong and beautiful.  I thank God for her, and for Al who was my partner and my friend in the process. 

Father, it is not always easy to submit and there have been many times I have failed.  Thank You for the times you helped me yield when I needed to but did not want to.  Help me to know when I need to speak truth in love instead.  There are no rules, there is only You but You are enough. 

I am domestically challenged

She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. (The Message)


My theory is women generally are good as some homemaking skills, but not others.  I can cook, and do laundry well.  I generally fail at house cleaning and decorating.  I am the woman who has had the same curtains in her living room for 20 years and I still like them just fine, thank you very much!  As I type this, my family room is impassible with tiny Lego parts and various toy vehicles.  My dining room table has books, papers, check book, various bowls of fruit and vegetables, etc on top.  Our mail is in a pile on the piano seat.  Pocketbooks and various bags are on the floor and sofa. My house is basically a disaster.

I am intimidated by women who seem to have it all together, especially the place where I am posting this "31 Days" with: The Nester.  Her byline is: "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful"---are you kidding me?  The photos of her home are stunning.  Where are her children's toys? And her husband's work papers?  Where are the family dirty soxs? Just saying.

I have a dream that someday my home will be small and clutter-free. Where the bathroom toilet and sink are not green, my wall paper is not 20-years old and the floor tiles are not pealing up.  I just can't seem to get there.  Maybe when I live alone, when my children finally move out and my husband passes on and I am really alone, I can have my dream house.

But I don't want to live alone.  I love all these messy people I live with and truth be told, I am the messiest of all. I could be cleaning right now, but here I am writing this blog post instead.

Yet I know that my God is a God is peace and order and joy.  And the mess here gets in the way of that.  This is not happening on my own because I hate housework.  I do.  But I love my family and I want to give them a sanctuary.  

Father, You are my only hope.  You call us to be passionate in caring for our homes, so much so, that we are willing to lose sleep over it.  Honestly, I just don't want to.  I am exhausted by the end of the day and my family often works against me.  Heck, I work against me!  Please help me be diligent in homemaking.  Even if my home will never be picture perfect, help me care for it so that it is a place of comfort and peace.    

She makes her arms strong

She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm. (Proverbs 31:17 Amplified)


I always loved this verse.  Raised in a family with a strong mother and more males than females, I always was pushing to keep up.  I wanted to play hard, and then later, to work hard.  I longed to be a part of the male dominated world around me in my family and later in my career.  When I found this verse, I was encouraged and latched onto it.  

I love how the Amplified version expands it.  Strength is for the God-given task ahead of us.  God has given us a path and He will make us able for it, in all ways, not just physical, but also mental and spiritual.  

In a culture that extols physical beauty, the method is to go to the gym and work out.  Have a professional trainer.  Women are strong and fit today are in good shape because they work at exercise and diet.  Here instead the Excellent Wife is strong because she works.  Period.  She is strengthened as she fulfills her God-assigned tasks.  She is confident, she is filled with joy in her accomplishments.

When we serve others, when we care for our husband, home, children and their needs, and even at our career, it is the best beauty treatment. The Lord builds us up not only in our physical body, but also in our mind and spirit. 

Father, day by day as I go about my work at the office and at home, remind me that following Your way, serving others, is the best way to be fit and beautiful.

And when the way is hard and long, remind me of what you said in Nehemiah 8:10: Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Expanding ... Prudently

She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard. (Proverbs 31:16)

Do you tend to compare yourself to others, and find yourself wanting?

Here we go ago again, with Mrs. Super-Woman aka an Excellent Wife, with her next  feat -- she buys land.  This verse in particular I find especially intimidating, never having, in my 50-something years, ever purchasing land by myself.  I won't even buy a car without someone knowledgeable looking at it with me first.  Here she considers a field and then with her profits (where did that come from, didn't she just spend a ton of money on land??) she plants a vineyard.
 
I read this and say: Ok, game over, I fail. I don't want to play.  Close the book.
 
But wait, I know God better than this.  God may want to stretch our faith in Him but never to the breaking point.  He is the God who brings us "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)  He never intends to overextend us.  That is not His way.  When we feel overwhelmed, that is not of Him.

So I kept searching and found this translation of this same verse:

She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. (Amplified)

The Excellent Wife expands prudently, considering her present duties.  She understands that we can expand imprudently and become crushed under the weight of too many things, even if they are good things.

I have been considering that.  I cannot compare myself with other women who have homes that are better decorated, husbands who are more accomplished, children who are better behaved, and careers that are more exciting.  Even as I do ministry, the Lord has given me more than a spiritual gift to share, He has defined a SCOPE that I have been created for.  When my ambition and ego desire more than He knows to prudently give me, I find myself restless, anxious, disappointed. 

I am sure as she prudently considers, the Excellent Wife prays and consults with her husband and wise friends.  She does not expand just to expand.  She does not buy just because it is available.  She doesn't volunteer to change diapers in the nursery just because the Pastor says there is a need.  She brings it to her Heavenly Father and asks: "Is this for me?  Or is this a heavy burden from the enemy?  Will this lead me to neglect my other responsibilities?" 

Because our time and strength is limited.  The Excellent Wife is prudent and so she has saved up strength and profit for other things (the vineyard).

I need to learn this.  I need to rest in this.

Father, let me come to You with each opportunity, trusting You know me, You love me.  You would deny me no good thing.  But the enemy wants to overwork me, confuse me, lead me into chaos.  Let this not be the field I purchase, just because I am comparing myself to others!  It all comes back to trusting You!

Before Dawn

She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.  (Proverbs 31:15 NLT)


It was dark this morning when I got up, before my alarm, and the house was still.  How I love my kitchen in the quiet darkness of October!  I make my coffee and while it brews, I put away dishes, fill Gio's tall cup with juice, rummage in the refrigerator for lunch options.  This morning I even put a pork roast in my crock pot before breakfast. On days when it is really early, I eat my oatmeal before anyone is awake and enjoy my Bible reading undisturbed -- ahh bliss!  In the still before the world wakes up, it is then when I can best plan my day.

Because I am dropping Debbie at the train for her new job, I have been rising early and getting to my desk a half hour before the office opens, when the phones are quiet and most of the staff has not yet arrived.  It is the most productive time of the day.

On the days when I hit the snooze button too many times, or hit traffic and get to work late, nothing goes right.  I am rushed, out of sorts, running to catch up all day long.

Although it does not always happen in my real life, getting an early start and planning ahead makes everything run smoother.  I love how The Voice translation says it: She rises from bed early, in the still of night, carefully preparing food for her family.  The stillness of the early morning is a time when the world is quiet and I can hear God better.  I have more time to carefully prepare for the needs of my family.

Lately because I have had to get up early for Debbie, this has become more of a routine but during the summer, I was getting up later, and I could feel the stretch on my nerves. When I have a late start, the whole day all falls apart.  It is so tempting to fall into a routine of sleeping later, but those extra minutes of laying in bed are not worth it in the long run.  Reminds me of the proverb that says: 

How long do you plan to lounge your life away, you lazy fool? Will you ever get out of bed?
You say, “A little sleep, a little rest, a few more minutes, a nice little nap.”
But soon poverty will be on top of you like a robber; need will assault you like a well-armed warrior.  (Proverbs 6:9-11)


It is so easy to fall into a bad morning routine, Father!  Help me remember that extra sleep is better at 10 pm than it is at 7 am!  Help me to put the needs of my family first and to carefully plan for them.  Remind me, that in the end, it is better for me too and leads to confidence and peace!

Delight attends her work

Delight attends her work and guides her fingers as she selects the finest wool and flax for spinning.

She moves through the market like merchant ships that dock here and there in distant ports, finally arriving home with food she’s carried from afar.  (Proverbs 31:1-14 - The Voice) **

Food and clothing. In this era, all of life surrounded this, the essential needs to survive.  There were no cars, no TVs or computers, no phones, no games.  There are not even any books, newspapers, or magazines.  Back then, all of life was about obtaining these things basic needs.  Every. Day.

But see, she is not concerned for herself, the Excellent Wife.  She is concerned for her household. And she is not halfheartedly, grudgingly, absentmindedly taking care of these needs.  No, she is going the extra mile to select the best.  She is a woman of purpose.   She is not only buying clothes, she is making clothes.  She is making clothes from --my goodness-- fibers!  I can not even imagine.  

Moreover, delight attends her work.

She is actually thrilled to be doing this service for her family.  She finds joy in this simple duty, clothing and feeding her family.

I think of me, coming home from work to make dinner when I would rather take a nap.  I think of the pile of dishes to wash, the pile of sox to match and fold.  I complain even though I have running water -- hot and cold -- in my kitchen sink and a washer and dryer in my basement.  Truth be told, delight does not always attend my housework.

But the Excellent Wife does.  She understands the worth of her duties, because she loves her family.  She knows that even though they might not understand or appreciate her attending to their basic needs in an exceptional way, she is confident of the value of her caring for her household.  And that gives her pleasure.  Ultimately what her family says or thinks today is not important--she knows God is pleased.

Father, often it is a struggle for me to do the mundane everyday tasks of caring for my family.  I look for praise from my family and they may not appreciate me today.  They may not even notice.  But You notice!  You see every time I extend myself to satisfy their needs, and You are thrilled.  Help me be thrilled too and find my ultimate worth in pleasing You!



** I just found this Bible translation today and liked it -- a lot! If you like it too and want to read more, check it out on BibleGateway. 

Worth Far Above Jewels

“An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Although the old saying is “it’s a man’s world” and there are those who still “underestimate the power of a woman,” especially in the role of a wife and mother, the author (she's the Queen, remember??) does not.  Neither does God.   Here and elsewhere in Proverbs, much is said about the power of women to influence the life of a man, for good or for bad.  Contrast the “excellent wife” with the “immoral woman” from Proverbs 7:

So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery.

He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter…little knowing it would cost him his life.

So listen to me, my sons… Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her.

Don’t wander down her wayward path. For she has been the ruin of many; many men have been her victims. Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death. (Proverbs 7:21,27) 

As a wife, we have the power to do good or evil to our husbands.  In a household, there is never an act, a decision, or even a conversation that affects only one.  Everything we say and do affects everyone in our household because we are living together. 

We don’t like to think that way.  We are adults and so we can do as we like, right?  But the excellent wife considers her husband and family before she does something, before she buys something, before she says something.  Life is not just about her anymore, but she considers the heart of her husband, as the proverb says, thinking: “This may be good for me, but it is also good for my husband, for us, for our marriage?”

Because we don’t have to be “immoral women” in order to hurt our husband.  We can just be thoughtless and selfish.  Or prideful and manipulating.  Or fearful and controlling.

I can be all those things!  But I want the heart of my husband to trust me.  I want to do him good not evil.  

 

Father I confess I don’t think of the affect of my actions on my husband and family.  Please help me consider them and be less thoughtless, controlling, and self-centered.  And when I am fearful, let me trust You, because You are faithful, always.   Moreover, help me to remember the power I have when I follow Your truth to influence my husband for good.

31 Days to Become an Excellent Wife

“An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Truth be told, I don’t have much interest in becoming an excellent wife. Oh, I want an excellent marriage, and even want to have an excellent husband.  But to be the excellent wife? Not so much. 

Actually, like most women, I am tired.  Tired of doing “everything” for “everyone.” Tired of trying so hard when it seems like the rest of my family is sitting on the couch. 

This whole “Proverbs 31” thing is annoying. What is this about anyway? Is this a bunch of super-women guilting us into trying to be perfect?  Was this some man’s idea of the ideal and non-existent woman?  For heavens sake, she is a mother, decorator, chef, international merchant, seamstress, business manager, real estate broker, agriculturalist, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and politician's wife.   How can we compare ourselfs with that?

But wait, let’s look back at this and see who is the author:

The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him. (Proverbs 31:1)

This was written by the queen mother, instructing her son the prince, on the kind of women he should look for to marry.  We can relate to that.  We only want the best woman for our sons, the best man for our daughters.  So she has her list of qualifications and teaching it to her son.  It is such a note-worth list that it find its way into sacred scripture.  And – get this – whoever King Lemual marries, she will be the Princess!  That is something I do want to be.

So let’s spend 31 days together and look at this proverb and other sections of scripture so we can be the princess.  

 

Father, I confess to you that although I am excited about my husband being better, and my marriage getting better, I am less excited about changing myself.  Help me be willing to undergo the transformation so that I can be all You have designed me to be: a princess in Your Kingdom.

Follow all 31 Days here:

Day 2 - Worth Far Above Jewels (As wives we are valuable to our husbands and our influence is important)

Day 3 - Delight attends her work (We need to find delight in our service to our family)

Day 4 - Before Dawn (Is is good to be diligent in caring for our family)

Day 5 - Expanding ... Prudently (We don't have to do everything!)

Day 6 - She makes her arms strong (Want to be beautiful? Work hard!)

Day 7 - I am domestically challenged! (God wants our family to find peace in our homes)

Day 8 - Allow another to lead (Submit?  No, really! It's a good choice)

Day 9 - Open your hands

Day 10 - When it snows

Day 11 - True Love

Day 12 - Everything she wears is beautiful

Day 13 - Selling linen garments

Day 14 - Strength and Dignity

Day 15 - The Teaching of Kindness

Day 16 - Bread of Idleness

Day 17 - Her children rise

Day 18 - But you excel them all

Day 19 - Inner Beauty

Day 20 - a woman who fears the Lord

Day 21 - the bridge people
Day 22 - let her own works praise her

Day 23 - a helper suitable for him

Day 24 - do not deprive each other

Women of October: Deanna, Debbie, Caroline, Maria & Ana
Find all their birthdays in the blog posts for October

Day 25 - Share the Holiness

Day 26 - Without a Word

Day 27 - a quiet and gentle spirit

Day 28 - Let nothing terrify you

Day 29 - A life that agrees with true teaching

Day 30 - In Everything

Day 31 - Her delight and desire arein the law of the Lord

Other bloggers writing about one topic for 31 Days: at The Nesting Place

Fire and Water

There is a new administrator at my office, where we do community management and building maintenance for condo associations.  Her supervisor said to her just this week, "Fire and water always require our immediate attention as they can wreck havoc in  a building."

We saw this at Seaside Park on Thursday as 50 businesses were ravaged by fire, a terrible blow after rebuilding much of the area after the water deluge that was Super-storm Sandy barely 11 months ago. Labor Day weekend we had pizza at 3 Brothers From Italy with friends and family.  Now it is reduced to a pile of ash and rubble.  To echo the words of NJ Governor Chris Christie: "I want to throw up."  Yeah.

Ocean front home at Ocean Beach 3 in June 2013

What do you say about such things? July 4th weekend, as I walked around, there were so many wrecked houses, I was speechless.  All summer I was looking for words to express the feelings, looking for what God would say to such things.

Mostly I think God has encouragement.  Jesus told His followers, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) God is bigger than the circumstances.  He is with us in the circumstances.  For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  (Hebrews 13:5)  This is not God's punishment for the MTV's Jersey Shore or Snooki.   But as each home and business at the beach is in a different state of repair, so should all of us ask ourselves when trouble comes: "what can God tell me in this?"

For me, the call is to continue traveling light.  In the past, we have decorated our beach house in the "it's just a beach house" mode of decor.  Some of the furniture we had before Super-storm Sandy was from the prior owners--and we bought it in 1985 furnished!  Some were new items, like a bookcase and bunk bed from IKEA.  But others were cast-offs from friends, or items garbaged picked at the end of the season.  Although we had to purchase many new items and had to make some costly repairs to be able to live there again this summer, we tried to keep that thought is mind: we need to travel light.  As Paul instructed his protégé Timothy:  Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.  After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. (1 Timothy 6:6-8)

Because no matter how strong Jersey is, there will always be fire and water. Ultimately no one is getting out of this world alive.  Traveling light means knowing that we are on a journey though to Heaven, our real home, and where we stay on earth is merely a perishable tent. Whether our bodies or our house, it is temporary.  Eventually we will leave this planet with nothing, as we came in.  And on the other side, we have nothing from this earth but the people we loved who will meet us there.

All that remains of this ocean front home is this marker.

In the end we are grateful because we were able to repair our beach house enough so we could enjoy family and friends.  The true value of our beach house is not what we have in it, but the people who we can meet and enjoy there.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.  Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. (Paul to Timothy in 1 Timothy 6:17-19)

Father, help me to trust in You alone, and to be generous always with what you have give me.  No matter what happens, I can trust You!

Stronger Than The Storm?

Probably you see the signs too, it is hard to miss.  New Jersey, Stronger Than The Storm.  They are all over, but I noticed them first on the Garden State Parkway, the place where I travel to get to my beach house in Ocean Beach 3, nestled between both communities where Super-storm Sandy hit the hardest, Mantoloking and Ortley Beach.

And yes, our house too is "open for business" so to speak.  We are sleeping there, we have running water, and electric, I can cook on my stove and flush my toilet now.  I even have a new refrigerator and a real bed.  We don't have to leave the barrier island before dark.  And the beach is still as beautiful as even.   The waves splash and the sand still makes castles.

But there is an unmistakable sadness in the wake of the destruction.  On my short block, there are 6 houses missing, some reduced to a pile of rubble on a cement slab, waiting for the workers to return to cart it away.   Al, who was there to watch one cottage be taken down, says the crunching sound lasts two hours and then the house is gone.  Other houses are unoccupied because either the owners can't afford to rebuild or there is too much demand for work, and they are closer to the bottom of the list.  These are interesting facts but these people are my neighbors.  The empty houses belong to my friends.  Their houses, gutted and bare or missing, are places where I sat and ate and laughed and enjoyed life with them.


And then there is still devastation that lingers, as with this home in Normandy. I mean this is no little house like our cottage, and see how the storm lifted it up and tossed it on its side.  Stronger than the storm?  Not so much.

I understand the campaign.  And many areas are looking great.  Considering how it looked when we first returned, it is amazing what has been done.  Seaside is open for business, as are many of the resort towns.  Our community has rentals available. But is has the unmistakable quality of visiting a sick friend.

I am confident that our community will recover.  It was not stronger than the storm, but we will not walk away because it is still a beautiful gift from God that we treasure.

So come and visit anyway.  Visits always help a sick friend.

25 Years

It was June 24, 1988, and Christina was 6 months old.  I was at Ocean Grove at a conference with my friend from Bible study, Gloria Fairchild.  The speaker was Bill Gothard and the seminar was Institute In Basic Youth Conflicts, and the Bible verse was Revelation 3:15-16:  I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. I no longer wanted to be lukewarm but burning like a fire. The wind of the Spirit caught me up, like a hurricane, and transported me to a new place, never to return. I came out of a long dark tunnel, out into a beautiful light. I was born again.

It is twenty five years ago now.  As this anniversary approached, I was considering what it had been like, all these years.  How would I describe them?

It has been like a romance, where I suddenly wanted to know more and more about my beloved Jesus.  Through reading the Bible and memorizing scripture, it was like seeing Him for the first time, drawing near to Him, tracing His lovely face with my fingers, leaning back into Him and sensing His presence, smelling His fragrance, memorizing His smile. I began to trust that He loved me, He was trustworthy, His ways were good and true.

And that transformed my life.  Bad habits fell away from me, and things that I used to love to do, I discarded.  There were words I no longer said, places I no longer went, music I no longer listened to, movies and TV shows I no longer watched, books I no longer read.  None of this was a burden to me.  In fact, the more things I let go of, the better I felt.  I felt lighter, free, fresh, healthier the more things I gave up. It brought peace. Actually, it was not like giving up at all, it was like stripping myself of dirty smelly rags.

Of course there have been times of confusion, times of difficulty, times of sorrow.  There have been seasons when I allowed myself to enter back into another dark tunnel. There have been times when I have been faithless, but not Him, I thank God, when I was faithless, He has proved time and time again that He was faithful.  He has been patient, persistent, and merciful. Through His love, I have grown: like the sunshine and rain nurtures a flower, I have blossomed in His care.

Perfection is still far away, waiting for that day when I strip off my body like a garment and be given the white robe and join the multitude of heaven:

There before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” ~ Revelation 7:9-10.

I remember on the other side of this decision to follow Christ, I was afraid.  I did not want to give up control of my life.  I thought I would miss out on something, have to give up too much.  What a deception that was!  Instead I have found I have received everything.

Everything.

Have you said yes to Jesus?  Have you invited Him into your heart?  He wants you too!  Looking back over 25 years, it was the best decision I ever made.

For the Graduate

I wrote this for a friend but it has timeless truths I want to remember...

You have reached an important milestone in your life.  It is a wonderful time and frankly, I am jealous for all you have ahead of you:  college, starting your life, and the strength, vigor and freedom of young adult hood.  It is the best time of your life.

It is a significant time. Decisions you make now will have an impact on your entire life and alter its direction for good or for bad.  It is time a when you are making your own decisions, based on your own values and opinions. Many will be without input from mom and dad for the first time in your life. It is a season when you are trying new things, finding your own way, testing your wings.  That is a good and normal thing.

However, there a danger that pride, emotions, ambition, or fear can cause you to make a decision in the moment that can derail your adulthood.  Although this is a time when you can make your own choices independently, making decisions impulsively can lead to sorrow.

We all have faults.  Worse, we have blind spots.  Like cars have blind spots, so do we.  When we drive, we don’t just look straight ahead when we make a turn or switch lanes; that could be fatal!  No, we look left and right, over our shoulder, check our mirrors first, to see all around us before we switch lanes.  Life is like that too.

When making decisions, we need to stop and look around.  Especially at this season of life, that can feel unnatural, repressive even.  We want to try new things and enjoy life, relax.  But just like not looking in the mirrors before switching lanes can cause an accident in our cars, not reflecting and seeking wise council on decisions can cause a major derailment in our life.

So how do we do this?  How do we “look into the mirror” before making decisions?  There are several ways:

1.      Consider the consequences.  Play it out in your mind what will happen if you make a choice, into the next day, the next week, the next year.  I find even now my first thought, my initial response to a situation, is wrong.  And the more I want to impulsively jump ahead and do something, the more wrong it is!  Sometimes, just sleeping on it, letting time pass, waiting a bit, can lead to a much wiser decision.

2.      Consider what people who you love and care for you would think. If you would be ashamed if your parents, or others people who you are close to, knew what you are doing, it is a red flag.  Life is best when lived in the light.  If there is something you are doing in secret, in the dark, it is something that will cause you heartache.  Don’t go down that path!  If you find yourself there because you wandered there carelessly, get help quick! Don’t linger and don’t let fear or shame trap you further!  Confess to someone who cares for you.  That is always the first step.  Remember, there is always a way out, if you have courage, be a man, and take it.

3.      Consider God’s ways.  When Paul said “pray about everything,” he wasn’t kidding.  Pray about your decisions: invite God into the choice.  Wait on Him, allow Him time to speak to you.  Read His Word: a daily reading of scripture will be a surprisingly accurate guide in your life.  It will feel like God is reading your thoughts (He is!!) and He will speak to you and guide you through scripture in amazing ways. 

4.      Consider the counsel of godly mentors.  Mom and dad first, but also have other godly people who love you, can speak into your life, and are willing to tell you the truth, even when you will not want to hear it.  This is the relationship I have with your mom. We need this.  You will need this!  Have people around you who will see what is happening in your days and can speak to you when you are going down a wrong path.  You will always be rubbing up against people who will influence you in negative ways—it is just how life is.  Even at a Christian college, even at church, there are people who can lead you into situations that can be harmful or just distracting to God’s purpose in your life.  So to help keep you on course, keep godly friends around you and stay in regular contact with them.  They will be a life saver.

5.      Consider: “I could be wrong!” We all have unique points of view and opinions.  But it is a trap to get so stuck in our own ways that we never think we could be wrong.  When I find myself disagreeing with what someone else is thinking or doing, I have begun to ask this important question: Is it me, Lord? Maybe it not them. Maybe they are right—or at least right-er. Maybe they have another perspective that is valid.  Maybe I don't know all the facts. Maybe I have a part in the problem. Maybe the bulk of the problem is not them—maybe, just maybe, it is me.   Pride is the smoke that hides our blind spots.

Finally, as you choose your path, it is most important to remember our life is not just about us and achieving the life that we want.  Our story is about God's story that He wants to write with our lives. Therefore, in all things we should consider if our lives and choices honor God.  Are we about our glory or His?  Our prayer should be as the song:

Creator God you gave me breath so I could praise Your great and matchless name all my days. So let my whole life be a blazing offering, a life that shouts and sings the greatness of our King